


Where It Went Wrong

by thedagger



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Harry, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Larry Sex, Lots of Angst, Louis singer, M/M, More angst, Self Harming, Who doesn't love Ziam?, Ziam as well, larry fluff, larry smut, louis is famous, possessive!Louis, top!Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 121,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2160090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedagger/pseuds/thedagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson has everything he could want: a loving family, a good group of friends and he just released his new album, announcing a world tour next year. Everything seemed to be going well, all under control. His career was kicking off, earning millions and gaining a lot of fame. But, there was one thing missing from his life and that was the bubbly 17 year old Harry that Louis fell in love with.</p><p>Harry stopped talking to Louis three years ago when he first got together with his boyfriend: Dalton. </p><p>Once they bump into each other, sparks are ignited and Louis knows he feels something just like he did all those years ago. But, Harry's hiding a secret that Louis is determined to find out and solve. The media spotlight is on them, continuously getting attention for their friendship or more.</p><p>And then, it all goes downhill.</p><p>Where it went all wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this is a new fic I've been working on which has larry and ziam because they are my two favourite ship so why not combine it into one? there will be quite a few chapters, like a proper novel because i'm not the biggest fan of one shots but yeah c:
> 
> this is also published on wattpad if you guys prefer reading it there, my username is: larrystrongok so you can check it out there too!<3
> 
> warning:
> 
> this novel will contain a lot of triggering content such as: violence, drugs, smut and mental health issues so please be careful whilst reading this
> 
> jasmine xx

3 YEARS AGO - A LEVEL RESULTS DAY:

Louis Tomlinson was excited, to say the least. He was buzzing, he was jumping up and down in joy and he was trying to remain calm - but it just wasn't working. He never wanted to come back to college, ever again and have to torture himself with subjects he wasn't even interested in. His ambition and dream of all this time had been singing, selling out arenas and having his own album and he was so close to it all. He kept sending in his music tapes and videos to record deals, hoping for a reply and then he would never have to come back to college, never have to go university. University just wasn't for him, studying and writing and all that just wasn't made for Louis and he had never found any sort of interest in it.

This day had started off good for Louis already. He got the news he got signed by Modest in the morning. He had sent his tapes in to Modest quite a few times, hoping for a reply but always getting rejected but he didn't stop, he didn't give up and carried on uploading his covers online. He reached out to a good group of people who were taken away by his voice, his work. Now, he had finally reached his life long goal and he had no idea how to even celebrate. He ran up to his mum first thing in the morning after he got the email, his eyes wide as he jumped on her and hugged her until she chuckled lightly and demanded to know what was going on. When she was told, she started sprinkling Louis with kisses all over his face, telling him just how proud she was of her little baby. Then, Louis called Zayn and they both celebrated over a can of monster and talking about the fuure.

However, today was also the day he had to collect his A Level grades after two whole difficult years of college. Today was the last day he had to torture himself by walking through those doors that held nothing but misery for Louis, he was finally able to move on from his portion of his life. He had Zayn by his side, bubbling and he couldn't keep still because he was just so damn stimulated, so hyper over the news and he wanted to shout it off the rooftops, wanted to announce it to every person he knew. He could meet all his mates today which consisted of: the goofy Niall, the loser Liam and Harry.

Harry.

Louis was deeply in love with Harry, something so deep that he couldn't even begin to describe what it was like. It was like one of the most amazing feelings, it was like being able to feel homely with someone and be able to share your own life, experiences, past with them and never have to worry about being judged. But, at the same time it was shitty, feeling like a loss of control because your emotions aren't in touch and you can't help but fall more and more everytime you saw that person. And well, shit, Louis was in deep. He wanted to announce his record deal with him today and then confess all the feelings he had been hiding inside, scared to tell incase it ruined their friendship but sometimes you had to take the step and just go for it. 

Zayn was praising him, telling him he was so proud of Louis to be chasing his dreams and making it this far and Louis was blushing, deep red but he rather celebrate with his one and only: Harry. Harry understood, he was the one who had stayed up all night listening to Louis sing, practice and watched him grow to a better musician he is today. Harry gave him hope, he kept him going and never even allowed the phrase 'giving up' a thought. Therefore, it only made sense to make the news more known to him because he could just imagine Harry's reaction. Harry would gasp, embrace him tightly, running a hand through his hair and whisper soft, encouraging words in his ear. And Louis couldn't wait.

Louis and Harry had been best friends since the first day of primary school up until the last day of sixth form and within that time: they had been closer than ever. They did practically everything together, spent each day together and even when they didn't: they were texting, calling and skyping. They shared their first kiss together, they both talked to each other about their first times and didn't find it settling so they even had sex together. But all in the name of friends. It wasn't friends though, it was much more. They were literally inseparable and Louis wouldn't have it any other way and a part of him was disappointed he hadn't done this before, hadn't made it official when he was still studying. 

He was nervous, giddy to finally tell Harry just how much he means to him but he knew Harry felt the same and they were ready to take their friendship to the next level. He could tell just by the way they acted between each other, how they never failed to remind each other just how special they are and Louis loved it, he loved him.

When they entered college's hall, Louis walked straight over to the box with his results in as the teacher handed it over grimly, smiling just slightly. He didn't care though because he never had to see her face from this day forward, he never wanted to see these teachers ever again. He grabbed his results, giving a fake smile before turning away and nervously opening up the envelope, his nerves all over the place. It was just comforting knowing these wouldn't need to come in use before he's going to be singing, his dream.

"What did you get Louis?" Zayn asked, peaking over Louis's shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of his results. Louis just shushed him, swatting him away with his hands as he fiddled with the envelope and brought out the thin white paper that had all his results written in and the unis he had been accepted into. Right there, in black and white, it had been written that Louis acheived an A and two B's in English Literature, Drama and History and he was proud. More than proud.

"I did good, don't you think?" He wondered out loud to Zayn, shoving the paper under his nose and Zayn gasped, nodding and clapping his shoulders.

"That's amazing! Considering the little revision you did, thinking you weren't going to need it!" Zayn praised him once again. Everyone knew about how much Louis hated revision, how he never bothered to do it - and therefore, he was pleasantly surprised with his grades.

Louis chuckled. "I really don't need it, though, do I?" He smiled because he was going to be busy now, recording songs and trying to release an album and doing promotion for himself. He was so excited to be able to make it somewhere with his singing. If he worked hard enough, he could be worldwide famous and have thousands admire him and the thought alone was enough to make Louis thrilled, his insides churning and turning because this was the start of his new life right here. and the thought was daunting.

Zayn got his results and he had gotten amazing grades: all 3 A's and Louis couldn't be more proud of his friend. Niall and Liam wandered in a few minutes later, all nervous for their A Level results but they all passed. Louis was pleased with himself and all his friends. Everything seemed to be going perfect, everyone was overjoyed because A Levels are tough and to actually get out alive with C's is shocking let alone the A's they were achieving. And Louis was smiling, a joyful, big grin that was never fading as he anxiously looked around for Harry. 

"Louis has some news for everyone!" Zayn said, a huge smirk playing on his lips but Louis shook his head.

"Not yet." He sighed, looking around the cramped room. "Let's wait for Harry."

The five of them were the closest friends you could ever come across, they were supportive and there for each other through thick and thin. Louis loved and appreciated every single one of his friend, even Niall who was the most annoying one out of all of them. But, it didn't feel right for him to tell the news of him getting signed, his new life beginning without Harry by his side because he just didn't want to do this without him.

Liam frowned. "What news? I'm curious now!" 

Louis loved Liam, he really did. Liam was the sort of guy that knew when to have fun but also knew when to be overprotective, to stop from any wreckage happening. He kept the whole group on the ground, all his friends sheltered and Louis was so proud of Liam because he had ambitions of becoming a doctor, doing medicine and Louis wanted nothing more than for him to reach that exact goal in life.

Louis shook his head. "No, no, let's wait."

After 10 long minutes, Harry walked in, looking exhausted as hell like he had gotten no sleep the night before. His hair was out of place, messy and his eyes had red rings underneath. He looked like he could fall on the floor and collapse right there and then. He was wearing the most casual clothing, covering up every inch of his skin up until his neck as he approached his friends - looking rather worried and tense. It's been a while since Louis has actually seen Harry since he's been busy with his family and holidays, trying to keep his 5 younger sisters happy.

Louis noticed straight away because he leaned over, pulling him into a tight embrace which just didn't feel right today. "Your results will be fine, you're clever." He reassured Harry, guiding him to the table where the lady was waiting with the envelopes of the results. Harry must just be anxious, worried about his results, what else could it be?

Harry just shrugged, not speaking a word and tried to get out of Louis's hold as he grasped the white paper and look over his results. He didn't speak up so Louis leaned over and took a look at his grades himself. Harry had gotten 2 A*'s and 1 A and Louis felt like this was a dream. Harry had done incredible, reached the best results he could of and he felt a sense of pride come over. His own boy had managed to achieve such amazing results.

He tried to pull Harry into another hug to congrulate him but Harry wriggled out of the hold, avoiding it quickly and Louis cleared his throat and pretended it never happened. That was so awkwardly painful and he never wanted to feel like that again, neglected and rejected. 

They went back to the others who were staring up to Harry with curiousity glistening in their eyes. Liam was the first one to speak up. "What did you get Haz?"

Harry looked down at his papers, not even a hint of smile coming through as he just shrugged again like it was no big deal. "I got 2 A*'s and 1 A." He said, monotone voice and Louis frowned. He wanted Harry to realise how well he did because not everyone achieved such amazing grades.

"That's fucking crazy mate!" Zayn said, eyes widening and clapping Harry's shoulder. "That's so good! What university are you going to?"

Louis glanced over to Harry, waiting for the news to come about where he was going and he silently prayed that it wasn't abroad or faraway from him. He wanted to stay as close as Harry as he could. He also wanted to drag Harry aside later, ask him what was going on because this wasn't the usual Harry he was used to. Louis was used to the Harry with a deep smile, dimples evident and his laugh, a beautiful sound that showed off his pearly white teeth.

Right now, Harry was struggling to even keep his eyes open and Louis hated it.

"I.. erm..." His voice wavered away as he looked around to each boy and then diverting his attention towards the ground, fiddling with his bracelet. "I actually have something to tell you guys."

Louis's full attention was now on Harry, hanging on to each word. "Go on?" He insisted.

"I'm not going uni." He informed the rest of the lads. Everyone looked confused straight away, baffled as to why someone with such powerful grades wasn't persuing his career and going to the best uni there is.

"What?" Louis reacted first, the words falling out of his mouth as he suddenly felt annoyed. He knew that Harry was making a huge mistake and he wanted to prevent it from happening. "You can't be serious?"

"I'm serious," Harry told him, his voice firm. He sounded so... off, so faraway and Louis hated it.

"Why the fuck not?" Louis demanded, his voice a few octaves higher as he narrowed his eyes.

Zayn reached over, putting a hand on Louis's shoulder in a comforting manner. "Mate, at least hear Harry out."

Harry smiled gratefully. "Well, I've actually got a boyfriend. His name is Dalton, I've actually been with him for a few months now.."

Louis felt his heart sinking right down to the ground, shattering to thousand pieces as he heard what Harry had to say. He felt like he could disappear in that moment, nothing mattered and he felt like an complete idiot. He felt like an idiot that he was going to come here, tell Harry his feelings but instead it was thrown back in his face that the love of his life was already in a relationship. Louis was too late to express what he truly felt, that it was more than just friends and now Harry was not single anymore. Louis felt like shit, he felt his heart wrenching and his head felt heavy but he couldn't let it show. He didn't know what to do and his gut instinct was telling to go, make a run for the door and disappear but he unwillingly stayed put, gulping down the initial pain. He stood there, completely still and numb.

"That's weird, why didn't you tell us?" Liam frowned, running a hand through his hair and tugging it slightly, frustrated. Liam knew exactly about Louis's feelings, he was actually the only one Louis had informed even though the rest of the boys knew. Liam looked over to him, guilt and apology washed in his hazel brown eyes and Louis hated the sympathy. He looked away towards the ground, his brows pulled together in a frown.

"Better yet, what has this got to do with you and uni?" Niall asked, his voice a little bitter and uncertain, wavering. 

Harry coughed once, his voice was hoarse and scratchy like he had been screaming for hours. "I'm moving in with Dalton."

There was an pause between the lads and Louis felt agony. His heart was being ripped out of his chest, torn apart and bleeding for all the boys to witness with their own eyes and Louis couldn't even do anything about it. He felt like he was drowning, wounded and it's only been a few minutes since the news had been announced. He couldn't even begin to imagine how much harder it was going to get, how much each passing second felt like hours on end and he suddenly wanted this whole day to start again. He just wanted good news, good things and it just seemed impossible. His mood had been utterly, completely destroyed.

"What?" Louis finally managed to whisper out, his voice barely audible as he controlled his emotions and kept his tears at bay that were threatening to spill. "Do not fuck around here Harry." He warned.

Harry rolled his eyes, not looking the least threatened. "I'm not, I'm moving in with Dalton. We're serious, our relationship is moving fast and I really love him. I'm not going uni because I'm going to start working..."

"You wanted to be a model, didn't you?" Louis was screaming now, furious that he had been in the dark about Harry's relationship with this fucking random Dalton that had never been mentioned before. He felt like he could punch this Dalton boy in. For as long as Louis could remember, Harry was the one who admired and loved the cameras. He loved being in front and behind it, he lived for it and he was made for it. They were both striving for their dreams together but now it just felt broken, it felt wrong and Louis felt sick to his stomach. 

"I did... but not anymore, I have bigger worries now."

"What?" Louis chuckled coldly. "Like fucking your boyfriend Dalton? Who even is this guy?" He threw his arms in the arm and Harry flinched, eyes closing and moving back. Why hadn't he heard of Dalton before? He left to enjoy his holidays for a while and now he was coming back to the news that Harry's been in a relationship for a few months and Louis had no idea? The thought alone was making his head spin, feeling heavy.

He took a deep breath. "Guys, I just want you to be supportive of me and Dalton. You might see him around and well.. I love him and he makes me happy."

"It's been fucking month, how the fuck do you love him?" Louis spat at him, disgusted and not even able to contain the hatred at bay. 

"Why won't you introduce him to us?" Liam suggested, ignoring Louis and his outburst that was about to blow, his voice low. "I don't mind meeting him."

"Fuck this." Louis mumbled, grabbing his results and kicking at the stone in front of him. He was angry beyond words, seeing red and he could really do with a little stress relief. Why was Liam being supportive about this? Why was he willingly agreeing to meet him when he knew exactly how Louis felt? This was all too much, too much for his fragile, delicate heart. He knew exactly where he was heading after this: the gym. He wanted to have a go at the punching bag because he could imagine this fucking Dalton boy. He was hurt that Harry hadn't even thought to tell him over the past month that he was with another boy. What about all the kisses they had shared? The promises? The up allnights? He was feeling more betrayed than anything, his heart breaking a little more with each passing second.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked, turning around and pouting just slightly. He looked so drained like he had no energy in himself, so pale, so out of the world. He looked so so sad. and Louis wanted no more than to kiss all his worries away but that was long gone now. He was never going to be able to have that position in Harry's life and it was enough to send Louis over the edge.

Louis shrugged, a tear slipping down his cheeks that he wiped away furiously. No, not in front of Harry. "You know what?" He said, his voice shaky as he sighed. "I was waiting here, waiting to tell all you guys that I got signed by modest today and I was going to start recording, start my new life. But, you just had to ruin it, didn't you? Oh by the way, since you didn't fucking care, I got 2 A's and a B." Louis told him, kicking the table besides him, groaning out in pain before stumbling out of the cursed college - never to turn back.


	2. The Fame Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter because i've already written up 6 chapters so i'm going to try and get them up asap!
> 
> follow me on twitter guys: @chitchathaz or tumblr: larrycutestt
> 
> jasmine xx

THE FAME LIFE

Three years later, Louis was proud to say that he had really gained fame. He was one of the most known singers around the world and it was really weird for him to adjust to it. He wasn't used to the fact that he could type in: 'Louis Tomlinson' in Google and get 1,000+ picture results of his face everywhere. He don't think he could ever get used to how his life has taken such a drastic and fast turn, into something beyond what he could imagine.

He still had his usual dorky best friends: Niall, Liam and Zayn who were overly supportive of him and were by his side every step of the way. They were there when Louis released his first single, his first album, announced his first UK tour and now he was onto bigger things, bigger plans. He had just finished recording his second album and was announcing a world tour next year, being able to travel all over the world.

Louis was definitely grateful for all the achievements he's done. He has earned a lot of money, was living the easy life with a huge mansion right nearby his own family mansion he had purchased for his mum and sisters. He had made more friends with celebrities, getting friendly and cosy with familiar famous faces and he was attending prestige events.

But Louis received a lot of hate, a lot of bad media attention and he was constantly being photographed stumbling out of clubs late at night, drunk out of his minds. He was constantly smoking, getting high and no matter how much he tried to keep that negative image away from the cameras - trouble just seemed to love coming his way.

His management were furious as to how his media attention was turning out, trying hard to alter and change it by bribing with money. Louis just didn't want to be a bad role model for his sisters.

He also didn't want Harry to switch on the news and see the new trouble he was up to, what he was doing wrong now. He didn't want to disappoint Harry.

Harry Styles. 

Louis's first crush, Louis's first kiss and first love and even after all these years, exactly three years, he was still head over heels for the stupid lanky kid with curly hair and emerald, forest green eyes. But, he hadn't seen him since the cursed results day. He had heard of Harry here and there from the boys, updating him about his life but soon even they stopped.

Harry changed his number, deleted his social media sites and basically disappeared from the face of the Earth. Louis had no idea where he was, what he was doing and if he was okay. If he was still with that boy Dalton that seemed to be treating Harry so well that Harry thought he didn't need any other friends.

Louis was still devastated over the news like it was just yesterday, it was still a pang straight to the chest and he kept himself busy. Smoking, drugs, drinking to keep Harry out of his mind. Louis had enough going on, he had a hectic, busy life that consisted of recording, photoshoots, party, concerts and it was tiring. 

No one understood how hard the fame life was because you never got a break. You always had to be seen out in public, some publicity stunts that management would set up for Louis and fans would follow him around, paparazzi desperate to get a snap of the 22 year old who was just wanting to get to his destination.

He was always under the spotlight, every action and move was analysed and turned into major stories. It truly blew Louis's mind, made him realise just how hard it was to be famous and he wasn't sure if he was exactly enjoying it anymore. He just wanted a simple life, somewhere where he could make a difference to people but not to the extent where he could be mobbed, be spotted and chased after by teenage girls. He wanted his life to be simple.

Louis was with Liam in the cafe shop that was quite faraway from his home. He was afraid to go somewhere closer to his mansion incase people realised and figured out where he lived, that was his own place where he could hide away from others. They were sipping on their iced latte, grateful that it was still quite early in the morning before Louis had to run off to another meeting with his management and discuss about the new perfume they wanted to develop and launch. He still managed to keep his morning routine with his best friend: Liam. He was also grateful that there weren't many people around, not really caring that there was a popstar sitting amongst the civilians like an ordinary person.

No one was treating him any different, no one was taking pictures of him or asking to take selfies with him and he couldn't be more happy for how this morning was turning out. Hopefully, it was the start of many where he could just pause for a second and take a breather.

Liam looked content with his coffee, sipping happily. Ever since Louis had gotten famous, all his friends followed into the path of fame too. People were curious to know who Louis, Niall and Zayn were when they were photographed together, going out late at night and people often stopped them and ask for pictures. The boys would also often appear on stage during Louis's concert after staying backstage. 

"This is such a beautiful day!" Liam grinned.

Louis couldn't help but smile, nodding to agree. "It really is."

It was one of them days where Louis knew something great was coming and he was hoping it was because he finally got to discuss and put this perfume to plan. He couldn't wait to please his fans, one way or another.

"It's so quiet here, I like it. We should come here more often."

"I have to say, thank god it's so calm here." Louis sighed in relief as he gulped down a huge serving of his coffee. 

"I'm so glad you're off tour for this year, finally! Haven't been able to catch up with you like this in ages."

Louis sighed, again. Being on tour just reminded him of the endless tickets he mailed to Harry, right in front row so he could catch a glimpse of his ex best friend coming ton support him. He was gutted that ever since this journey had began, Harry wasn't even there once. He had not text him, called him or messaged him saying congralutions. It was like Harry didn't even care, wasn't even bothered and it was a stab to the chest each time the chair he had saved for Harry was empty.

He even sent backstage VIP passes but still no sign of Harry so Louis started to admit and accept the fact that maybe his best friend was just gone. He couldn't bring Harry back, even if he tried because he was so up Dalton's ass. Louis wished he could be happy for Harry, he really did but he hadn't met Dalton once and he couldn't give him blessings like that.

"Mate, I gave you guys free tickets to nearly every single one of my shows!" Louis frowned, rolling his eyes as he noticed a flash go off from outside the coffee shop. He glanced over to see some fans, waving through the windows.

Louis just nodded, waving back at them before directing his attention back to Liam. Liam smiled. "They're cute, giving you privacy and space."

"Love fans like that." Louis breathed out, leaning back in his chair and getting more comfortable.

"As I was saying, sure you gave us free tickets but we never got time to actually sit and talk like this. It was all a rush, you could come in, get ready and before you know it - you're being shoved onto a stage in front of screaming fans."

Louis remembered all the crazy tour memories, wanting to relive them. It was definitely the best part of this job even though he was only touring London, different arenas in each city but it was the best experience he could ask for. His fans were so dedicated, so head over heels with Louis and it was just adorable.

"I enjoyed it, so did you. I'm just glad we can do this as well." Louis gestured towards the table where their phones were, their drinks. "Something peaceful, get my mind off everything else."

Liam nodded. "We're all so proud of you Lou, you really have achieved more than adults have in just two years!"

Louis could never get tired of these compliments, telling him that they were proud of how far he was come and what he has to offer to the whole world. He flushed, looking down at his half empty cup. "I'm just estatic, this doesn't happen to everyone."

"Hell it doesn't! It's shocking, I'm just so proud."

"Thanks Li, stop being such a sap!" He grinned, looking away.

The coffee shop doorbell chimed and Louis looked over, wondering if it was a fan who wandered in and wanted to meet him. It had happened before and Louis was more than happy to thank the fans personally, get a picture with them and make sure he followed all the usernames that he was given. He loved meeting new people, just not when he was getting mobbed because that was dangerous and crazy. 

Instead, he saw a familiar figure make his way to the front of the shop. Louis felt his heart stop, his heart in his hands as he instantly recognised exactly who he was but wanting to hope and pray it was a dream. It was too good to be true.

After three years, there before his very own eyes, it was Harry. He was the same boy that Louis was in love with, was wasting thoughts on. His hair had gone much longer now, reaching his shoulders and curls out of control that were pulled back by a black scarf. He was wearing a button down shirt, buttoned all the way to the top and tight black jeans with grey boots. He looked older, more mature, a little moustache growing and Louis couldn't help but think how well puberty had blessed him.

Sure, Louis had grown up too in these past three years. He got rid of the hairstyle he had, straight and fringe. He kept the fringe, just styled his hair differently, spiking up in different directions that suited him well. He always kept a little beard, a little facial hair at all times but he was still the same Louis just like Harry was the same.

Louis felt like he stopped breathing before he felt Liam shoving him, shaking him and bringing him back down to earth. "Go and meet him!" Liam insisted, pushing at him again.

Louis frowned. "What if he doesn't want to?" He whispered, scared and afraid to approach Harry in case he was blown off. After all, the last time he had talked to Harry he was the one who was arguing and left there and then. Above all that, he was angry that Harry hadn't kept in touch and didn't care for the position Louis was in.

Liam rolled his eyes. "Mate, you're seeing him for the first time in three years. Go!"

"You go! He was your friend too!"

"I will, you need to talk to him more than I do."

Louis felt another shove at his back and he groaned inwardly, getting up and running his eyes down his outfit. Another thing about being 'famous' was that you needed to make sure you were dressed properly, looking presentable incase people were taking pictures of you. He was wearing a simple black vest top and jeans with his usual black vans. He cleared his throat, felt like he was sweating and his heart was racing as he approached Harry from behind.

He wasn't sure what to say, what to do but he wanted to vent out all the feelings of being hurt, abandoned, replaced to him. He wanted Harry to know exactly how he felt for these past three years.

"Harry?" He spoke up, his voice not clear but it caught Harry's attention straight away. He tensed up, turning around slowly and his eyes widening at the sight of his lost long friend standing before him. Louis could see a few tears building up with Harry's eyes but were blinked away instantly, clearing his throat.

"Louis?" He said, like he couldn't believe that he was standing before him and he was real. His mouth was hanging open. "Is that you?"

Louis scoffed. "I can't fucking believe you!" He jumped straight to the point, wanting to give Harry a good push or two for leaving him to do this all on his own. He needed his best friend more than anything in these past years, he needed support but Harry had just left him like he didn't mean shit all. "I can't believe you."

Harry grimaced. "What do you mean?"

"Where have you been, Harry? You deleted my number, you changed your number, you deleted everything and disappeared!"

"I moved out here..." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Why didn't you care?" Louis asked, bringing his voice down to a low level and looking extremely sad. He tried to portray all the pain he had felt on his face as he looked deep within Harry's same old forest green eyes. "Why didn't you talk to me, keep in touch? Attend my concerts, come and make tell me how happy you were for me. You told me you would support me Harry, you did."

Harry frowned, looking guilty. "I'm sorry Louis, I didn't want all this to happen.."

"Except you did! It did happen and I no longer have you as my best friend. You're just another stranger to me. I needed you."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say."

The worker asked for Harry's order and he swiftly said. "The usual." smiling as he picked up two cookies.

Louis knew exactly who they were for. "You still with Dalton?"

The mention of Harry's boyfriend sent a slight smile to his face. "Yeah..."

"Three years strong, yes?"

"Louis..." Harry said slowly.

"Yes or no?" Louis repeated, more firmly and wanting to know the answer so Harry sighed, nodding.

"Three years strong, yes."

"Does he treat you well?"

"Why does it matter?" Harry rolled his eyes, moving down the line to retrieve his order. "I mean, I've just met you after three years. I'm sure there's a lot of questions you want to ask and know the answers to. Forget Dalton."

"A lot of the questions are based on Dalton."

Harry frowned. "Right."

"Your hairs grown," Louis pointed out the obvious, gesturing towards his wild curls that weren't tamed.

Harry blushed. "Yeah."

"Pretty long, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is."

There was an awkward silence between them and Louis had no idea what to say next. He really wanted to hug Harry, tell him exactly how much he had missed Harry but at the same time he wanted to punch his face in and make him feel the pain instead. There was so many words to say, so many unspoken feelings that were surfacing and threatening to spill. There was still the same sexual tension between Louis and Harry, an undeniable chemistry between them.

"Why?" Louis ended up asking again. "Just why, Harry?"

Harry got his drinks, putting them into a bag before turning to Louis and frowning. "I told you Louis, I don't have an answer why. I just... I've been busy with my life and Dalton."

"You've been busy?" Louis spluttered out, laughing. "What exactly have you been doing?"

"I've been... you know, around and about."

"Why didn't you attend the concerts I gave you tickets for?"

"I only received some before I moved away..."

"I gave you 10 tickets, Harry, 10." Louis said, his voice betraying him and the hostility clear in his tone.

Harry sighed, looking down and fiddling with the bag. He hadn't gotten over the habit of fiddling with things when he was nervous. "I'm sorry, I only got 5 of them."

"Goddamn, why didn't you attend the 5?"

"I told you Louis, I was busy! I don't have an answer!" Harry was yelling now, like he was going to explode before he stopped, lowering his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry."

Louis just snorted, shaking his head. "Do you even want to know me? I mean, you made it quite obvious you hate me."

Harry just shook his head, his eyes wide. "I could never hate you Louis, never! Please don't think that."

"Fine." Louis sighed in irriation, wanting to cut to the chase and just wanting to spend more time with him. He hadn't seen Harry in such a long time and there was so much to talk about. He didn't want Harry to slip away again. Obviously, Louis wasn't ready to forgive him just yet but he was willing to work on it if Harry wanted to.

"Okay, Louis. It was nice to meet you but I really do need to go.." He looked more panicked, glancing to the door.

"Can I at least have your number so we can keep in touch?" Louis asked.

"I... erm, don't have a phone actually." Harry shrugged. "I broke mine a week ago and can't afford another one but erm... we can meet up again?"

Louis seemed onboard with the idea, nodding. "Yes!" He sounded a bit excited so he brought his voice down a notch. "I mean, yes, sure."

"Do you know the park down this road with the hills?" Harry's words were coming out fast, in a rush to leave but Louis just wanted to stay in this moment forever.

He nodded. "Yup."

"See me there, come alone please? Tomorrow, at 3pm."

"I need my security guard with me Harry.." Louis frowned. "I'm not supposed to go out alone."

"Please. No one can know." Harry pleaded.

Louis sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

Before Harry could run out of the small cafe, he turned around and gave Louis the biggest grin, his dimples shining through just like how Louis loved them. "I'm sorry I never got a chance to say this the day you told me but I'm really... really.. really proud of you and overwhelmed with how far you've come. I listen to your music all the time, it's amazing. Keep going and keep up the work, I'm right behind ya."

And with that, he jogged out of the small place and Louis whispered to himself. "I wish you really were behind me with my work." Before returning back to Liam who was gutted he didn't get a chance to meet Harry.


	3. Welcome To My New Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg.
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for all the people reading, commenting and leaving kudos on the work because it honestly means so much to mean and makes me happy, motivated to carry on writing and I don't disappoint so here's another chapter waheyy.
> 
> Please carry on with your support, honestly makes my day!
> 
> If you want, follow me on twitter: @chitchathaz or tumblr: larrycutestt and drop a message or something and I will be sure to message you guys back :)

WELCOME TO MY NEW LIFE

Louis was in his car, driving over to Zayn's house and not even caring about the paparazzi following him anymore as he freely put the windows right down and let the breeze circulate this car. He wanted to go to his best friends house, vent out what just happened and cry about how shit his management is and how much he's suffering. He wanted to do all that but he knew he wasn't allowed to talk about his management, it would just land him in more trouble which he wasn't willing to go through just for this sake.

He parked the car outside the apartment block Zayn lived in, putting his hat back on and travelling up the flight of stairs to reach Zayn's house on the 3rd floor. Obviously, the stairs were always a pain but he wanted to get there faster than going up the lift which was scary and quite broken to be honest. He wished he could buy Zayn a better place to live but it would look like he was doing it out of sympathy, trying to boast around the amount of money he has which was never his intention. He had never done this for the money, it was just a bonus that came along with it that Louis couldn't deny that he loved.

Zayn stumbled, opening the door and pulling Louis into a tight embrace. He was dressed so casual in his PJs, a simple grey tee with shorts and his hair was tucked under a beanie so it could hide his bad hair day. His simplicity was enough to make Louis so grateful that he had a little safe haven, being able to escape everything and come here and spend time with childhood friends so he could forget the madness and chaos going on in his life. 

"What brings you here at dinner time? Food ey?" Zayn chuckled, closing his apartment door behind him and gesturing towards the living room sofa.

The apartment was very chic, hipster type and it was like a breath of fresh air everytime Louis came here because it was a break from his own lonely, posh house that had way too many bedrooms than he needed. He lived alone and yet there was four floors and over 7 bedrooms for no reason whatsoever. Obviously, it made sleepovers and having family around much easier and he was overly grateful for all the money he had that made it so easily affordable for him.

"Shut up, I wouldn't come here for food!" Louis rolled his eyes, smiling. "I actually needed to talk to you."

"Sure, let's prepare some dinner together and we'll discuss what you need to over food? Because, mate, I am starving!" Zayn rubbed circles on his stomach and Louis agreed, walking into the kitchen where all the ingredients were sitting there, ready to be cooked.

"What you making?"

"I'm thinking of doing rice and curry, feeling some pakistani, traditional food today." Zayn spoke, more to himself as he put the rice into the sauce pan and let it boil. "You're okay with that, right?"

Louis has tried practically every country's food, anything you could name and traditional was definitely one of his favourite. He knew how much Zayn loved his traditional, pakistani cooking and got used to it really quickly so he could always eat it whenever Zayn prepared it. Honestly, Louis couldn't ask for a better friend than Zayn and the least he could do was learn to love his habits and his tradition so it was easier for Zayn.

"Love your cooking man, anything's fine." He reassured Zayn, patting his shoulder as he stepped back and let the magic occur right before his eyes, not bothering to do any of the cook himself. Louis hated cooking, couldn't even do it and therefore most of the times he would have to order takeaway or go to restaurants or even have his friends send over some food. He could do the basics such as pasta, a good sandwich here or there but that was only useful for lunch.

Zayn grinned. "I'll pack some food for you later to take home so you're not starving like always." He rolled his eyes, starting to cut the onions and putting them into a separate saucepan with other spices, vegetables as he started to stir it around. Louis was amazed by Zayn's cooking each time,w watching closely and trying to learn himself so he didn't have to rely on other people.

"Thanks mate," Louis was grateful for everything Zayn did for him because it truly made his life easier. Zayn was always the first one to notice that something was wrong with Louis, being careful and asking him about it but not forcing. After he had gained fame, there was a lot of happiness and amazing moments, doing things not every ordinary person can but there was also pain, feeling like you had no privacy whatsoever.

It was just a good feeling that you could walk into your best friend's apartment and feel like nothing has changed, go back to sixth form days when everything was about studying and getting through the year without wanting to beat someone up. There was no worries, no extraordinary bombshells being dropped on you out of nowhere. Now, Louis's face was plastered everywhere he went: on posters, clothes, toys, lunchboxes, cups, DVDs, diaries - anything you could imagine and it wasn't the most flattering pictures either.

Zayn kept cooking absentmindly whilst Louis kept glancing back and forth but mostly minding his own business, using his phone and making a few calls to his management and team about rehearsals for the tour that was coming up so soon. Everything was going to be different: the stage, the songs, the people and Louis couldn't be more excited. Every now and then, he would hand over Zayn the ingredients he needed like sauces, vegetables but that was about it.

After a good 30 minutes of cooking or so, Zayn started to set the table out and they sat down with their steaming, hot amazing food. Louis loved having cooked meals and this was definitely one of his favourite as he started to dig in straight away.

"What did you want to talk to me about then?" Zayn asked, breaking the silence that was growing between them before stuffing his face with rice. 

Louis looked at him, chuckling and shaking his head before putting a spoonful of the rice in his mouth and gasping at how hot and spicy it was. "Goddamn it Zayn!" He grabbed his glass of water, drowning it down and scowling at him. "You bastard."

Zayn laughed. "Sorry mate, you know my cooking."

"Well, Zayn, guess what I did today?"

"What?"

"I met Harry!" Louis announced, grinning because the words felt good to say and he could finally say it out loud. He was finally in touch with his best friend of three years which he never thought he would be. The feeling was beyond words could ever explain. It was a warm, a homely feel and Louis never wanted to be apart from Harry. Even if it meant having to deal with Dalton, even if it meant Louis would suffer more - he didn't care and it didn't matter.

Zayn's mouth was left hanging, his fork fell and clattered on the ground and it took him for a few seconds before realising he had just made a huge mess. "Shit," he muttered, rolling his eyes, crouching down to pick it up. "Seriously? Harry? Where?"

"Me and Li were at some cafe yesterday, Harry walked in and said he had moved here with Dalton and agreed to see me today. So, we met today and we talked about how life has been for us and Zayn, he's a mess!"

"How so?" Zayn was so intrigued, hanging on to each word because he hadn't heard of Harry and it hurt hearing his name when he hadn't seen him in the longest time. Each boy suffered and missed Harry in their own ways, Louis just in special ways. 

"He didn't go university, he doesn't work - he basically does nothing!" Louis didn't realise how angry he was about the whole concept of Harry being a househusband for Dalton, doing nothing except making him happy because it wasn't fair. Harry deserved to go out there, make a living for himself considering how smart and wise he was but he wasn't following through with it. Instead, he was throwing away all the talent he has and Louis was gutted.

Zayn rolled his eyes. "That kid, what's wrong with him? He did the best out of all of us."

"That's what I'm saying! He could be more successful than me if he tried, you know? He was born to be famous, his face deserves to be seen by millions." 

Zayn nodded. "I agree, he has such a charming personality, such a good heart and willing to do anything for other people. It isn't fair that he didn't go and get a degree, like most of us."

Louis remembers the day graduated from uni with a English Literature degree and started teaching after becoming a qualified teacher. Despite working everyday, having to deal with snobby teenagers everyday, he was writing his novel alongside and hoping it would get published. He was still nowhere finished, but he was working on it and Louis couldn't be more proud of how hard Zayn is working to get his dreams to come to life. If Zayn would allow him, Louis could easily get the book published for him but Zayn wanted to achieve this dream on his own to make it feel more real.

"I mean, c'mon, even Niall did well!" Louis practically pouted, sighing.

"Niall did so well, we would've never expected it from him!" 

Louis laughed, nodding because he truly was shocked and happy at where his friends were at life. They had all managed to go out there, make a bright future for themselves and didn't disappoint themselves or their families. Zayn was teaching, Niall was an intern for a company that do criminal investigations after his criminology and sociology degree and Liam was still working towards becoming a qualified doctor. They had all achieved something huge, something to think about tonight and be overwhelmed by the progress they had made.

There was a pause between the two boys before Zayn cleared his throat. "So, what else did you guys talk about?"

Louis knew exactly what he was trying to ask. "He's still with Dalton."

"For fucksakes, Harry's been with him for three years and not once bothered to introduce him to his boyfriend. I have a weird feeling about it."

Louis couldn't agree more. Was it a convidence that all this time he's not even seen Dalton once? Seen a picture? Heard his voice? It was just all strange and Louis had no idea what to think or make of it except just believe what he gets told. Liam had once told him that Dalton was a lot older than Harry, more mature and quite well built considering how Harry had described him. But, it wouldn't mean anything until Louis was to see him in person, see what exactly was so different about this guy that kept Harry going even after all these years.

"I know, I really want to meet him." 

"Then invite them over for dinner?"

Louis frowned. "Well, Harry doesn't have a phone so I really can't contact him but he's coming over soon and I'll ask him then."

"Wait what?" Zayn spluttered out, laughing. "He doesn't have a phone?"

"Nop, he said it broke a week ago," Louis shrugged like it was no big deal but he didn't really believe Harry either. 

They continued to discuss Harry for a while, talking about how much he's changed and thinking back to the good old days where nothing mattered. They talked about their favourite memories, what they miss the most about life being so carefree whilst you were in school: still living with your parents, not worrying about rent and bills (even though that's never been a problem with Louis anyway) and being able to just take a breather. Now, things have changed and it all just comes with growing up to be honest. Zayn talked about his novel that he was working on, how pleased he was with how it was coming out and promised Louis could read it soon. They then sat in the living room, each with a cup of tea, and just watched TV and Louis wasn't even keeping track of the time anymore. He didn't care, he paused everything going on in his life and just spent some time here, with people who matter and never left his side. 

Around 11PM, Louis decided to head back since he had to be up early just in case Harry would come along and he wanted to be prepared, have the house looking tidy. It was such a huge place that things just got messy, things cluttered everywhere and Louis never had enough energy to keep clearing it up. It's a pain to do all that, just one person, with one small hoover device. He gave Zayn hugs, telling him he would be around soon to see him and keep him in touch with everything that was going on before he slipped out of the apartment and back to his own mansion.

He don't think he could ever get tired of seeing the huge place he lived in and how far he has come that he's able to afford this place for himself. He smiled to himself as he unlocked the doors and slipped in, going straight up to his room and going to sleep.

**

Louis was woken up at 9am by continous buzzes to his gate, someone trying to get entry into his house. He knew it couldn't be a fan because no one knew where he lived, it was hidden and out of anyone's way so no one could ever spot him and for that, he was more than grateful. Then who the fuck was trying to wake him up this early on a day off? He wanted to have a lay in because it was usually this time he had to get up and head over to his management's office.

He groaned as he asked the security guard who it was, shocked to hear that it was actually Harry standing outside, waiting to come in. That wasn't usual, he hadn't been expecting Harry to come along right the next day and so early in the morning as well. He had specifically said for him to come during the evening time because it made Louis's life easier but it really didn't matter anymore. He was suddenly more awake, more alert as he quickly slipped on a grey t-shirt and some shorts and combed through his hair as he rushed down the stairs.

Harry was standing right before him, looking tired as ever with bags under his eye and they were red and sore. He was wearing the most casual clothes: a simple baggy shirt with baggy sweatpants and some trainers and he looked so exhausted, he could fall asleep right on Louis's floor. It was kind of refreshing to see Harry in loose clothes considering the last two times was in tight jeans.

Louis frowned at his appearance, letting him through the house and locking the doors behind him as they walked into the mansion.

"Bloody.." Harry whispered under his breath, biting his lip as he analysed the house in more detail. It was all white, all tiled with beautiful fancy glass furniature. Louis's mum had spent a lot of time making sure the house looked perfect from each room, each angle and view and Louis couldn't love it more. "This is.. wow, this is amazing."

"Welcome to my new life," Louis mumbled. "What brings you here so early? God, Harry, you look so tired!" 

He smiled sadly. "Yeah, I am tired actually..."

"Sit down here," Louis brought him to the kitchen and gestured towards one of the kitchen stools. "Let me make you breakfast."

"You can make breakfast?" Harry smirked and Louis just rolled his eyes. He pulled out fruit from the fridge, some greek yoghurt and granola as he started preparing it together in a bowl before pulling out some teabags. He had realised Harry was standing, looking around the massive kitchen and getting used to his surroundings.

Louis cleared his throat. "Harry, take a seat.." He repeated again.

Harry nodded, climbing on the stool and sitting down really slowly with a flinch and a grimace on his face. He scrunched his face up in pain and Louis realised what was going on. Harry definitely had a rough night with Dalton and he was sore. He gulped past the lump in his throat as he tried to ignore Harry trying to get comfortable without flinching. He turned away, making the tea and putting all the food onto a tray and sitting down opposite Harry on the table.

"Granola, my favourite," Harry said with a small smile as he reached over his bowl. 

Louis just grinned. "I remember."

"All those years Lou, you remember these things?"

"I wouldn't forget it for the world." He shrugged, going back to his bowl of food and started to eat up. He noticed how slow Harry ate, chewing each bite of fruit and gulping it down and taking a sip of water after every bite. It was weird but Louis didn't say anything, let him eat at his pace. Everyone had their own eating habits and Louis was no one to call out Harry on it.

He moved onto his cup of tea, finished with his breakfast whilst Harry was still struggling to even get through half of it. Louis still didn't comment, blowing on his tea to warm it down so it wouldn't burn his tongue. "So, how comes you came along so early?"

Harry paused, putting the spoonful of food down. "Dalton's working all day today and I thought I'd come and give you a visit now and maybe spend the whole day?" He asked, hopeful.

Louis just smiled because Harry actually wanted to be here, he actually wanted to spend time with him and it was more than what Louis would ask for. "That sounds awesome. You're lucky I got a day off."

Harry chuckled. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

Louis shook his head. "No, no, I was free today. I was hoping to catch up on sleep today actually."

Harry's smile fell off his face. "Oh, no, it's okay. I'll leave."

"Don't be stupid." He scoffed. "I can catch up on it later. Plus, judging by your looks, it looked like you didn't get much sleep either."

"Yeah... I was busy."

"Busy fucking?" Louis smirked, not even caring about his explicit language as he took a sip of his tea. He loved tea, he could practically drink it all day.

Harry didn't seem amused, he just flinched again like he had been slapped and tensed up instead. "Louis." He said in a small voice, frowning.

"Jheeze Harry, it's just a word!"

"I don't like swearing."

"You used to swear all the time," Louis reminded him.

"It's been three years."

"Feels like a lifetime ago," Louis sighed because time had gone so fast, so much had happened in such a small time and it was crazy to look back on. He had been travelling, moving from city to city and different studios everyday frantically trying to record his music. Now, he could finally take a break for a few months because he jumped into his world tour and perfume release.

Harry sighed too. "If you want to sleep, I'll nap too."

"I like the idea of that."

Louis watched Harry trying to finish off his breakfast and he did, after a while and gracefully pushed away the bowl. He looked much more pleased with the tea as he sipped it down straight away, not even caring whether it was warm and sighed happily. Louis felt like he could watch Harry forever, watch the way he was so grateful over the smallest things and how he looked so shocked to even be in this house. 

"I'm sorry I dropped by without a notice."

Louis chuckled, rolling his eyes. "It wasn't like you could send me a notice anyway," he reminded Harry since he was phoneless, picking up the empty dishes and putting them in the sink to wash later. He was lazy, he never got his housework done on time and it left the house looking like a tip.

Harry frowned. "Lou! Wash your dishes!"

"I will, later."

"Let me do them," he sighed, jumping off his seat and making his way towards the sink but Louis stopped him, reaching over and grabbing his wrist. It caught Harry off guard because he flinched back, his eyes going dark and his voice came out like a broken whisper. "I just want to help you do the dishes."

Louis was a little taken back by Harry's reaction, not prepared to hear him sound so vunerable. He instantly let go of the wrist, putting his hands back on his sides awkwardly. "Yeah, I know but it's okay. You're my guest, not my slave. You don't need to do my chores." Louis rolled his eyes again. "Come on."

"Please, let me do them?" Harry pleaded and once again, Louis was a litle surprised because what normal friend comes into your house and literally begs to do the dishes? Like his life depended on it?

Louis stood there, helpless and glancing between the dirty dishes in the sink and Harry's worried face. He had a thousand thoughts running through his mind like maybe Harry was OCD? He felt the need to do them other he was going to be restless and Louis didn't want that. He wanted Harry to be relaxed, that was the only way they were going to be able to make up for the missed time. 

He sighed, running a hand down his face. "Okay, here's the deal. You wash them and I'll dry them and put them again. Team work, yeah?"

Harry's facial features lit up. "Yeah!" He clapped his hands in glee. "Yeah, I really like the sound of that."

And that's how the rest of the day went. They worked together and helped clean the house up because really, it needed a good cleaning. Harry did the hoover, looking content like he belonged to be a housewife as he swiped up all the dirty from each room as Louis followed and dusted to make his job easier. Louis noticed that way Harry's eyes lit up when he went to each room and noticed the glamorous decorations, hestiantly touching them like he was a toddler and gasping each time. It was like Harry has never grown up from a child, he was taking the biggest interest in the smallest things like a clock and it was worrying Louis a little bit. He was acting a little off, a little weird and it was hard for Louis to see but he didn't dare comment. Because, even though he was doing housework, Harry looked happy and that was all Louis wanted.

When they were finally done two hours later, it was only noon and they still had the rest of the day for themselves which made Louis even more excited. He was no longer tired or worn out, instead he was still energnised - he hadn't realised how good teamwork felt when they were clearing up together. Harry, on the other hand, was yawning deeply and closing his eyes for a few seconds every now and then.

They settled down in the huge sitting room, the couches that were comfy and stretched on from different sides and reclined. Louis reclined one for Harry, putting down pillows for him and ordered him to sit down. Harry just followed whatever orders were given to him, settling down on the space on the sofa and getting comfortable.

"Go to sleep," Louis whispered to him, looking at him and not realising just how exhausted the 20 year old looked. It was like he hadn't had a wink of sleep in the longest time and right now, Louis just wanted him to rest. "I'll be right here."

"No, I want to talk to you!" Harry protested, jutting out his bottom lip as he pouted but at the same time, his eyes were closing and he was letting himself slip away into a sleep to which Louis just smiled to himself.

When Harry was snoring lightly, in a deep slumber, Louis reached over and pushed his wild curls out his eyes and sighed. He looked so content, so sheltered when he was away from the world and resting and Louis just wanted this moment to last forever because he always looked so worn out. 

Louis's not sure where the time went but he watched TV for a while, catching up on all his shows that he had missed out on because of work. He called up Niall, since he hadn't talked to the blonde lad for a while now, and caught up with him. Niall was Louis's safe haven sometimes because there was just something about Niall that kept his spirits up high. Niall was always smiling, even through the hardest times in his life and always believed there was good in people. He refused to let negative thoughts slip into his mind, keeping himself around good and positive energy which sent off Louis amazing good vibes. Louis found himself being able to wind down from a stressful day with Niall, even if it was just a phone conversation.

Niall was always there for Louis when the whole fame thing blew up, he would come around ever so often and bring Louis back to earth. He reminded Louis what really mattered and that would be his family, friends and his career which was solely based on singing and not the hate that Louis was getting endlessly. Niall was the one who would pick up Louis from unknown, prestige nightclubs at absurd times of the nights when Louis couldn't even see, think straight. Niall would sigh, lecturing him and ordering him to sleep in the car as they drove back to his house and Niall would take care of him.

Niall was basically an angel, he had Louis's best interest in heart and never took advantage of his fame. He never used it to get into places, to get more followers on twitter. In fact, he never even tweeted Louis once and only occasionally instagrammed pictures of Louis which he really liked. And for that, Louis couldn't be more grateful because there a part of him that he could really forget what was going on and just enjoy Niall's company. He owed Niall everything because Niall was practically the best thing that could happen to him.

Niall was shocked but happy for Louis that he was in contact with Harry. A part of Niall was angered, and it was clear over the phone, because he didn't want Louis to get hurt again. Niall didn't want Harry to just disappear again, never to be seen again and he knew it would Louis hurt once again. Louis was willing to take that risk, he was willing to let himself be vunerable because he wanted to be part of Harry's life. He wasn't sure what it was, he just really liked the curly lad that was snoring right besides him.

Once he got off the phone with Niall, he went and ordered a takeaway for dinner since it was getting late and dark outside. He didn't want to wake Harry up, enjoying the fact that he was relaxing right now and he definitely needed the sleep too. Louis wanted him to be completely rested so he didn't have to turn up to Louis's house with dark circles next time.

He got chinese food, putting it into a plate for himself and sitting down as he flipped through his twitter for a while. He was getting thousands of mentions a second, often crashing his app, as he tried to keep up with all the tweets that kept coming from. He wish he could reply to all the tweets, let all his fans know how appreciative he was even though he never seemed it. Louis had to start wearing a smile in public more often, it's been too long since he's been frowning around and looking like a spoilt brat which was a lot of people's complaints to him. He had to hide away, for the sake of his fans and his image, and smile. Even if it killed him.

Louis opened up a new tweet and typed in: 'Big love to everyone !! xx' before logging out because he couldn't take all the notifications that kept coming in, blowing up his phone. Sometimes, he would stay on twitter and go through a few fanpages, following occasional people or mentioning people but today, he didn't feel it.

Louis's day off weren't usually this boring. He usually got out, met up with friends and spent all night out at clubs, parties and fancy restaurants. He was always photographed in public, surrounding around other famous celebrities. He didn't like taking Zayn, Niall or Liam out too much because he knew it would bring them to the spotlight and sometimes, it wasn't good media attention and they didn't need that. So, instead, he used other people to have a good time. He was never home, to be honest, and right now he was only here for Harry who had changed his sides for a few times, stirred in his sleep but relatively, kept snoring.

It was now around 6PM before Harry finally rubbed his eyes, coming back to his senses as he sat up a little straighter. He looked so lost for a few seconds, glancing around the room frantically before he set his eyes on Louis.

"What's the time?" He asked, throwing the blanket off him that Louis had given in a hurry and rush get out of here.

Louis was quick to react, sitting up straighter and giving him a concerned look. "Harry, it's only 6, calm down, you just woke up," he was confused.

Harry gasped. "Fucking 6pm? Why didn't you wake me up Louis!" The accusation was clear in his voice as he jumped up from the sofa, running to the front door and slipping his shoes on.

Louis was quick to follow, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him back. "Harry!" His voice was raised slightly to get him to snap out of it. "Calm the fuck down. Do you need to go home?"

Harry whimpered, his lips wobbling as he nodded. "Yes, Louis, right now. Please, let me go."

"I will, I will. Do you need a drive home? Damn, Harry, at least eat some dinner?" He gestured towards the never ending hall where the kitchen is.

He shook his head. "No, no, no. I can make it home, I can do it."

"Where do you live?"

"78 Garden road, flat block 31 and floor 6." Harry spoke, his words spilling out and he wasn't even realising what he was saying as he put his boots on. Louis tried to think where the address is but he couldn't figure it out so he sighed.

He opened the doors, buzzing the gates to open as well before giving Harry a worried look because this outburst was weird. He hadn't expected Harry to go running a mile, wanting to escape as soon as he woke up and he didn't know what to expect next. He was worried for Harry too, an uneasy and unsettling feeling which he couldn't even describe as Harry ran out, not even giving Louis a second glance.


	4. 4 - It's Different Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the reads guys, makes my day xx
> 
> Btw, I picture Dalton as Robert Pattinson. I just think he fits the perfect intimidating look I'm trying to achieve.
> 
> Jasmine xx
> 
> Twitter: @chitchathaz   
> Tumblr: larrycutestt

IT'S DIFFERENT NOW

"It was proper weird Li," Louis sighed over the phone, rubbing his stubble that was growing and that he hadn't bothered to shave today. He had to do some shopping but he made a mental note to also go to Harry's house and ask if he's okay since he hadn't heard or seen of him since the day he ran out. It's been almost 3 days since that incident and Louis was hoping that Harry would just drop by innocently, out of nowhere.

"I'm sure there was a reason why he was rushing out?" Liam suggested. "I mean, maybe he had something planned."

"He said Dalton was coming home late from work, what could of they planed?" Louis rolled his eyes.

"You never know Lou, stop overthinking. I'm sure he's fine. Are you going to meet him?"

"Later on. I'm going to get some shopping done, then go and find his goddamn apartment." Louis groaned as he parked up his car, cutting the engine off and taking a few heavy breaths. He looked over to his security guard, Alberto, who was grinning at him. Louis was so glad he had his own personal security guard because it meant he could go out and not get surrounded by girls all the time. He would meet a few of them but most of the time, Alberto didn't allow it which was really good most of the times. The fans didn't even want to talk to him really, they just wanted a picture and never even said hi. Before, the fans were thoughtful and focused on making Louis smile instead of just crowding around, nearly suffocating him, only asking for a picture and walking off. Just so they could tell the world they had met him.

"Okay, let me know how it goes. We need to meet up soon, it's been ages."

"It's been like a week?" Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes but it was true. He couldn't stay too long without meeting Liam because he needed his friends to keep him down on the ground. "Okay, I'll drop by tomorrow. See ya." He hanged up, pocketing his phone and he climbed out of the car and started shopping.

Louis walked past one of the cellphone provider shops and wondered whether he should pick up a phone for Harry. It didn't have to be the most expensive one so Harry didn't feel like he was taking advantage of Louis but he was hesitating. He only just got Harry back and he didn't want to make him entirely uncomfortable with the fact that he had just splurged all this money on him. Maybe later.

Alberto smiled at Louis. He seemed way too cheery for someone who worked for Louis. "Where do you want to go today little boy."

"Little boy?" Louis laughed. "Just because you're huge and got muscles yeah?" He punched one of Alberto's arms, recoiling at how rock hard it was and sticking his tongue out. He loved his playful relationship with Alberto because it made it easier to get along with his annoying management team that were always on Louis's back. They were forever trying to mend him, change him and Louis would resist it, fight it as much as he could.

They walked into the first shop, Nike, as Louis just picked out new workout bottoms and tops for himself to use since he could never get enough. He also went into Hollister and got himself new jeans, new vans. It was a blessing that he was able to go into these shops, not worry about how much he's spending and just do whatever he wants. There was never restrictions, budgets - it was so easy and within reach. Louis also picked out a necklace for Harry since he knew how much he loved wearing it, it was a paper plane necklace and he felt proud of himself for picking it out.

Finally, after a few hours of shopping and only being noticed by some teenage girls who were waving frantically at him, they were back in the car as Louis started it up and started driving towards Harry's apartment.

"Where you going?" Alberto asked, his voice husky and deep as he watched Louis take cautious turns into different, unknown roads. He had his tomtom on for directions and it was taking him into the most disgusting areas, with chavs around and all in all, it just didn't seem like a safe place to be. Obviously, Louis had nothing to worry about with his security guard because he was protected at all times but he hadn't driven down to these areas in the longest time and it wasn't appealing. 

"I'm going to meet a friend.." Louis told him, not taking his eyes off the road as he finally approached Garden Road. It was a little, tiny road that was closed off right at the end so he had to park up outside the flat blocks. "You stay here, okay?"

"Sure thing, let me know if you need anything." Alberto nodded as Louis ran off towards the dirty flat block. It wasn't the most glamorous place, it was a red and white building and it stood quite tall with a balcony for each apartment. He was sure these one of those low budget flats that stunk of pee inside and he was internally cringing and considering backing down. He hadn't been in one of these areas for ages and it was making him a little queasy but he fought against the feeling and stepped into the building.

He rang the doorbell for Harry's flat since he didn't know the code to get into the whole building and hoped that Harry was home.

After a few minutes of waiting anxiously, someone spoke through the intercom but it didn't sound like Harry at all. "Who is it?" The deep, raspy voice spoke like he had just rolled out of bed and Louis realised, straight away, it was Dalton. For a second, he was dumbfounded because he had never expected to actually be so close to someone who had ruined his best friend and his life. He was suddenly so close to someone he had despised all his 3 years.

He paused, exhaling sharply. "I'm Louis Tomlinson."

"The who?"

Louis was a little surprised that Dalton didn't know who he is considering the fact the media could never shut up about him. He ignored him. "I'm here to see Harry."

He heard Harry in the back asking. "Who is it babe?" And Louis had to squeeze his eyes shut, he didn't even know why he was doing this anymore.

"Some guy called Louis?" Dalton replied.

There was a pause and Louis thought he had been disconnected and just before he had backed away, Dalton spoke again. "Why you here?"

"I... just want to see Harry?"

"Alright, come through. Codes 1245." And with that, the intercom was shut off and Louis punched in the keys that made the flat door swing open.

It was much better inside than he had thought it would be. It didn't smell, it wasn't messy or ugly but rather, it was decorated and painted. The walls were a nice cream colour with mint green decorations as he got the lift to the 6th floor where Harry lived. He was a little more anxious now, his heart racing and his palms sweating - the feeling he got just before he went on stage and it was nervewracking.

He finally found the door labelled clearly '78' and rang the doorbell, standing back and clasping his hands together to try and calm his nerves down. There was quite a bit of shuffling behind the door, a little squeal before Dalton opened the door and for the first time in three years, he was face to face to the guy who had stolen Harry's heart. The guy who Harry was completely gone for, completely whipped over and the guy who made Harry happy. And for a second, Louis was envious of Dalton. He was a lot older, just like he's been described, but he was attractive. He had a oval face shape, just the right bit of beard on him with a lip piercing and piercing green eyes. Louis shifted uncomfortably on his feet, not sure what to say to the guy who had made Louis's life misery whether he knew it or not.

"Huh, you're the famous kid, aren't you?" Dalton scrunched his eyebrows together, looking confused as he opened the door further to take a better look at Louis, yet not inviting him in.

Louis laughed, coughing. "Erm, yeah, I guess you could say that."

"How the fuck did Harry bag himself a friend like you?" Dalton asked, probably not realising just how rude that sounded. It wasn't really downgrading Louis, instead it sounded insulting to Harry like he wasn't capable of making a friend that was famous, like he wasn't worth it.

Louis tried to control his breathing, tried to keep a smile on his face. "We used to know each other since school."

"You did, yeah? That's funny, Harry never mentioned you at all."

Louis tried not to change his facial expression. "Yeah, that's good for you mate. I came here to see Harry, where is he?"

"Harry's just doing a little something, he'll be out in a minute. I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about." Dalton smirked, moving out of the way and gesturing for Louis to come in. Louis was a little surprised at how small the apartment is, leading straight to the living room which is connected to the kitchen and dining table. There was only one bedroom which was locked and shut and Louis realised Harry was in there. He tried not to think about what he could be doing when he knew Louis was here as Louis made himself comfortable on the sofas.

Dalton sat right opposite him, not taking his eyes off Louis. "You're famous man, it feels weird to have someone like you in my apartment." It sounded like a compliment but with the smirk that wasn't fading from Dalton's face, it seemed a little rude and Louis tried not to squirm. There was something about this guy that was making him uneasy and made him want to run a mile.

Louis tried to relax, tried to remind himself he had more power over this guy and could destroy him if he wanted to with his money. It probably wasn't the best thought, using his status and fame as an advantage but it automatically happened when he stumbled across people like so.

"You know, just here for Harry," he reminded him with a slight chuckle and he noticed Dalton's eyes darkened.

"Right, of course you are. How's your singing going?"

"It's erm... good," Louis said.

"I remember Harry telling me he got some tickets for a singer or something a year ago, we didn't have an idea who you are."

Louis gulped, letting the words sink in. Had Harry pretended he didn't even know who Louis was in front of Dalton? That seemed to hurt him more than he expected as he sank down on the couch, smiling fading. "Oh."

"Now, you turn up for Harry. So, obviously Hazza baby was lying." Dalton chuckled, a hint of something deeper in his voice. "I wonder what's taking him so long."

Just on cue, the bedroom door and Harry wobbled out. His face was written all over in discomfort, flinching with each move and not a single hint of smile on his face as he went over and sat right besides Dalton. He finally looked up to Louis and all Louis could see was worry in his bottle green eyes and it made Louis even more anxious. He wanted to know what was going on. Had he walked right in between an argument or something? There was thick, clear tension in the air and it made Louis even more uncomfortable. This was definitely the last time he was going to turn up here. The weight of the necklace sat in Louis's back pocket but now, he didn't even dare giving it.

"Here you are, baby boy," Dalton said, his voice seductive as he latched onto Harry's inner thigh and planted a kiss right on Harry's lip, in front of Louis. Louis looked away, looking down on his lap and fiddling with his fingers. He would rather be anywhere than here right now, he would rather be sitting with the head of Modest management right now and that was saying a lot considering how much he hated it.

Harry just smiled lovingly up to Dalton like he didn't see anyone else in the world, like Louis wasn't even sitting here and waiting. Finally, Harry turned his attention to him and smiled too. "What brings you here Louis?" Harry was talking to him like he didn't even matter, like he was coming in the way of something.

Louis cleared his throat. He considering for a second what to say. He definitely didn't want to mention the two meetings they've already had because it was certain that Dalton had no idea and he didn't want to mess things up, that wasn't his place. He was also afraid of mentioning just how close their friendship was because yet again, Dalton was completely oblivious to the fact. Maybe Harry was ashamed, embarrassed that he used to know Louis which is why he never brought it up to his boyfriend.

"I just wanted to catch up, see how you're doing," Louis lied straight through his teeth.

"I'm fine, how about you?"

"I'm good, yeah.." Louis's voice hesitated, his eyes flicking back and forth between the couple, unsure where to look. He was a bit afraid of looking straight into Harry's right now and a little shattered to do so.

"That's great, is there any reason why you're here?"

"No, I just didn't have anything to do and was curious to stop by."

"How do you know where we live?" Dalton asked, a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"We... erm, I asked around the neighbourhood."

"We?"

"Me and my security guard, Alberto."

"Oh," Dalton smirked, "has Louis got his own security guard now?"

Louis felt a little intimidated but didn't let it show. Who did Dalton think he is by talking to him like that? Didn't he realise who exactly Louis was? "Of course, I got a whole selection of them."

"Selection? Do you pick and choose who you want every other day, yeah?"

Louis chuckled a little at how annoyed Dalton sounded, for no good reason. He stole a quick, sneaky glance at Harry who was squirming and fiddling on the couch non stop and it looked a little unusual. Dalton looked down at him, smiling fondly and lightly giving a squeeze to Harry's inner thigh and Louis couldn't help but think how cute they actually are. Harry relaxed, didn't move a bit after that and it was obvious it was all down to how gentle Dalton was.

"Not really, each security guard has different roles." Louis decided to explain the whole boring situation since Dalton was so concerned and curious. "Alberto is just for when I'm doing errands and practically lives next door to me.. also with me today and then I have different ones for events and what not."

"Little rich boy, ain't ya?" Dalton smirked and Harry closed his eyes. It was clear that Harry didn't like how he was talking to Louis but he didn't say anything, didn't even open his mouth. Louis wanted him to say something, stop Dalton from talking to him like this but he wasn't expecting anything.

"Of course, if you say so." Louis shrugged, a huge grin playing at his lips. "Money's not a problem in this world."

Harry shifted around once again and he was met by a sharp slap down on his thighs. Obviously, Dalton didn't mean to tap it so harshly and hard but it made Harry jump. "Oh, shit, sorry babe but can you sit properly please?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to move so much. I'm just... so hungry."

Dalton's smile grew. "Of course you are, it's okay. Just relax yeah? I'm sorry again cupcake."

Louis rolled his eyes at the sweet names Dalton was calling him because they were the same names he used for Harry when he was younger. He didn't like the fact that he has now been replaced, in all ways possible. Plus, it was quite sickening to see a young couple so loved up, right in front of his eyes. 

"Harry, why don't you go and prepare us some dinner? You're hungry, right? I think we should allow Louis to stay for food, don't you think?"

Harry didn't even argue, agreeing instantly and jumping from the sofa and it became apparent that Harry was the one who did the cooking around here. He turned around, giving a quite glance to Louis and smiled at him. It was one of them reassuring, sorry smiles that made Louis's heart melt and he returned the small smile. But, it was a little annoying how Harry was going off to cook now and leaving Louis here with Dalton. He didn't even want to talk to Dalton considering how uneasy he felt around him. 

"Dalton, I don't mean to be rude but really I came here to see Harry. Not you." Louis said, frowning.

"Of course, you can help Harry in the kitchen." He gave him permission, dismissing him with his hands as Louis followed Harry into the kitchen. It was like he needed to know if it was okay with Dalton before he could follow Harry and that worried him a little bit but he pushed the thought at the back of his mind.

When they reached the kitchen, they didn't even say a word as Louis leaned against the counter and watched Harry get to work. He pulled out a bag of pasta, different vegetables including onion and bell peppers and then brought out some chicken to use as well. Louis watched him worked, stealing glances when Harry leaned down and his perfect butt was on display but he quickly looked away before Harry could notice.

After a few minutes, Dalton got up, wandering off in the bathroom which is when Harry finally turned to Louis and frowned. "What games are you playing at?"

Louis had been expecting him to say something more welcoming, explaining his strange behaviour when he ran out of the house 3 days ago. Yet, he was faced with a boy who seemed confused and horrified at the fact another boy was standing in his apartment. Louis was confused, pulling his eyebrows together. "What do you mean Harry? I just came to see if you're okay since tha-"

He didn't even get a chance to finish off his sentence, Harry cutting in and interrupting. "Do you want to ruin mine and Dalton's relationship?" His voice was barely audible, nothing more than a whisper.

"How am I ruining it if I just came to see you?"

"Because you just can't turn up, out of nowhere!"

"I had no other way of contacting you, Harry! And I was worried, genuinely worried about what happened and where you were." He paused. "I'm ruining it because you lied about not knowing me and I turn up out of nowhere, right?"

Harry ignored his last comment. "You haven't got anything to worry about! I have a perfect boyfriend and a perfect little life here and I don't need people from the past thinking they can mess it up for me!"

Louis was beyond agitated now, not even sure what he had done wrong. He was just here to check up on Harry considering his overprotective nature. "Harry, are you hearing yourself right now?"

The bathroom door lock was unlocked and Harry's eyes widened, he turned out and began pulling out different ingredients. Louis groaned. "You don't need to cook, I can order you guys take out?" He suggested. He could see how worked up Harry was and it was probably not the best mood to be cooking in.

Harry looked at Louis. "I don't think Dalton will like that. He prefers healthy cooking and he loves the taste of my cooking."

"I'm sure one day won't matter. Dalton can break his little diet for a day." Louis scoffed. 

"He'll think you're here to rub your money in our faces. After all, look at the state of this place."

Before Louis could reply, Dalton came up behind Harry and wrapped his long, slender around his waist from behind. "What you making for us babe?" He asked Harry, whispering before chuckling and dropping Harry a soft, tender kiss right on the jaw which Harry completely relaxed into, looking peaceful. 

"I'm making that healthy pasta you love." Harry hummed happily. He had already brought the water to the boil and had put in the pasta. 

Louis looked away, fiddling with his phone and awkwardly replying to a few friends to avoid the fact that there was people making out practically in front of him. He really didn't want to be here, he really didn't want to be faced with this.

"Mmm, you know exactly how to please me. Love you baby. If you need anything, I'll be in my bedroom." He winked before giving Louis a nod and walking off. 

They were finally alone, finally given some peace and it made Louis feel so much better. He felt like he could finally say what he wanted to without overthinking each word and incase he tripped up. He has no idea how Harry has with this guy. Louis was literally scared of him. But, he kind of liked the way he treated Harry - with respect, with the up most respect like he was afraid of hurting Harry and it was sweet. It was refreshing to see Harry was happy as much as it hurt Louis to admit it.

Harry had a deep red blush growing on his cheeks and he was glowing now, his features lit up as he worked to cut up the onions. 

"Harry.." Louis sighed, moving across and stopping Harry from picking up the pasta packet. "Honestly, we can order takeaway."

"It's fine, 'm fine."

"Are you sure? You're like, overly happy now."

"You shouldn't of come here. You should of waited for me to come back." Harry changed the subject, his voice rock hard and emotionless. The smile faded off his face and all of a sudden, his guard was up and he didn't even look up from the vegetables he was cutting.

"It had been three days! I was worried, I had no idea what had happened!"

"So you could wait and not care for three whole years but all of a sudden, three days is too difficult for you? Really?" Harry's word stung as Louis took a step back. He was a little shocked by the words that had flown from Harry's mouth and had no idea what to think.

It was clear, he wasn't wanted here. It was like this place was just for Harry and Dalton and he had interrupted something for which, he felt bad. But not only that, Harry kept reminding him that he shouldn't come here and he shouldn't be here and he hated it.

Louis shrugged. "I just wanted to make it okay because it had gone wrong one too many times. But, I can see where I'm not wanted." He edged towards the door, smiling sadly. "I'll see you around Harry."

"No wait! Don't leave!" Harry practically cried, his volume shooting up as he frantically tried to stop Louis but he just shook his head. "I didn't mean it Lou, don't go." He added, slowly and pathetically pouting.

"It's just different now. Have fun with your dinner." Louis simply spat, leaving the door and leaving before anything could be said to stop him and keep him there.


	5. 5 - Let's Forget Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update, I'm never usually this late but I was in hospital for a operation and it was just terrible. They drilled my gums open and I literally can't have solid food for about a week, surviving on milkshakes erggh:( so I wasn't in the mood to write, literally slept all day.
> 
> But I'm beginning to feel somewhat better and more put together so here is another chapter :)
> 
> Jasmine xx

LET'S FORGET EVERYTHING

"Zayn!" Louis whined into the phone whilst trying to slip on his more dressy, fitted top. Tonight, he was going to go out and drink away his feelings. He hasn't gone out to party since the first encounter with Harry in the cafe and it was long overdue. Louis knew only one way of forgetting his problems: to drink it up, smoke it and get high and for some little time, everything disappeared. It made everything much better. Sure, it was an unhealthy way to deal with his problems and he was just feeding to his addiction but it was the only way Louis knew and he wasn't going to change it for the world.

"What?" Zayn practically snapped from the other line. "What do you want?" He really didn't seem like in the mood to deal with another one of Louis's trantrum, but this was the exact opposite of that. He had no idea what was in store for him.

"I want to go to the club tonight."

"Then go."

"With you!"

There was a pause from the other line because Zayn wasn't used to be asked to come out with Louis for clubbing. Louis had always tried his hardest to protect Zayn from any of that, any sort of negative media attention because he was fearful of how Zayn would handle it. It hasn't been the best in the past. "Are you... sure?"

Louis sighed. "I need you today." It was four simple words but there was so much more meaning to it. Louis never usually went around, announcing he needed someone's help because he had a big ego and hated to admit it. Instead, he just tried to cover it up but today - he needed Zayn and a good comforting drink. So, he could only imagine what was running through Zayn's mind as he openly demanded for his attention.

"Louis, I don't know. You know how mad the media goes when they see you like this," Zayn scoffed.

Louis snorted. "Do you really think I care? I just want to forget everything and have fun!"

"Louis... I don't know, since you got talking to Harry again you've been in a bad mood. I don't think it's.. healthy for you."

"It's not healthy either way," Louis admitted, shrugging even though Zayn couldn't see it. It's true. He couldn't live without him, he had no idea how he coped for the last three years but it was so different all them years back. Back then, Harry was a different person who was fun to be around and full of live, energy, willing to make others happy than himself. He was the perfect human being, with such a huge heart, willing to hand out love to everyone around him and people truly adored and admired Harry. Now, Harry was a different person and he only gave his heart, time to Dalton and as much as annoying it was - Louis understood. Once you fall, you fall hard.

Zayn sighed. "I wish things were different, I really do Lou."

"Alright, tonight isn't the night for deep talk. We are going to get drunk! I'm coming to pick you up in a few." He informed Zayn, hanging up and grabbing his wallet. He was just wishing there wouldn't be many people around today so he wouldn't get noticed as he slipped out of his house and locked it behind him. Louis got into his range rover with his security guard: Alberto, who didn't seem too pleased with his plans and went off, driving towards Zayn.

Zayn was waiting outside. He was wearing a grey floral shirt with black jeans and grey trainers, his hair quiffed up and his stubble ever so growing. As always, Zayn looked amazingly striking and handsome and there was never any flaws you could pick out. Louis raised an eyebrow at him, beckoning him to get in the car.

"You, mister, got ready a little too quickly," Louis wriggled his eyebrows as he started up the car and started driving off. He never went to a nightclub near by the city, it was just too close to home and he didn't like having any midnight memories like such nearby his tometown just so it could come back and haunt him. If anything bad was to go down, it would be faraway and he wouldn't be able to revisit it.

Zayn laughed. "I just had to slip my clothes on!"

"Sure, sure, you were just dying to come out with me, weren't you?"

"Well, you don't take me out too often."

Louis gasped, swatting Zayn's arm. "Yes I do! We go football, we go restaurants and I always come around for your delicious pakistani spicy food that ends up killing me in the end!"

Zayn snickered, grinning. "Yeah, that's all true but at night you never dare bring me out. To be honest, I never wanted to looking at the state of you!"

Louis rolled his eyes. "Niall's the only reliable one when it comes to me getting drunk."

"Mate, have you seen Niall get drunk? He's worst than you. He mistakes his shoe as his phone, please. No one can get worst than that."

Louis chuckled in the memory of the first time he took the boys out for a drink, which escalated to a lot of drinks and ended up with Niall having to stagger out of the building. He was so completely gone that he wanted to call his roommate and ended up taking his shoes off, trying to communicate through it. The others just stood there, cracking up and recording him and still tease Niall with it till this day. Niall, however, learnt to laugh off the sensitive things about his life and make it into a joke too which Louis adored.

"That was one of the best nights," Louis sighed, leaning back in his car as he picked up the speed. If he was to choose one boy to trust to party with, it would be Zayn - they were partners in crime and Louis could trust him blindly. If he had any bad ideas, Liam would be the one to lecture but Zayn would be the one to jump in and just go with it because life is short, life is supposed to be full of happiness and reckless behaviour.

It didn't mean that Liam wasn't a good lad to go to a party or club with because Liam really was a heavy drinker himself. He could get drunk and not even give a single fuck but he was more cautious with his actions, scared of getting Louis any bad publicity and Louis didn't want that. He didn't want the constant checking up on, making sure he's okay tonight. He just wanted a good escape from reality.

"So are you going to tell me what happened yesterday with Harry?" Zayn brought up the topic he had been trying to ignore, the whole reason he was driving out of town, searching for a good nightclub.

"Not a big deal."

"It clearly is if you want to get drunk the day after."

"He's just a prick." Louis spat, his blood boiling slightly at the thought of Harry wrapped in Dalton's arms. They were so good for each other it hurt. He didn't belong in the equation, Harry didn't love him like he loved Dalton and that was the end of that.

Zayn sighed. "Did he say something or were you just jealous?"

"Hey! I wouldn't be this angry if I was just jealous. Plus, jealously is a strong feeling, what are you talking about?" Louis rolled his eyes, hated being underestimated. His jealously was strong and he hated how little control he had over it.

They had finally arrived at one of the clubs which was prepared to let Louis through by separating one of the doors, just for him. He could never get tired of the VIP service he got wherever he went just because he was able to sing a few songs, perform and earn money. He cut the engine off, grinning up to Zayn because the fun was only starting from now. There were quite a few girls gawking and staring at Louis from the side but not saying anything, which he was overly grateful for.

Alberto lead them out of the car, ordering them to keep their heads down as they entered the club and the scene hit Louis straight away. The darkness, the music that vibrated in Louis's chest as he felt partially blinded - he could hardly see anything. He could make out the drunken bodies dancing in sync to the beat of the music, without a care and all the alcohol being passed around and this was definitely where Louis needed to be tonight. It was too loud to even think and that's exactly what he needed.

"We should get drinks first." Zayn suggested, moving towards the bar and getting shots for themselves.

They drowned a few shots and Louis could feel himself loosening up straight away, his head just a little fuzzy and he was already tipsy but the feeling was the best. It was indescribable and despite the burn in his throat with each drink he managed to get down, he was still smiling widely. Zayn was taking it much slowly since he wasn't used to this much drinking but he was also enjoying himself. A lot of people approached Louis, asking for pictures, and as much as he wanted to say no because these pictures would surface the internet - the drunken Louis, he couldn't do that to the fans.

So, he ordered all the people to line up and he got through each person. He offered a picture to each one, signing whatever they asked and even drank a shot with a few. They were all older, more mature fans so it was easier to deal with than screaming teenage girls. Louis was indebted for all the people but just wanted to have some quality time.

"C'mon, let's get to the dance floor!" Zayn chuckled, grabbing Louis's wrist and pulling him to the main dance floor where it was shady and pitch black. You could hardly see anyone, make out anything and the music was loud, vibrating off the floor and Louis could feel it.

He loved these clubs, he loved being able to momentarily forget everything because it made everything feel better even if it was just for a moment. Before he used to come here to forget Harry, forget the kissed and the memories shared and now he came here to forget seeing Harry again. A part of him knew this wasn't the last time he was going to meet Harry but a part of him was hoping it was because he didn't need this. He didn't need a physical reminder that he couldn't have Harry, no matter how well he has and could treat him. Louis was just a mess and he couldn't explain it, he couldn't bring his feelings out.

Zayn and Louis started dancing straight away. Zayn was grinding on one of the prettiest brunettes that Louis has seen and they were dancing to the beat of the music. He wouldn't be surprised if he was going home with her tonight. Louis glanced around the room uneasy. He hadn't usually tried to pick anyone up here or meet someone because he's always been fixed on one person but now, he didn't really care anymore.

"Hey! Isn't that the faggot Louis Tomlinson?" He heard someone shout over the music and his head snapped in that direction, squinting his eyes and trying to figure out where the sound had come from. He wasn't here for a fight but if someone tempted him, he wasn't afraid to let go of all the rage growing up inside. Plus, who did these people think they were using words like faggot? There was so much inner rage within Louis from all the shit he's had to deal with, and keep within himself regarding management, media, the hate, the fame and Harry and he wasn't afraid to let it show.

Zayn hadn't heard anything because he was still busy, dancing with the brunette and shooting her the most creepiest stares. Louis groaned, bringing his hand up to his head - wanting everything to stop for just a minute so he could figure out what was going on. His head was pounding already from the excessive drinking and the music that was too loud for him to even think.

"Oh my, he's such a fag, what is he doing here? Can't even handle the fucking club!" The same voice chuckled out loudly, tormenting Louis's thoughts further and making him enraged as he fisted his hands and tred to control his heavy breathing.

This time, Zayn had definitely heard because he dropped his hands from the girls hips he had been holding and immediately went over to Louis. "Who is that?" He whispered close up to his eyes so he could be heard over the music.

Louis shrugged. "I don't know!" He tugged at his hair. "Why the fuck are they calling me a fag? I've never done anything remotely homosexual in the medias eye!" He was confused. Sure, he knew his sexuality himself but he had never brought it to light to anyone except the lads because a part of him was afraid what the management was going to say.

"They're just hormonal teenagers, I bet. They have no idea what they're talking about and I bet they are just jealous if your fame and money." Zayn said, running a hand through his own hair and messing it up a little bit. He was just trying to reassure Louis but Louis wasn't having it.

"Oi! You little fag! Is that your boyfriend?" The same voice called out directly to Louis now and Louis caught eye of who it was. It was just another ugly looking chav, dressed in the most disgusting clothes with a smug smile on his face like he knew exactly what he was doing. And Louis could feel anger coursing through his veins just staring at this guy because who did he think he was?

He knew there was cameras on him, Louis knew people were recording him because all these people were nosy and just wanted to post it online and say 'they met Louis Tomlinson' and he knew better than let some measly idiot affect his feelings but he was annoyed already and he was trying to feed off it. He wouldn't mind getting his hands dirty, punching a few on this guy.

"Louis, forget it, let's leave before it goes wrong!" Zayn demanded, his voice starting to panic now as he tried to drag Louis's arm to drag him away but Louis refused, shaking his head.

Instead, he tried to ignore it and shrugged. "Am I offended by a little boy calling me a fag? They have no idea!" He laughed, his voice loud enough to be heard to the guy who was just smirking now. "You go back to your pretty lady, I'm going to try and have a few more drinks and meet some fans!"

Zayn seemed a little unsure whether to leave Louis here, he obviously didn't want them getting into any trouble. But, Louis was insistent and encouraged him to go and have fun - pushing him in the direction of the lady before he clapped his own hands and made his way over to the bar again. He was away from all the music, just a little bit and focused on getting some more drinks down him so he could forget everything for the rest of the night. He wasn't offended by the fag comments, he didn't really care as long as he knew who he was. He just didn't want it to become a huge rumour, having his management on his back wasn't what he wanted.

"Hey! You're Louis, right?" The bartender asked, a twinkle in his eyes as he dazed at Louis like it wasn't even real.

Louis smirked because he loved this reaction, he couldn't even lie. "Yeah, I am."

"My girlfriend loves you! Can I get a picture with you to show her?"

Louis shrugged. "Of course." He posed for the picture, pulling a few faces before the bartender nodded, grinning and moved away. He sat alone for a while, searching for Alberto but he was nowhere to be found. Alberto should be around him at all times just in case something went wrong.

"Oi you fag!" Louis heard someone call him, again and it was the same piercing yell he had heard before which got on his nerves. He squeezed his eyes shut, careful not to even flinch at the word and wanting to ignore it as much as he could. He tried to call up Alberto, to come and escort this guy out of the club but the phone kept going to voicemail.

"Are you too much of a pussy to even look at me? Ey?"

Why was this guy trying to challenge Louis for? Didn't he have any idea how this ended? He had some nerves to show up at this club, and be able to make fun of someone who had enough power and money to get this guy kicked out of this club permanently. Louis rolled his eyes, still not turning around and getting back to his drink which was half way finished. All of a sudden, he wished he had never let Zayn out of his sights because he wasn't even sure if he could manage to control himself right now.

"Knew it, you're a coward and a fag, aren't you? Disgusting really."

Louis snapped, that was the final straw and he couldn't take it anymore. He had received many comments like this before but it had never been this repetitive, never begged for his attention this much so he swirled around on his stool and stood up. He faced the guy for the first time, just some blonde guy who was completely hammered. Plus, homophobes were the number one reason that Louis despised the world and the fact that he was having to be faced with one was just disgusting. It made him want to give up with humanity.

"What the fuck did you say?" Louis demanded, grabbing the guys collar and bringing him close to his face. He could hear the guys breathing increasing, his eyes full with fear and Louis just chuckled because now he was in charge.

"What are you doing, you psycho!" The guy screamed, trying to push Louis away.

Louis could feel the cameras on him, the flashes going off and he could practically predict the headlines for tomorrow. But right now, he didn't even care and he wasn't bothered. He forgot everything for a second and focused in what was infront of him.

"You little piece of shit, you know that?" Louis snarled. "Who do you think you are huh? Do you know who I am?"

"Sorry man sorry!" The guy let out quickly, words tumbling over each other. "I didn't know what I was saying!"

"You called me a fag, didn't you?" Louis demanded, his eyes squinting as he clenched his fists and held it up so it was infront of the guy. He was practically threatening him and he didn't even care. "Didn't you?" He raised his voice.

The guy cried, literally cried. "I'm so sorry, you're cool man! Please, let me down! I love your music!"

Out of nowhere, Louis felt Zayn by his side and Zayn was tugging at him to let go. He tried to resist for a moment, to forget Zayn was standing there and keep his attention on the scum that was thinking it was okay to talk to Louis like that.

"Lou, you fucker! Let him down!" Zayn yelled, pulling at Louis again.

"Shut up Zayn, just for a second! I'm doing something!" Louis yelled back, wanting to push Zayn away but keeping his fist clenched by the guys face. Zayn moved forward again, trying to pull him away before he could do anything but instead, Louis felt his anger boiling and ended up throwing a punch straight square of Zayn's nose. Zayn groaned loudly, falling back from the impact and hiting his head on the cool tile of the bar.

By now, the whole club had been crowding around the whole scene that was taking place right before their eyes and everyone was recording it, flashes going off everywhere. Louis knew these pictures were going to be surfacing the internet in just a matter of a few hours, if not less, and he couldn't deal with all the articles, all the hate that was going to follow alongside it.

Louis realised what he had just done and instantly dropped the guy he had been threatening, he didn't even care because he had just hurt Zayn and he didn't know what to do. Louis has never even come close to wanting to hit or hurt his friends let alone actually do it. For a few seconds, he just watches Zayn groaning on the floor and as he leaned down to pick him up, Zayn slapped the hand away and glared angrily which made Louis back away immediately.

"Zayn, I-" But before Zayn could say again, Alberto appeared out of the blue and his eyes widened at the scene. He helped up Zayn first, handing over a tissue to wipe away the blood that was gushing out of his nose before ordering both the boys to leave the club right away. They went into the black car that was waiting for them, Alberto slipping into the drivers seat as the two boys stumbled into the back as they drove off. The night where Louis wanted to let go, have some fun with Zayn ended up in a complete disaster and misery.

"What did you think you were doing?" Alberto exploded as he drove through the back roads to get avoided being seen. "Do you know how much this is going to blow up in the media? They practically die to feed off news like this!"

Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes. That should be the last of his worries. He faced Zayn instead. "Zayn, really... I'm so sorry." He reached over to the nose that was being held under the tissue, bloody and Zayn flinched away from the touch, shrugging him off and looking out of the window before replying.

"It's fine, it was all in the moment." Yet, you could hear the hostility in his voice.

"No, it isn't acceptable. I was angry and I took it on you. I'm sorry, really. Come over and I'll make you food or whatever you wanted." Louis paused. "Forget that, punch me. Hit me back. Please, I'll do anything."

"I'm fine Louis." Zayn spoke through his teeth, ignoring Louis and putting his headphones in so he could block out all the sounds and the small talk.

Louis felt awful and he had a banging headache just thinking about what had just happened. He wasn't thinking anything through and he didn't even realise how much trouble he was going to get into. Management didn't like Louis messing around as it was, it ruined his image and tainted his perfect bubblegum image to the younger fans but the fact that he had went and put his hands on another person. That was definitely going to blow up. Louis's head was pounding, the alcohol still coursing through his veins as he leaned back in his seat and sighed heavily.

"I'm sure you'll be having a meeting with management soon, if not tomorrow!" Alberto was still talking, he was obviously afraid because it was his duty to make sure Louis stayed out of trouble like this if he was on duty and Louis felt awful.

"Don't worry, it's not your fault," Louis mumbled, massaging his forehead to find relief.

Alberto sighed. "This isn't about my job or whose fault it is. I care about you Louis, I've watched you grow up and I just don't want any more bullshit down your throat. You don't need it."

Louis nodded. "I know, I just lost it because that guy kept calling me a faggot. Who does he think he is?"

"People are going to talk, you just need to be careful of how you react. I'm sorry I didn't come before, I see all the missed calls now." Alberto just threw his phone on the spare seat as he parked outside Zayn's house.

"Zayn, get an ice pack on that nose and if it's broken, make sure to give me a call to take you to the hospital!" Alberto informed Zayn. Zayn didn't even give Louis a second glance as he moved out of the car, out of their sights and into his apartment and Louis felt his heart sink at how his best friend was acting. He really didn't mean to hurt him.

"I don't know what to do about Zayn..." Louis groaned in a low voice.

"He'll come around," Alberto reassured him.

"I punched him!"

"Well, you should of thought of what you were doing," Alberto simply said, sounding disappointed as they drove up the hill towards Louis's house.

"I feel awful, this is so bad. This is such a mess!" Louis punched the seat, trying to get out all his anger but his knuckles were already swollen and red from the punch he had delivered to Zayn and just looking at it, made him feel even more bad. It was shame he still wasn't feeling relived from the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"Tomorrow, go over to Zayn's and apologise. He's your best friend, he will understand."

Alberto parked outside Louis's house, sighing as Louis worked with the door and got out. He gave Alberto a brief hug as he slipped into his house. He went straight towards his bed, shrugging off all the clothes that suddenly felt suffocating and cuddled into his bed. He thought over all the actions that had happened today and how much of a mess everything was before leaving Zayn a quick text message.

'I'm sorry, forgive me, love you x'


	6. 6 - All The Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i'm so sorry for the late update guys. i've started sixth form and it's truly stressful but i'm enjoying it so hopefully i will do well :) it's so rough and tough tho, takes up all my time and i get essays and homework every single day!! 
> 
> also, i've decided to finish the whole story and then edit it all together and then post it up all at once! it'll take a few months, at most but i'm currently writing chapter 18 out of 25 or so! so there's not much to go and there's so much for you to guys to read and see omgosh i'm excited!!
> 
> thank you for the 1k readers, makes me really happy :) please keep leaving kudos and comments, makes me insanely happy! would love more feedback and what you'd like me to include in the stories hehe.
> 
> tumblr: larrycutestt  
> twitter: chitchathaz
> 
> jasmine xx

ALL THE SUPPORT

Louis woke up at 9am again the next morning because he had a lot of sorting out to do. He knew for a fact that management were going to call him in today for a meeting and he needed to be on alert for whenever he was needed to come in. Plus, his phone couldn't stop buzzing from the notifications he was getting. All the events from last night started to sink again and he groaned, fisting up his sheets because he wanted all the thoughts to disappear. He wasn't prepared to go through his phone and have a permanent picture memory of all the mistakes he made last night. Louis clearly avoided taking his close friends out because something always went terribly wrong and this was a prime example.

Louis checked his phone, flinching slightly when he realised there was 10 messages and 3 missed calls from Liam and 20 messages and 5 missed calls from Niall. Louis knew they had heard what happened and were probably calling to check up, maybe sneak a lecture in and he wasn't looking forward to it. But, he felt even more bad when he realised that Zayn hadn't bothered to drop him a message or check up on how he was dealing with the whole media blowing up about the events - he wasn't surprised though. He couldn't blame Zayn for being angry at him.

Louis sighed, scrolling through the messages and saw that Liam and Niall had both sent a video someone had taken and hundreds of photos of the club last night. He tried not to look at them, not wanting to be reminded as he scrolled down to the messages.

'Its all over the internet! Twitter, instagram, everything. What the fuck happened?' Niall had left a message, his concern and anger could be practically heard from the text. Louis shook his head, clicking on Liam's conversation.

'I don't talk to you for one day and come back with news you punched Zayn? Call me asap.' Liam had said.

He groaned, deciding to call Niall first because he knew he was going to be more supportive about it. Instead of dwelling on what has happened, he would encourage and find ways to move on from it and that's why he loved Niall. He was still pretty tired, a headache from last night as he cleared his throat and put the phone to his ear.

Niall picked up after two rings. "Lou! What happened last night?" His worried, tense voice came from the other line, not even a greeting. 

Louis coughed, running a hand through his messy hair. "Is it bad?" He asked instead because he was too afraid to go online and see all the tweets, all the hate he was getting. He was brave when it came with dealing with hate but right now, he was already in a fragile state and he couldn't deal with it. He had enough going on his plate and he really couldn't be bothered to go through all his fans comments, other irrelevant people dropping their inputs in.

"So bad, Lou. The tweets haven't shut up since and it's been trending first worldwide since last night." Niall sounded strained, like he was purposely avoiding giving out too much information. Knowing Niall, he probably sat there going through each tweet and shaking his head to himself in disgust at the comments. 

Louis groaned, punching his pillow in frustration. "What kind of things are they saying?"

"That you're a terrible friend because you punched Zayn." There was a long pause on the line as Louis sucked in a deep breath.

"What else?"

"Well, they're assuming you're gay because you got ticked off about someone calling you a faggot."

Louis rolled his eyes. "I am gay though."

"We all know that but the public and your management doesn't. Remember, there was a clear reason why we didn't share it with anyone?"

"Yeah, in case it affected my career." He thought about the first conversation he had with Niall about being famous, his image and he remembers exactly how it went. They had decided it was best to keep his sexuality to himself, acting like he had no interest in boys and rather, stay out of love interests in general because it brought in a lot of trouble. Louis was too delicate, pain too raw on his heart to be bombarded with another issue that he had to deal with.

"Exactly now management are going to be on your case." Niall stated the obvious.

"I can't be bothered!" Louis pouted, throwing his pillow across his room. "This is so bad. What pictures are there?"

"Grabbing some guy, you drunk out of your mind, punching Zayn and then Alberto dragging you out. They've literally got a picture of your every single move."

"This is a mess." Louis sighed. He was ashamed of himself, disappointed that he couldn't control himself when he most needed it. "How's Zayn doing?"

"Haven't heard of Zayn yet. Liam went to his house, apparently he was really torn up about it. He really wasn't expecting you to swing him, literally"

"I can imagine. I didn't mean to hit him, he was just there Niall." Louis frowned, he had made a huge mess of everything and he had no idea how to fix it. He should've given everything a second thought but everything was a blur last night, it all happened so fast that Louis couldn't even comprehend what was going on.

"Listen, just forget what has happened. Apologise to Zayn, he will come around and just get on with your life. Ignore what people are saying, don't even bother reading it and if you have management meeting today - come over to mine after that okay?"

Louis nodded to everything Niall was saying like it was a checklist he had to follow. Niall knew what he was talking about, he knew what was best for Louis and he acted like Louis's second manager - the only difference was that Niall cared. Niall had spent a great deal of his spare time looking into the music industry, managements and record deals and learned what he needed to know, researched the ins and outs to make sure he could supply Louis with the best care.

"Thank you, knew I can always count on you. Let Liam know I called you. I'm going to get ready. Bye Ni." He hanged up only to receive a message saying he had a management meeting in exactly an hour and Louis was already dreading it.

**

An hour later, Louis was walking through the management headquarters and up the conference room. Alberto escorted him there, a sad smile playing on his lips as he noticed Louis's miserable smile. Louis just wanted to disappear, he didn't want to be here, he just wanted to sleep for longer and then make everything right between Zayn. He had just been bombarded by paparazzi outside the building, flashes going off everywhere as they asked millions of questions but Louis knew exactly what he had to do: keep his head down, keep moving without a backward glance. That was the rule, never actually talk or answer the paparazzi and he was getting much better at it.

Outside the office, Alberto just tapped his shoulders in a comforting manner and smiled. "It'll be fine, they won't be too harsh." Louis knew Alberto cared deeply for him and so he appreciated the small gesture, smiling warmly.

"I hope not. They've gone mental over these things before you know. It isn't fun." Louis admitted, rolling his eyes as he fiddled with his fingers and tried to calm his nerves. No matter how much he got anxious coming here when he knew he was in trouble, he tried to never let it show because he hated his team having the satisfaction of getting under Louis's skin. No one got under Louis's skin, no one made him vulnerable and he has never let it happen.

Louis knocked on the door, walking into the familiar, cold meeting room and nodded towards his manager: Richard that was sitting on the table with two people he had never met before. He sat down on the seat opposite Richard and tried to smile, tried to act like he was okay but truth is, he was still a little hungover from last night and his head was still spinning. He was finding it hard to adjust to everything and yet, he was put here out of his will.

Richard leaned back on his chair, just observing Louis for a few seconds which made him squirm. Richard tapped his fingers towards, closing his eyes and sighed. "Do you know why you're here?"

Louis raised an eyebrow. He was treating him like he was a little child who had stolen candy off someone and was being asked if he knew what he had done wrong. Didn't his management realise Louis is now 22 and he can do whatever he wants? He didn't need people running after him, looking after him and cleaning up the mess he was leaving around. "Yes, I do." 

"You went out last night, correct?" Richard continued. He had his laptop out in front of him, flicking through pages which Louis was really curious to know. It was probably twitter, checking up on the reactions that Louis was receiving.

"Correct." Louis spoke through his teeth.

"With your best friend Zayn?"

"Yep."

"Right... and I heard that someone was bothering you in this club?"

Louis didn't know what else to do except agree to all the claims so he awkwardly shifted in his chair, nodding again to the statement and tried to ignore how his heart was suddenly racing now. This was the first time sexuality was going to be brought up and he really didn't want to hide who he was. Before, he wasn't really hiding, he was just not announcing it or acting upon it because he's never wanted anyone else besides Harry.

"Louis, help me out here and explain what happened in your own words because I refuse to believe these rubbish websites." Richard grimaced, closing his laptop and glancing directly into Louis's eyes.

There was something strange, something off about Richard which always got Louis feeling like he needed to run a mile from here constantly. "Right, yeah of course. I wanted to have some fun, it was my day off so Alberto drove me and Zayn to prezzo, the club. It was fine, we had drinks, I met some fans. When I went to dance, someone kept calling me names-"

"Fag?" Richard interrupted.

Louis clenched his jaw. "Yeah."

"Alright, carry on."

"He kept saying fag and what not and I didn't know who he was so I ignored it. Zayn tried to get me to calm down but I insisted I was fine. I went to the bar to grab a few drinks and the guy followed me so I lost my cool." Louis said calmly, trying to expand the words carefully and smiling.

Richard didn't even have a hint of a smile though, he just looked more annoyed than before. "And why did the guy make you so angry?"

"Because he shouldn't be saying those words, it's highly offensive."

Richard chuckled, nodding slowly like he just nodded like he didn't believe a word that Louis was saying. "And why exactly is it so offensive to you?"

"It just is.." Louis said, uncomfortably.

"Louis Tomlinson, are you homosexual by any chance? If you are, your team should really know about this."

This was the moment of truth, this was where he admitted to something he hadn't even brought himself to talk about to anyone else except his three best friends. Louis sighed heavily, sitting up straighter. He wasn't ashamed of who he is, he would never feel the need to lie about it but he just didn't know what the management were going to do about it. His management weren't the most supportive people in the world, no matter how much good they've done for Louis. They only care about the money, what they're in it for.

"Erm, yes sir, I am." Louis smiled smugly.

Richard's facial expression didn't fall, it didn't change - it was a clear, straight frown. "And you haven't told us?" Louis nodded, trying not to let the smile fade off his face. This was a personal issue, he didn't need to share everything with his management. They had a abnormal control over his life. "Louis, I hope you know what this means?"

Louis's heart beat increased, feeling his fake smile wilting off now as his palms felt sweaty and he went a little red in the face. "What does this mean?"

"It means, as such a famous singer that can influence millions of girls lives - I think it's best you kept this... side of you private, away from the public eye."

Louis scrunched up his face, not sure what he was being told to do because you couldn't just hide your sexuality. "What do you mean? I've always hidden it, I'm just not ready to accept people who will call me names as such."

"Just don't tell anyone you're gay, don't let anyone know. You can have whatever relationship you want... just not in public, in front of others to see." Now Richard was smiling, looking oddly satisfied with himself as he pulled his chair back and relaxed back. "Plus, there must be a reason why people have started to pick up on something if they are calling you the words 'fag', right?"

"Why does it matter if they see?" Louis scoffed. "I haven't done anything different, I've stayed exactly the same. I have no idea how they picked up on it."

"Louis, please understand that your fans are majority girls and they fantasies. They imagine, hope they have a chance with you and by you being gay - it completely turns them away. You'll lose fans, and you'll lose them quick and we don't want that. You're at the peak of your career at the moment."

"But fans will understand?" Louis scoffed. He understood, somewhat, where Richard was coming from but he didn't want to obey it. He didn't want to follow this rule because this was the matter of his true identity, he never wanted to hide this. "My true fans are here for my music only. Not my personal life. I've never denied it but I haven't confirmed it."

"True fans want more than your music, they want to have you as a whole Louis."

"Then tough! I don't want to hide away, shy away something I've never been taught to hide away? My mums loved me with whatever I am!" Louis's voice was raising now, his eyes narrowing and his blood boiling.

Richard just laughed. "That's all good. I'm not telling you to stop being gay but I'm telling you to just keep it to yourself. It's a part of your contract, it is written in black and white and signed by you that we can legally control this."

"What the fuck?" Louis whispered, in complete disbelief because he didn't want this to be true. Sure, Louis knew he was a little gullible and innocent when he had first signed the contract, a little eager to get started in the music industry but he had no idea the depths it went into. 

"I hope you know we have complete access over your twitter and social media accounts and we will be checking up on you and your 'fans' more closely now after this incident. I don't want you to address it, whatsoever. Don't admit to gay rumours and interviewers asking. Just deny everything, just nod along and pretend it never happened."

Louis was gobsmacked, unsure what to say as he stuttered over his words. "Excuse me? What?"

"You heard me. We will be tweeting from your account every now and then, just to promote your work when you're off busy and doing work."

"So now you can control my social media? What I say and can't say?"

"We always have controlled it." Richard looked a little surprised, laughing again and the noise that filled the air was now just getting on Louis's nerves. He knew that his management never had his best interest at heart but he didn't know they were this cold. "It's just.. going to have to step up now considering you think it's okay to be make a complete fool of yourself."

Louis rolled his eyes. "This is stupid, so stupid."

"I believe I am doing this to protect your image, you should be appreciative of me for trying to help you. I bet you haven't checked the tweets people have been sending out?"

Louis shook his head. "No, I didn't have time."

"They really aren't positive, nothing to be proud of. It's embarrassing and downgrading, really. This incident will never be repeated. Sure, go out all you like but keep your hands to yourself. Don't you understand? You aren't a violent person, you don't smoke-"

"What are you talking about? I am violent and I do smoke," Louis clarified, a little confused.

"Louis!" Richard groaned, running a hand down his face. "Of course you do, I know that. I mean, towards the media and in the fans eyes. You are a perfect person, you love music and you are clean. We've made that your image from the beginning, and you need to keep that image going. This is a mistake which I don't ever want to hear or see you repeating. I suggest you take a look of the pictures so you are embarrassed and know never to repeat this."

Louis just gulped. He wanted to resist, he wanted to scream at Richard because he was being forced to hide away his true personality. He wasn't allowed to smoke in public, show the world what he's really like. Louis was never afraid of throwing a punch or two to a person who had annoyed him so why is it now that he's not allowed to really show who he is? He just shook his head, not wanting to believe this was happening.

"Is that clear Louis?" Richard asked, coming closer to Louis's face, all up in his personal space as Louis just nodded, weak and defeated.

He couldn't say no, he was binded with a contract that could tell him exactly what he could and couldn't do. He had no control over himself and it was only starting to sink in just how deep this was. It's been three years but management has never laid it down like this, they've never told him straight up like this. 

He sighed. "Yeah, okay."

"You're dismissed Louis, please see yourself out. Keep in mind what I've said. There's quite a few interviews lined up for you." He nodded, shooing him away with his hands and Louis cleared his throat, nodding and leaving the office.

What a mess.

**

Louis decided he needed to stop by back at his house before he would go over to Niall to get changed, to take a quick shower and rinse off all the heavy topics discussed today. He couldn't believe what was going on, that his management could be so self absorbed that they would put their own money above him. They never had Louis's best interests at heart, he knew that but it was take to whole new extremes now.

He parked up his range rover outside his house, drained from all the discussions he's had to deal with today as he cut off the engine and just rested on the leather seats for a few moments. He wanted everything to rinse off him, he wanted to forget everything for a few moments and just enjoy the few moments he had to himself. Louis felt like he needed a break, he needed to get away from everything and relax but it felt impossible. After all, his tour was coming so soon and he needed to get prepared with everything before he really did get a chance to escape and enter a whole new world.

As Louis got out of the car, he was surprised to see Harry who was sitting on one of the chairs Louis had set out his mansion. Harry was fiddling with his jacket, looking extremely anxious and only jumping when he noticed Louis making his way towards him. 

Louis really hadn't been expecting to see Harry, he had really thought that their friendship had come to an end for once and for all. He was angry at Harry too, for all the harsh comments he had dropped for no reason and he wanted to tell Harry to go home, to get back to Dalton. But he knew those words could never actually leave his mouth. 

"What are you doing here?" Louis asked, beckoning Harry to get up as he went to unlock his front door and they walked in together. He noticed how worn out Harry looked, but that was nothing new was usual. Louis could tell in the way Harry was moving that he was trying to hold himself together and Louis wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.

"I saw the news... I'm, I... what the hell Lou?" Harry demanded, eyes narrowing as he stared deeply at Louis with all the disappointment he could gather.

Louis was a bit taken back, raising his eyebrows. "Excuse me?" He really couldn't deal with this right now, he didn't want another person explaining how bad this situation was. 

"Yesterday! You bloody punched Zayn!"

Louis shrugged. "So what?" He asked, grabbing himself a glass of water and gulping it down. "Are you keeping tabs on me now?"

"No, I can't really avoid it when it's on news and being played everywhere."

"Great." Louis chuckled, rubbing his temples in order to get relief from the headache that had only been increasing since he had woken up and he needed sleep more than anything. Instead, he was faced by Harry and he still had to make an appearance at Niall's. This was going to be a long day. "That's awesome, what has it got to do with you?"

"I'm worried Louis, why did you do that?"

"Harry, I really don't understand why you're so concerned. You made it clear that you didn't need people from your past ruining what you have Dalton, since it's such a goddamn perfect relationship." He didn't realise how spiteful his words were until they left his mouth but he just rolled his eyes, not even taking them back.

Harry seemed a little offended, however. "Look, I'm sorry. I was angry and the words just slipped out. I came here because I was worried, wanted to see how you're holding up."

Louis laughed. "To be honest, I haven't even checked my twitter yet but my mentions are blowing up."

"It's bad, really bad."

"Don't understand what's wrong with people. Yeah, I grabbed a guy because he called me a faggot and I accidently punched my best friend - end of fucking story!" Louis was so angry, so tired because if he had any idea that it was going to cause a commotion, he wouldn't of gone ahead with it. He wouldn't of gone to a stupid party at a stupid club, he would've just stayed at home in the comfort of his own place

"I'm just... is Zayn angry at you?"

"He hasn't talked to me since, he'll come around."

"Damn, I really hope he does."

Louis nodded. "Harry, are you here to stay or?" 

"I don't mind. If you had plans, I can go home." But he didn't seem too keen on that idea, his voice trembling slightly and Louis didn't miss his lips that were shaking too.

"I don't have plans, I was only going to meet Niall. Why don't you come along?"

Harry looked down the ground, shaking his head. "He hates me."

"That he does, but he'll understand and plus it'll be fun us three. Just like the old times." Louis sighed out in the remembrance of the holy years where everything was all fun and games. It was so easy back then, to have friends and be able to maintain them and it was so fucking easy to fall in love there and then. Niall did despise Harry, he hated him for what he has done and all the scars he's left behind but Niall is a loving, protective guy and his personality was never made to permanently hate someone. He always forgave, he always forgot and Louis loved him exactly for that.

Harry shook his head, looking ashamed and Louis could practically feel the fear in his eyes. "No, Louis, he's not going to want me there and I don't want to."

"Let me call Niall," Louis mumbled, rolling his eyes because he knew this wasn't going to get solved until Niall actually spoke up and Harry's eyes widened, jumping up and down and shouting "no!" continuously.

After two rings, as usual, Niall picked up and Louis put it on speaker phone. "Hey mate, what's up?" His cheerful self voice came through the phone. "Back from the meeting?"

Louis sighed. Harry had no idea what his management was like and Louis wasn't sure whether he wanted him to know, he didn't need another person worrying or thinking about his situation. "Yeah, was shit man." He spoke quickly, hoping Harry wasn't catching on anything suspicious.

"Shitty management, isn't it? What are they doing now?"

Louis gulped, nervously glancing over to Harry who was giving Louis weird looks, narrowing his eyes. He sighed loudly, rolling his eyes. "Niall, mate, Harry's here with me."

There was a pause through the phone. "Oh." Niall said at last, sounding defeated and that he didn't really care. There was no hint of happiness, sadness - it was just monotone and Louis cringed. "How comes?"

"Well, he came over because he was worried about what had gone down and I told him we should all hang out together today."

"That sounds awesome, I have a few questions for him." Niall said and you could practically hear the smirk in his voice as Louis laughed out loud.

"Alright, see you in a bit." He hanged up his phone, pocketing it and looking over to Harry, shrugging. "See, no big problem!"

"You don't understand, you never will," Harry simply said, sighing. "I can't stay for too long."

"Whatever you say," Louis hummed happily as he grabbed his car keys and they both left the mansion. Louis locked up the doors, alerting Alberto where he was going and getting into his range rover.

Harry's eyes were twinkling like he's never been inside a car before, looking around the whole car and practically gasping at the leather seats. It was a little nervewracking for Louis to see because Harry was acting like a toddler and it wasn't normal. He tried to ignore him, tried to put that disturbing image at the back of his mind as he started up the car and backed out of the gates.

"Does Niall still in that old boring apartment?" Harry asked and Louis just smiled because it brought back memories, they were doing this after so long. They used to hang out together at Niall's house because he was the only one who didn't care whether his house was getting dirty and it was boring, plain and undecorated but for Niall - it was homely.

Louis nodded. "Yep, he does."

"Shocker, I don't expect him to ever move. Same room mate?"

"Neither do I. He's practically attached to his house. And yes, definitely." 

"Your house is pretty... amazing," Harry admitted in a low voice, blushing as he looked down and fiddled with his fingers. "It's so... wow."

Louis never knew how to respond to these compliments because he didn't want to seem like he didn't agree, he really did. But he owed it all to his mum for making it perfect, for decorating it to still it was sparkling and looking perfect from head and toe. "Say thanks to my mum, she did everything."

Harry's gasp was caught between his breathing. "How's Jay?" He asked and this was the first time he had mentioned Louis's mum in over three years. 

Louis was a little stunned but he tried to play it off, smiling and shrugging. "Yeah, she's good. More than good. She's getting married soon."

Harry's eyes were glistening. "Married? I'm so happy for her Lou, when?"

"Oh, not anytime soon! She just discovered she's pregnant like a week ago?" He loved talking about his family, he was so fond of them and he really loved being an older brother despite the bad media coverage his sisters had to hear and listen to. Louis didn't want his sisters thinking any different of him, not wanting them to believe all the bullshit that was created over the news. He was always going to stay the same brother with older brother responsibilities. "Twins as well, and I'm ecstatic!"

Harry clapped his hands in joy. "That's amazing news! So, marriage after the twins are born?"

Louis nodded. "I think that's the plan. She wants to have the twins there, I guess. I don't know."

Harry cleared his throat. "How did your mum react to... you know," he gestured to himself, his smile fading and Louis didn't want to lie - he wanted to tell him truthfully about how annoyed Jay was. She hated Harry, hated his guts and wanted to haunt him down but Louis found himself trying to remind her - he was at fault too. He also cut Harry off, didn't bother trying to keep in touch and when he did, it was too late.

"She was a little confused," at least it wasn't a lie, everyone was confused.

"I'm really nervous to see Niall after so long," Harry's voice was barely audible. "I just... he won't want me there."

"Mate, you heard him on the phone. It's fine."

"No sorry's can make up for the years I just went missing."

Louis wanted to remind him how he would still be missing if they didn't have that fateful bump in at the cafe, how Louis would still be and wondering where he is, if he was doing okay. He wanted to remind him how Louis would still be organising and leaving seats for Harry in his shows despite the fact that Harry never showed up. Harry never wanted to return in their lives, it was a twist of fate that made it what it is right now but he didn't dare speak up.

He just kept driving, nodding and turning up the radio to drown out all the depressing conversations. He was tired of discussing regrets, old loves, friendships gone wrong because he had enough on his plate to worry about - he didn't want to be reminded with more and more sorrow with every passing moment. Louis just wanted to smile and really mean it for once. His life was never going to be simple again and he hated it.

Louis parked up outside Niall's house, cutting off the engine and looking over to see a rather panicked Harry. He had no idea how Harry was feeling but he could only imagine how bad it was if it was making him shake, his legs moving up and down repetitive. Louis moved across, placing a tender hand on his inner thighs which just made Harry flinch slightly.

"It's fine," Louis ignored the flinch. "You know Niall's personality, you know he won't care."

"I feel like a terrible friend."

"Then don't." Louis simply said, like it was that easy. "We're going to go in there, we're going to have a blast."

Louis knew it was going to be the opposite however because Niall was just going to want to know what happened with the club night in complete detail with the management meeting. Niall hated their management and the hatred, the resentment was only going to grow with this. Louis sighed, climbing out of his car and opening the door for Harry who wanted to resist but finally got out too.

Niall was waiting by the door, welcoming them in and instantly throwing his arms around Louis, holding him close. Louis could feel his air being restricted as he tried to relax in the tight hold, tried to enjoy the hug. He knew Niall was probably worried about him and he hated that people had to think about him like this, he was fine and it was going to be okay. Louis pulled away slowly, giving a blissful smile. "I'm fine," he reassured him.

Niall just frowned, his eyebrows pulling together. "We need to talk."

"Yes, we do." Louis moved out of the way so he could bring Harry to view who had been hiding behind Louis all this time, running a hand through his curls and tugging at it. He looked frightened, his eyes wide and glassy and Niall just sighed deeply.

"Shit, come here," Niall mumbled, reaching over and pulling Harry to the same hug that Harry seemed to appreciate, going lax in his arms and crying softly. Louis could hear the small sobs coming from Harry's throat and he wanted to comfort him more than anything but instead, he stood back and watched Niall be the comforter. "No, no, don't cry!" Niall whined.

"I'm sorry," Harry hiccuped. "I, I, just, you've changed so much, you've grown."

"Well yeah, it has been three goddamn years!" Niall chuckled. "Look at your hair, ey? It used to be such tight, bouncy curls and now it's so long!"

"I can pull it into a bun, just like how you used to tease me," Harry laughed, clutching onto Niall's shirt and cried a little more. After a few minutes, he pulled away and wiped at his tears, glancing over to Louis who just gave a reassured nod, smiling.

They settled down in the living room as Niall warmed up some food for them. He was always the best caterer, always offering food the first thing to his guests and making sure they were completely comfortable in his natural environment. Louis doesn't think he's ever met someone like Niall, so chill and always putting others before him. Niall handed over plates of cheese pasta covered in mayo with water and sat down.

"Tell me how you been Harry?" Niall asked, settling back on his seat and flicking through a few channels.

Harry cleared his throat. "Been good, yeah. Really good."

It was like a stab straight to Louis's chest every time Harry said he was having a good time, he had enjoyed the past few years. It had been hell for Louis, he hated every moment even if he was doing the most extraordinary job and here Harry was, pleased about his life. Louis despised him for that, he wanted Harry to feel the pain he had in the past three years but at the same time believed he deserved all the greater things in life.

Niall raised an eyebrow. "Really good, yeah?"

Harry seemed to realise his mistake, eyes widening instantly and holding his hands up in surrender. "I mean, obviously, it was horrible missing you guys!" He quickly corrected and Louis just rolled his eyes. 

Niall laughed. "Right, of course. We missed you too."

"I doubt Zayn ever wants to see me!" Harry wailed.

It was true. Zayn was the one who could hold a grudge for longer, despite his loving and caring nature. He cared for everyone, he was too afraid to hurt anyone but when someone hurt him - it was game over. Zayn missed Harry, who didn't? But a part of his ego was too big to even bother trying to get back to Harry, even trying to meet him now that he knew Louis was in touch with him again. Louis knew it was going to take much more time for Zayn to come around to Harry, if he even did and he wasn't prepared for all the arguments that were going to follow. Liam, however, would be just like Niall.

"We'll work on that," Niall shrugged like it was no big deal. "Plus, you don't need to get back to everyone so suddenly. Work slowly, mend the relationships you've managed to break first." He gestured to Louis subtly, sipping his tea.

Louis flushed, glaring at Niall because he didn't want Harry feeling like he had to mend anything. 

Harry, however, seemed to take that to heart and nodded. "Yeah, totally. Nothing I say can ever make up for-"

"Haz, please," Louis said softly, wanting him to shut up as he tried to get down his pasta. He realised he hadn't ate all day and he was starving, his headache had died down slightly and he was feeling peaceful after a long time.

Niall turned his attention towards Louis. "So, tell me what happened at management?"

Louis sighed, he knew there was no way around this and Niall was impatient, he was going to want to know now. "Same old."

"Are they controlling anything else?"

"Erm, I don't know, not really," Louis lied straight through his teeth, not sure whether he was even allowed to tell the truth and it was better to just shrug it off for now. He could tell Niall privately later when Harry wasn't there.

"Controlling?" Harry chirped in.

"No, Niall doesn't know what he's talking about," I chuckled, trying to ease the tension that was growing in the room.

Niall caught on. "Right, sorry. I just thought-"

"It's fine," Louis said, cutting in before Niall could make the situation even worse.

So, for the next few hours, they talked and discussed the past. Harry told them about his last job and how much he hated it, how much they made him work and how he just had to quit. He talked about Dalton, a lot, always bringing good light upon him and telling the two lads how much Dalton meant to him. Louis tried to ignore the lump in his throat, gulping past it and trying not to zone out from the conversation because it hurt to listen. It hurt that Harry still hadn't figured out how much Louis adored Harry, how he loved his dimples and his curls and his beautiful, full, pink lips and he hated how he could never tell Harry. 

Niall joined in, talking about how he loved University and how his intern was going. He loved going to crime scenes, being able to pick out the DNAs and the amount of investigations he got up to. He loved the thrill he got, the way he was was obsessed with going into work because it was something he enjoyed, it's what kept him on his toes. Niall also talked about a little crush he had, Sophie, who was slowly becoming really dear and close to his heart and Louis couldn't help but feel the need to tease him.

Finally, it was Louis's turn and he didn't know what to say because everyone knew. They knew, they had the media picture and image of him and assumed it was all true. The truth was something completely different. 

"I love singing, that's all," Louis managed to say, shrugging. He was so sick and tired of talking about him, everyone was intrigued by his life.

Niall chuckled. "We all figured that out. Hey, when's your new album coming out?"

"It's out for preorder right now, in about a months time," Louis really did love recording his new songs, he had worked really hard on this album and he had tried his hardest not to make it all depressing songs. He added a few heartful ones, a one about his mother and family because he felt like hs owed it to his family.

Niall looked estatic. "I really can't wait, your work never ceases to amaze me!"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, it's really good."

Louis looked over to Harry to notice he hadn't even touched his pasta, the fork not used and he was just sipping on his water like his life depended on it. Louis frowned, wondering why he wasn't eating up but just assumed he probably had his healthy stupid food with Dalton.

"When's your tour?" Niall asked.

"Well, it's like November now so around next year February." Louis was excited to be back on the road. He loved everything about touring, it really was his way of giving back to the fans for supporting and showing his love.

"Will we able to come on the tour bus?" Niall pouted. He was obsessed with the tour bus and Louis just chuckled, nodding. 

"If you insist and there's a spare bunk."

"You should see the tour bus Harry!" Niall chirped in, smiling brightly.

Harry shrugged. "I guess, I will."

He didn't sound nearly as excited and it made Louis a little gutted but he didn't dare comment, he just smiled and nodded. If Harry didn't want to see the tour bus, Louis was no one to try and convince him - he had his own life and choices.

"Okay, let's watch a movie and have some beer now!" Niall moved out of the living room to retrieve the beer but Harry was getting up.

"Where are you going?" Louis asked, he didn't want Harry to go.

Harry looked at the time. "I need to go back home now. Thank you guys for having me, I really appreciate it Niall."

"Hey, don't even worry about it!" Niall shooed him with his hand, coming back in the room with lots of cans of beers, putting it down on the table. "Can I have your number?"

Harry paused. "I... don't have a phone, sorry."

"You don't have a phone?" Niall asked, a little shocked but just laughed. "Okay, that's fine. Please, feel free to drop by anytime! Plus, we have a party this weekend and was wondering whether you liked to come?"

Harry thought about the offer for a few seconds. "Can Dalton come along? Here, right?"

Louis coughed. "No, no... at Louis's other house we use for parties."

Harry froze, raising an eyebrow, he obviously wasn't expecting that. "Can you write down all the details?"

Louis nodded. He grabbed a piece of paper writing down the address, the timing and the dress code before handing it over. Harry looked over it, making a mental note before leaving the house and Louis walked the love of his life go back home to his own love and Louis doesn't think he's ever felt this shitty. Harry isn't his. 

**


	7. 7 - It's A Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRRRY.
> 
> i forgot to update, i'm the worst.  
> it was all finished and published on wattpad but i forgot to bring it here:(((((
> 
> enjoy!!!

IT'S A PARTY

It's been two days since the incident at the club and Louis hadn't clicked on his twitter app, he hadn't met up with any of the boys and kept himself locked away at home. When he was doing his laundry, the paper plane necklace fell out of his back pocket and for the first time he ages -- he allowed himself to tear up and cry because he just had no idea which direction his life was heading in now. He just wanted to settle down with Harry, but it seemed so hard and such a distant dream. He had to keep reminding himself that Harry was happy, he had someone who made him happy too and therefore: Louis should be overjoyed for them but it's quite the opposite.

But first, he had to sit and go through some tweets. He wanted to see what people were saying, what people were talking and how they were judging him now. Someone always had something bad to say, always had negative thoughts and something against for Louis -- but for what reason? What has Louis done to anyone? In his short three years of fame, he has tried his hardest to look good, to show up and meet all his fans because he appreciated them so much. Despite feeling depressed, despite feeling like he never wanted to leave his bed - he went that extra mile, he worked hard to achieve good media coverage.

Yet, they were hellbent on making Louis look like a bad guy who only ever got drunk and no matter how much management tried to divert this image away -- it just didn't work. Sometimes Louis thinks management actually want him to be hated on because they made no effort whatsoever to stop the public from talking, assuming things. They were given permission to allow and deny access to many pictures being published but they let it go ahead. They clearly didn't have Louis's best interests at heart.

He smiled fondly to see all the mentions his fans had left him: the love you's, you're amazing, we love you no matter what and he just felt loved as he scrolled down and tried to read each and every one of them. It's just hard when you have over 21 millions followers on twitter because everyone seemed to want a tweet, a follow and a dm and Louis just couldn't please everyone.

He felt terrible if he followed one fan, not wanting the others to feel left out or upset that they hadn't been noticed so he preferred not to do anything. That way, he wasn't disappointing millions of other fans.

But right now, he needed the love so he favourited a few of the sweetest tweets and clutched the phone close to his chest, hoping to absorb the tweets and really feel the affect of the love.

He went onto Zayn's twitter, just to see if he had tweeted anything that would indicate about the events from the horrible night. He was surprised to see he had actually replied to a lot of hate he was getting from his own fans and Louis felt a little disgusted as he scrolled through the conversation. People were telling him to get lost, to stop making Louis do things he didn't want to and telling him to get out of the picture because he was hurting Louis - and it was all false, it was all wrong and Louis felt angered.

He wasn't even allowed to tweet anything about the event, specific orders from management to act like that night hadn't happened. He wanted everyone to shut up, he wanted everyone to stop sending hate to Zayn when it should be him. He was the one who attacked Zayn blindly just out of his temper and he regretted it. Instead, people were making it about Zayn instead and that just wasn't right.

Louis closed his eyes, sighing deeply as he sank back on his sofa. He typed in the search bar 'Louis drunk' and he was bombarded by the pictures of the night, him holding the idiotic guy by the collar and he could see the threat in his own eyes. When had he even brought out his violent in public? He always kept his more violent side deep within him, scared to let it show but Louis didn't even know what he was anymore.

There was one video which he clicked on slowly, not sure whether he should do this or not but he wanted to feel sorry. He wanted to know clearly he had done something wrong and by replaying the memories, he could clearly sort out how he was going to apologise to Zayn.

The video started off in the dark club, seeing Louis sitting in the corner of the bar before moving towards the guy and grabbing his shirt without a second fail. He was shouting on top of his voice but it couldn't be registered or picked up on the camera considering how loud it was. Louis cringed seeing himself in so much anger, it was so unfamiliar and uncalled for and he had no idea what to do. He carried on watching in silence, holding his breath as he noticed Zayn making his way to Louis and he had just pushed him off, punching and scowling.

Damn, that punch looked horrible and Louis felt terrible for doing it. He just shut the video off, not wanting to ever watch that again and wishing the video could just be deleted off the internet. But once it's viral, it stays viral and knowing his fans: they've probably already started making gifs out of it, putting it on tumblr and sharing it around. That was one thing he definitely didn't like.

Louis wished he had enough guts to be able to call Zayn, to be able to apologise but he had tried once already and got rejected straight away. The call went straight to voicemail and Louis knew it wouldn't be the first time. Zayn needed a break, and he understood that - he just didn't want to lose a friend in the progress of that. He needed Zayn more than he would ever admit out to anyone and he wanted to show he could treat him right. He had a chance at today's party.

Today was the party Niall had been looking forward to for a while and Louis wasn't sure why. They always went to parties but their own house parties only rarely ever came around and it's been long overdue since they used Louis's party house and put it to some use. The house he had brought specifically for public events, parties so no one could figure out where he lived himself. It was an hour away from anything close to him, up in the hills, disclosed off and very private which Louis liked. 

He came here to escape from reality a few times when he was just too sick and tired of being in the spotlight. It gave him a sense of belonging, a way to forget everything that was going on and just live for the moment. Most of the times, Louis found himself making his way towards his mothers house but this was just another option that was there. 

Louis hardly used this house and he was stupid not to. It was massive, the interior just as gorgeous as the exterior. It was large, windows double with beautiful statues complimenting it and all dull white, cream paint which actually suited the house. Inside, however, it was a different story. White walls, white tiles with a bit of gold sparkle and all the furniture was a beautiful washed white colour. It was all so beautiful, so elaborate, just the way Louis liked it. Once again, it was his mum and his sisters who had designed this house from top to bottom to make it perfect. 

Niall was really fond of this house, always wanting to host the parties here and using whatever opportunity he could to drop by. Whenever he received the news that there was an event going on here, he was the first one to arrive and always made it one of his best nights despite the arguments, fights he could get into. And Louis loved that, he loved his vibrant and bold personality which brought happiness to other peoples lives - it definitely made Louis's a whole lot better.

So, Louis wasn't surprised when he ended up in the house earlier than expected with a rather over excited Niall who was jumping around on his feet, trying to get the house organised and looking perfect. There wasn't much work needed to be done considering how perfectly well built the house was already but the food, drinks were still coming in which Niall was getting out of his car and laying out perfectly around the place. Louis just scoffed at his long winded attempts to make the house looking better than it already did, shaking his head when Niall repeatedly moved around the bottles of coke.

"Niall, love, calm down," Louis instructed, patting his shoulder in attempt to stop him from moving around so much and just chill out for a moment. The party wasn't until much later and he didn't want to start stressing from now, feeling the need to serve everyone and make everyone comfortable.

Not even to mention the fact that Harry was going to be here tonight and that was all good except the fact he was going to be accompanied with Dalton. There was just something about Dalton that Louis couldn't put his finger on, it made him squirm in discomfort. He had a sense of authority, a ring in his tone of voice that made him more dominant in any situation that even Louis felt it which was weird. Seeing them for the first time at the apartment they were living in, it broke Louis's fragile heart into tiny pieces, shattering and cluttering around him and he wasn't prepared for that to happen again. He wanted to stay away, leave them be and let them be a happy couple who were snogging in the corner with their drinks because Louis had figured out Dalton was a little posessive. 

Plus, he didn't want to hurt tonight. He just wanted to have some entertainment for himself where he wasn't worrying about the media or the news or pictures that were going to get released of himself. He wanted a break from it all, he wanted to be MIA for a while before he had to return in the spotlight with his new album, his new tours and the countless interviews that were going to follow. He couldn't even begin to imagine the stress, the early mornings, the late nights and the endless lists of things he had to do for the management. It was all too much for his brain, he didn't want to think about it. 

Niall's smile didn't fall off his face as he clapped his hands on Louis's shoulder, his eyes showing immense sense of happiness and Louis wasn't even sure why he was so happy, for no reason whatsoever. But it was refreshing, it was a change from the dull light that filled Louis's life. 

"Aren't you buzzing for tonight mate?" Niall asked him, his eyebrows scrunched together like it was impossible not to feel excitement.

Louis just shrugged, nodding half heartedly. "I'm delighted."

Niall rolled his eyes. "Why are you using such posh words? Fuck off." He groaned, swatting him lightly before going back to grinning. "I'm glad, you need a break from yourself."

Louis gulped, nodding. "Just sometimes."

"A lot of times."

There was a unsettling silence, Niall looking deep into Louis's eyes like he was trying to read him and it was nervewracking so Louis looked away. Instead, he headed towards the table of the food and reorganised it, trying to make it look like perfection and he may look and seem crazy right now but he didn't know what else to do. He just didn't want to be having deep talking with Niall right now, as comforting as it could get. He wanted to block everything out, all the problems and troubles and just imagine all the madness that was going to go down tonight.

"Did you talk to Zayn then?" Niall asked, his voice soft as he made his way over to Louis and lightly brushed his fingers, stopping him. "It's fine, leave it."

Louis shook his head, feeling a little defeated that he wasn't making the most effort he could to get in touch with Zayn. He just felt like he should have some time to process what was going on. Plus, he had a little resentment - a little selfish - but Zayn hadn't called him and asked him if he was okay, if he was doing well with the management and the press he was getting. Because truthfully, his head was heavy from all the information he had gotten from his team, the whole hiding away his sexuality and pretending to be someone he's not. Louis couldn't even imagine what was going to happen when he finally found someone he loved, wanted to settle down but was still bound with this contract that didn't allow him to do anything, no freedom.

He pushed the thoughts at the back of his mind because he could deal with that when it came to the point, he didn't have to figure out everything right now. There was no point in overthinking, getting to the point where you could blow up like a fuse that was waiting to explode. He wanted to feel freedom, the feeling where nothing in your bones could stop you from going out there and getting what you wanted.

"No, not yet," Louis said, his voice barely audible and shaky as he turned around to face a concerned Niall.

"I saw him yesterday."

Louis froze, his eyes widening because he wasn't expecting that and he really wasn't looking forward to hear what had happened. Instead, he just nodded his head to indicate Niall to carry on because there was a lump in Louis's throat to prevent him from getting any words out.

"He looks like shit, probably feels it to," Niall sighed, moving away to Louis and not invading personal space as he went and fell onto the chair. 

"How so?" 

"His nose, it's red and bruised, fuck." Niall breathed out like he was remembering something painful and it was a pang to Louis's chest as he controlled to keep his emotions in touch. "It's swollen. How the fuck did you punch him?" If Louis wasn't mistaken, he could hear a tone of accusation and bitterness in Niall's voice and there was no one to blame except himself.

"I just..." Louis looked down at his fists, frowning because he had used it to an disadvantage and let out his anger on someone he never wanted to hurt, never in a million years. "It just happened, Ni, I feel terrible!"

"He's coming to the party tonight."

Louis was relatively surprised. Sure, Zayn would never miss a party for the whole world no matter the weather but he thought Zayn would want to hide away. He would want to wait till the nose healed, until he looked and felt better because he would hate to admit he actually got hurt. But, it was also good because Louis got a chance to actually try and make a effort with him, get out a shitty apology even. 

"That's brilliant, I need to talk to him," Louis tried not to sound worried as he hummed happily to himself, forcing himself to plaster a fake smile.

"You should, I think he'll appreciate it."

Louis just did a little nod with his head to know that he acknowledged what Niall had said before going into the other different rooms, trying to sort them out and make them look presentable for other guests. He had no idea how many people were going to attend tonight but he knew for a fact a whole broad spectrum of people were invited. From his own sister, Lottie, to Niall's family as well personal, childhood friends and celebrities. It could be an incredible party or it could be the opposite and turn out to be a complete catastrophe - and Louis really didn't want or need that right now.

"How's Harry then?" Niall asked, approaching Louis and following him wherever he went.

"Haven't talked to him since we were together," Louis sighed. He wished he could keep in contact with Harry more, know how he's doing during the day and what he even does with his life since he doesn't have any work - does he lock himself away in that cramped, tiny apartment he calls home? Or does he get out, explore the world and find something content about his life? For Harry's sake, Louis hopes it's the second option. Harry not having a phone is a strain because Louis can't know how he's doing and he just wants to be there for Harry, he wants to catch up and fix up the broken friendship from over the three years. He was surprised with himself at how easily he forgave Harry, how easily he was okay with him coming back into his life but he just couldn't be upset, couldn't hold a grudge against someone who was the apple of his eyes, the reason he kept going and held strong to his beliefs, his dream - and he achieved them.

But Harry on the other hand, he threw his modelling dreams away even though he was practically made and built for it. His tall, lanky frame with the perfect legs and his mess of curls which were perfection without even trying. His bottle green, earnest eyes that sparkled whenever it had a spark of interest and his smile, the smile that could make the whole world stop and stare, mesmerized by his beauty. Harry Styles was stunning, he was breathtaking and it was just a shame, a tragedy that he wasn't putting that to use. Instead, he was throwing it away and keeping all his talents, all his wise words away from the world where it should be admired.

Niall didn't look too amazed, shrugging. "He's a weird one, you know?"

"Not really," Louis said immediately, feeling like he had to defend Harry because he wasn't weird or strange. He was just sheltering himself from the world too much and missing out on all the good opportunities life could offer him. 

"He hasn't made any progress since we left college, Louis. I expected him to make something himself, I expected him to be more successful than you." He paused, holding his hands up in defense and sighing. "It's just... he had so much life to him, he had so much to offer and it's just so weird, so different seeing him like this."

Louis realised something, snapping him out of his hazy thoughts. "Today's the first time Harry sees Zayn in three years, isn't it?"

Niall looked a little taken back, eyes wide. "Yeah, it actually is."

"Fuck." Louis whispered because that really was something. Zayn would be a little hesitant, he would be incredibly rude and not try to make any effort because Zayn detested him, resented him to leaving Louis in such a mess. He didn't Harry feeling uncomfortable, feeling the need to leave because as much as it was going to kill Louis, he wanted to watch Harry from afar. Just wanted to admire his beauty.

"We should keep Zayn away from Harry," Niall rubbed the back of his neck.

"Why?" Louis asked, tilting his head to the side in surprise, not sure where he meant and where he was going with this.

"Because, Zayn's just going to be really closed off if he sees Harry. You know how he is. And he really doesn't need that right now."

Louis swallowed down the pain, nodding. "Sure, whatever works."

"Tonight is going to be fine, okay?" Niall raised his voice, giving Louis a look before spanking him once and winking and running off upstairs - probably to get ready and leaving Louis alone with his tormenting thoughts that he wished would leave him alone instead.

**

It was coming close to 9pm and the party was just about to begin. Liam had arrived earlier than expected, saying he wanted to help set out the place but really, Louis knew he had different intentions but he couldn't put his finger on it. Louis had taken time out to make himself look perfect for tonight - his hair was disheveled, still looking defect less with his quiff covering a small portion of his forehead. He was wearing a white shirt, a black blazer and his black jeans that were riding on resting just above his ankles paired off with perfect, shiny black brogues and damn, Louis felt good.

He hadn't felt this well dressed in ages, feeling confident as he tried to pull the blazer over him and he smiled at his own reflection in the mirror because how long had it been since he was smiling contently at himself? It's been way too long and he wanted to pause in this moment, he needed to appreciate his own appearance much more.

Niall had gone with a simple, all black outfit that was supported by a black and white jacket and his hair the usual upwards quiff and yet, he looked sexy and smooth and he was just a bubble of joy, getting everything looking perfect just before the guests would start arriving. Liam, too, looked like he had just prepared himself for the most prestige event, wearing a white button down with a slim black tie.

Louis just looked over his friends with a fond glimmer in his eyes, smiling because they were trying so hard to look good for the party. "You perfect human beings," he murmured.

Niall just rolled his eyes. "Don't go all soft on us mate, you look great too!" He gave him a thumbs up.

No one would understand Louis's emotions, they were all over the place and he was trying to keep it under control. He was afraid, he was almost scared to come face to face with Harry because it was gutting thinking back to that eventful day in the apartment and how he had just walked out, angry. How Harry had turned up outside his house, acting like that day hadn't even happened and Louis was just so damn confused, so lost within his own head. He didn't know what to do, what to feel and everything felt too muddled up, too far gone to be fixed. Maybe Louis will never feel how it is to smile again and actually mean it and that thought was troubling.

"Thanks," Louis just muttered instead, feeling like all that confidence he had was just crippled and suddenly, he wanted to go and hide until this party was over. Sadly, he was a co-host and he had to make himself be seen. After all, this was his house.

The first guests was Niall's brother and cousins who came in, made themselves home and greeting Louis, congratulating him for the new album that was going to be released soon. Louis smiled, never failed to hug each guest that was pouring from the door and he released, there was more than he thought. Despite feeling like utter and complete shit, despite wanting to go and hide under a rock and shelter himself from the world - he knew he didn't have a choice so he stayed put and made himself known to everyone. Niall got busy really quick, handing around the drinks so Louis walked around in a circle, meeting each guest, each celebrity and making them feel welcome. People asked for pictures so he posed for them, a grand smile playing at his lips despite feel like he was drowning.

Louis felt like his heart nearly stopped when he spotted Zayn making his way through the door and he felt his breath being knocked out of him when he noticed just how shit Zayn really looked. His nose really was swollen, just like Niall had described it, but much worst and what was more upsetting was the fact that Zayn had made no efforts to cover it up. Instead, he was showing up boldly with a fucked up nose and probably a fucked up ego and it was so raw, so much that Louis felt like shit. He felt like he didn't deserve any of Zayn's attention, any of the love and he wanted to follow after him, apologise but he needed a few drinks to ease into the mood.

He couldn't ruin both their moods from the second Zayn had walked through the door so he stayed put, grabbing a glass of champagne that was being passed around in the delicate wine glasses and tried to look interested, tried to look like he was here and present but there was other things on his mind.

Louis jumped startled when Liam broke his train of thoughts. "Mate, are you alright?" He asked Louis, looking highly worried and his brow furrowed.

"Better than ever, this is awesome," he lied straight through his teeth without even a second of regret because he didn't want or need people thinking about him, worrying - he was doing just fine.

"Come and join us in that room then," Liam gestured towards the other room which was buzzing with a lot of people and Louis wasn't sure if he was feeling it, if he was willing to make himself awkward with a bunch of people. Plus, he was still on the hunt to find Lottie in this mess of people and he still hadn't spotted Harry.

"In a bit," Louis promised. "Lottie's nowhere to be found, I don't want her mixing in with the wrong type of people." He sighed at the thought, pressing his fingers to his temples because he really couldn't and wouldn't deal with his sister talking to the wrong guys. No way, she was way too young for that yet. Maybe his sister being inviting to this was a mistake, he should've prevented it happening from the first place.

After a while of searching around, he finally found Lottie - thankfully - mixing in with the higher end girl singers and he went over, patting her shoulder. She was wearing revealing clothes and it made Louis a little uneasy, considering all the older men in the room but he wasn't going to call her out for it infront of everyone. He would just have to talk to her later about it. She turned around, a pleasant smile over her lips as she jumped out of her seat and embraced Louis tightly. It's been way too long since he's seen, or even talked, to Lottie since he got so self absorbed in his own problems. At least she's not mad at him.

"I miss you so much big brother," she muttered into his neck as he chuckled, nodding softly at the girls who were watching them with fond eyes.

"It's all good, I missed you too," he said honestly. "I'm sorry for being a shitty older brother. Surprised you're all up in here, only 17 and thinking you're older?"

"You're not much older yourself, Louis Tomlinson," she teased, swatting him and pulling away, a grin at her lips.

"I'm 22, actually," he corrected, rolling his eyes. "So how do you like it here? What have you've been doing?"

"I've not talked to any boys, if that's your concern," she said quickly and Louis actually flushed, looking away. Was he that obvious?

"No, I'm just asking! Are you having a good time?"

"Of course, this is my first party that you've actually let me come to from your double life and I can't lie, I wish I was invited to more."

"It was Niall's idea, a one off, okay?" Louis reminded her, narrowing his eyes and scoffing at the fact she actually thought that he was going to let her attend more parties. There was no way in hell that he was going to allow her, he felt better when she was safe and better at home. They grow up so fast.

"Whatever, now go away, you're embarrassing!" Lottie said, shooing him away with her hands and Louis just chuckled, giving his farewells before moving away from the crowd.

He needed to step outside for a minute, get his thoughts straight and rehearse through his mind what he was going to say Zayn because that was the next step that needed to be ticked off his to do list tonight. Louis just hoped he was in a good mood, hoped he wasn't purposely showing off the bruise to get on Louis's nerves because that was going to be rather awkward and weird and Louis wouldn't be able to stand it.

Outside, the night was falling and the crescent moon in the sky looked way too appealing today, the moonlight that it was giving off as Louis stared at it. He pulled out his cigarette from his back pocket, always there for good measures, as he light it up and exhaled all the smoke - instantly feeling at some sort of peace. He stood here, no track of the time, just letting his sorrows and fears out before he heard a few noises, quite loud noises and Louis was intrigued, wanted to know more.

Damn him and his curious personality.

As he followed the voices.


	8. 8 - Downfall

Louis was shocked to see Harry and Dalton standing there, Harry looking completely submissive as Dalton scolded him like a little boy. Dalton's brows were furrowed, his expression completely annoyed and pissed off as he waved his hand around like an idiot. Louis tried to focus, open up his ears and actually try to hear what they were talking about - no matter how inconsiderate it was. He wanted to know what was going on, each passing moment feeling like longer than the last. He tried to still himself, stop breathing so loudly.

They were standing face to face, quite close and they just looked like they were in the worst mood possible and Louis had to gulp away the fear. Why and what was he scared of? He wasn't even sure himself but he just felt anxious seeing them today standing so tense. Harry's back was facing Louis so he couldn't even try and read his facial expression. He could, however, see Dalton and it wasn't a pretty sight and Louis honestly had no idea what to say or do right now.

"We aren't supposed to be here, you know?" Dalton's gruff and harsh voice spoke like it was cutting through the cold air. It sounded hostile and Louis hated hearing it, shuddering and wondering how Harry dealt with this voice everyday of his life. "This is stupid, we should be home and you should be making it up to me!"

"Making up what?" Harry's voice was low, small and he sounded completely gone for Dalton. His voice wasn't the least threatening, not even close to Dalton's.

"You know what I'm talking about. Don't you ever realise where you're going wrong, do you Harry? Instead, you drag me out here insisting it's a surprise and we end up at fucking Louis's house? Him, again?"

Harry groaned softly, frustration sweeping through. "I just wanted us to get out of that apartment and have some fun, I'm doing this for us!"

"I don't like leaving that place, you know I don't."

There was an unsettling, chilling silence that followed and Louis hated it. Why was he even here? This wasn't his place, he wasn't supposed to be going around and eavesdropping on other peoples conversations no matter how intruging they could be. He threw his cigarette on the floor, burning it out and about to walk away because truthfully, this wasn't any of his business and he shouldn't of stood here in the first place. 

"Louis, Louis," and it was Dalton's voice spoke out, loud and clear and alarmingly sinister. There was just something about the way he talked, the way he moved his mouth that made Louis wanted to run a mile and hide. Instead, he had just been caught by the person he least wanted to be faced with right now and he felt so foolish for being here in the first place. Had he just caused more damage to their ongoing argument? 

"Louis?" He heard Harry's confused, exasperated voice. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"No, you got me all wrong," Dalton chuckled deeply and darkly. "Louis is right there," he pointed towards a guilty form of Louis standing there behind the wall and he realised how stupid he looked, hiding here. So he stepped out of the place, coming clearly in view of the two boys and frowning slightly, shrugging. Harry did not looked the slightlest pleased, rather looking quite enraged as he narrowed his eyes, not being able to believe it. 

"I was just wondering are you guys going to come in?" He asked, his voice completely calm as he breathed slowly so he didn't say anything he would regret. It was the first thing that had come to mind, the only thing he could say that would make sense as to why he was waiting behind a brick wall like a total loner.

Harry scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief as he ran a hand through his tangled curls. He was wearing a buttoned up shirt with bold, white hearts on them with black skinny jeans and there wasn't an inch of him that didn't scream perfect. He was just dressed to perfection, everything about him so stunningly beautiful and Louis felt like for a second, he couldn't breath. He couldn't understand or comprehend how someone as charming as Harry was not in the modelling industry. 

"We are coming," Harry said firmly, almost pleading with his earnest, green eyes at Louis to get out of here. "We are coming." He repeated, more to himself this time.

Louis gulped, nodding and standing back, edging away. "Is everything okay? Do you guys need anything?"

"He said we're coming," Dalton spoke up. "Don't you get it?"

Fuck. It took everything inside of Louis to control his anger, not let himself burst because no one had the right to speak to him like that. Obviously, he understood, he was just doing the extra mile and caring. He expected Harry to speak up, to tell Dalton to not talk to Louis like that but he stayed put - not saying a single word. And it broke Louis's pride. He was already having a bad night and it wasn't even midnight yet. It seemed like Louis could never catch a break from sorrow anywhere he went.

"Fine." Louis said, his voice unsteady as he wobbled on his feet and stepped away from the two lads. "I'll be inside if you need anything."

"We'll ask someone, gosh," Dalton chuckled but it was anything but playful, rather intimidating. He just seemed to want to get rid of Louis fast and Louis knew they were arguing. He could tell by the tense expressions, the tight conversation and the harsh words that were spilling from Dalton's mouth. Did Daltone even realise what he was saying? Louis wished he had the guts to stand up for Harry but it wasn't his place, not now and not ever.

Without saying another word, he backed away and turned on his heel to head back towards the house. What seemed to be a simple step outside, smoke session turned into running into something he didn't want to witness and it was such a shitty feeling. Why did it have to hurt so badly? Why did it have to pierce so deep into Louis's heart until it felt like he couldn't even manage to breath? And why, oh why, was he still so smitten over Harry, the Harry he fell in love with three years ago? Because, everything is different and it's changed and he needs to realise that sooner than later otherwise he was never going to be able to get a hold of his feelings.

Louis ran back into the house, his eyes diverted towards the tile floor as he moved through the dancing, drunken bodies and tried to find his way towards the back. He wanted to avoid the people, he wanted to hide away behind closed doors and wait for this party to die out. Louis just wanted to go to his mum, he needed a cuddle and a cup of tea and he needed to watch a really weird soap opera to get over this.

Instead, he bumped into someone as he fell back, struggling to keep his balance and noticed he spilled the guys drink all over his clothes. He gasped, internally cursing himself for the mess he was today, and moved forward to help him before he realised: it's Zayn. Zayn, the one he had punched and the one that was his best friend but it felt so different and so distant than that.

Louis moved forward, reaching out to touch Zayn but he flinched away as quickly as he could and wiped his now wet clothes. He didn't even say a word as he pulled out a tissue, looking at his soaked white tshirt.

"I'm sorry, shit, Zayn," Louis muttered. "Come upstairs, I'll let you borrow one of my shirts."

Zayn scowled, looking completely ticked off as he tried to back away from Louis but Louis blocked his way. Louis wanted to solve this, he was tired of acting like a child and not speaking his mind and being man enough to approach him. He needed his best friend right now, more than anything and he couldn't stand Zayn giving him the cold shoulder.

"Please." Louis begged, his eyes so wide.

Zayn looked a little taken back. "Louis, I'm fine." He insisted, trying to make his way around again. "Please, let me go."

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to say."

"There's a lot to say actually," Louis rolled his eyes, he wasn't going to drop this until he had discussed it out properly and all hard feelings were gone. He didn't want anyone being mad at him, holding grudges. "Let's just... talk?"

"You hit me, I left, that's all. I'm not mad." Zayn tried to sound convincing, almost like he was trying to convince himself but Louis wasn't having it.

"I saw the hate you were getting," Louis said instead because he knew he was going to have to start this conversation, make it more serious since Zayn was going to act like it was nothing serious.

"Your fans are mental," Zayn shook his head. "I was the one who provoked you to go and pick that guy up by the collar? Wow." His tone was dripping with sarcasm, looking unbelievably tired and torn.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing Louis could manage to say.

"When aren't you?"

"No, I am because this isn't right. I shouldn't of raised my hands on you, I shouldn't of done any of that." He was desperate now, his voice wavering. He didn't even know to express his feelings without his voice cracking because shit, he just needed a hug right now.

Zayn stared into Louis's eyes for a few seconds, his mouth pulled in a straight line and Louis felt the suspense growing. Until, he sighed and muttered. "Come here you fucker," and snaked his arms around Louis's neck and hugged him close. Louis just felt a sense of relief wash over him, a bucket load of stress being lifted off his shoulders as he went lax in Zayn's arm and let himself be comforted.

"I'm truly sorry," he whispered to Zayn, hoping he could hear the sincerity behind Louis's tone of voice but Zayn just shook his head.

"Please, don't talk."

"No, I can't," Louis said. "It's not acceptable and it won't happen again, I swear."

"Shut up Louis Tomlinson!" Zayn warned, his voice still playful but firm and Louis just shut his mouth and let himself soak up the attention he was loving right now, how homely he felt in Zayn's arm and just how much he missed Zayn. "Now, we can catch up, okay? I forgive you, c'mon."

So, Louis and Zayn went and sit in the kitchen for a bit whilst they sipped some drinks and talked about the past few days. It felt like it's been a lifetime even though it's hardly been a week and damn, Louis was quite surprised at how much he had to say. He talked about what the management said and Zayn was furious, he demanded Louis didn't go through with this and ruined his whole mood but Louis insisted this wasn't his fault or in his control. After Zayn calmed down, he talked about all the hate he received and how he just sat there, laughing about it and sometimes, Louis wishes he had Zayn's self control. Zayn never cared about what others say, never let it bother him and he wanted to be like that. He wanted to be able to laugh through all the tweets he got, chuckling at the stupidity of each persons comment. Instead, he took it to heart and found it hard to deal with.

"What about Harry?" Zayn asked, the question that seemed to be on the tip of his tongue everytime they met up.

Louis paused, his thoughts running back to just an hour ago when he caught them mid argument and just how stressed out Harry looked. The way there was frown lines, his brows furrowed and he looked annoyed that Louis had been there, interrupting what they had. Louis wasn't part of it, he just wasn't part of Harry's life like that and he was finding it really hard to adjust too. He shrugged, sighing. "Not much." He lied because he felt a pang in his chest everytime he tried to discuss Harry.

"Right, not much?" Zayn narrowed his eyebrows, crackling up as he refilled his glass and drowned it down. 

"Forget me, tell me about your love life. I refuse to believe 21 year old Zayn, looking like yourself, is single," Louis shook his head in disbelief, sipping down his cup and Zayn looked a little taken back by the topic, his eyes widening as he shifted uncomfortably on his seat. His body language gave everything away, Louis caught on straight away he was hiding something. "Zayn!" He gasped. "Who is it?"

Zayn had blushed a little now, a half smile as he looked down, embarrassed. Louis's never seen Zayn embarrassed like this and clearly, whoever he liked, he was completely gone for. And a part of him prayed and hoped, it was the type of love where it was returned because unrequited love was painful. "It's just... no one," Zayn tried to play it off, dismissing the topic with a shake of his hand.

But, Louis wasn't having it. "You are going to tell me right now before I go and announce it on twitter!" He threatened.

Zayn looked more worried now. "No, no!"

"Say it!" Louis was about to pull out his phone from his phone, giving Zayn a look.

"It's... someone you know actually, guess."

"Is this a guessing game now?" Louis groaned, settling back in his chair and putting his head in his hands. Out of all people he knew, who would like and want to date Zayn? He didn't really know many girls and he hardly kept anyone close besides the boys. Then he paused, realising and catching on as he looked up to Zayn really slowly. "Is it Liam?"

Zayn smiled so wide that it looked painful as he nodded. "We're not dating, yet!" He quickly corrected but it was basically confirmed and Louis felt an overwhelming happiness surge through his body as he started clapping his hands in glee. 

"Since when? What the fuck! Liam hasn't said anything!"

As much as Louis was feeling happy because god, this was good news. He had wanted Zayn to move on and find someone good for his life and Liam was exactly that. Liam was a honest guy with a huge heart, award winning smile and love to offer for everyone. He was reliable, he never let people down and gave his hundred percent in whatever he tried. But, there was a pang of jealousy too because they were his best friends and they were getting along, getting some action and they didn't need to hide it. Whilst, Louis, had no one and still he had to cover it away like a dirty secret that was too embarrassing to be shared.

However, he wasn't going to chanel these negative thoughts onto Zayn right now because this news needed to be celebrated. It also called for slapping Liam around the head for thinking this was okay not to be shared with him. 

"We decided to keep it quiet for a bit, until we've sorted through our feelings. This is my first time... you know, feeling something for another guy." Zayn seemed thoroughly flustered about the whole topic, his cheeks rosy and his eyes glistening as he tried to avoid Louis's direct eye contact but Louis wasn't having it.

"What do you feel when you see him?"

"I feel... like there's nothing else in the world. I feel like I'd do anything for him and it just makes me want to kiss him over and over!" Zayn sounded more distressed than anything, pouting as he put his head down on the counter. "This is a mess."

"Why does it have to be a mess?" Louis asked, patting Zayn's shoulder. "It's fine mate, it's normal. You can't help who you fall for."

"My family would never accept it."

"Listen, we don't need to worry about that right now. All you need to do is keep to Liam, see how happy he makes you and don't change it for the world. When you find something worth living for, you don't let it go." Louis didn't realise just how deep this conversation had gotten in the space of a few seconds but he didn't care, he just handed Zayn another drink which he took gratefully.

"What if they're not supportive?"

"I'll be here," Louis promised because he couldn't offer much but he could offer his love unconditionally.

Zayn just looked up, nodding and pulling Louis into another hug before murmuring. "Can we find Liam now?"

They moved from the kitchen, grabbing a drink each as they moved through to the main room where Liam had invited him in the first place. All the lads were crowded around, playing a game of truth and dare which neither Louis and Zayn wanted to get involved in. So, they sat at the back of the room and sipped their drinks happily before Liam noticed them two and grinned, moving from the game and making their way towards them.

Louis noticed how Zayn's breath hitched, how he had gone a little tense by his side and Louis just smiled to him, nodding. Obviously, it was going to be a little different and hard for Zayn to get used to but Louis was here for him, no matter what.

Liam seemed overly delighted as he basically crushed Zayn into a bear hug. "My favourite boy," he cooed lovingly at Zayn before scowling to Louis, playfully. "Er, then there's you."

"Oh shut up Liam," Louis rolled his eyes. "You guys hid this from me, I'm offended." He jutted out his bottom lip.

He tried to focus on the conversation, he really did but his thoughts kept going back to Harry and Dalton. Louis wondered whether they had even bothered to come into the party or whether they stayed outside, just argued and left - he wouldn't be surprised. They seemed on edge today, Dalton a little harsh and Harry just looked broken and Louis wanted to know what was going and whether they were okay. He watched Liam and Zayn hug, whisper to each other and make it awfully obvious there was something going on despite their efforts to 'keep it a secret' for a while. But, Louis didn't have the heart to tell them to stop and just watched them, his insides warm because his best friends had found each other. Whilst, Louis was still alone and completely and utterly heartbroken.

"Guys," Louis cleared his throat, coughing awkwardly as he stood up from the seat. "Going to go and catch Lottie." He lied, leaving the room before any of them could stop him and he slipped from the room, back towards the kitchen.

He just wanted to be alone, to be honest because this party was making him miserable and Louis wanted to enjoy his own company. What was better than drinking away your sorrows? Forgetting the world, forgetting what what was making you heavyhearted because Louis was beyond caring. It's been too long, too long since he's been living like troubled and melancholy and it was time to stop.

Just his luck, he ran straight into Harry and Dalton standing in the corner of the party with a drink each looking completely attached to each other by the hip. Harry had red cheeks, his eyes glossy as he kept leaning into Dalton and Dalton was just chuckling, a geniune and sincere smile plastered over his face and they looked so content, so peaceful that Louis couldn't help it when a few tears slipped down his face. This was everything he wanted, right there, in front of his eyes and he had to stand there and watch Harry be happy with someone else.

It was like he could never get a break, the torturing was neverending and there for was no way out. He was in too deep, he was in love until it hurt in places he didn't even know existed. His heart felt heavy, his chest felt open and he felt vunerable - and everything hurt.

He sat down, without a word, grabbing another drink and looked at it. Louis felt destroyed, he felt hopeless as he just let the familiar burn take over his throat drinking as much as he could until he felt numb, he felt faraway from the world. He didn't care, he wasn't counting how many glasses he was taking because it didn't matter, nothing mattered right now. Louis didn't realise how much misery one person could take, how much he had to carry on his shoulders and he felt awful. 

He was no longer in his proper senses, feeling completely lose and free and it was bliss, just for a few seconds.

"Louis?" He heard a familiar voice calling out for him, touching him on the shoulders and he shook the hand off, not wanting anyone to touch him. "Louis?" The voice repeated, shaking his softly. "Please, what are you doing?"

Louis groaned loudly, in pain that was being emitted from deep within his stomach but he didn't dare make any movement because he was afraid he was going to end up punching the person and well, that didn't end too well last time. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice small.

"Are you okay? What are you doing?"

And just then, something clicked in Louis when he discovered this was actually Harry. Harry who was touching him, asking him if he is okay and trying to catch his attention and for a moment, there was a slight twinge of hope in him. It was quickly replaced by sorrow as he tried to reach over, grab another glass but stopped by Harry's large hands.

"Move!" Louis bellowed, his voice deep. "Leave me alone Harold, just go!" 

"I'm just checking up on you, shit Louis, are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Just on cue, Niall stumbled through the door and noticed the scene unfolding before his eyes and quickly came forward, removing Harry's hand. Louis felt the loss of the touch, the touch he really wanted and reached over to touch the spot himself, his hands over the warmth and he let a tear slip out of his eyes.

"What did you do?" Niall demanded, his voice sullen, uptight as he accused Harry.

Louis could no longer hear properly, everything a blur around him and he felt like waste so he closed his eyes. He pretended he was no longer here, he was faraway in an paradise where only him and his own happiness existed. Louis was tired, sick and tired of being the good guy and he no longer wanted to be friendly to everyone because it got him nowhere. It just landed him here, at a party he was supposed to be co hosting, drunk out his mind until he can't even think straight.

"I didn't do anything!" Harry's voice was arguing right back even though Louis couldn't pick up on all the words.

He grabbed Niall's shirt, pulling it. "Take me upstairs, let me sleep," he begged, his voice completely crushed and hopeless. He balled his fists up, snuggling his head in Niall's chest as he tried to control his breathing and tried to escape this whole scene.

"Fuck," Niall whispered before grabbing Louis, helping him out of the chair and out of the kitchen. "C'mon then."


	9. 9 - Maybe I'm Not Enough

MAYBE I'M NOT ENOUGH

The next morning, Louis felt like he was dying as he rolled out of bed and clutched his head tightly and tried to control his breathing. He had a horrible stomach ache, a banging headache and everything around him hurt. He felt like shit, like he shouldn't of gone ahead with the party and had so many drinks because now, he was suffering and he hated feeling ill. He couldn't keep going on like this when he was about to jump back into work so soon, he had to get his head back into the game.

Louis felt all the drinks from yesterday coming up his throat as he was suddenly alarmed, jumping off the bed, feeling his head bang as he slipped into the bathroom and emptied all the content into the toilet. He groaned, he hated throwing up, he hated feeling of all the waste being released from up his throat as he stared weakly down at the vomit. He could instantly feel like this was going to be a rough day.

"Niall!" Louis croaked out, his voice strained as he silenced himself to wait for a reply. He knew for a fact that Niall would never leave him alone when he had been crying in Niall's chest until he finally fell asleep. Plus, Niall would feel like it was his duty to make sure the place is spotless before he left since it was his party. Louis couldn't be more grateful for a friend like Niall.

Niall walked in, frowning when he saw Louis's figure, all crumpled up on the floor and feeling so small. He crouched down beside Louis, running a hand down his back and pulling his fringe out of the way as he threw up. "There, there." he murmured every now and then, allowing Louis to empty everything before helping him off the floor. "How you feeling Lou?"

Louis sighed. "Not any better." he said honestly, grabbing a towel and wiping his face clean with it. Everything in this house was unused since he was hardly around here and only used this place if he had a party. "How was last night?"

Niall shrugged like it was no big deal. "Not much, just helped people and then they left."

"Harry?"

"He left with Dalton, little fucker he is."

Louis flinched at the strong words that were coming out of Niall's word, he wanted to agree but he couldn't hate Harry. He felt bad for pushing him away yesterday but sometimes, it was a little too much for him to take in. "Don't say that." he whispered.

"It's true! He acts like the fucking victim, you know? Like he doesn't know the effect he has on you and it disgusts me."

"Stop," Louis rolled his eyes, regretting bringing up the topic of Harry because he couldn't stand the fact that Niall was cussing him out.

Niall did stop, straight away and then smiled weakly. "I just want you to be okay, yeah?"

Louis nodded, feeling an immense wave of guilt. He had subjected his friends to so much of his bullshit, his drunken crying and confessions and he had no idea how Niall even dealt with it. It wasn't fair for him, he shouldn't have to follow Louis around like he was a toddler. "I'm fine, Niall."

Niall shook his head, disagreeing with the statement but not saying anything either. He helped Louis out and looked around the vacant room as Louis got changed, combed through his messy hair and tried to look presentable for another day.

"What you going to do today?" Niall asked absentmindedly.

"I'm going to treat you for a lunch for being such an awesome friend." Louis said, his voice firm so it was clear that there was no need for arguments. He needed to start giving back, start spending his money on more useful things and start showing his friends just how much he needed them. Where would Louis even be today without Niall? Niall kept his head on the ground, kept his sanity going and he couldn't thank him enough.

Niall looked flattered, battering his eyelashes to play off just how grateful he seemed by Louis. "Lunch, yeah? Where are you going to take me?"

"Wherever you want to go." Louis promised, his smile bright and his eyes twinkling. "Just let me sleep off my headache for a bit, yeah?" He chuckled, getting back into his covers as Niall handed over some paracetamol for his headache and joined him in the bed.

**

After Louis had woke up from a refreshing nap, they instantly slipped out of the house straight away and started driving around the city. He was glad to be out of the house, get some fresh air and he wouldn't do it with no one else besides Niall. They went straight out of town, like they always would, and tried to look around for a restaurant that appealed to both of them. But in the end, they ended up going nandos since it was the only thing they would actually enjoy. Niall was over the moon, considering the fact that he was literally in love with nandos. They sat, took their orders and caught up on life in general. Louis explained his timetable coming up: how he was about to jump into his interviews, tours, promotions and how it was a little daunting to think about.

It wouldn't seem like it to an ordinary person but Louis's work was long and somewhat torturous. Once you left for tour, that's it - you don't return for a long time. You travel from city to city, different hotels every night and your tour bus becomes your best friend. He became homesick really fast, missing the king size bed that was awaiting him in his room and missing seeing his mum on a daily basis. Even though he had only done a UK and Ireland tour so far, visiting multiple cities and it only took around two months - now he was moving onto bigger things: world tour.

He was going to be away from home for over 4 months, it was new and nerve wracking to be visiting all his new fans that had been waiting for him to come by. His tour had sold out in just under hours and he was shocked, surprised and knew this year had something else to offer to him. For that, Louis was excited, he was looking forward to see the places he was going to see with his very own two eyes and meet new faces everywhere he went.

Louis was basically living his dream with a lot of strings attached, he hadn't realised sometimes just how miserable doing this could be. It demanded a lot of patience, a lot of stamina and the burning passion to concentrate on the sole dream and desire to sing otherwise you just couldn't make it, you wouldn't be cut for the real world for fame. Being famous came with a lot of perks but also a lot of cons that Louis felt the side effects of everyday.

After they were done with lunch, Louis dropped Niall over and thanked him over and over for the help because he just couldn't help it. He felt like Niall had done way too much, without ever asking, and he couldn't appreciate him more right now. They also made plans for the next party, the next big occasion and Louis was already buzzing for it. A little getting away party for the tour since Louis was going to be so faraway from home.

Pleased with today and himself, he smiled as he got out of his car and approached his our house. He handed been here in over a night and he was already missing his own familiar little space, his own cosy bed and his own food that was waiting in the fridge. Today, he just wanted to curl up on the sofa and watch some movies with ice cream; he just wanted a normal day to himself where he didn't have to worry about anyone and anything else.

However, life had other plans for him as he heard a small, fragmented voice call out for him. "Louis..." at first, he thought it must of been something supernatural considering how little the voice was but he noticed a broken form of Harry sitting on his door step. 

Louis wanted to sob, he was tired of seeing Harry everywhere he went because he was trying so hard to forget him. He was trying so hard to just spend his life without having the need to cry every second because there was a huge chunk of his heart just missing but every time, Harry seemed to follow up and show up wherever Louis was. It was like he was just trying to rub in his face just how happy he was, contented with his life but instead, Harry didn't have the slightest bit of smile showing on his face.

Rather, he looked completely destroyed with tear stained cheeks and his eyes swollen, red rings decorating the bottom of them. For a second, Louis froze because he had no idea what was going on and how was he even going to comfort him? He wasn't the best person at cheering people up and he was afraid to get too close because he would only end up getting hurt again but a part of him was delighted that Harry found comfort to come here, try and forget his worries with Louis.

Louis sighed, smiling sadly as he approached Harry and didn't say a word as he picked him up from the door step and hugged him tightly. He fit his arms around Harry's fragile body, feeling his ribs poke into Louis's stomach but he didn't say a word - no matter how concerned he was. Harry just felt so petite, so pocket-sized in his arms and he didn't know what to say because it was truly bothering him. He was going to have to bring it up with Niall.

He pulled away, offering a half smile. "What's wrong Harry?" he asked gently, wanting to caress his cheeks and stroke his soft, brown curls but kept his hand by his sides. He couldn't take it a step too far, he had to stay in his place.

Harry just shrugged, another fat tear rolling down his cheeks which Louis was quick to wipe away. "I just... I'm so sorry?" he offered, sounding a little unsure himself and Louis frowned, giving him a look.

"Sorry for what? I should be sorry, I had no idea what I was saying to you last night. I'm sorry, I was out of my head." Louis shook his head, sighing as he unlocked the front door and let them both into his house for the second time now. He could never get tired of Harry being around here though, he would never forget his sparkling and interested eyes everytime he walked through a room and discovered something new. It was fascinating for Louis to see someone appreciate the goods he owned.

"No, I just, I don't know. Louis, I've been such a shit person for the past three years and I want to be a better person. I want to be a part of your life."

Louis chuckled. "Sadly, you are." He teased.

But, Harry didn't seem to take it in a joking way as his face fell, his eyes drooped. "Oh."

"No!" Louis quickly corrected, mentally punching himself. He hadn't realised how sensitive Harry was nowadays, always taking everything to heart and beating himself up for it. Louis had to start watching his words around him, not wanting to truly upset him. "I was just kidding around. You are a part of my life, you always were. Mate, we've grown up together."

As much as it hurt Louis to say, he always wanted Harry more than a friend and something you've wanted half your life just doesn't go away. He still wants Harry just as much, there is still a burning hole in his chest that is waiting for Harry to fill the vacancy but he was being more realistic now. He knew Harry wouldn't be the one to save him, fix his soul and make him better because he had Dalton and it was serious. Even three years later, they were going strong and who exactly was Louis to stand in the way? He would probably end up having to attend their wedding, sit there with a brave smile whilst all he's ever wanted secures his lifetime commitment with someone else.

The thought was too painful, too raw on Louis's heart so he quickly pushed it away, focused on the rather broken down Harry in front of him. He had to push his feelings, his thoughts away for now and just be a friend.

So, he sat Harry down and made him a cuppa. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Harry arched a brow. "Happened?"

"Yeah, you come here crying like there's no tomorrow. Surely, something happened?" It made Louis disgusted as to how a part of him was so hopeful that something had gone wrong, just so he could be convinced that maybe he did have a chance.

However, Harry just shook his head. "I felt bad about you so I dropped by."

"You always come in the morning." Louis noted.

"It's 3pm Louis."

"Oh yeah..." Louis's voice wandered away as he glanced over the clock and noticed how late it actually was. Spending time with Niall always made it go by much faster and he was surprised he hadn't even noticed. Louis shrugged, putting on the TV and getting comfortable on the sofa. He didn't know what exactly to say or do with Harry, it was all just a little bit awkward and he didn't know how to fix it.

Harry, on the other hand, kept fidgeting around and couldn't sit still just like the day Louis visited his apartment. He looked extremely out of place, like he didn't know what to do with himself and it was somewhat painful to watch.

"Harry, are you okay?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow towards the boy who was squirming around on the sofa.

He jumped from the question, clearly not expecting the silence to be broken and looked fairly surprised before he nodded, shrugging. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Louis wasn't too convinced but he continued to sip up his cuppa, sending weird glances towards Harry. After a few minutes, Harry finally settled down and sighed in content as he watched the TV too.

"When you going on tour?" Harry asked.

"I feel like I get asked this question a thousand times a day." Louis chuckled. It wasn't that he minded that people kept asking, it was cute that they wanted to know how and where his career was heading too but continuously got a little bit irritating.

"Oh," Harry looked wounded, looking down. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I guess, I'm going on tour in February. I'll be on the road until literally late May. It's so exciting."

Harry, however, didn't look the slightest bit excited for Louis and instead, his eyes widened until it looked like it could pop out of his socket. "That's so long, how are you going to stay away from home?"

Louis shrugged looking around his mansion. This was home, this was where he found comfort and safety even though he was completely alone and this was supposed to be his safe haven, a place to escape and find inner peace. However, sometimes, Louis just found himself heading over to other peoples houses to find that pleasure instead. Being alone sucked.

"I just... bring a few things that remind me of home. Sometimes, the boys come out and tour with me and even the girls." Louis smiled at the thought of his sisters and made a mental note to make sure to meet them. "I mean, I have quite a long time till I jump into tour. It's only November so I'll be making sure to meet everyone thoroughly before I disappear."

Harry looked interested, his eyes concentrated on Louis as he nodded his head along with every word that Louis was spilling out. "Do you like touring?"

"Oh, yes!" Louis immediately answered, because it's true. It definitely was the best part. He could travel around the world, visit different parts and be welcomed to different cultures. The hotel rooms were a little lonely, isolated but his whole management team that he actually got along with such as his hairdresser, stylist were just down the corridor if he ever needed them. His shows were phenomenal, everyone who watched it whether online or in person said so. There was so much energy, so much passion in Louis that everyone got the vibe and everyone got energised whilst there. The fans were the most supportive; they would bring in posters and banners and scream for his attention and Louis loved it. He felt loved. "It's the best part."

"Do you earn a lot?"

Louis crackled up laughing, his hand on his head. "Oh, Harold, you can't just ask that question!" He paused before smiling. "I'm very grateful, I do earn a lot and it's very satisfying."

"I wish I earned a lot." Harry whispered, his voice barely audible and for a second Louis didn't think he caught on but he did. 

"You can! You should take up your modelling dream again, you would get a lot."

Harry looked down upon himself like he was disgusted to see his own body, his nose scrunching up and his eyes wrinkling like it was revolting and it made Louis's heart race. "I don't have the body for that."

Louis gasped, an audible sound falling from his lips as he gave Harry a stern look. "Don't you dare say that, I won't be happy with you."

"It's true, I should lose a few pounds before considering the modelling dream."

"So are you reconsidering it?"

Harry didn't look certain, there was a glimmer of fear in his eyes that Louis picked up. "I don't think so, it's too late."

"It's not too late! You're only 21, right? I can easily find you a job and-"

"I don't want you to find me a job." Harry cut in, his voice was controlled and calm but his tone was bitter and it made Louis back away as soon as he had said the words. "I don't want you and your high position to pity me and my low fucking sorry life, don't you get it?"

Louis felt crushed, he didn't even know what to say and he simply had no words to say back. He hated how every time he wanted to help someone, give someone relief from their hard life - they always had to refer to him being rich. Him being powerful or rich wasn't the reason why he wanted to help people, he didn't want to use his position as an advantage - he just honestly cared. So, Louis just nodded because there was simply nothing else he could say right now and he felt offended.

Harry noticed, pulling his eyebrow together in guilt. "Louis I-"

But he was cut off by the sharp ring of Louis's phone, bringing them both into complete silence and Louis fiddled with his pocket to bring it out. The unknown number on his screen didn't look promising but he knew he got random calls from management every now and then and right now, he didn't know if he could deal with that.

"Hello?" Louis picked up anyway, his heart in his hands as he listened carefully.

"Louis Tomlinson, right?" The other voice spoke up, unfamiliar and quite husky, deep and it reminded Louis of Harry so he tried to relax himself, find some good in the bad. 

"Correct."

"Hi Louis, I'm Jacob and I'm the new PR stunt manager. I'll be working closely with you throughout the next few months I believe."

PR stunt manager didn't seem promising at all. It just made Louis's heart thud faster as he clutched the phone closer to his ear, trying to control his breathing and not get over worked over the line. "Next few months?" He repeated, confused as ever.

"Yes, I've been assigned a few things by your management team, primarily from Richard."

Richard was going to ruin Louis's life, his stupid management team. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying not to notice Harry who looked concerned right now and glancing closely at Louis. He turned his face around slightly, edging away from the younger boy. 

"Yeah, what things?" Louis spoke. 

"Well, actually, you will be doing a lot of stunts in the next few months and it may be a little confusing to you at first. You've done these before, haven't you?"

"Yes, I have." But they were mundane, simple ones like turning up to a highly publicized party or being seen in public at certain times because it got him more attention and management needed it whilst creating his image.

Jacob continued, sounding highly uneasy now. "Well, Louis, we may need to arrange a meeting for this if it needs to be talked out in more detail. I believe you might need to be doing another contract, if it's needed but Modest have signed a new girl the other week and her name is Eleanor Calder."

Louis felt his heart beat picking up now, thudding against his chest and his palms sweaty as he balled his fists up and clenched his jaw. He got up from the sofa, he knew what was coming next and he didn't want to hear it. Instead, he wanted to hang up and never have to talk to management again.

"Okay?" Louis tried to sound uninterested.

"In order for Eleanor to get her name big, we think it'll be a clever idea to send you two on a date. It'll get her name around, get you two talking and it'll do good for your upcoming tour."

Louis paused, rethinking the words and replaying them in his head again and again whilst trying to make some sense of it. He just didn't understand how and why he would have to be seen with this Eleanor on a date when he simply didn't even care for girls. Wasn't it obvious? He's never been pictured being seen with a girl in public, being seen around with anyone except his management that were girls.

He exhaled sharply on the phone. "Jacob, is this a joke or?"

Harry was watching Louis with worried, huge eyes and the expression on his face was unreadable and Louis didn't want him worrying. He wanted Harry to go home now.

"I'm afraid it's not."

"I'm gay!" Louis's voice went a few octaves higher, feeling adrenaline coursing through his veins as he tried to control his emotions that were going to overload at this rate. He didn't like this feeling, he hated it and he definitely didn't want to get cosy with any other girl. "Don't you get it? I don't want her or to go with her to anywhere!"

"It's just for the image Louis, it doesn't have to mean anything." Jacob tried to convince him, his voice steady even after Louis's little outburst and Louis had to thank him for his patience. It wasn't Jacob's fault, he was just passing on orders and making sure it was being followed up. "That's exactly what we are aiming to hide..."

"Aiming to hide my sexuality?" Louis scoffed, disgusted. "I can't believe you guys, it's mind blowing."

"Please, try to understand." Jacob pleaded, his voice laced with exhaustion and it wasn't fair because it's Louis whose tired. He was the one who was being set up for this insane date, to be seen with Eleanor in public-- it wasn't right.

"I don't know what you guys want from me," Louis admitted after a few minutes of awkward silence over the phone.

"We don't want anything, we just want you to get friendly with Eleanor and take her out. Don't do anything too flashy, just hold her hand in public and pay for her food maybe. You guys will be good friends, I bet. Then, if it blows up, I believe we'll be arranging more dates."

"More?" Louis spat out.

"Sadly, yes. Don't answer any paparazzi or any interview questions about Eleanor, just shrug it off and act like it's more than friends but don't give anything away."

This new information was making Louis's mind swim as he nodded, not knowing what else to say or do. He was compelled to do as he was told, there was no freedom and no other way around it. He had no say in what management could throw his way, he just had to suck it up and deal with it but it's never been as bad as this. It's never been something that could potentially make him unhappy, not pleased with where he is in life. But, it wasn't like management really cared about him anyway - they were in it for the money, for the fame they were getting and Louis was just their toy until they reached there.

It was just a pity that Eleanor was part of their business plan now. She probably wasn't going to be allowed a proper relationship now, she was just going to have to be grabbed some place to place with Louis to make it look real and everyone will think she's off the market. 

"Fine," Louis said bitterly, he didn't know what else to say.

"Your date will be in a few days time, I'm sorry it's such a short notice but that's just how it goes. You'll be picking her up. I'll text you all the details."

"Okay."

"I hope this is okay with you, do you need me to arrange a meeting?"

Louis definitely didn't want to see Jacob in person because he was going to end up punching him straight on the jaw. "Definitely not, it'll be fine."

"Hopefully. We might need to arrange meetings if it has to be moved to more levels like a proper relationship, but you'll have a contract for that. This is just fun and games, to be honest."

"Right." Louis said curtly.

"Goodbye for now, I'll be in touch." Jacob said and with that, he hanged up and Louis was left feeling quite dumbfounded. What was he supposed to do with his life now? He now had a girl hanging around, someone he had to act like he was truly interested in and gave a shit about when truly, he rather be fucking a boy. It's been so long since he got laid.

Louis sighed in frustration, running a hand through his now messy hair as he tried to calm himself and try to think of positive in this horrible situation. Harry was sitting, waiting for him to talk with his hands folded together and his head bowed in a submission form and it confused Louis for a bit.

"Erm, Harry?" He asked, uncertain what to do. "What are you doing?"

Harry snapped out, looking up. "I was waiting for you to talk. What happened Lou?"

Louis sighed, rubbing his temples from the stress that had just been added on and was probably going to stay there for quite a few months. He knew this wasn't just one date, it was going to escalate into more and more until it becomes a relationship - and how on earth was Louis going to deal with that? Pretending to be in love with someone he just couldn't bring himself to? Was the management so scared of homosexuals? 

"I'm fine," Louis brushed off the topic because he simply couldn't discuss it yet and he wasn't even sure if he was allowed to. It was all confidential, it had to stay between him and his team and he didn't like talking about his job much anyway. It was a touchy subject for him when it came to his management team. 

Harry didn't seem too convinced, narrowing his eyes. "Are you sure Louis? You don't look too good...you've gone pale."

Louis sighed, shrugging as he wiped away sweat that had managed to run down the side of his forehead. "It's fine."

Harry grabbed a tissue, leaning forward and disclosing the space between them and Louis hadn't been this close to Harry for the longest time. Harry's knee was touching his, he could taste Harry's mint breath on his mouth as Harry wiped the tissue along the sides of his face, wiping away all the excess water in slow motion. It felt so good, he was so close and it felt so right.

Without even thinking about what Louis was doing, he placed his hand on Harry's inner thigh and gave it a little squeeze to which Harry just hummed, happily. This was where he belonged, where he wanted to be and it felt like a dream right now. He had never expected Harry to have the guts to get so close, to do this because Harry was whipped for Dalton.

Then, Louis leaned forward and closed his eyes - because he was scared - lightly brushed his lips against Harry. After three years, he was finally in direct contact of the soft, full pink lips he admired all his life and Louis felt like all the broken pieces were coming together, they were fixing him and Louis just wanted to kiss him senseless. He wanted to get used to his feeling, the way his heart raced increased and how homely he felt. Right here.

Before he could even begin to really touch Harry's lip, Harry pulled away looking panic-stricken as his eyes widened at what had just happened. He jumped off the sofa, running a hand through his wild curls and shaking his head. "What are you doing? No, no, no." He muttered. "Louis, how can you?"

Louis was a little confused but he stood up too, reaching out to touch Harry's shoulder and tell him it's okay. It was a mistake, sure, that felt so right and he didn't know how to console Harry who was currently freaking out. Maybe he shouldn't of gone with his desires, tried to even come close to kissing Harry because he knew it was only going to drive him away now.

Harry looked hurt, more than all. "I thought we were friends," he accused, his voice pained and small, his eyes diverted on the floor.

Louis couldn't stand this, he couldn't watch Harry look so broken when it was his mistake. "Please, I'm sorry, we are." He didn't know what else to say, what else to remove the moment from before. Louis touched his lips, feeling Harry's presence.

But Harry looked disgusted. "I can't believe you Louis, why can't you be happy for me and Dalton?"

Here was the moment of truth. Louis looked straight dead in Harry's eyes, his facial expression changed into a straight frown. "I can't be happy with you and Dalton when that's supposed to be me," he finally admitted, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders as he watched Harry's body language change dramatically.

Now, he was just close to tears as he held his head. "This can't be happening, it can't," he said, his voice cracking at the end.

"It is."

"Louis, I can't, I'm sorry." And with that, he felt just like the first time and Louis was left alone, once again.

Feelings suck.


	10. 10 - Play The Game

PLAY THE GAME

"I hate my life," Louis announced dramatically to himself, looking in the mirror and fixing his shirt around his neck so it looked perfectly. The dress code for today wasn't too formal but not too casual either. Louis had to be taking Eleanor to a perfect little restaurant up London, really glamorous and flashy, all up in other peoples face and the whole idea of tonight was beginning to give him a headache. He just wasn't prepared for this side of the fame, going out on dates with people he could never like even if he tried. What a bloody waste of his time? Damn management and Jacob.

He hadn't talked to Harry since the day he rushed out, not knowing what words to say anymore because it was the truth. Louis was still in love with him and no matter how much he tried to deny it, the feelings wouldn't go. He knew it was probably wrong trying to kiss him, or even coming close to it, but it was like a reflex - he couldn't help it. He wanted to taste Harry again, he wanted to feel Harry's soft, luscious lips on his and he wanted to experience what it's like to feel whole again because so far, Louis hasn't been feeling okay.

Louis didn't even bother informing any of his friends that he was going on a date today, feeling like it would blow up and spread around so no one knew effectively. Just him and his management team. He could just begin to imagine all the news, the tabloids, the articles about Eleanor and he wanted to be sick. Not only was that going to break his fans heart but his friends were going to lecture him once or twice - maybe more too.

Management honestly considered Louis as a joke, like his feelings didn't even matter and they didn't even give this bearding Eleanor situation a second glance at. As long as they are making their money, one way or another, it didn't even matter how Louis felt. He doubted that Eleanor was happy with this arrangement since she probably had her own love life.

He couldn't even begin to imagine how difficult she could be to deal with if Eleanor had her own boyfriend, how she would constantly push Louis around. 

Here comes on another headache.

Louis clutched his head, trying to make it die down quickly before he grabbed his phone and headed out of his door. Jacob had text him all the details in the morning, indicating exactly where Eleanor lived and where to take her. He wish he had his own freedom as to where he could take her, Louis would take Eleanor to a vintage little cafe out of everyone's way where they could calmly discuss her newly found fame life and how much Eleanor was going to dread it. The only reason they were informed about a place to go to was because paparazzi had been told and paid to go there as well.

Just thinking about the hundreds of flashes that were going to go off constantly was enough to make Louis want to turn back home, lock the doors and never see the world again. He hated paparazzi, he wasn't allowed to talk to them or let out any information therefore it became harder to remain calm around them. They were disgusting, nosy people who don't leave you alone or your sorry life.

Louis drove downtown, her house being quite faraway and still in quite a regular area since she's only beginning to start her fame and therefore isn't earning much money at all - if none. He felt terribly sorry, like he should be warning her to run a mile but all that's done is done now. She's signed the contract, she's in it for life.

Eleanor was standing outside her house and Louis thought she was wonderfully beautiful, at first glance. Although she was weirdly, maybe abormally, thin she was really pretty and Louis doesn't find many girls pretty, at all. She had long, wavy dark brown and she wore a bright smile on her face - wasn't going to last too long. This was going to make them both miserable, he could just imagine months down the line.

She approached the car, looking quite uncertain with herself as she stood awkwardly outside the car. Louis smiled at her, nodding and beckoning her in which she looked grateful for. Once she was settled in, her seatbelt on, she turned to Louis and smiled.

"Hey, I'm Eleanor." She introduced herself.

Louis grinned, starting up her car. He might as well learn to get along with her, it wasn't her fault that their management were really pathetic excuses of human beings. He couldn't take out his anger on this sweet, little girl who was going to spend her next three years of her life completely lost. "Hi, I'm Louis, love." he greeted her politely, backing out of her driveway.

"I'm a little lost, excuse me," she giggled a little, looking down and very uncomfortable.

"Don't be, it's going to work out," Louis lied as he started to follow the directions Jacob had given to him, taking a turn for straight out of town. This was going to be a long day and he could just feel the stress coming on. 

"I'm not sure, I thought this was going to be quite easy. It's the opposite, clearly," Eleanor sighed and the weary tone in her voice was highly noticeable. Louis felt his heart wrench for this young girl because she was so new, she had no idea what was in store for her and he didn't want her to be too surprised.

"It's going to get harder," he told her straight up, no point in hiding it all.

Eleanor looked quite afraid, her eyes widening. "What do you mean?"

"It's not easy, that's all I'm saying," Louis shrugged, holding one hand up in surrender and didn't take his eyes off the road. They should probably discuss this when Louis wasn't driving so he could explain calmly.

"I'm not catching on."

"I'll explain to you in the restaurant, don't worry."

"This is my dream, you know?"

Louis nodded. "It's everyone's dream."

"I was made for this, I love singing, always have."

"So have I."

"You don't understand-"

"Eleanor." Louis cut her off, sighing loudly. This wasn't going as planned, she was making it quite difficult when Louis was just trying to make her understand. Sure, maybe it wasn't wise to just drop it on her about how hard this life is, crush her dreams but he didn't mean any harm. He was doing it for her benefit. No one should have to go through the torture Louis has gone through, and still is apparently. It was just beginning for Eleanor, clearly. "We'll discuss this over our fake dinner date, okay?"

She grimaced but nodded anyway, looking out of the window. This wasn't going great so far and Louis wanted nothing more than to crawl back to the hole he had came out of from the first place, not wanting to talk to anyone. Why didn't he invite Zayn along to one of these dates? They didn't specify who Louis could bring or not.

When Louis finally parked up outside the restaurant, he could feel the flashes going off from the start and exhaled sharply. This was going to be start to a long day and he could feel the stress growing inside him from the start. He cut the engine, looking over to Eleanor who looked quite worried herself, not used to this environment clearly.

"They'll be around quite a long," he confirmed Eleanor's thoughts, knowing exactly what was going through her mind because this was him three odd years ago.

Eleanor sighed. "I don't like the flashes, their blinding me."

"Welcome to the life darling," Louis said sarcastically, smiling. "Wait, let me get you out of the car." It was one of the orders he was told to follow, to help Eleanor out of the car and lead her inside the restaurant - trying to act like he was concerned about the paparazzi and her privacy.

Louis rolled his eyes at the stupid steps he had to take, like he didn't even know how to be a gentlemen. He got out of the, trying to stop himself being swarmed by the cameras as he walked over to the other side and helped Eleanor out. Her face had signs of worry, intimidation written all over and Louis rubbed her shoulder to calm her down. Obviously, at this, the camera flashes went off even more and Louis tried to hide the disgust off his face.

"You'll be fine, it won't be bad once we're inside," he promised her, clutching her hand but hardly intertwining his fingers as he led the poor, scared girl inside. 

Once they were in the restaurant, it was like a breath of fresh air as Louis instantly relaxed and felt more comfortable here. No one was allowed to follow him in and he was allowed to just act like a normal being, at last. They got a nice booth, away from everyone else, and settled down whilst the menus were being handed out.

"Buy anything, my treat," Louis smiled warmly.

Eleanor sighed. "You don't need to."

"I want to." he insisted.

"So why is this date being set up?" Eleanor asked and Louis was a little shocked that she hadn't been informed but it would just be more interesting to see her reaction.

"Because I'm gay."

Eleanor's eyes widened, once again and she blushed a rosy pink as she blinked. "What? Then why..." 

"Because Modest don't want anyone to know, they want to keep me straight in the public's eye and I guess they got a little worried so they set me up on this date." He shrugged like it was no big deal. He should've seen this coming. By now, the pictures were probably starting creeping around the internet and he wondered how Niall was reacting to it, how Liam would be laughing and he couldn't even begin to imagine Zayn.

Eleanor didn't look impressed, frowning slightly. "That's not ideal, I don't get it. What's wrong with that?"

"Ruins their business plan. I mean, it's not a big deal because I can show you around and welcome you to the life of fame." Louis smiled.

Eleanor returned the smile. "I'm glad I have a friend, I guess to show me around I guess. I feel so lost!"

"It'll be like this for a while. Don't worry, you'll settle into it after a year."

"A year?" Eleanor spluttered out.

"It's not easy. It's like entering a whole new world where people will follow you, look up to you and you have no idea why because it's not like you're doing anything amazing, right?" Louis tried to connect with Eleanor on a level she can try to understand, try to picture with her own two eyes. No one else quite understood it as someone who is going to experience it considering how famous she'll get. Now that she was with Louis, she will definitely be known more worldwide. "You'll never get it, why people find you so awesome when you're just trying to do you."

Eleanor nodded. "I mean, singing is my own personal passion. To have people support you is just a bonus."

"True, but it keeps the passion and the dream going and therefore, you need more people to support you. As much as you can get. That's why Modest try and set up these dates, these publicized events to get people talking."

Eleanor seemd to be grasping on well now, nodding along to all the points Louis was making and trying to make an effort to understand. It wasn't easy, it was a little difficult to hear that your life was going to change and it was never going to be the same but Eleanor had Louis to fall back on, to complain and vent to. Louis didn't have that at the beginning, he struggled to do everything on his own and tried to make his own friends and work his way to the top. At least, he could provide the support he needed himself for someone that's new to the whole industry and doesn't have a clue.

"I'm a little terrified," Eleanor admitted after a few moments of silence, giggling as she sipped her lemonade water and looked over the menu to hide the fear that was shining through her brown eyes.

Louis just laughed. "It's okay to be scared, I know I was. It's a little daunting."

"Very!"

"But don't worry, it's going to be fine. I mean, how bad can this get?"

Eleanor just shook her head. "Oh shut up you, I don't mean this is scary. You're weirdly calming me down, I appreciate it."

They ordered their food: Louis got a burger and salad with chips since he was craving some junk food, he hadn't had it for a long time and Eleanor got a chicken wrap as they patiently waited for their food. Eleanor seemed to have a bubbly, attractive personality and never let there be a dull moment between them two. She was always smiling, always making effort to keep the conversation going and tried to see everything in a positive light. It was refreshing for Louis to see and feel, someone who was going to go through the same situation but having a completely different approach on it. When Louis was first starting out, fresh out of college, he was a wreck and he hated everything human. He was trying to heal from a broken heart and spent all his days and nights in the studio, recording and signing like no tomorrow - it was like his little safe haven.

"So, do you have a boyfriend of any sorts?" Eleanor asked.

Louis shrugged, trying to brush the subject off as soon as it was mentioned. He always felt a tingle whenever boyfriend was brought up, that's what he wanted Harry to be. "No, not really."

"But you like someone, right?"

"I mean, I guess..."

"You can't be single, you're gorgeous!" Eleanor gushed, frowning.

"Thank you," Louis blushed. He was used to compliments all the time, people dropping comments everywhere he went, all over twitter. People idolized his looks, found him beautiful, handsome or any other describing word there is. However, he wasn't used to sincere compliments that came from the bottom of the heart and these were the compliments he was most attracted to.

The rest of the dinner went on steadily. They received their food, acted like a loved up couple as they took a few silly pictures together with spaghetti hanging out of their mouths and Louis was actually having a good time. He was trying too hard to be happy, he wasn't upset either - it was just a normal day with a really good friend and it felt like Louis had known Eleanor all his life. A few fans came up to them, taking pictures with them and of them which was great for management because it meant more pictures could be surfaced over the internet. They talked a lot about fame, what life had to offer for them and the do's and do not's of being famous, in interviews, whilst touring and Louis loved how seriously Eleanor was taking him.

After a while, when they felt like their food had settled down and digested, they got up and left the restaurant. As usual, the paparazzi went mental as soon as they stepped out and flashes were going off from every direction so Louis turned to Eleanor, smiling and kissing her on the cheeks as was told in the instructions. Once they were back in the car, Louis turned to Eleanor and sighed in relief.

"That was... wow," she let out a low chuckle, looking quite out of place as she glanced around the place. The flashes were still going off as Louis started up the engine and started driving off, going down the same roads to drop Eleanor off.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to it." He promised her.

"I don't think I want to!"

"Sadly, you're going to have to," Louis sighed.

The rest of the drive was silent, they had no other words to say and the only thing that was on Louis's mind was about the candids of today going around the internet. Was he smiling enough? Did the smile reach to his eyes or did he look like mournful or like he was actually having fun? So many thoughts, so many worries spinning through his head as he dropped Eleanor off outside her house.

"Thank you for today," she smiled at Louis.

Louis just nodded. "It's fine love, I'll probably be seeing you around a lot now."

Eleanor just sighed, nodding too. "What a pain, right?"

"Hey!" Louis laughed, feeling warm inside. "You'll always have fun with me, I can guarantee you that."

"Okay loser, I'll text you the pictures from today. See you," Eleanor waved as she got out of the car and walked up the her house.

Louis sat in his car for a while, just thinking about how his life was moving and where he was going. At this rate, he was never going to be happy and he had no idea how to deal with it. He loved his job, he loved singing because it felt like it was the only time he could forget the world for real but at the same time: it brought him misery, he wasn't treated like a proper human being and he wanted and needed that respect.

Louis wished his life was just normal.


	11. 11 - Loved You First

LOVED YOU FIRST

It's been a week since Louis and Eleanor had gone out on their fake date to please their management, the media and it was everywhere. It was on twitter, it was on facebook, any social media website, all over youtube, all different gossip websites. Louis's miserable smile plastered all over the net, Eleanor looking rather concerned and out of place and worried and walking hand-in-hand into the restaurant with the title of the article: 'Happy couple?' and Louis was so confused. How did he even look remotely happy? There was hardly a real smile on his face, there wasn't the crinkle in his eyes when he actually meant the smile and his cheeky smirk. Instead, he looked quite numb and nowhere even close to being content.

It's been a week since Louis was getting endless questions about his relationship status, who he was with and what he saw in Eleanor. He wasn't sure why people were making such a huge deal of a date, was it even supposed to mean anything so early on in the 'relationship?'. He tried to avoid these questions as a whole, just smiling at people who asked and completely ignoring people on twitter that would continuously ask him the same questions over and over.

The lads, on the other hand, reacted a little differently. Liam had showed up a day after the news had gotten out, clutching a picture of Louis kissing Eleanor's cheek and raising his eyebrow. "Bisexual now? Or you just go for girls?" He had asked, a little red in the face and a look of betrayal written all over his face. Louis had let out a shaky chuckle, sitting Liam down and explaining the whole situation and trying to convince Louis he was in fact still gay.

It was a little surreal for him, still, how he was having to deny his sexuality but he didn't know what else he was expecting. He had known right from the beginning that his management were evil, they were controlling and very manipulative - they knew what they wanted and knew exactly how to get it. Sure, Louis was wise and he was clever. Whenever he tried to do something, he knew exactly what he was getting himself into but management took it one step further and were one step ahead of him on every move. It was like they enjoyed stalking Louis, making his life hell.

Liam had taken the news a little hard on himself, furious that this was even legal or possible and not understanding the management's point of view. Sure, they had some sort of right in their explanation by saying that Louis was going to lose fans but Louis didn't care. If his fans loved him, they would be willing to support him despite whatever he preferred to be with.

Zayn and Niall had dropped by the following day and Louis was glad to know that they had taken the news much lighter, laughing at the pictures and constantly teasing Louis about it. They were no way angry, they understood what was going on and tried not to react because it would only end up making Louis mad. They tried to make a joke of the situation, make it insensitive so Louis could look back on it and not cringe and for that Louis really appreciated his two mates.

Eleanor had gotten exactly what they were aiming for in the first place. She was the talk of the month right now. Everyone was wondering who she is, what she does and they were on the edge for her new single when she wasn't even close to recording one yet. Management had created an image for her, fans for her before she's even managed to get out there and do something with her life and her record deal. Eleanor got a head start in this business and that was all down to Louis. She thanked him all the time, dropping cute messages throughout the day and telling Louis to keep going. Louis knew he could rely on Eleanor now, they had a playful relationship where they sent each other the candids of the date and laughing at each others melancholy appearances.

However, there was one thing missing from Louis's entire week and that was Harry's presence around him. He had not been in touch with Harry for the whole week and it was slowly killing him because he missed the silly boy with the tight, long strands of his curly hair and the deep dimples, the bottle green eyes and the small smile that played on his full, pink lips. Everything about Harry made Louis's insides go warm and as much as he wanted to forget Harry, let him live his content life with Dalton - there was something that just kept bringing him back. He was afraid of letting Harry go, he didn't want him to disappear and wanted him to stay a huge part of his life. Louis loved Harry and that feeling just doesn't go, it doesn't disappear and Louis was never going to try and make it go - no matter how much it hurt.

It only made it worst when Harry didn't have a phone making it virtually impossible for him to be able to contact Harry. Louis had made a mistake, tried to kiss Harry and make their whole friendship awkward and he would take it back if he could. After all, he had just managed to become somewhat friends with Harry after those wrecked years and he didn't want all of that going to waste just because Louis couldn't control his desires. He had to control them, bury them deep within themselves and just be a good friend to Harry, like he always has to be.

Louis wanted to meet Harry, apologise for his behaviour and promise not to try a stunt like that again but he was nowhere to be seen. A part of Louis was way too afraid to drop by to their house, scared to be faced with Dalton again and his intimidating smirk. There was something about him as a person that made Louis want to stay miles away and going to their apartment was the worst idea.

He had to just wait around, hope Harry was going to drop by but it just seemed so unlikely now that Louis had managed to ruin everything. He had made Harry uncomfortable, sent him away once again and Louis was mentally exhausted, hating himself for being such an idiot sometimes.

Today, he just wanted to have a nice lunch to himself alone in a private restaurant and not have to worry about anyone else. Today he wanted to turn his phone off, pocket it and not worry about the alerts he was getting about the articles that were being published about him all the time. He was tired, he just wanted a break from life already and no one was letting him be.

Louis found the perfect place in the heart of London, away from everyone's attention and it allowed him to just be away from the media too. Because of the past week, the media attention has been on overload with people trying to find a way into Louis's life by every corner, wanting to know every little single small detail - and it was beginning to annoy Louis. He just wanted to forget everyone, forget people who were pestering him to give information and details because he wasn't even allowed to. The rule was, and always is, keep your head down and keep moving.

The restaurant had a really vintage feel to it, the whole place wooden and chairs nice, low and everything made Louis smile. This whole week, for once, he smiled and appreciated the place because it was something he really liked being around. He was tired of the fancy chandeliers, the massive tables with prestige chairs and excessive decoration. He liked being somewhere like this, down to earth and suited Louis's personality more.

"Table for one?" The waiter had asked, smiling at Louis and gushing a little judging by the red cheeks, wide eyes and the sparkle.

Louis smiled, nodding. "Yeah, please."

"Right!" The young boy stuttered on his words, looking shocked and shaky as he led Louis through the place. "Just this way sir."

The place wasn't crowded, there wasn't high profile celebrities everywhere and instead, just ordinary people getting on with their lives. People turned around, giving Louis second glances but no one over reacted, no one jumped up and demanded for a picture and Louis instantly. He felt something homely about this place, like he belonged here and he should always return here.

He was brought to a table even further away from the public, blocking out everyone else as he was handed over the menu.

"Please, call me over as soon as you've decided sir," the boy nodded.

Louis stopped him, bringing out a paper and signing it before passing it over. The boy looked overly pleased, grinning widely as he gushed over the autograph and offered Louis a hug before running off to do his job. Louis loved this part of his job, loved being able to make other people's day by a single scribble on a paper or a picture taken with them. It blew his mind how many people appreciated such a small gesture by him and wondered what they would ever do if he did something huge. He had to start thinking about that. He had to give back to the fans that have always been overly supportive of him, making sure to be there every time Louis fell and grazed his knees. He could never get tired of how much he loved his fans.

Louis glanced down the menu, looking at the different variety of food. He had to always follow some kind of strict regime of what to eat to keep his weight maintained as to where it is right now. He couldn't lose any more, he couldn't gain either. He went for the low fat section of the menu, looking at the different options before settling on the salad with chicken. He looked up to call the waiter back but was surprised when he found himself staring back into a pair of beautiful forest green eyes, not surprising that it was Harry's.

Harry looked equally as baffled but smiled. "Louis," he breathed out, his voice barely audible.

Louis tried to reply but he felt like his breath had been taken away now that he had been faced with Harry's beauty, once again. There was just something so undeniably gorgeous about Harry that Louis couldn't get enough, he had to keep coming back for more. Harry was wearing a black tank top, all his tattoos on display that Louis hadn't seen before. There was black ink decorated all over his delicate, slightly tanned arms and Harry was practically beaming, sunshine radiating off him. He was in a good mood. His strands of curly hair were tied back in a black with white skulls headband, away from his eyes and he just looked healthier.

A part of Louis was gutted because he wanted Harry to be jealous of him and Eleanor, wanted Harry to question him until Louis got too annoyed to answer but instead, Harry looked the happiest he had seen yet.

"Hey," Louis greeted lazily, trying his hardest not to glance up to Harry and looking down at the menu again, pretending to browse the meals.

Harry, however, wasn't fooled. "Can I take your order?"

Louis was stunned, looking up with his eyes wide. "You work here?"

"I wish!" Harry chuckled, his smile not fading. "Dalton works here as the manager, likes to bring me up sometimes and show me around. I'm allowed to take a few orders."

Right. Of course. Everything was linked and lead back to Dalton, each aspect of Harry's life. There was not one ounce of independence in Harry's life and it worried Louis but he didn't dare try to voice his opinions. Who cared what Louis thought?

"So, why don't you just get a job and work alongside him?" Louis rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, there isn't many jobs here."

Louis nodded, not knowing what else to say. His skin was burning and his eyes were twitching, he wanted to run from here and regretted even coming into this restaurant now. He couldn't take it, he couldn't deny that Harry's smiles were killing him slowly as selfish as it may sound. He wanted Harry to care, to be jealous and to demand answers but who was Louis trying to fool? He kept forgetting that Harry was happy, he was content and enjoying his life with a boyfriend he had been with for three years and even looking at him now, his sincere, huge smile -- it was clear that Harry didn't even need Louis.

Even after that almost kiss, the atmosphere wasn't awkward and Louis was relieved for that. He couldn't deal with that problem on top as well.

"So you got a new girlfriend?" Harry finally questioned, breaking the silence after Louis hadn't replied from Harry's statement. Truth is, Louis didn't have any words left to say and he didn't feel like talking. 

"I'd like to order the chicken salad," Louis said instead, not caring how immature it may be. "With diet coke."

"Louis."

"Harry." Louis warned back, his voice low.

"Her names Eleanor, right?"

He sighed deeply, knowing that the topic wasn't going to be dropped. He had wanted Harry's attention all this time but now that they were discussing this, he wanted nothing more than for it to be dropped. Louis hadn't realised how much he actually hated talking about Eleanor because it was all fake, it didn't mean anything and he didn't want to say anything he would later on regret. He couldn't let the truth spill from his mouth either, potentially ruining his whole career.

Instead, Louis nodded, trying to force a smile onto his face. "Yeah, it is."

"She's really pretty," Harry complimented and Louis cringed internally, nodding. "Where did you meet her?"

Louis's insides were screaming, tormenting his soul -- he was just so goddamn hurt. All his friends had picked up on the fake smile in the picture, commenting on it and asking what was going on, why was he doing this? Wasn't he gay? But Harry was taking a completely different approach, asking serious questions and Louis felt betrayed. Maybe these feelings were irrational, no reason to be feeling this way and overthinking but it was a shitty feeling, whatever it was.

"I don't know," Louis answered after a while, licking his lips and looking away.

"Does she make you happy?" Harry asked immediately after Louis had finished talking.

He flushed, raising an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Does she make you happy?" He repeated the question, raising his eyebrows in a mocking manner and despite the teasing tone and facial expression, there was something deeper that Louis could feel.

"I just met her, why does it matter?" Louis mumbled.

"Some people give you instant happiness." Harry told Louis, his smile proud and Louis couldn't help but feel the side comment on Dalton that Harry had dropped.

He cleared his throat, nodding. "Okay, I just want my food, starving."

"Harry, Louis?" Louis heard another voice before Harry could even reply and he snapped his head up to see Dalton standing there, his eyes dark -- wearing an expression that Louis couldn't put his finger on but it was intimidating, to say the least. He quickly diverted his eyes away from Dalton, feeling an unfamiliar rush of danger.

Harry's smile had wiped straight off his face, looking more alert and standing up straighter. "Hey Dalton." 

"You invited Louis?" Dalton asked, his voice anything but friendly.

Louis squirmed uncomfortably in his seat deciding that next time he will stick to his fancy, over extravagant and pricey restaurant because then he wouldn't have to run into the people he was trying to hide away from. It was like Louis couldn't catch a break no matter where he went, surrounded and being suffocated by people in every inch of his life.

Harry shook his head. "No, no. He just happened to come here."

"Rich boy like you in a run down place like this, ey?" Dalton asked, tilting his head to the side and looking fairly surprised. "Why don't I believe you Harold?"

The hair on the back of Louis's neck stood up when he heard the name 'Harold' being used because it brought back high school memories when he would tease Harry calling him Harold. Harry hated it, insisting that the name was old fashioned and he should never be called it and therefore, Louis just used it even more. He didn't like the fact that Dalton here was talking him exactly that and Harry wasn't stopping him, warning him to stop -- instead, shrugging it off.

"Babe, I don't have a phone. How was I supposed to invite him?"

"I don't know love, you're hardly home nowadays. Do you sneak off to Louis's mansion?" Dalton asked, looking at his nails and seeming not the slightest bit interested.

It didn't stop Harry from tapping his fingers along his thighs, looking quite scared. "What do you mean I'm hardly home?" He asked, his voice accusing and his eyes slightly wide with something that seemed like mild anger.

Dalton flashed his eyes to Harry for a second and it felt like it was just them two in the room. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You and this stupid Cecila-"

Louis coughed, breaking off the conversation that was building into an argument. "I'd really like to order... or I can just go and-"

"No, no!" Dalton said all at once, pushing Harry slightly out of the way and bringing out a notepad to write down the order. "What would you like Louis?"

"A chicken salad with diet coke," Louis repeated what felt like the hundredth time today as Dalton wrote it down, looking around and giving Harry a look. He said something under his breath which caused Harry to jump before Dalton moved away, out of sight.

Not surprisingly, Harry's mood went down and his smile was no longer there. Instead, it was replaced by a small frown and furrowed brows. He looked worried, fear in his eyes but also angry, anxious. Louis knew all this, he could practically read Harry and knew every inch of his skin, each facial expression, each feeling and it hadn't changed even after three years. 

"Erm, are you okay?" Louis asked, a little unsure what to do but he felt an overwhelming desire to comfort Harry, hold him in his arms.

"Oh fuck off Louis," Harry spat, his voice vicious and full of venom as he ran a hand through his curls. "Go fuck Eleanor for all I care." was the only thing he said before walking away, leaving Louis speechless and hurt and confused.


	12. 12 - In The Moment

IN THE MOMENT

 

Louis was back at his own house but not alone for once. He had Liam by his side who was flicking through his music, playing it out loud and letting the stereo take over the thoughts that were consuming and swallowing Louis. It was drowning out all the other thoughts, not letting him focus on anything besides the fact that Liam was being an obnoxious fucker, playing Louis's own cringe worth lyrics out loud.

"Seriously mate, you're first singles were funny as fuck." Liam chuckled, changing it to another song and laughing along to all the lyrics, singing loudly.

Louis smiled. "You remember the lyrics though, don't you? Look at you, singing along."

Liam rolled his eyes, blushing. "Of course I remember your lyrics, they are my best friend's!"

"You're such a bloody weirdo," Louis sighed, shaking his head. In actual fact, Louis felt very flattered when people listened to his music and they could remember the lyrics back to his first single. It was comforting to know there was people supporting him, way back in time when Louis had no faith in himself. He was a lost idiot, foolish and heartbroken and he was a depressing pessimistic.

Now, Louis has managed to improve -- enough to say he's feeling okay and not feel a heavy weight on his tongue from the guilt of lying so easily. He was getting on, managing and dealing with situations much easier than before and with much more ease. Sure, there is still pain and hurt and it surrounds Louis's life on a daily basis and truthfully, that's never going to go away. It wasn't going to get steadier now that Harry had managed to squirm his way back into Louis's rather fucked up life. It just all felt like one bloody big mess, but a better mess than before.

"Hey!" Liam sulked, pouting like a child before swatting Louis playfully on the shoulders. He turned the music down, facing Louis more closely now. "You don't call your brother a weirdo, say sorry."

Louis scoffed, rolling his eyes and muttering a quick "no," before grinning widely and grabbing his own phone.

He hardly went on any social media recently, finding that his life seemed to feel better when he wasn't inviting himself to the endless hate he receives. Ever since the party with Zayn, more and more people have been sending Louis hate: calling him gay, fag and what not and Louis doesn't mind. That's what he is, he is gay and it's glad that people can see that besides the lie of him being with Eleanor. He just wished things were different enough to be able to have Harry, without Dalton involved, and walk down the streets hands in hands. He might not have that, not now and not ever and it brought a tingle to Louis, goosebumps on his arms and an weird ache to his chest.

"How's things between you and Harry?" Liam asked.

It seemed like whenever Louis was thinking of him, the subject was always brought up and mentioned and it became hard for Louis to give an answer. He didn't know what to say. It was good because he was actually seeing Harry with his own two eyes, seeing the beauty he captured and how the whole world was mesmerized by him -- especially himself. But it was bad as well, he could never have that insane beauty for himself, he could never make Harry feel good with his own two hands and his own words. That was all he wanted, besides the singing career and it was one ambition, one dream he wasn't able to make come true.

Maybe that's what made Louis so upset about this whole situation. It was what he didn't say, what could never be from this perfect hot mess that they both have created. Louis knows there's unresolved feelings here, there's still a spark waiting to ignite but Harry is needy of Dalton, he is completely gone and in love with Dalton. How many times is Louis going to have to remind this to himself before he finally realises and backs away? He isn't sure himself.

"It's nothing special," Louis finally settled on saying, shrugging. What else could he say that could explain the whirlwind of emotions spinning through his mind right now? "I mean, it is what it is."

"Well, I know it's nothing special," Liam said, his voice low and cautious like he was afraid that he was hurting Louis with his words. "I mean, I just want to know how you're getting along."

"It's fine, we're just friends -- a little weird friends, to be honest."

Liam chuckled out loud, nodding and smiling fondly at Louis before handing over a bowl of popcorn for him. "Listen, I know it's a little hard but you're going to get through this."

Louis just nodded, not knowing what else to say and not being able to bring the words to his throat and mouth either. He just wanted the topic of Harry to disappear altogether but at the same time, he wanted to discuss it until there was no words left and his throat was aching from the remembrance of Harry and the way his lips feel, his fresh minty breath. "I know, I always get through it." Louis grinned, trying to sound convicing but Liam wasn't buying it.

"You just like, need a decent break from here."

He nodded because Louis agreed. "I know, I need to go somewhere far and never see the world again." Then he paused. "But, I love the people who support me so much Li. Like, these girls that sacrifice their time for me. It's just mindblowing."

"It's because of your ass," Liam teased, rolling his eyes but agreed aswell, his eyes wide and earnest. "It's actually pretty sick, you have good support and you're in good hands."

"I know, exactly!" Louis sighed dramatically. "I just wish that was enough for me."

"It is, you just don't see it."

"So.." Louis smirked, starting the conversation up with something different that he hadn't touched upon yet or seen action with his own two eyes. "How's you and Zayn going?"

The simple mention of Zayn got Liam blushing red, instantly covering his face with his hands and groaning into them. It was quite cute the effect that Zayn had on him, nothing ever softened or reduced Liam into a soft ball of sunshine but this. Louis wasn't used to seeing this but he definitely could get the hang of it.

Liam smiled warmly now. "Their really good... like really good." He muttered.

"Yeah?" Louis asked, raising an eyebrow and winking just slightly to get him worked up even more. "I bet they are. Are you guys officially dating now?"

"Yeah, I asked that little fucker out because apparently he's too shy."

"So you'll be doing the proposing?"

"Too soon!" Liam groaned again, slapping Louis's arm playfully.

Louis swatted his arm in return as Liam turned up the music, drowning out all conversations once again and Louis was thankful for that. Sometimes, he just wanted time to himself but also be allowed to have company over so he wasn't alone. He hated feeling alone, like he had no one to talk to. He was tired of being like this -- tired of pushing people away because of one specific curly lad. His career was beginning to pick up now, it was really starting to make more sense for him and he just wanted to focus on it. Louis wanted to record more albums, wanted to release new singles and film more music videos but a part of him was always lacking, he never gave it his 100%. With the new world tour coming up, he wanted to offer everything inside of him for these people who are buying his concert tickets, paying to meet him and his miserable face. Why would anyone torture themselves like that?

He had to start making a change, now. Before it was too late. He had to minus the distractions in his life.

Right on cue, the doorbell sound went off and Louis jumped, startled. He wasn't expecting any guests tonight and he was a little annoyed towards the fact that his free time with Liam has been ruined. He just wanted to spend some quality time with people who understood, who were there for him from day one.

"One second," he muttered to Liam, shrugging at Liam's confused expression as he went over and unlocked the chains, looking through the peep hole to find a rather upset Harry staring back at him.

Talking about distractions.

Louis tried not to sigh out loud as he unlocked the door, swinging it open and shooting Harry a rather tired expression. "Haz?" He called as Harry rubbed his eyes, looking tired.

"Erm... is this a bad time?"

Louis glanced back at Liam in the other room and sighed, shrugging. It wouldn't be a bad idea to let these two bond again and plus, what was Louis even doing before Harry had arrived? All the promises of distractions, putting his focus on one thing only went flying out of the window as he stepped out of the way, unblocking Harry's path. "Not really, come in."

Harry seemed uncertain for a second but stepped in, shaking his hair and pulling the fringe back. He looked drained, as usual but there was just something else about his facial expression today. He looked well fucked, his cheeks rosy and his eyes wide and glossy. It was almost like he had just ran out of his apartment after Dalton had a good go at him.

Louis tried not to notice, swallowing past the burning in his throat as he led Harry into the living room where Liam noticed, jumping straight up. Liam looked surprised, to say the least as he stared Harry up and down like he wasn't even human.

"You're here," Liam said coldly, however -- his voice hostile and faraway and Louis internally cringed because this wasn't what he expected.

Harry's face fell, not like he was smiling anyway, as he fiddled with his fingers uncomfortably. "Hey Liam," he whispered finally, offering a small smile.

Step by step Louis thought to himself. He had to bring Harry back to all the friends, step by step. Niall was already crossed off the list because he knew Niall was the easiest one to do, he was the one that was forgiving and willing to reason. However, Liam and Zayn were just difficult on another level.

"I don't know how to feel right now," Liam said, his voice shaky as he laughed out loud. 

"You don't have to feel anything, I'm sorry I showed up."

Louis put his head in his hands and groaned. "Liam," he pleaded, not looking up because he didn't want this to be an awkward day. He just wanted for everything to go okay and as planned for once so he didn't have to feel completely broken the next day.

Liam noticed the begging behind the soft tone as his eyes slightly lightened up and he brushed forward, crushing Harry into a bear hug. Harry squirmed, rather painfully, but soon relaxed into the hold and sighed, nuzzling his head into Liam's neck. "Bro, where the fuck you been?" Liam whispered, sounding completely wrecked and broken. "I missed you so so much, Harry."

Harry just sighed again, his eyes with big, thick tears building up again. "I missed you too Li, more than you'll ever know. Please believe me."

"Why did you leave?"

"I'm sorry." Was all Harry could get out, closing his eyes and Louis felt anger. He was annoyed that Harry could never explain himself, never give a reasoning as to why it was okay to cut everyone off for three years. Especially him. But, that's how friendships go and Louis was no one to complain. He didn't know what else to say to Harry.

"No, you're not you tosser. You're not." Liam mumbled, running a hand through his curls. Their voices were hushed, private.

"I am! I just, I don't know!" Harry cried back.

"Oh shut the fuck up, I'm so angry at you!"

"I'm sorry."

Louis felt like he was interupting something, felt like this was a moment that these two lads needed to share so he backed out of the living room and entered his kitchen. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he slouched into his stool feeling mournful and rather dejected. He thought of having to see Eleanor soon for another date was almost making him want to scream. He felt sick that he was lying to millions.

He tried not to think, tried to shut his thoughts out for once goddamn second as he swallowed down the drink and closed his eyes. Everything was confusing, spinning all at once and Louis knew he needed to stop for a second and just take a breather. There was a lot going on -- nothing of which he wasn't used to but it was just the pain that followed.

After what seemed like forever, Harry wandered into the kitchen and gave Louis a sympathetic smile before sitting down besides him. They sat in silence before he spoke up. "Liam left."

Louis just nodded, shrugging. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"What?" Louis asked confused even though he knew that Liam probably wanted to give them two some private time alone and that was the last time he needed right now. He sighed, nodding and taking another swing of his bottle. He was too worn out to even ask why Harry was here.

"What's wrong Louis?" Harry finally asked, snapping him out of his thoughts and bringing him back to life. 

Louis blinked a few times, feeling utterly confused as he shook his head furiously. No, he wasn't going to do this. He was completely fine. He was being a little ungrateful, spoilt brat for not realising how amazingly successful he was. He was practically loaded with money, backed up by millions of fans - constantly and people looked up to him. So many people can't even come close to touching what Louis was living but it felt like a horrible nightmare gone wrong.

He tried to put on a brave smile, a fake persona. "I'm fine." 

"I know you Louis."

And just like that, Louis could feel his temper being brought up as his legs started to shake inevitably. His eyes twitched as he clenched his fists, taking deep breaths. "You don't know anything, okay?" He spat back. Harry wasn't allowed to do this. He wasn't allowed to leave for three years then come back, assume he knows everything ask Louis oh so sweetly that he knew him. 

Harry looked startled, taken back as he edged away from the stool just slightly and looked completely heartbroken. His eyes wide, filling with tears once again and his bottom lip shaking as he tried to compose himself. "I'm sorry?" He offered.

"Stop fucking apologising Harry!" He finally snapped, breaking and letting go of all the emotions that have been building up inside. He felt pressurized, pushed to the brim. "Why are you even saying sorry? Do you know?"

Harry's shoulders shook uncontrollably. "What? Of course I know why I'm apologising, I did wrong."

"Yeah, you fucking did!" Louis carried on, not even being careful of what was coming out his mouth. His head was swimming, craving for more of his bottle. "But you show up here, every single time, with a sad smile and like you want me to feel sorry for you! Why?"

This time, Harry reacted as he climbed out of the chair and gave Louis one stern straight face. He looked hurt, his eyes looked struck with grief as he pulled himself together. "If you didn't want me here, you just had to say." Harry spoke softly, his voice barely audible. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

"But you do, Harry, you just fucking do and what am I supposed to do?" Louis groaned pathetically, tears spilling from his eyes from the anger. "I didn't want you back, you just bring pain to me - every single day of my sad, little pathetic life."

This time, Harry let out a broken sob really loudly as he held his stomach and closed his eyes tightly. Louis had no idea how much his words could affect him but it was clearly a lot as Harry rubbed his eyes, one arm still clutched safely around his petite waist. Louis hadn't even realised how tiny he really was now staring at him, now that his body form was clearly outlined and Louis couldn't even bring to explain how he felt in that moment. He felt terrible. 

Louis jumped up from his seat to reach over, to comfort Harry even though he had no right after the harsh words but Harry recoiled, jumping back and muttering soft. "No, no, no," as he stepped back and shook his head. "Please, no."

"Harry?" Louis asked, his voice unstable and confused as to what was being played out right in front of his eyes. What had he done?

"Please, no!" Harry repeated. "I just... I'm sorry. Fuck! I said it again. Oh no, I swore." By now, Harry was just muttering things that Louis couldn't make it, only looking sympathetically at Harry who was freaking out. "Just, please?" Harry pleaded.

"Please what?"

"I'll go, I'm sorry." Harry said, running out of the door before Louis could even react.

And once again, Louis was left with his broken thoughts and Harry on his mind.

This definitely wasn't how he was expecting to start his life with no distractions. But, he was more worried about how Harry had reacted and how skinny he was.

**

The night following was horrendous, Louis felt like shit and he didn't know what else to do except feel it. He tried to cuddle up to himself, watch a sad movie and drown himself in tears but he couldn't focus on the screen, he couldn't focus on the words being spoken. All he could do was feel Harry's pain, his tears and the way he reacted and it just wasn't normal. He should've shoved Louis, taught him a lesson and instead, he blamed himself and ran out and Louis wanted nothing more than to fix things.

But where did that get him? Nowhere.

It was an endless cycle. He would go back to Harry, then it would be all good but there's something about Harry that Louis just couldn't crack -- then they would fight, or something and lead up to Harry running out. Louis had to learn, once and for all, that this wasn't his business and push Harry out for good.

Even though, he knew he wasn't going to stick to those words -- he was going to try. Today was going to be a long day since he had a meeting with Richard and Eleanor and he was certain that they were going to confirm them two dating. 

He didn't mind meeting Eleanor a few more times, she was a lovely girl with a warming loving heart but this wasn't what he wanted. Louis wanted to be able to show up in public, holding his boyfriends hand and walk along happily because he's gay and nothing else has been this certain to him.

Louis stumbled into his kitchen and the memories from last night hit him hard as he looked around the dirty place. His bottle was still out, unfinished and just begging for Louis to take a sip of it. But, he refused to as he threw it back in the fridge. He poured some cereal, not wanting anything too heavy as he settled down on the counter -- the same one where he argued with Harry last night.

But, something surprising was sitting there and Louis had to stare at it for a few minutes before coming to terms with what it was. It was a cellphone and he had definitely not seen it before. It couldn't be his, or Liam's or Zayn's or Niall's.

It was quite a old make, something you could only take a picture and text or call on it and it looked worn out like someone had been using it for quite a long time. It also seemed broken but the one or two buttons missing. Louis didn't know what to make of it except the fact that it was probably Harry's phone.

"But Harry said he didn't have a phone," he whispered to himself. He pressed the home button and a picture of Dalton flashed on the front screen. Definitely Harry. "Goddamn!" He wanted to throw the phone across the room, break it and never have to see that again but it wasn't his property and he couldn't manage to fuck up things more than they already had.

Without a second thought, he grabbed the phone and jumped into his car knowing exactly where his next destination was.


	13. 13 - Tell Me A Story

TELL ME A STORY

 

Louis had told himself that he wouldn't return here, he wouldn't come back to this apartment where he was surrounded by the happy couple but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to torture himself, he really didn't but a part of him felt compelled to come here and just give Harry the phone back. He wanted to see something, some sort of emotion in his eyes -- guilt maybe as he handed the phone back. He was probably going to end up going back, utterly heartbroken but Louis was growing quite used to the feeling now and it probably wasn't the best thing in the world but it is what it is.

He could never grow used to the ugly neighbourhood, though. It truly disturbed him to come down here on the one occasion he did and he simply couldn't imagine living here. It was dirty, unsafe and it certainly didn't look safe enough to be living besides these people. Louis tried not to judge, reminded himself that not everyone was in the same position that he was in, loaded with millions.

He packed up the car outside the flat block, feeling the familiar memories hit him of how strangely weird that day was. The first time he had come here, he felt intimidated by Dalton and he never felt that way with anyone else except his management team -- only on several occasions. It was nerve wracking the effect that Dalton had on his life, even if it was the smallest role.

Louis didn't want to be rude, he didn't want to suffocate Harry with questions by bombarding him and throwing the phone down on him. Sure, he was still enraged and boiling from the fact that Harry had lied to him about a simple cellphone. If he didn't want to give his number, he could've just said and Louis wouldn't of made a big deal of it. Instead, he lied and made Louis believe it -- and Louis didn't like that. He just wanted valid answers and then he would leave, he wouldn't bother Harry.

Hesitating outside the flat block, Louis decided to go straight in with the code since he already knew it from last time and went straight up the stairs to Harry's door. He was out of breath by the time he reached there but he didn't even care as he knocked harshly on the wood, standing back and taking a deep breath. There was some shuffling from the inside and he could hear Harry cursing as he walked around and opened the door.

"Dalton, I didn't - oh.." Harry breathed out, voice shaky and uncertain. "Oh, it's you."

Louis was taken back by Harry's appearance, gasping as he stumbled back and covered his mouth to control his breathing. He hadn't expected this. He didn't expect Harry to be opening the door, looking completely wrecked and broken with little bruises covered his face and a black eye -- looking awfully painful. He was wearing a shirt that had a low cut, exposing lots of little lovebites on Harry's neck and Louis felt like his whole world stopped right there. Harry looked so torn, so hurt and Louis felt tears well up in his eyes.

"What happened?" Louis finally choked out, trying to move forward and comfort him in any way he could but it seemed like nothing could fix what was standing before him. Had Dalton done this to him? Laid his hands and punched him straight in the eye?

Harry looked shocked, at first and moved back, flinching. "Louis, you should go." His voice was strained. It was clear he was holding something back and there was a sparkle of something desperate in his eyes as he glanced towards the lifts of the apartment complex. "You really should go." He repeated.

His eyes had light red rings under them, huge eyebags like he hadn't got a decent nights sleep in ages and he looked worn up, as usual. It was like any other day Louis would go to meet Harry, he always looked as equally tired as the other day -- but today was something different. Today, Harry was clearly hurt, something had happened here and Louis wanted to know what it was. He wanted to punch Dalton as equally hard if it was him because this isn't acceptable.

"No." Louis simply said, shaking his head with an apologetic look in his eyes. He knew Harry probably didn't want him right now, feeling vulnerable and exposed but there was no way he was going to leave him alone. He took a deep breath, taking a moment to himself to figure out what there is he had to do. "Is Dalton home?"

Harry shook his petite head, a sad smile playing at his lips.

"Let me in," Louis said simply as Harry didn't even put up a fight, moved out of the way and unblocked the passage so he could walk in. He took a look around the perfectly clean apartment, nothing out of place and scoffed at how perfect it looked. He turned back to Harry, frowning. "Tell me what happened here." He gestured towards the black eye. "Don't bullshit, don't cover it up."

Harry frowned this time, raising an eyebrow and looking confused. "It's not a big deal Louis?"

"It is a big deal! Did Dalton hurt you because I swear to god, if he did-"

Harry cut him off before he could complete his threat, looking offended. "What do you mean?" He spat, hatred clear in his tone of voice.

"You have a black eye Harry, what the hell happened?"

"So you automatically assume that Dalton was the one behind it?" Harry challenged.

Louis thought about the last few weeks since he got in touch with Harry and it all seemed to make sense. Harry was always tired, always looking well fucked and wrecked, he didn't have a cellphone besides the old model that was stored safely in his back pocket, he always met Louis only when Dalton wasn't around. All these signs could only point to one thing and it only made sense. But, Louis really wanted it to be false because he couldn't deal with the fact that Dalton has been abusing him and Louis failed to do anything about it. He needed this to be a lie.

"What else could it be?"

Harry laughed this time, sounding surprised and shook his head. "Louis, I got into a fight at the club, that's all."

Memories of when Louis hit Zayn came flooding back to his mind, all the media attention he had managed to gather that day and all the hate they both had been hit with. It was also the unfortunate night where his sexuality had started to be questioned, and hadn't stopped, ever since. He really didn't like being reminded of that day in any way, shape or form.

"Really?" Louis scoffed, not the slightest bit convinced. Harry was a lover, he spread his love and his affection everywhere he went and never once thought about hurting someone intentionally. He would do anything but raise a hand on someone, get into a fight at the club -- the most stupidest thing Louis had ever heard. "I don't believe a word."

Harry shrugged. "I don't need your approval, Lou. I know what happened."

"When did it happen then? Because, I can recall you being at my house yesterday. When did you get the time to go to the club?"

"Me and Dalton went right after I came back from yours, we needed to get out and have some fun time but I happened to bump into someone who was constantly abusing Dalton."

"Abusing, huh?"

"Yeah," Harry moved around his apartment, going to the kitchen and pulling out a can of pepsi and throwing it in Louis's direction. "Have that."

"Abusing how?" Louis ignored any other attempts at a conversation, still not believing the bullshit Harry was feeding him.

"Calling him names that weren't true. You know, immature stuff." Harry chuckled, his eyes dark in the memory as he grabbed himself a can of diet coke and sat down in the living room. "It was a little fight, he just managed to get his hands on me good."

The way Harry was talking sounded so unfamiliar to Louis. He wasn't used to him using these words, seeming fine with the fact that he had just gotten into a fight last night -- something he couldn't imagine Louis doing even in a million years. It just didn't feel right, didn't feel normal and he had no idea what to do except stand there, squirming and shifting uncomfortably on his feet. He wanted the truth and he had no idea whether Harry was offering the truth right now.

"I don't get it," Louis finally whispered, fiddling with his back pocket and feeling the phone. "It doesn't explain the marks on your neck."

"These marks?" Harry looked down, running his hands over them and leaving a lingered touch as he hissed to himself. "Dalton wanted to thank me for standing up to him, saying it wasn't needed but he was so happy to have a boyfriend like me. He made me feel good."

Louis felt hurt by these words, he had no idea why. It was the physical reminder that Dalton and Harry are in a loving relationship, they are together and Louis wasn't a part of that happiness. He was alone, didn't have no one and had to watch his ex best friend and the boy he was completely head over heels with after all these years, love someone else. It wasn't fair, he didn't want it to be this way anymore. He felt betrayed, for some odd reason. He didn't do enough to keep Harry in college, watched him walk away and he could've prevented it from happening back when they were younger.

Louis gulped, nodding and trying to pass down the lump in his throat as he opened up in can and took down the drink. He blinked away the few tears that had built up in his eyes without realising. "It looks... painful," was the only thing he could manage to splutter out, pointing towards the black eye again that was swollen, closing one of Harry's eye.

Even though Harry was beaten up, looked like shit -- he was still gorgeous in his own ways. Despite the fact he was pale, light pink lips and his eyes were a shade darker than usual - he was still Harry Styles with that award winning smile. There was something about him that was so tragically beautiful, it was clear he was hiding a secret from Louis and Louis was determined to crack it. He knew that the fact Harry never seemed to get any sleep wasn't a coincidence, or the fact that he always leaned on Louis, came to his house whenever he was upset.

There was something deeper here than Louis was itching to crack the code to, figure it out. He just wasn't sure if he was ready to hear the truth.

"It is," Harry agreed, humming and laughing. "But, it's just a black eye and I'll get over it."

Louis coughed as he brought out the phone from his back pocket, his palms sweaty as he tried to keep a firm grip of the device in his hands. "I, erm... found this in my kitchen in the morning." He said, bringing the phone in view for Harry to see.

There was a flicker of relief that flashed through his bottle green eyes, a smile curling up on his lips before it was replaced with a frown and guilt. "I didn't realise I left it."

"You lied to me," Louis accused, not being able to help how hurt he felt and it was on display by his voice, his squinted eyes and his glossy eyes. He never thought he would be able to feel vulnerable, to display emotions in front of someone else because he had managed to keep that all locked in for such a long time that now it felt strange to show to someone else. Especially to someone who has caused it. "You told me you didn't have a phone, that you were working on getting one."

Harry looked cornered, confused and at a loss of words as he jumped up from the sofa and moved towards Louis. "Could you give my phone please?" He asked, pleading.

Louis scoffed, throwing the phone and not caring whether he managed to catch it or not. "If you didn't want to give me your number, I wouldn't care, you know? I would've been fine with it. I just don't understand why you had to lie to me!"

"It's not that I wanted to lie to you," he tried to reason with the situation, looking torn and rather taken back. Harry clearly hadn't been expecting to see his cellphone laying around, somewhere Louis could get a hold of it. "I only have this phone for Dalton, I don't contact anyone else."

It seemed like the most pathetic thing to hear. The fact that someone would keep a phone just to save their boyfriends number, to be able to text and call him despite the fact they shared an apartment together and spent every passing second besides each other. It wasn't like it was a crime to be able to save someone else's number. Louis had been trying so hard to fix the friendship here, bring the seams together and have something worthwhile. He didn't want their whole childhood spent together to go to waste but he realised, Harry didn't even care. He wasn't concerned about Louis, he wasn't doing anything to win back his life despite the fact that he had betrayed him three years back. He was content with Dalton and he didn't need anyone else. Why had it taken Louis so long to realise this? To understand that he was being a home-wrecker?

Louis backed away from Harry slowly, feeling defeated and tired. He held up his hands in surrender. He could feel himself aching for the taste of a cigarette, to smoke it up and blow away and forget about everything else. He also felt the need to go out, to party and drink away all his troubles.

"I see where I'm not wanted." Louis managed to grit out, his voice broken. He hated the affect Harry had on him, it just wasn't fair. "I'm sorry I tried to get myself involved in your life."

Harry looked at him sympathetically, with big puppy dog eyes. Louis didn't need the pity, he didn't want Harry worrying about him. "Don't be stupid Louis, it isn't like that."

"It is though!" He snapped, his voice an octave higher as he narrowed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Isn't it?"

Harry flinched, startled as he moved back as an immediate reflex. "I don't know." He whispered, his voice barely audible. 

There was nothing left to say after that. What could Louis possibly say now when all the words have been split out, wide in the open for him to see? It was clear to him now that he didn't belong to be part of Harry's life, he really needed to stop trying from now. Sure, he would hurt and a part of him was always going to love him but there was nothing he could do. He just couldn't stand here, watch his other half love someone else -- it got too overwhelming.

Louis nodded, running a hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry for trying, okay? I know where I belong and I'll leave now." His voice was cracking as he opened the apartment door and left. A part of him was disappointed that Harry didn't call for him, didn't stop him and rather watched him go.

**

What Louis needed right now was a bit of mother loving, mother attention and he needed to be away from his own company. He hadn't visited home for what seemed like the longest time now and he craved the love he got from there, the endless shower of emotions that his sisters gave him. He missed seeing them, he really did and despised himself for trying to stay away for so long. This is where he belonged and he needed to stop fighting it. He gathered all the courage he needed, taking deep breaths in the car before cutting off the engine and walking towards the front door. Louis had driven straight here after Harry's and he was still a little overwhelmed, close to the edge of bursting into tears and breaking down.

He turned his phone off, not wanting any distractions today from visiting home and alerted all his security guards where he was. He was safe, away from the public eye and cosy around the people who he loved the most. Louis had brought his mother this huge mansion, quite close to his own, so he would never have to be separated from her and he appreciated that he could literally drive down for 5 minutes and walk into his mothers house.

Jay was extremely supportive of Louis, loving everything he did and never interjecting, telling him wrong. She brought the albums, many copies, and encouraged everyone on twitter to come along to concerts, support his little boy and bring him to the top. The truth is, there isn't much more famous you can get than Louis and he was pretty much doing everything anyway. What more level of fame could he reach now?

Louis knocked on the pale white painted door, stepping back and looking down as he heard voices from the other side of the door and shuffling around before Jay opened the door. She gave one long, hard look at Louis before sighing deeply and opening up her arms. There was some sense of relief, the only kind of relief you could get from coming to something familiar, as Louis embraced her and inhaled her usual vanilla scent. It was everything he missed, everything he needed.

"Loubear," she murmured in his tousled hair, running a hand down his back and tried to comfort him. "What's the matter baby?"

Louis frowned. "What do you mean mum?" 

"You're here, and I'm just wondering..."

He didn't back away from the hug, not wanting to let go just yet because he was afraid he was going to start crying there and then. "I don't need to be upset to come home and visit!" He tried to sound offended, but he really wasn't.

Jay giggled, shaking her head. "Oh no, of course not. I'm just not used to you coming home very often and I was just wondering love."

Finally, they pulled away and Jay was smiling fondly up at Louis, running a hand through his already messy hair. Louis knew he looked like a mess but the good thing was, he didn't need to straighten himself up and make himself look good to be visiting home. He didn't need to cover up, hide away or be someone he's not and it made him giddy with happiness.

"I know, I'm such a shit son," Louis sighed, pouting. "I should drop by more often."

"Don't be stupid, I know how busy you are!" Jay rolled her eyes, swatting him on the shoulder before bringing him into the house and shutting the door behind her. They went straight to the living room where Lottie and Fizzy were watching. When they noticed who had arrived, they smiled wide and attacked their older brother.

"You little bastard!" Fizzy said, tickling Louis's side with a grin. "How long after have you bothered to even come back?"

"Get off!" Louis tried to breathe between his laugh, the torture of being tickled as he slowly and carefully pushed Fizzy and Lottie off. He had forgotten how carefree he felt around here. "You devils!"

"We missed you!" Lottie said, her bottom lip sticking out.

"You adorable twat," he muttered, pinching her cheeks, "I'm sorry, but I'm back now ey!"

Jay smiled at the lot, shaking her head. "You nutters."

"Where's Daisy and Phoebe?" Louis asked, looking around the living room and looking for his twins. He loved how they were still quite young, he could still treat them like babies and get away with it whereas Lottie and Fizzy demanded to be treated like adults now. 

"They went out with Dan earlier for a little treat. I wasn't feeling it." Jay sighed.

It was a disappointment that he couldn't meet the twins straight away but he had no plans of returning back to his vacant mansion anytime soon so he was glad he had enough time to meet them afterwards. He sat down besides his mum, frowning. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. I had morning sickness and get really dizzy so I wanted to relax for a bit and watch a movie or two with the girls."

It was almost like Louis had forgotten all about the two twins that were currently on their way as well. His family was never ending, it just got bigger and bigger and Louis loved it. He loved having all these siblings to fall back on, liking each and every one of them for different reasons but being able to support all of them was the best. It was a bit nerve wracking at times to be the only brother around, considering all his sisters looked up to him and sometimes recycled garbage and endless gossips was always shown about him on tv -- he never wanted his sisters to see him in a different light. That would break him, make him a failure as an older brother.

"How far long are you now?"

"Only 3 months in love, still a long way to go but it will fly by like usual." She patted her stomach, smiling down at it like her whole life was contained in there. "Wedding is coming up soon too."

Louis nodded, quite excited for the wedding despite the fact it was taking place after the twins were born. He wanted to be able to give back to his family, wanted to see them happy and this wedding was definitely going to be the start of that.

"It's going to be great," he promised his mum.

"So, tell me, what's been going on with you mister?" Jay narrowed her eyes, getting more comfortable on the sofa. "I've heard a lot about you recently."

So, for the next couple of hours Louis and Jay sat in the living room with cups of tea and plates of cakes and discussed what had been going on. Louis didn't hold back any detail, feeling the need to come clean and let go of all the emotions that have been building up inside. He started with meeting Harry for the first time, the encounter in the park -- all the way up to what just happened an hour ago and felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He had forgotten how effortless and easy it was to vent to your mother, she wasn't the one to judge and think bad of you and just wanted to help you in any way she could. Jay looked pleasantly surprised, gasping and muttering curse words under her breath at the right moments and patting his shoulder at the right times. Louis released all the load off him, not leaving anything out and when he was done he just fell back, eyes closed and sighed.

"That's terrible Loubear," Jay sighed too, her eyes deep with sympathy for her baby. "You don't deserve any of that. I can't believe Harry has changed so much."

Jay and Harry had practically been best friends back in the days. They acted like they knew each other very well, having endless conversations about the most random stuff and always inviting each other over to family dinners. Harry felt comfortable with Jay, enough to open up about his dreams and ambitions and being able to call her his second mother. It was both a shock and a shame for Jay to see him change into something he's not right before her eyes and having no control over it whatsoever. 

He couldn't help but agree to his mums statement. "I know mum, I just don't know what to do."

"Listen, there's not much you can do." Jay said honestly, trying to be straight up with Louis. "It's just a shame that Harry can't see how much you love him, after all these years."

"He's just so swoon by Dalton."

"Exactly and it hurts to say this, but that's not going to change."

Louis groaned loudly, feeling those words affect him but he had to accept it now otherwise he never will. "I just... I don't know!"

"And this Eleanor business is out of hand," Jay shook her head in disbelief, not wanting to believe that management could be so cruel. "They don't even acknowledge your feelings." She paused, looking at Louis with wide eyes. "Listen, how about I make you some dinner, we'll watch some movies and you get some rest and then tomorrow, I'll take you to my favourite restaurant for lunch. Yeah?"

And nothing sounded better to Louis in that moment.


	14. 14 - Maybe A Way Forward

MAYBE A WAY FORWARD

 

 

The next morning, Louis woke up to breakfast in bed with Lottie sitting by the side, munching away at her own food. It felt a little creepy to Louis, not used to his sisters snooping in and watching him sleep. He sat up straight, rubbing a this eyes and raising an eyebrow at his younger sister who gave an innocent smile.

"What on earth are you doing here?" He muttered, his voice straining from the lack of sleep he had received last night.

He had been up all night thinking about Harry, his charming smile and personality and the reason he had ended up here in the first place. He wanted to get rid of these toxic thoughts, find a way around them and get on with his life but it felt impossible. After all, this was just the start of moving on and he's already done it once -- he can do it again. Once he had managed to fall asleep, he was being haunted by the endless memories of Harry when they were younger and there was only one way of labelling a dream like this: it was definitely a nightmare. It had come to daunt Louis, to remind him he'll never get over Harry even if he tried.

Lottie grinned, looking up from her pancakes. "You slept in quite late."

Louis glanced over to his clock to see it was nearly 11am and he groaned loudly, picking up his pillow and burying his head in it. If it could erase all his thoughts while doing so, that would be great. At least he didn't have to do anything too mindblowing today -- just go for a lunch with his mum.

"I needed the sleep," he just shrugged, picking up the plate of food that had been brought up for him and smiled. "Mum remembers all the favourites, just the way I like it." The plate contained three pancakes, drizzled in syrup with a dash of powdered sugar on top with a small bowl of various berries and a pot of frozen yogurt. It was quite a lot, and very filling but Louis didn't mind. He hadn't been eating properly for the past month as it is.

"She went a little overboard, if you ask me," Lottie giggled. "Not to mention, you're going for lunch in about three hours."

"I don't think I'll be feeling it!" Louis gestured down to his plateful of delicious goods and rubbed his belly, digging straight in. He ate like a complete pig when he was at home, not needing to worry about his weight or how much he was eating or calories. It was completely out of control and he loved it.

"Of course you will. Mum loves this restaurant, she goes here so often. I got to say, she's been rather moody lately."

Louis chuckled. "She's pregnant, what do you expect?"

Lottie shrugged, smiling. "I can't wait for another set of twins. Though, it will be a handful."

Louis just sighed, nodding and agreeing. The more the merrier though. He loved being the oldest, having more siblings to be able to raise. "I'll have to come around more often then, won't I?" He teased.

Lottie nodded enthusiastically, seeming to really like the idea. Louis felt bad that he avoided his family for so long, not dropping by so often especially since he lived quite close. It wasn't fair that he didn't give them the time of the day since they were so supportive, loving and never failed to remind him how special he is, all he's achieved. He leaned forward, giving Lottie a sloppy, wet kiss on the forehead before finishing off all his breakfast

Louis got changed, slipping on casual, comfortable clothes so he didn't feel like he was trying to make any effort today. He liked this life, the simple lifestyle were you weren't worried about leaving the house looking like a tramp because you are going to get photographed from every possible angle. He went downstairs, smiling fondly at his mother who was cleaning away in the kitchen and also kissed her softly on the cheeks.

"Boobear, you're up, finally!" She chimed, her voice chirpy and seeming lighter. It was a relief to see how Jay relaxed, seemed much more happier whenever Louis was close.

It instantly brought a smile to his goofy face, grinning widely. "Finally." He repeated.

Jay seemed to be pleased with the simple answer, turning around and giving his cheeks a sharp pinch. She still treated Louis like a complete child and Louis didn't mind it. He lived for the affection because the world was so cruel. As a child, he pushed the affection away and hated his mother kissing his cheeks in public because it was embarrassing but now -- he wanted it more and more. He could only rely on his blood, in the end.

"Now, go and watch TV with your sisters and we'll go to the reservations at 1!"

"Mum!" Louis whined, pouting because he was incredibly stuffed, his stomach full to the brim and the thought of more food made him want to throw up. Plus, he was fussy with what went through his mouth and he wasn't prepared for a restaurant he wouldn't like. "I just had a massive breakfast, thanks to you by the way."

Jay just beamed. "You'll be hungry again in two or so hours, you know what your appetite is like!" She rolled her eyes, dusting off the counter tops before shooting Louis a look, raising her eyebrow. "Get outta here then!"

So, the next hours were spent curled up on the leather sofa watching countless reality shows and catching up. Louis was catching up on TV, on his sister's lives and his own life and it felt contenting to him to be able to spend some quality time. He was reminded of where he belonged, brought down to earth and let himself unwind down from a stressful month or so. Lottie would often bring up how her life is going, how hard she's finding sixth form and her boyfriend and just endlessly talk. It was refreshing for Louis to hear; hear something so simple and be brought down to earth that people still led normal lives instead of the crazy things he dealt with daily.

Jay walked in after a while too, cuddling up next to Louis on the sofa and snuggling close like she was afraid of letting go. She didn't talk much, neither did Louis. There wasn't any words to say except the comfort of each other, feeling homely and peaceful in his mother's arms.

"How's Dan?" Louis asked absentmindedly, noticing he hasn't seen his soon to be step dad yet.

Jay's face lit up a little with the mention of her fiancé, smiling. "He is really good, boobear. He's taking up the responsibility of being a father really quick."

"I'm glad he is otherwise I would've had to have a word," Louis teased but still trying to slip in a threatening tone, smirking as he rubbed his jaw. As long as his family was happy, he really didn't care and it was all okay. In the end, if everything went wrong, he could just come here and escape.

"Louis dear, I hope everything is good between you and this Eleanor girl?"

Louis didn't like the sudden subject change but tried not to let his facial expression change. It was only normal for his mother to be curious, to ask questions.

"We're good, I promise. She's a sweet girl. Just not for me." He sighed.

"I understand, totally. I still remember the day you came out!" Jay chuckled, covering her mouth with her hands as she let out small giggles.

Louis remembers being nervous, the nerves hitting him straight in the gut as he wobbled into the house after a eye opening day at school. He had realised that he was in love with Harry, he was attracted to the curls and the sweet, green eyes and his loving, charming personality. Louis was so gone for him, couldn't see or think anything besides him and he didn't know how he could control this sudden grow of fond in his heart.

But, Louis also remembers being afraid of what the future held with his new found sexuality and how he was going to deal with it. Would his mum be accepting? Would his sisters find it weird? What was he going to do? It was all new and rather confusing to him and he didn't want to spend so much time thinking about it.

He was only around 13 when he had figured it out and the rest of the future seemed so dull. He hated school, he wasn't getting too far with his grades and he had no idea what he wanted to do with his future besides sing.

"Mum," he had nervously said, picking at his lips and squirming uncomfortably, shifting around on his feet.

Jay turned around, smiling brightly. "You're home!" Then narrowed her eyes, glancing around. "You didn't bring Harry?"

It was very usual for Harry to come over after school and for them to spend hours together. They would do their homework first, try and get it out of the way and Harry would explain, go over all the work Louis didn't understand. Louis remembered being really fond of Harry, unable to take his eyes of Harry's moving, full red lips and wanting to capture them between his teeth. After they were done, they would play a few games, eat, be total idiots and challenge each other the most crazy things. By the end of the evening, they both were exhausted as hell and not looking forward to the next day of school.

"Erm, no actually, he hasn't." Louis said slowly, not sure how to break it to his mum and announce he was actually gay. He liked men, he liked dicks. He didn't want anything else to go downhill or anything to change after this. He also had no idea how he was going to come out with Harry but he prayed that he already had an idea that Louis wasn't straight.

Jay dropped the dishes she had been holding in the sink, turning around and smiling a little as she moved up towards it. She looked warm and ready to brace herself for whatever was coming her way and it eased Louis's nerves a little bit.

"What's wrong dear?" She hummed, running a hand through Louis's messy hair.

Louis shrugged, sighing. "Mum, I got something to say but I'm really scared."

"I'm all ears." She promised, not taking her eyes off the luscious, soft locks.

"I like boys." Louis said, rather quickly, not even catching on properly what he was saying. He was in such a rush to get the words out of his system and didn't realise how much of a relief it felt to finally say it. To finally let it out. In that moment, he felt so free.

Jay stopped ruffling his hair and instead pulled him into a soul crushing hug, sighing into his shoulders. "Louis dear, I know, I know."

"What do you mean you know?"

"It means, I know you weren't straight. You didn't exactly make it a secret, did you?" She chuckled a little. Her voice was nothing but support, love and it made Louis's heart melt that he got so lucky with an incredible mother who only wanted his benefit, his good.

Louis sighed heavily, cuddling up to his mother more. In that moment, their relationship felt the strongest. There was no fuss, no arguments, no discussions -- it was dropped as soon as it was brought up and it was normal. Louis wasn't treated any differently, he wasn't asked uncomfortable questions about it and Jay had returned to her washing up.

Louis smiled in the memory that flooded his brain because everything had been so simple then. It was so easy to be himself and it didn't matter how others portrayed him because his mother accepted it, his sister took it in without a second question. When he had told Harry, Harry also came out and they had hugged each other and told each other their friendship was never to die. He had made the most smooth move to come out-- slowly to everyone who mattered who didn't ask a question. Sure, people at school weren't as accepting and talked a lot but it didn't bother Louis a bit. He had everyone who mattered by his side and he would never need anymore than that.

He covered his eyes with his hands, letting out a small laugh. "Oh mum, that was so hard for me and you made it the most ordinary thing!"

"It was ordinary! It's completely normal!"

"I just wish my team could see that," he tried to repress a sigh, fiddling with his distressed jeans and trying to keep a pout of his face.

However, Jay noticed because she frowned. "It's disgusting, really. It's 2014, why do homophobes still exist?"

Louis couldn't find a word to say so he just nodded, agreeing with the words because it really was stupid. People still had a backward logic and were ignorant. They still hated on homosexuals, preached one thing but practiced another. It was just sad that he had to be alongside the same people who didn't let Louis be who he is, he had to walk into his office and pretend it's okay when it really isn't. He would've never let this happen to himself but it was written in black and white, a contract that sealed his fate and took over all the control he doesn't have over his own body anymore.

"Anyways," Jay rolled her eyes, changing the subject once she realised her sons discomfort towards the subject. "Will I have to meet Eleanor?"

Louis hadn't thought about this subject and it hadn't occurred to him before. If they had to be in a real relationship in the media's eye, would he have to be seen with her in public with his family? Would his mother and sisters be okay with it?

"I mean..." Louis's voice trailed away, trying not to let his voice shake. "If it gets the go ahead towards dating, probably."

"Oh good god!" Jay laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "I bet she's a really lovely girl."

"She is."

The rest of the hour was spent in comfortable silence, not a word needed to be uttered between them as they sipped their tea and watched TV. Somewhere between the hour, Jay got up and gave Louis a cup of hot chocolate too. She was clearly trying to stuff it and make it impossible for him to be able to eat at the restaurant but he accepted it anyway, feeling grateful. At home, he got everything handed to him without question and he loved the attention, grabbing every chance he got.

When they got ready to go to the restaurant, Louis started feeling slightly nervous. He wanted to be away from the public eye and wasn't ready to be seen by people and the camera flashes that would go off. He hoped that no one would realise, recognize him and he could peacefully have a nice, little lunch with his mother. His mother was over the moon, finally grateful to be able to spend some time with her son outside instead of being tied up at home.

Louis drove them over to the restaurant, following the directions he had been given since it was a surprise. He was fairly surprised to be parking up outside the same restaurant Dalton worked at, the same restaurant that Harry visits whilst Dalton works and he groaned loudly.

Jay noticed his sounds, raising an eyebrow at him. "What's wrong? Don't you like this place?"

Louis gulped. "No, I love this place." He admitted since he really did enjoy the food that day. He just didn't practically enjoy the people inside. "Harry is always here."

Her facial expression dropped instantly, not looking pleased. "We can go somewhere else."

Louis didn't need people worrying for him, thinking he's vulnerable and unable to face his ex best friend in the eye at a restaurant. He's been having a hard time but it doesn't mean he's afraid because he wasn't. Even though, he was silently praying that Harry hadn't showed up today.

They wandered into the restaurant, asking for a private booth off in the corner so they could be alone and not have many people wandering around and realising it was Louis. Louis let his mother order whatever she wanted, how much she wanted and paid for it without fail. He loved giving back, with every little bit he could-- he felt good to be able to supply and provide for the person who made him who he is today and raised him up.

"So, whose this Dalton boy?"

Louis sighed. "Harry's boyfriend, you know that."

"I've never actually seen him but heard a lot. Zayn tends to gossip about him."

"Zayn's not even seen him!" Louis chuckled. Zayn always had a sneaky comment to drop in about Dalton, despite never meeting him in real life. All he knew was the assumptions they boys had made about him being athletic, muscular and older. They had all created a personal image for Dalton and it was mindblowing how much bigger he was in person.

"Zayn's a funny one," Jay smiled.

A waiter came over to take their order and Jay got herself a sandwich with salad and Louis got chicken wrap with chips. The waiter looked rather tired, bored of himself as he jotted down the order and moved away without a hint of smile. Louis couldn't help but wonder whether his foul mood was because of Dalton, wondering how working with Dalton would be like.

His thoughts were interrupted when caught sight of Harry in the middle of the restaurant, standing with the one and only Dalton. Once again, they looked mid argument but Harry looked terrified. He looked so tiny, so petite and vulnerable. His eyes were diverted towards the floor, looking miserable and a hint of fear splashed across his face. Dalton looked intimidating, as ever, towering over Harry with his eyes narrowed and frows burrowed. He was talking quick, his lips moving quick and his dark hazel eyes not lifting off Harry.

Jay followed Louis's eye line and gasped. "No way, is that Harry?"

Louis tried to bring himself to speak but felt like the words were stuck in his throat. He tried to gulp it down, nodding frantically. He wanted to hug Harry in that moment, wanted to save him and take him away from that scene but stayed put. That wasn't his space.

"Goddamn!" She carried on. "He has grown to be fine man."

And that was true, he really had. Harry was briliant in every way, he was mature and he was very good looking for his age. It wasn't fair that he turned out to looking perfect from every angle but he wasn't able to fix his needy personality for Dalton.

"I know." Louis nodded, finally ripping his eyes off Harry and looking off to the distant. It always hurt seeing Harry, no matter how many times it would happen and how many times he would come across him. Seeing him so close to Dalton would always strike something deep within him and Louis couldn't explain it even if he tried.

"This was a bad idea.." Jay said. "Shall we go?"

"I'm fine," He insisted.

Their food arrived and they dug in straight away. Louis could feel his appetite fading but he tried to munch down whatever he could before he wouldn't be able to. He could quick bites, shoving it down his throat before chewing it properly and having to drink down his water to wash out the horrid aftertaste that was building from his disgusting eating habits. Jay noticed, watching him carefully but didn't dare speak a word as she focused on her own food sitting in front of her.

They were disturbed by a familiar voice talking to Jay. It was no other than Mr Harry Styles who had wandered off towards their table, a geniune surprise smiling playing at his lips and his eyes lit up. "Jay!" He exclaimed, his mouth an perfect 'O' shape as he opened up his arms, inviting her into a hug.

Jay seemed surprised, too and she gave Louis a weary look before standing up and accepting his warm hug. "Harry dear, it's been such a long time!"

Harry grimaced, trying not to show any emotions or reaction that her comment and kept the conversation light. "How have you been? Louis told me you're pregnant with twins. You're eating for three now. Shall I send over more food? It's on me!"

She giggled, blushing a slight pink colour and Louis had to look away from the interactions. Harry was ignoring him, not even sparing him a second glance and it was killing him. He just wanted to know if Harry is okay, if he was having a good day and whether things were going okay between him and Dalton. But, he needed to remember his space and where he belonged-- and that wasn't with Harry. He no longer had a say in Harry's life and it was bitter remembering that everytime.

"No, I'm fine actually. I had a lot, thanks to Louis," she added without regret, gesturing towards Louis who squirmed in discomfort in his chair. Harry, still, didn't look at him.

"Brilliant." Harry quickly replied, his smile falling off his face just slightly but there was still a clear twinkle in his eyes. He glanced around anxiously, rubbing his hands together. "Well, if you need anything, just give me a shout yeah? I missed you Jay." He told her sincerely.

Louis resisted the urge to snort because Harry couldn't be serious. He didn't have the right to come here, greet Louis's mother and tell her that he missed her. It was Harry's fault that he didn't bother keeping in touch with her after everything Jay had done for him, opening their house door for him and taking him in as a second son.

Jay, however, had a huge heart and found it near impossible to hold grudges. She was so easily touched by the simplest gesture and this meant a lot to her. So, she just nodded, smiling. "Definitely. I miss you more love. Please, do drop by sometime!"

Harry looked hesitant on the offer but accepted it nonetheless, nodding too. "I'll see you soon." He promised her, moving away from the table in lighting speed and Louis was feeling like complete shit. He felt worthless, too ugly to be looked at.

"Let's go out of here." Jay muttered, jumping up from her seat and looking flustered, ashamed as he led Louis out of the restaurant.

**

The next three days were the best. Louis stayed at home, taking up all the attention and affection from home as he stayed away from another to do with the media, the spotlight. It was like the old days where he would return home from school, exercise, eat and chill with his sisters. He helped them do homework every night, watched TV with them as he tried to unsuccessfully do Daisy and Phoebe's hair and then tuck them into bed.

He felt like a responsible older brother for once and it was great to just be able to do this. He was grateful to find a break, find some chill and get away from everything. He felt so comfortable here. It just felt so right.

The sisters were over the moon with Louis's appearance, since it had been so long and were dreading each day because it meant closer to him returning back to his lonely, vacant mansion. He wished he was young enough, back in primary school, so he didn't have his own home and didn't need to return back to a place that he owned. He wished he didn't have the responsibilities such as bills, mortgage-- when life was truly happy.

But like any other thing, good things come to an end and after three whole days full of complete internal bliss -- he was leaving. He packed up his overnight bag, slipping in some cooked meals Jay had prepared for him and hugged his family goodbye before getting out of the house and getting back in his own car.

It felt like an empty void inside Louis, the feeling of having to return back to somewhere where it was cold. It was better than being out in public though. It was his own personal space and he appreciated it more than he thought he did.

When he pulled up outside the house, he sighed as he cut off the engine and sat in the car for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. In the past few days, he had failed to keep in touch with the outside world and he hadn't even bothered to check his twitter even once. He hadn't been on messages or any sort of social media and maybe that's why this break felt much better.

He turned his phone back on, feeling all the buzzes coming through and the phone constantly vibrating. The screen lit up with endless notifications, text after text but Louis could find time later to respond to them. He pocketed it, getting up and pulling out his house keys.

Louis opened the front door, entering his familiar apartment and seeing how everything was exactly the same how he had left it. There was a bunch of letters sitting by his door but one stood out in particular. It was a pink envelope with a huge black heart plastered on it and Louis felt his heart racing as he picked it up. He had no clue what it could be as he ripped over the pink paper, throwing it aside and bringing out a hand written note.

The handwriting brought instant tears to his eyes, crowding up his vision as he realised this was Harry Styles who had written this, posted it to his house.

Dear Louis,

I know I have no right to be writing this and you may throw this away before even giving me a chance, before even reading this. But, please, give me a second and let me explain. I promise, this isn't bullshit and I really do have something to say.

I have a lot to say, actually but it's good things and I think you'll be pleased to hear it. I know you're probably rolling your eyes right now, getting up and about to bin this letter. I know I've ruined everything, Louis, I do but seeing you with your mother in the restaurant today as just... Louis, it hit me. I've messed up and I miss you. I miss us, the old us and how we used to get along and goddamn, I just want to fix things.

I'll be at the park we first met up after three years, up the hill just like the other day on the 6th and I'll be waiting for you. I'll drop by at 2pm but you can come anytime, Ill be waiting for a few hours. I'll explain myself, everything.

I just miss my best friend.

And here's my number but please try to refrain calling it in case it is emergency: 0794644821.

Always yours,

Harold x

And for a second, Louis was sure he could feel tears freely slipping down his face because how long has he been waiting for this moment? They met again out of a coincidence, not because Harry actually wanted to and they stayed in touch from arguments and back and forth. But now, Harry actually wanted to be around Louis. He was asking to meet up, he was asking to make effort and it was making Louis's head spin.

Louis, being a fool, knew exactly where he was going tomorrow.

Even if there's a tiny tiny chance, isn't that worth going for?


	15. 15 - Kiss Me Like You Mean

KISS ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT

 

The next day, Louis could hardly contain himself as he tried to ease his nerves, his excitement with a cup of tea and TV. Today, he was going to get answers from the one and only person he had his eyes on and it couldn't feel more better. It could either go two days-- it could either be the best news of his life, everything could finally fall into place and everything would make sense to Louis for once. Or, it could go terribly wrong and end up falling into pieces right before his eyes. He wouldn't be surprised, it has happened before.

He remembered to quickly drop a text to the three lads, reminding them he was alive and breathing since he had fallen off the face of Earth. He told them where he had been and where he was heading towards today. Zayn hadn't seemed too onboard with the idea, commenting and saying that Harry was just destructive in Louis's life and he should steer clear. Unlike Niall, who was for the idea and was on the edge, wanting each detail.

Louis had to take the small opportunity he had, grab it and go for it. If he had stayed completely loyal, not getting into one night stands and meaningless relationships because one person had his heart then why would he not give it his 100%? He had gone so long with the same pain, the same dull ache in his chest -- what was one more time going to harm him?

This day was going to change him, he could feel it in his bones and he could hardly contain himself as he tried to keep himself in one place. 

By the time was 2, he was sick with nerves and unsure as to what he was going to say. Was he going to end up being rude, spitting out hateful comments and releasing all the pain he had been feeling for the past three years? Or, was he going to be understanding and try to hear his side of the story? Either way, Louis was prepared. He had been prepared for this day for three years and it was finally here.

He didn't waste anymore time, getting into his range rover and driving straight down to the park. He covered his face as much as he could with his snapback but not wanting to attract attention to himself as he moved past the people, keeping his head down and climbing up the hill. Once he reached up there, he was away from everyone else and able to take a second to breathe before releasing there was the ever charming Harry sitting by the tree.

Harry was dressed to perfection. He was wearing a flannel, dark tight jeans and boots -- almost like every other day but he just looked so put together. For once, there was a bright smile on his face that actually reached his eyes and he looked somewhat healthy like he finally could afford a good meal or two. For that, Louis was grateful because he was looking his best and he looked so gorgeous that Louis couldn't take his eyes off him.

His body was outlined perfectly in his clothes, his lanky and slender arms and his cute little body. He was on display for Louis and Louis couldn't help but admire what was standing before him.

Harry looked up, a smirk playing on his lips as he jumped up from the tree and clapped his hands. He looked unusually confident and it was weird to see but Louis tried not to overthink it. It was great, it was brilliant.

"You came," Harry breathed out, looking surprised. His whole facial expression was lit up, his eyes crinkled with happiness and his lips stretched out in a wide smile. He couldn't look more beautiful in that moment.

For a second, Louis felt at a loss of words as he stammered over himself and made a fool of himself. "Y-yeah, I-I did."

Harry giggled, the cutest voice filling the air and bringing down the tension instantly. He had this charm about him, this personality that could easily made the whole atmosphere comfortable to settle into. Harry didn't even try to be this perfect, it just kind of happened.

"I have so much to say but I'm so thankful you're here, Louis. I appreciate it so so much."

Louis needed to focus on what was going on here, he needed to be on complete alert for the next few hours because it was about his whole life. It was either going to make or break and he needed to be aware of what exactly was going on. He snapped out his trance, his constant staring at Harry's perfect smile and instead, reminded himself what he was here for.

He was here for answers.

"I mean, it's not a big deal," Louis played it off nicely, shrugging and sitting himself down on the grass absentmindedly.

Harry just followed, sitting down too and starting to pull out the grass. "I don't even know where to start!" He said nervously, laughing shakily. "I just, I mean, I guess I'll start with I'm sorry?"

Louis nodded, he needed Harry to expand on the apology because that word meant nothing. People threw it around, not even properly meaning it and just wanting forgiveness. Louis couldn't stand that. He didn't want to sit here and hear bullshit, no, he wanted clear reasons. So, he sat there with an expectant glance at Harry who finally caught on.

"It's just that at the time, I was so in love with Dalton and I was making a huge mistake by not even asking about your results. I didn't even care, I wasn't in the right mind frame and ended up going on about my own ridiculous life."

"Harr-" Louis interrupted, wanting to say something but Harry cut him off, shaking his head.

"No, today you'll listen to me all the way through the end and then you'll be given permission to talk!" He warned and Louis raised his hands in surrender, trying to relax himself against the tree trunk as Harry continued. "I was too stuck up my own life, too worried about what direction I was headed in. I was stressed out me and Dalton moving and that was the only thing that concerned me. I mean, I'm so sorry first of all for never informing you about my relationship. I ended up pushing you guys away once I met Dalton, keeping him away from my life because I wanted a new start and Dalton was that start.

I actually met Dalton online. I wasn't aiming for anything to start between us- we were just friends that were helping each other through our exams. You were busy yourself with your exams, your singing and needing to be signed. I didn't want to disturb you, I wanted you to achieve and it wasn't right putting my own problems down on you. So, Dalton was the other person I turned to. He was online, he was not part of what was going on with my daily life and it made sense to vent to him at the end of the day-- he was a stranger.

Then, we started talking more and more, everyday non stop and he liked me. He did. He wanted to get to know me more, my personality, who I was rather than my studies and my education and my stupid dreams about modelling. So, I told Dalton more about me and he told me more about himself and it turned out he lived quite close so we met up. It was like... love at first sight, Louis. We clicked, we kissed on the first date and it took off from there.

I saw Dalton daily after school, ditching you guys and heading off to my own adventures. I used excuses like needing to go the library, needing to go home to meet Dalton and never told you guys the truth. Why? I was afraid Louis. I was scared to tell you because I knew you wouldn't agree, I knew you wouldn't like it and I didn't want to see you frown. It took off quite quickly though, within a month we were already talking about moving in. He was quite eager on the idea, wanting me around all the time and he gave me this attention. It made me feel... older? More mature? 

Because of Dalton, I've grown faster, wiser and I'm thankful for that. But, I'm so sorry Louis because this wasn't how it was supposed to be." Harry finished his speech, his eyes locked with Louis's blue ones and pleading for some sort of response.

The information was just loaded, thrown to Louis and he was trying to process each word that had been said to him. He nodded, gulping as he tried to understand everything. Dalton was the reason Harry was the man he is today, the mature person that was sitting before him. But, Louis couldn't get his mind off the last sentence.

"What do you mean this wasn't how it was supposed to be?" He dared to ask, his voice barely above a whisper. A part of him was terrified for the answer, not wanting it to break his confidence down. 

Harry chuckled, looking down and shrugging. He sighed deeply, running a hand through his wild curls. "Louis, we all know it's not joke that I was completely head over heels for you."

This was the first time they were talking about their feelings, talking about what they shared with each other and for each other and Louis couldn't feel more nervous. His heart race increased, he started blinking faster as he clenched his fists to avoid the sweaty palms. When you wait for something for so long and the moment finally comes, how are you supposed to react? Right now, Louis felt like he was dreaming and he was pinching himself for the moment he would wake up and laugh at his sorry, pitiful life.

But, this wasn't a dream and this was actually happening and Louis couldn't believe his own two eyes and ears.

"W-what?" He struggled with his words, his head feeling fuzzy.

Harry didn't fail with his words, not letting his nerves take over as he smiled confidently. "It's true. I loved you, I did. Shit, Louis. You were the reason I figured out I was gay, you were my first kiss and the person I lost my virginity to. You were my best friend, the reason I kept going through the tough times and believed everything could be okay. You gave me hope, you kept me on my two feet and then what did I do? I threw it all back in your face. I disrespected you, ignored you, cut you off and didn't bother to try and keep up with you."

Louis grimaced, feeling tears well up in his eyes as he wiped them away furiously. Was he supposed to be happy or angry right now? He had no idea how to react, what to say or feel but all that was running through his veins, his body right now as relief. 

"You got bigger and bigger, your face plastered on every wall, every TV show, every website and every social media. Your name was being made, your songs were coming out from every corner and you were suddenly this huge pop sensation. Millions of girls look up to you, admire you daily, love you and how could I compete with that? Why would you want me? This drop out from university, no life ambition, no life and no job and living off his boyfriends money, huh?"

"Harry." Louis warned sternly, not wanting Harry to bring himself down. "Don't fucking say that. I'd want you in any shape of form, no matter what."

Harry just shook his head. "I was nothing compared to what you had with Zayn or Liam or Niall. They had bothered, they made an effort and they deserved your attention much more than me. They never left you, they made a future for themselves. What was I? Nothing. Trash. I felt too worthless to contact you, I felt like it was useless. Plus, me and Dalton were really getting serious and he gets rather jealous... quickly, and I didn't want to disappoint him. Without him, what am I? No job, no money, nothing."

Louis could feel an overwhelming sense of sadness washing over him as he watched his best friend, the love of his life spill out all his emotions. Harry wasn't holding anything back, he was being raw and honest and speaking straight from the heart and that was what counted. Harry was truly sorry, you could tell from the passion that was coming strong from his tone of his voice and his ernest, wide green eyes that were full of sorry, guilt and regret.

"Please, don't say that." Louis begged. He didn't want Harry to feel like he wasn't worth anything because he was still a star in Louis's eyes, and that's all that mattered.

Harry didn't listen though, he carried on. "I tried, I did but everytime, it failed and it felt hopeless so I just stopped. I'm sorry Louis, I should've kept going and trying for you. I shouldn't of given up like you never did on your dreams, you made it come true and I failed Louis. I'm sorry. I just... appreciate you so much for being here after all the shit I put you through."

And finally, Harry's voice cracked as he lowered his head and brought his hands up to wipe away the tears. He kept his head in his hands, sobbing softly to himself as his chest heaved up and down and Louis was dumbfounded for a few seconds. He stared at the broken form in front of him, the same person who had opened up and filled him in with everything that had happened in the past years. Yet, it felt like there was still thousands of unanswered questions left.

It took a few seconds before Louis moved forward, pulling Harry into a hug. Harry put his head into Louis's lap, between his legs and clutched his shirt as he cried his eyes out. Louis just patted his hair, shushing him and letting this moment pass by like so. Harry cried, Louis cried--they cried together until there were no tears left.

"Harry, I appreciate you for telling me everything and I forgive you." He said sincerely, looking straight into his eyes. "I'm sorry, I've just been so stupid and oblivious-"

Harry put his finger up to Louis's lips, pressing it firmly and frowning. "Don't you even dare try to apologise, Louis Tomlinson. You did nothing wrong."

Louis groaned loudly because this wasn't fair. He didn't want to seem like the good guy who had been hurt and did nothing wrong -- he did. He let Harry go, he walked away on results day like he meant nothing and put his feelings first and didn't support Harry. He should've sucked it up, gone with it even if it meant pain. He was too selfish to realise what he was doing.

"Harry, I feel awful." Louis said quietly, moving forward to stroke Harry's curls. He missed the feeling of being able to touch him however he wanted, feeling his soft skin and his endless curls. He had been earning for Harry's touch, Harry's attention and it felt so good.

"Don't." Harry simply demanded, like it was that easy. He leaned forward in the touch, squeezing his eyes shut tight at the feel of Louis. "I just missed you so much, you know that?"

But, Louis didn't know so he didn't respond. He thought that Harry had forgotten him, hated him and never wanted anything to do with him again. He thought that he was worthless, useless compared to Harry and not worth his time. He felt like he had wasted his time, done nothing to appreciate Harry and the months, years he suffered-- how can he forget? He would never forget waking up feeling empty, not wanting to do anything besides sleeping and drinking and going to bed with a broken heart and thousands of thoughts running through his mind.

There was so many things going through Louis's mind right now as he tried to get a grip on what was going on and try to understand. Just now, the boy he has been in love with for the past 10 years has finally come out, admitted it. Does love take so long, feel so good but hurt so bad?

Louis gulped. "I missed you too." He said honestly, sincerely and he has never meant these words so seriously in his whole life. He took all his passion, all his love and put it in these words. "Goddamnit Harry, you broke my fucking heart." He finally managed to hiss out too, squeezing his eyes shut and exhaling sharply.

Harry winced at that but only snuggled closer, getting more comfortable between Louis's legs and sighing in relief. Like he belonged right there.

"I broke my own too." Harry finally whispered out, playing with the glass and sighing. "I wish I was never blind, I wish I had made the right choice."

Louis knew he he was probably taking this a step or two too fast, he should just process this for now instead of moving ahead. But, he has waited too long and this wasn't the time to let more minutes to be wasted. This was the moment and Louis had to grab every opportunity he could get.

"Then make the right one." He said boldly, confidently. He knew exactly what he wanted and that was Harry, he always has and that was never going to change.

Harry stiffened. "What do you mean?"

"Are you happy with Dalton?"

There was a long lasting silence, an uncomfortable one which made Louis on the edge. He was dying for a response, anything to put him out of his misery. He just wanted a confirmation, he wanted to know what he was the best thing that has happened to Harry. He needed to know, right now because it's gone on for too long now.

Harry coughed, clearing his throat. "Why?"

"Just tell me honestly." Louis begged.

Another second passed before Harry looked straight ahead. "I mean, I'm not over the moon with happiness. It is what it is."

"Have you seen my tattoo?" Louis brought up out of the blue because he adored his chest tattoo.

Harry nodded. "That's where I got it from."

"Do you still feel the same about Dalton, just as strongly?"

"What is this, honesty hour?" But there was no sign of distaste in his voice. Instead, it was teasing and light and Louis felt at home, at complete ease.

"Apparently it is."

"Can I be honest with you?" Harry whispered, moving close to Louis's stomach and pressing his head closer to him. He snuggled into the touch, trying to get comfortable as Louis died for an answer. He just wanted to know what was going on. Was this some kind of sick joke? 

"Please."

"I never stopped liking you," his voice remained low, hesitant as he traced shapes into Louis's leg with his fingers. Louis had noticed Harry's back bones poking into his stomach, it was difficult but he didn't utter a single word. This was the moment, this was the words he had been dying to hear and now-- he had no idea how to react. Louis noticed how his heart beat had increased, thumping hard against his chest and his breathing had gone heavier and more evident. You wait for something so long and when you're faced with it, you have no idea how to react.

Louis closed his eyes, feeling a rush of pain and relief washing over him because it wasn't going to be easy now. Instead, he was going to end up being more fucked up than before. Now, he had a actual confirmation of Harry's feelings and he still won't be able to have him. Harry will return to Dalton tonight and he will go back to his life that is full of lies and cheating. Harry will wake up with Dalton besides him in the morning on their shared bed whilst Louis will try and crash at a friends house whilst being drunk out of his mind. They lived two very different lives and right now wasn't the correct time to be mixing into something that will bring extra agony to his life. But, Louis was willing to deal with that -- just for him.

So he ran a hand through Harry's hair, just slightly tightening his grip and humming softly. He didn't want to ruin this perfect moments, those words that practically changed his life.

"You didn't?" He asked after a while.

Harry seemed surprised, not expecting an answer. "Yes. You were always on my mind Tomlinson and I had no idea how to get you out. When I watched your interviews, I would be trying to figure out what was going on in your head and whether you have had breakfast that morning since you loved the way I prepared breakfast for you."

"And now you prepare that breakfast for Dalton." Louis cut out, not wanting to seem so rude but it just came across that way.

Harry exhaled, nodding. "The point is, I love you and I think... I always have? It's just taken me so long to gather the courage and to-"

Louis cut him off by lifting his head gently by his curls and crushing his lips against Harry, wanting to feel his soft lips again. He had always admired the feel of Harry, the way he tasted like sweet and mint and the way he responded so well to Louis. It was like their lips were made for each other, they were a perfect match. Right now, all Louis could feel, breathe, think was Harry and how amazing he was. How fate had destined for them to meet again, to come here and for him to finally kiss his boy after agonising three years. It was finally happening. 

Louis kissed harder, wanting to feel him and his mouth and Harry moaned into Louis's mouth, trying to keep up. It was sloppy, wet and it felt like their first kiss but Louis didn't even care as long as he was able to feel close to him, connected to him.

"I fucking love you, I always will," Louis muttered against his lips, not wanting to release the hold around his curls or wanting to back away from the kiss.

Harry just moaned again, nodding frantically and begging to be kissed harder. "I love you too. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

After they had their worthwhile of kissing, Harry pulled away and sighed heavenly before flopping against Louis's stomach again, resuming to the position he was in before. He had a lazy smile across his now red, swollen lips but he looked so content, so happy. It was like Harry didn't have a worry in the world and this was exactly where he belonged.

"It feels so right." Harry sighed, his smile not falling off his smile. "Why is does it feel right towards the fact I've just cheated on my boyfriend?"

"Because you enjoyed it, you love me and want me," Louis replied easily, sounding like he had a huge ego before winking at Harry. He couldn't help but wonder where this was going to go now. Was it going to end up like shit or would they actually take it to the next level? 

Harry nodded, agreeing. "I did."

"So leave Dalton then," Louis said like it was just that easy and Harry tensed up.

"What do you mean? I love Dalton?"

Louis couldn't help but feel like this heart had just dropped to the pits of his stomach as he nodded, trying to shake off the comment. Harry had said it so easily and a part of it was true. Harry was in love with both boys but he was with Dalton.

"But you love me," he whined pathetically, not caring how needy he sounded right now. It was about time Louis stepped up and claimed what was his.

Harry looked momentarily torn, searching Louis's eyes desperately. "I know, I do."

"Then be with me."

"I can't, it's not that easy!"

"Yes, it's that easy!" Louis argued right back, turning Harry over softly so they were looking at each other dead on in the eye. "It's that easy Harry, you're making it harder. You like this, you come back again and again to see me. Dalton isn't making you happy anymore then drop him! Life is too short to be fight it."

Harry looked heartbroken. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Then don't, just be with me."

"It's too soon," Harry shook his head like he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He looked so small, so scared and the fear was real in his bottle green eyes. He looked so disturbed, confused and Louis hated the effect he was having on him. "I can't just leave him, we've been together for three years Louis."

"So, give me time and let me make it up to you!" Louis said frantically. "We'll start off with a date. I'll organise everything, it'll be a surprise."

Harry let out a small chuckle, smiling again. "Going on a date when I'm already dating. That sounds funny Louis."

"Shut up Styles and agree so I can prove to you I'll treat you better than Dalton!" Louis knew he was jumping two steps ahead here, he was playing with fire and it could only end in two ways but he was really hoping for the better. He had to grab the chance whilst it was here.

Harry, however, looked extremely excited by the whole concept. He agreed instantly. "Fine, I agree with you."

"Here, here's my number." Louis ripped out a paper and pen from his pocket, writing down his number. "You best text me and let me know when you're free. We'll go on a Saturday, at 9?"

"I'll try to text you..." Harry's voice trailed away as he grabbed the paper and stuffed it in his pocket, not looking even the slightest promising. "But, I'll try and make it. Saturday, it is."


	16. 16 - It's Like Magic

IT'S LIKE MAGIC

"Ergh, you guys are disgusting!" Louis wrinkled his nose, entering the kitchen of Zayn's apartment and seeing Zayn and Liam practically making out. "Just have sex, goddamn!" He groaned, shaking his head as he moved to the fridge and grabbed himself a drink.

Zayn just smiled, not looking the slightest bit fazed by the comment. Their relationship had been moving really fast, they had already have sex and they were completely smitten for each other. Zayn didn't want anyone else besides Liam, didn't see anyone besides Liam and it was amazing that he could rely and trust on one person with his whole life. He was so glad that they were able to accept who they were. It was a little difficult for Zayn at first since he never actually had feeling for another guy before. It was all confusing, a little hard to understand and accept but he felt nothing more than warmth when he was with Liam. It made him realise this was all he ever wanted, needed and that was all for him to get through.

Since then, Liam's practically moved in together and they shared special, intimate moments everyday. Louis, however, wasn't as supportive-- dropping comments on a daily basis but secretly, inside he couldn't be more proud. He loved how true, how real their relationship was and he wanted nothing more than success and greatness for the two of them.

"You love us!" Zayn chuckled, moving out of the way to allow Louis easier access to his place. "You should get used to seeing this."

Louis groaned, shaking his head and covering his face. "Please!"

Liam narrowed his eyes at Louis, shooting his a warning glare before coming around and wrapping his hands around Zayn, nibbling at his ear lobe. "Don't hate on us because you can't be us!" He quoted a cliche line, laughing at himself as Zayn joined in and swatted Liam playfully.

"God, can't wait till you're over your honeymoon phase."

"I'll still love him just the same," Liam promised, not removing his arms from around Zayn's waist and instead, snuggling closer. "Are you meeting Harry today?"

Louis nodded, trying not to let his nerves show. He had been planning today for a week now and it was slowly killing him now. He had purposely waited this long so he could make this day go perfect, have everything go just the way he wanted it to. He had already made reservations in a prestige, fancy restaurant and he was planning to sneak them into their old school fields where they used to play football and sing to Harry. It all seemed cheesy, something you would see from a movie but Louis just wanted it to go smoothly. So far, everything had gone terribly wrong in his life. A good always turned into a bad and he failed to find happiness from any corner of his life. Now, he was going to make this right.

"Yeah, I am." Louis leaned against the fridge, sipping on his tropical juice carton like a toddler. It was only 5pm but thinking about tonight was making his stomach do flips and his heart race just the slightest.

Harry had text him a few times, at random times during the day that left Louis grinning like a child throughout the day. Simple things like 'I'm thinking of you' or 'I miss your smile' or 'Shall I wear a suit on Saturday?' and it left Louis reading the messages hours later, clutching the phone close to his chest. It had been so long since they had been able to text each other, share silly moments over the phone and Louis couldn't believe they had been able to come to this point in their broken, disorganised relationship. It still felt like a dream.

Liam frowned a little. "I don't know. It feels like a bad idea." He shrugged.

"Just because you got Zayn now, let me chase my own happiness." Louis teased lightly, no hint of hostility in his voice. He could understand why his friends were afraid, not wanting him to go after Harry or take him out on a date. He knew he was probably being stupid, taking a leap of faith with expectations that would only end with empty bottles and a broken heart. It was a risk he was willing to take.

"You know I'd never stop you from chasing your happiness. I just don't want to go along with it just yet because if it ends badly, I'll look like a dickhead."

"You always do," Louis rolled his eyes.

"No he doesn't!" Zayn quickly interjected, sticking up for his love and getting cosy in Liam's arm.

They had discussed with Louis whether he felt comfortable with them two getting cosy in front of him, kissing and acting like a loved up couple. After all, Louis had experienced enough heart break in his lifetime and he shouldn't needed to be reminded of how happy his friends were everyday. He was just glad that his friends were concerned enough to mention it, to put his feelings first that he just couldn't tell them to stop. They were allowed to act however they wanted to, they didn't need to put anything aside.

After all, it wasn't Louis's fault that he hadn't been able to get Harry for himself.

"We're always here Lou," Liam spoke up again, not tearing his eyes off Zayn but you could hear the ring of sincerity in his voice that was loud and clear. "Whether you're happy, sad or a moany pathetic drunk-- we're your best friends through it all."

Louis felt grateful, felt warm inside as he jumped up and hugged them two in a three way hug no matter how stuffy and uncomfortable it was. He had the best friends he could ask for and he never managed to tell them exactly how much they meant to him. Louis wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for them and that was saying something. They kept Louis on the ground, kept his head up high.

"Thank you," Louis muttered in Zayn's side before pulling away and ruffling up his hair. "Since you declare that you're always here for me, come and help me get prepared for the biggest night of my life you bastards."

The next few hours were spent in Louis's bedroom, getting everything prepared and making him look perfect. Louis was so grateful for having two best friends who knew exactly what style was and how to make him look dashing for the night. They decided on a casual yet sexy look, something that wasn't too out there but yet something that was going to make Harry's jaw drop. Tonight had to go perfect from every angle and that included Louis looking top notch.

They ended up going with a white shirt, a black blazer and some tight skinny jeans because Louis always wore his jeans no matter what. To add the slight casual look, Liam picked out his favourite black vans and paired it off with the outfit. For the hair, they did a little cinnamon roll fringe look that was Inexplainable but Louis loved it.

"I'm definitely going to have to go this more often, what the fuck," he muttered in disbelief, in love with his new hair style as he tried to look it at more closer. "It's so pretty."

Zayn chuckled, shaking his head. He was the one who did the hairstyles, knowing exactly what would suit him and what looked good on him. This was just a hairstyle that Louis should've tried out a long time ago.

"You look handsome," Liam complimented whilst giving Louis one final look and smiling.

Louis blushed a light pink, fluttering his eyelashes as a joke before giggling. "Thank you Liam, you don't look too bad yourself."

Harry and Louis had decided to meet at the restaurant since Harry didn't want to Louis picking him in case Dalton would catch them two. It was pathetic that they had to hide because Louis was looking forward to being the perfect boyfriend on a date, picking up the girl from the house and driving her to the place but it didn't matter. As long as he managed to get Harry for the rest of the night, all to himself-- that's all that mattered.

Zayn gave Louis a few tips on how to make a complete fool of yourself, how to treat Harry on the first date and how to not appear as pushy. Louis had a habit of forcing his opinions on other people and he didn't want Harry getting annoyed at him from the first day. He wanted this to be the start of many dates to come. Liam simply fixed Louis's hair when a strand went out of place, pulling on his shirt and making him look spotless from head to toe. They gave him a cup of tea to calm him down, get him prepared for the huge night before they all got into a car and drove Louis to the restaurant.

It was a bit out of the way, once again, since Louis didn't like to attend important events around his house or any where close to it. It was inconvenient and could cause a lot of problems so he always stayed on the safe side for everyone's sake. No one really spoke a word, letting Louis enjoy the silence as they drove through the busy roads.

"What if Harry isn't there?" Louis stupidly brought up, biting his nails and running a hand through his perfectly did hair and messing it up just the slightest bit.

Liam noticed and growled, swatting his hands away. "Shut up, why won't he be there?"

"What if he doesn't want to do this anymore and takes everything back? Oh my god," Louis felt the stress building up that he was inflicting on himself for no apparent reason. He needed to chill out and stop assuming such things that could potentially ruin his day that hasn't even started. Of course Harry wouldn't back at now, he was the one who confessed his feelings.

"Just be patient, we'll be there soon," Zayn informed him, not taking his eyes off the road as he drove down the road and tried to take different shortcuts to get there quicker.

In the end, Louis ended up being 15 minutes as he ripped off his seatbelt and hastily reached over and planted a kiss on both boys cheeks. He had to act fast and get there as quick as he could since he was already late. "Thank you my two angels!" He told them, running out of the car and running into the restaurant.

The restaurant was very high class with large standards. The whole place was lit up, hundreds of lights and huge chandliers above them. There was a light, comfortable chatter throughout the place. There was workers everywhere dressed in black blazers and girls with tight pencil skirts. The whole place was glamorous overall, the table and chairs chic and fancy and everything about the place screamed expensive and rich. Louis was impressed as he glanced around the waiting room as saw Harry sitting there, nervously fiddling with his shirt. He was dressed, once again, without any flaws and Louis didn't know how many times a person could look so flawless.

Harry's curls were pulled back in a bandana that matched his green and purple flannel, buttoned right up to the top and paired off with tight jeans. He was wearing a light cardigan on top, an weak attempt to make it look more dressy with his usual, worn out born boots. Despite the fact he looked beaten up, tired-- he was still beautiful, every single time. It's been a week since Louis last saw Harry and now seeing him again, he felt like he couldn't breathe.

He moved his way through the crowd, embracing Harry tightly and sniffing his vanilla and musky scent. There was something so remarkably attractive about the younger lad that Louis couldn't put his finger on. The way he walked, talked and his charming self. Louis wanted it all.

"You came," Louis breathed out in relief, giving his back a little rub before backing out and smiling warmly. This was the love of his life and he was getting a chance to make things right, to take him on a date and prove he is worthy of his love. That was enough for him. The fact that Harry was actually here, wanting to do this.

Harry looked a little taken back by the comment, narrowing his eyes and placing his hands on his hips. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I was worrying." Louis admitted, shaking his head at his own stupidity. "Come on, let's get our table."

Louis led the way, occasionally glancing back and making sure Harry was following. He smiled as the waitress led the way, showing then the most fancy table right at the back of the restaurant allowing some privacy for both of them. Louis loved it. The table was exactly how he requested it with rose petals and candles, looking extra romantic and Harry was gushing over the details.

"You didn't need to!" He said all at once, flicking his gaze over the table that had been over exaggerated but cute all at once.

Louis just shook his head a little, holding out a chair for Harry to sit down before making his way over to the other side and sat down. They stared into each other's eyes for a while before Louis cleared his throat. "Of course I didn't need to. I wanted to." He reassured Harry.

Harry looked flattered, the smile not being able to die down as he fiddled with his fingers. "I love roses." He commented.

"Of course, that's why I asked for roses! Who doesn't love roses?"

Harry was smiling fondly, wide and big as he picked one petal up and traced it softly. "This is so amazing, thank you." Harry whispered, looking sincere.

There was a warm tingle that spread throughout Louis's body as he realised how satisfying it felt to please Harry. Harry genuinely looked happy to be here, content with the little Louis had offered him here. He reached over, giving Harry's hand a tight squeeze because he wanted the younger lad to relax. It was going to be a great night, just the two of them and nothing was going to get in the way.

The waitress brought over the menus as the scanned through it in comfortable silence. Louis didn't want to seem like a pig so he decided to go with the chicken in pitta bread and spicy rice.

"What are you going for?" He asked Harry, putting his hands under his chin and folded them up.

Harry looked up, worry written in his eyes. "I'm feeling the spaghetti."

Louis nodded, calling over the waitress and repeating their order to the girl who just nodded and walked off. Louis wanted to take this time to remind Harry about their childhood, how they had so much to remember and look back on. It was a topic that would keep the conversation completely clear of Dalton. He didn't even want that name to be mentioned.

"Do you remember the first day of high school?" He brought up, trying to sound random and spontaneous like he hasn't been planning his conversations days in advance.

Harry laughed. "How could I ever forget? We were already friends and I really wanted to be seen with you during break!"

"Why?" Louis asked, laughing lightly too. "I was such a loser!"

"You were my loser," Harry said fondly, smiling.

"Oh whatever, you little sap. You had fun making fun of me in year 7!"

Harry's eyes widened, cracking up as his eyes squeezed shut tightly. It was like he hadn't laughed like this in the longest time. The way his nose wrinkled up, the way there was crinkles in his eyes and he looked like he was in complete bliss and heaven. It made Louis's heart melt but he carried on staring, trying not to make a sound.

"I didn't make fun of you. I simply teased you!"

"Because you were taller."

"We've always been the same height," Harry rolled his eyes. "Until year 10, boy, puberty beat the shit out of me!"

Louis nodded, agreeing. Puberty really had done good for Harry. He turned out to be this pretty, perfect doll sitting right before him and Louis was barely able to contain his feels looking at him. He was adorable when he was in school but now, Harry was just another story and it was mesmerising to look at.

"You've always been good looking. How's that fair?" Louis joked, pouting.

"Me? Good looking?" Harry shook his head, laughing. "Mate, you were bloody gorgeous and then there was me with curls I didn't know how to style."

"They were perfect." Louis promised him. He missed Harry's short, tight curls that bounced so gracefully every time he moved. He was definitely in love with the curls, and always will be. He even loved his hair now, the long strands of lose curls that lightly tucked behind his cute little ears.

There was just not one thing Louis could point out about Harry that he didn't like. He was just overly perfect.

Harry flushed a pink colour at the compliments he was being washed with, dismissing the compliment with a gesture of his hands. "Don't be stupid!" But he was enjoying the attention, Louis could tell by the way he was smiling widely and looking overly pleased with himself. That's all that mattered to Louis, feeling like he accomplished something by making his boy smile.

The food arrived and they ate away like it was the end of the world, lapping up their food and gulping it down like hungry beasts. Louis was pleased to see that Harry wasn't holding anything back this time, he wasn't eating abnormally slow like he usually does-- he just looked carefree. It was refreshing to see and he never wanted it to stop.

"Do you like it?" Louis asked, looking up from his pitta bread and smiling generously.

Harry chuckled, nodding. "Definitely chose the best restaurant, didn't you?"

He shrugged. "Not like I've been researching the best places for you."

"You didn't need to!" Harry sighed, shaking his head but once again, his cheeks were a light pink flushed colour-- he liked it that Louis was doing this for him.

Once they were done with the food, Louis thankfully skipped dessert because he wanted to get the rest of the date on the road and going. He still had to figure out a way to sneak into their old school since it was a far drive from here. He wanted to genuinely surprise Harry, catch him off guard and remind him why he should be with Louis with the first place. Louis always had Harry's best interests at heart, through whatever and he needed to be reminded.

They skipped happily out of the restaurant, Harry looking like he wouldn't prefer to be anywhere else with a huge, sloppy grin on his lips and being a little goof. He was dancing, swaying his hips carelessly on the empty roads. Louis just shook his head, laughing as they went back to his car and settled down.

"This has been a great day," Harry whispered, gratitude slipping from his lips looking seriously overwhelmed by the whole concept of today. It was only getting started.

Louis had to laugh, simply because Harry had no idea what was in store for him, and settle down in his seat as he buckled up his seat belt. "I need to show you something else then I promise you'll go home."

But, it all happened so suddenly as a flash went off from the side of the road and Louis was suddenly aware that someone was taking pictures of him. He froze up, looking over to Harry who had confusion and worry washed all over his pale features. Louis craned his neck forward, trying to search around the fairly deserted road to spot anyone who was taking pictures. Was it paparazzi? A fan who had spotted them? Either way, pictures of tonight weren't supposed to get out.

"What was that Louis?" Harry asked, his voice small like a toddler who had just been spotted doing something out of bounds. He looked seriously scared, frightened wide eyes and pursed lips as he stayed put on his seat -- too afraid to move.

"I think someone spotted us.." Louis stated the obvious, smacking his forehead at how stupid he sounded before he was about to climb out of the car and find the person. Another flash went off and this time, it was directly in front of them.

"Go Louis! Drive!" Harry ordered, slamming his fists down on the dashboard of the car, petrified. "If these pictures get out, oh my."

"What will happen?" Louis scoffed, feeling brave but starting up the car all the same whilst speeding off down the road. He really wasn't expecting anyone to see him, he hadn't expected to be spotted the same night he wanted everything to go problem free. What was Harry going to say now that they had been photographed together? It was definitely going to go around-- like Louis's pictures always did. People were always so concerned about where he was, who he was and what place he was at every single night. They wanted to know every single detail of his life, wanting to prey as much as they could to potentially Louis's life from any angle possible.

And, this was the aspect of the fame he hated because he was never able to catch a break anywhere. He just wanted a private dinner today, a little break into a closed school and cheesy moments. He wanted to kiss Harry until he was breathless but they weren't even remotely close to that stage yet tonight.

"Just take me home!" Harry demanded, his voice shaky but trying to gain control as he gave a stern look and gestured towards the road.

Louis didn't want to drop him off, he wanted to go to their secondary school and relive memories. "Are you sure?" He asked, knowing it wasn't his place to force him to stay. After all, it was a miracle that Harry even bothered to come out and spend the little time on the date-- he didn't want to push it. He just wanted to fulfill his plan.

Harry nodded frantically. "Please." He begged.

"I had a surprise..." Louis didn't care how pathetically whiny he sounded, wanting to take Harry to the school but the look on Harry's face said everything. Harry definitely didn't want to be anywhere but home.

So, out of his freewill, Louis turned onto the same shady, suspicious road to Harry's flat with a heavy heart.


	17. 17 - Baby, We Were Fireproof

BABY, WE WERE FIREPROOF

The next morning wasn't ideal. Louis woke up to find out that the pictures had viral, plastered all over the social media and the question of who the mystery guy was started surfacing around. Of course people got excited over new people on the media, especially if they were exceptionally beautiful like Harry.

He tried to ignore it, put it to one side and move on with his life but he realised that maybe it had affected Harry more than anything. After all, that night he looked worried and had never wanted to reach home more desperately than before. It was like he had a wake up call, wanting to escape from Louis before anything happened.

It didn't matter though, Louis wasn't upset or fazed that Harry was in a rush to get home. He obviously wasn't used to being followed, seen out in public and being rudely interrupted by pictures being taken. It had become a sad norm in Louis's life, almost expecting it every time he stepped out of the house. His friends, however, were completely new to the whole concept.

Zayn and Liam tried to get used to it as soon as Louis started to get famous, covering their faces everytime they were spotted out in public but Niall loved the attention. Despite managing to stay ghost on social media and keeping it all private, he went crazy in front of the paparazzi and always posed.

Harry would just be like Zayn and Liam-- trying to avoid it on most days. The fact that maybe Louis could go out with him more often, trying to get him used to fame as an exciting factor all in all.

As much as Louis wanted to go and meet up with Harry again, kiss him softly and ask him if everything was okay-- he had a meeting with management about his tour and it would probably include Eleanor. He had literally forgotten she even existed, neglecting her presence and not keeping in touch with her. He definitely had to message her every now and then if he was going to do business with her.

That's all their relationship was: a business plan, a way to get more money for the management team and himself though Louis didn't believe in it. He believed in being free, expressing yourself and never having to hide anything away.

Louis pulled a beanie over his messy hair, not caring to style it today and slipped into comfortable clothes as he slipped out of the house and alerted his security guard to meet up with him so they could go to this meeting. He was already worn out from all the bullshit that he was going to have to hear, he didn't like discussing anything that related to his personal life. He was here for his music, his fans and nothing more.

"You're going to have a long day today," Alberto joked, chuckling as he drove Louis down to the headquarters.

That didn't sound the slightest appealing to Louis who groaned, leaning back in his seat and running a hand down his face in frustration. "I want nothing more than have a smoke and eat right now."

"You can have all that later, can't you?"

"I guess, it just isn't the same when I'm forced to these useless meetings in the morning."

"Ey now, it isn't all useless!" Alberto tried to attempt at making the atmosphere more light, bringing some source of happiness in. "Some of the team really care about you!"

"I only like you," Louis said childish.

"Of course you do, I'm the best security guard you could come across!" Alberto had a smug smile on his face, obviously very pleased with the statement Louis had made and was trying to hide it away. It wasn't very common for Louis to compliment or remind the other person they were loved unless it was Harry.

"Alright, don't get too happy!" Louis chuckled, also in a good mood now. Alberto had that affect on him and he was glad that he had such a good relationship with him. It made his job ten times easier.

They pulled up outside the building, greeted by the dull grey paint work and the endless windows that went on forever. It seemed so lifeless, just like his meetings and it was never fun to stop by here. Especially since it was in the mornings, it ruined Louis's mood for the rest of the day and didn't give him the right vibes.

"Have fun chap!" Alberto slapped his shoulder in a playful manner as Louis exited the vehicle, putting on a brave front and approached the building.

He went up to the correct floor where he usually met Richard. Richard was the main man, the mastermind and the one who controlled the behaviour that went on with him. It was disgusting how much he loved money, never thought of anything else besides it and was prepared to do anything only to bag himself more. He was filthy rich, able to survive two lifetimes but yet was greedy and begging for more in the most absurd ways.

For that reason, Louis truly wasn't fond of Richard and preferred to stay away on all occasions. He only came here if it was urgent or important. He tried not to keep in touch, have any sort of friendship outside of the fact they worked alongside together. There was something truly strange about Richard that made his skin crawl, made him cringe and want to run a mile.

"We meet again!" Richard grinned wickedly, showing off his crooked teeth as he gestured to the seat before him. Louis gingerly sat himself down, avoiding eye contact at all costs and keeping his eyes on his fingers that he was fiddling with. "How have you been Tomlinson?"

Louis shrugged, not wanting to let in any details. It wasn't worth it. "Fine." He said, smiling and not returning the question because he really didn't care how Richard has been.

Once again, Richard was surrounded by papers and a laptop that he kept scrolling through as if he was trying to view exactly what the fans were saying right now. He was constantly searching for information, trying to pry into every detail of Louis's life and it wasn't acceptable.

"Ah, you got spotted outside La Senza restaurant, I believe?" Richard asked, flicking through papers.

Louis nodded, trying his hardest not to let any emotions play on his face and keeping his attention diverted to the floor. "Yes."

"With a guy?"

"Harry Styles, childhood friend."

Richard didn't look the slightest bit convinced but didn't comment, nodding and shuffling up the papers. "You two are close, yes?"

How was Louis supposed to answer that question? They were close, they always have been but at the same time-- they really weren't close at all. They were strangers who were once best friends and now so faraway, yet there was unresolved feelings.

So, he coughed and smiled. "I guess."

"And are you two going to be in the public eye more often?"

Once again, Louis had to stop and really think about the question because was he really going to be going out with Harry more often? Or was this just a one off? Everything was so uncertain, confusing and he had no idea what to make of it.

"Maybe, I don't decide my social life ahead of time." Louis tried his hardest not to give off any hints of hostility, keeping a straight face at all times.

For these meetings, he needed patience and needed to keep breathing. He would be leaving in less than an hour, he just had to be strong and make it through. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"You should, with a busy timetable like you." Richard sighed, putting the papers down and taking his glasses off as he relaxed all the way back in his chair. He looked stressed by the fact he had to be talking to Louis. "So many important dates are coming up. Aren't you prepared?"

Louis knew that he was being brought down, inferred that he was lazy because he wasn't putting more thought into what he was doing but he tried not to think of it. This was his life, he had his own control and if he didn't want to plan ahead, he didn't need to. He was completely aware of what was happening when, when his tour was starting and when his album was being released.

"Of course I am." Louis spoke through his teeth, his voice betrayed him.

Richard looked amused. "I believe your album is coming out, really soon. Just a few weeks, right?"

"Yup, November 25th." Louis smiled because he had remembered, he could prove Richard wrong.

"Great and we have a lot of promo to do. Interviews after interview has been lined up!"

"Awesome."

"It also means we need to add in more pr stunts, brings about more... attention, you know?" Richard smiled because this was the whole reason for the meeting, to discuss Eleanor further and bring it up a level.

Instantly, Louis was uncomfortable and tried not to squirm in his seat. "Right."

"We know that you've only been on one date with Eleanor but we're doing to jump ahead, say you're dating."

Louis's eyes widened. "Isn't that a bit extreme?"

"Not really, it's very normal actually. Obviously, it's not a real relationship and your dates will be set up like normal. Just has a label now!"

Louis groaned, shaking his head because it sounded awful and he wasn't prepared to have Eleanor labelled as his girlfriend. He could never get used to it. This wasn't what he wanted. Yet, he couldn't argue because his control was out of his hands.

"How long for?"

"Well, not long at all! Just a few months at most, until your album isn't all that new. You'll be informed when the relationship has to be dropped."

The whole idea was awful and Louis felt like he was back at school, being ordered what to do and having to follow it. He wanted to rebel, to fight back but what was the point? It was something that he truly wasn't used to. The saddest part was, not being able to disagree and refuse because it wasn't in his power anymore. He just had to listen, go along with it and hope for the best. He had signed the contract 3 years ago and now he had to pay in the most lethal way.

"Okay." Louis finally managed to speak up after a few moments of silence, gulping down the lump that was growing in his throat. How would this affect him and Harry? Would Harry be pleased or upset about this whole dilemma?

"Okay?" Richard sounded surprised, not expecting Louis to agree so easily and argue back. "Made my job easier here, thank you Louis."

Louis sneered, shrugging. "Whatever."

"I assure you, it's for your own good because image always come good! It'll be good, bring about more fans."

"Don't see how dating brings more fans but okay.." Louis shrugged once again, not wanting to debate the topic further and just wanting to leave the place right now. He didn't feel like talking anymore, he just felt like getting away and lazing around on his couch.

He left the office to go and meet with Eleanor, to discuss further plans. He always forgot the fact that she was also part of this, it also affected her life too. She was basically off the market for other guys who may be potentially interested in her because she was too busy investing her time in a fake relationship that wasn't getting anywhere. Louis had to be more friendly towards her, make her feel more comfortable around himself.

As Louis left the headquarters, walking towards the car -- he caught eyes of someone really familiar that made him stop in his tracks and gasp. He wasn't expecting to see Harry anywhere around here, especially not on his own. It was a rare occasion to see him on his own.

Louis ran up to him, grinning widely and waving frantically. "Harry!" He called happily, wanting to embrace him but noticing the fallen expression on his face and the sullen look, he pulled away frowning. "Harry?" He asked more softly.

Harry looked so beaten up, so depressed that it seemed like a miracle he was even here. He wasn't smiling, even the slightest and there was eye bags under his eye that were very evident. He looked way too tired to be out, walking in daylight. He was dressed in the most casual clothes, almost like he wasn't even supposed to be here.

"Louis?" He repeated, rubbing at his eyes. He looked relatively surprised and frightened, glancing around nervously. "Anyone with cameras?"

Louis stuttered, shaking his head. "N-no, I don't think so."

"Okay..." He breathed out in relief, his hands shaking as he tried to smooth out his shirt.

"What you doing here?" Louis tried to start conversation, leaning back on the wall and stuffing his hands in his pocket to make the conversation more light.

"We shouldn't talk anymore." Harry broke out, cutting straight to the point and catching Louis completely by surprise. He said it without any sort of emotion in his voice, cold and uptight.

Louis narrowed his eyes, trying to process the information before nodding carefully. "Erm, why?"

"I think it's not very healthy."

"What do you mean?" Louis tried his hardest not to get mad, to keep his emotions intact but it seemed impossible right now.

Harry shrugged. "It's affecting me and Dalton deeply, Louis. I think it's better off we don't talk."

Louis stared at him hard for a few seconds, looking him up and down before his eyes caught sight on two bright red lines going down his arm. His shirt sleeves had ridden up a bit, revealing very deep cuts and Louis had to take a second to realise what was going on.

"Harry, what the fuck is that?" He demanded. He knew very well that he wasn't supposed to react like this, he was supposed to be somewhat supportive and caring, listening to the whole story before jumping ahead and assuming things. But right now, his mind was a whirlwind and a mess and he was on the edge of losing Harry again whilst staring at his cuts.

Harry instantly jumped to action, pulling his sleeves down and taking two steps back. "Fuck off Louis, that's none of your concern!"

"No!" Louis stepped towards him, not caring at all whilst trying to grab his arms to get a better look at the cuts no matter how much Harry was squirming. "Did you do that to yourself?"

"That's none of your business!" He croaked, his voice close to breaking as he tried to swat Louis away, weak. "Stop! You have no right to do this!"

"Harry, just let me be there for you!"

"If you want to be there for me, please, just go and leave me. You'll be doing me a favour, please." Harry pleaded, his voice desperate and it cut Louis off completely.

Louis took a step back, looking at Harry and having no idea what to say. He was being begged to leave Harry alone, to go off and let them be. Louis had self pride, if he was told to leave-- he did exactly that. He didn't want to stay somewhere he really wasn't wanted. Louis could sense the hostility towards him right now and it took him a second to understand.

"Why?" He asked, his voice small like how his ego had been hurt and reduced to nothing.

Harry looked helpless, shrugging. "Because I need to work on being with Dalton."

"I thought you wanted me."

"Then please, never assume things." Harry paused, looking extremely sorry and guilty before taking a step back and holding his hands up in surrender. "Goodbye Louis." And with that, he walked away with a piece of Louis that could never be replaced.


	18. 18 - It's Been So Long

"I got the call from management," Eleanor simply greeted Louis with as she slided into the car with him, trying to smile gracefully but noticing the annoyed look on his face. Her smile instantly faded, sighing as she buckled up her seatbelt. "Oh, Louis, is everything okay?" She asked sincerely, looking him straight in the eye.

Louis sighed too because he was tired. That was probably an understatement. He was hating his life right now, he had just lost the closest he had come to Harry and once again-- he was alone with his sorry life. Harry didn't want him, never did. He was too loyal for Dalton, only wanted him and nothing more and maybe Louis was interrupting something great. Maybe this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He wasn't supposed to end up with Harry in the end.

"Yeah," he lied. This wasn't the time to sob about his sorry life, complain about things he could never have. What was the point in talking about it if it only brought you more pain in the end? Louis just had to accept what has happened, try to move on from it. "I'm sorry about this."

"Sorry about what?"

"You know, this whole dating thing. I wish I could change it, really."

Eleanor just giggled, shaking her head. "Don't be stupid, I understand it. I mean, it's not like I'm entirely miserable right now!"

Louis just nodded because it was true. He actually managed to get along with her for the sake of their management, the rules and he was glad he met someone so down to earth. If it was someone else, Louis wasn't sure how he would be able to cope with it all. He needed someone that would understand him, not drive him out of his comfort zone.

"I just wanted to make sure this is all okay with you?" Louis asked. This was a huge step, something that was going to be annoying in the future and the days to come. It was going to be really mind fucking to constantly see articles of them two together, it being confirmed that their dating when really, there's not even a spark of interest between them. Louis wondered whether his real fans would be able to spot the difference, notice that it isn't real and support him no matter what. His thoughts often pondered on this fact, thinking whether his fans would still buy his music if he came out as homosexual.

"Of course it is. I wouldn't of agreed otherwise!" Eleanor smiled.

"Yeah, but once you sign the contract you have to agree." Louis tried to warn her cautiously. She had no idea what she was letting herself into. Once you were signed, they had full control over your actions and had the power to change whatever they wanted to. It was gutting, disgusting but that was just how life was once you were chasing the fame life. "You can't back out."

"Are you trying to scare me off?" She teased.

"No, I'm not! I'm just letting you know so you're fully aware of what you're doing."

"I'm aware Louis, it's okay. It's you that should be more worried!"

And oh, Louis was definitely worried. He didn't know how to feel about this whole concept, whether he should be agreeing with it so freely-- despite the fact that he didn't really have a choice. He was going to have a girl around, having to admit out loud to other people in interviews that he was dating a girl and describe her with lovely words. It wasn't that Eleanor wasn't a lovely girl, the whole idea of dating her just wasn't.

What if management decided to widen the time of them dating, decided to make it longer than a year and keep them in a committed relationship? That way, Louis would be completely off the market and for them, that was brilliant. It would bring more money for them and that's all they really cared about.

"I'll be fine." Louis promised her. He was always fine.

They sat in the car for a while as Louis drove her around, showed her different parts of the town. Today's meeting wasn't arranged by management, they had met on their own because Louis just wanted to discuss the impact that was going to follow by agreeing to this offer. It felt draining to talk about with Eleanor, telling her about what was expected to follow now that they were in this mess together. She was going to have to get used to a lot of hate that was going to be sent to her. After all, some fans were insane and they definitely wouldn't like him dating someone else. She was going to get analysed, looked at closely by so many different people.

Eleanor also had to get used to the fact that some girls were going to worship her, look up to her and make fan accounts. Some people were going to believe it in too literally, find the fake relationship 'adorable' and 'true love' and start idolizing her. It's a bit weird the lengths these girls would go to, but it was something that was bound to happen. She couldn't freak out about it.

Another thing was the paparazzi. That was going to be the key element in their relationship now, being photographed the second they stepped out of the car to whatever place they were travelling to that day. She had already once experienced the blinding lights, the flashes that went off in every direction-- but that was just the beginning of the insane paparazzi journeys. It was about to get a lot more crazier.

Eleanor looked a little pale by the time Louis had finished driving her around, stopping outside her house and killing off the engine. She looked majorly put off, wanting to go back to how simple her life was going to be. From now on, her name was going to be big and it was going to be announced everywhere. She was no longer just an ordinary girl from Louis's hometown, she was now an idol and famous.

"It'll be fine, I'll help you through it." Louis tried to offer any moral support that was left inside of him to say. He didn't know how he, himself, was going to get through it but it was a task he was going to have to work towards.

Eleanor sighed, nodding. "Everything will be okay." She said, planting a soft kiss to Louis's cheek before walking back into her house.

Louis exhaled deeply once she was out of sight, feeling a weight been lifted off his shoulders as he slouched down and hit his head against the steering wheel. If he was finding the beginning part of this journey difficult already, how was he going to deal with the rest? Truthfully, he needed Harry to get through this.

**

A few days later, the first articles of Eleanor and Louis being together started crawling around the internet. It was being questioning whether they were together before it was confirmed and false statements were given on behalf of them two. Louis took the news a bit hard on himself, wanting to go out and get drunk and ignore the whole world. Maybe, a few drinks later he wouldn't remember this chaos and mess he was put into.

So, he did exactly that and ended up going to the club on his lonesome just to get drunk. He managed to avoid people on a whole, just sitting in the corner and sipping away at drinks - not even counting the number of glass he was onto now. Louis felt lonely, so faraway from the rest of the world and so disconnected that this felt almost good to him. It was like he finally found a place he belonged, at a dirty club.

Niall, once again, was the person who helped Louis out.

"You little bastard, you are," he had muttered to Louis while helping him sit in the back of the car, treating him with extra care like he was a child about to break.

Niall helped Louis back to his house, put him to bed and stayed over just for good measures. The next morning, helped him puke and made him tea to feel better before having a lazy movie day for Louis.

Louis had never taken news this badly before, it was taking a mental toll on him and Niall was realising that really quickly. He didn't dare bring up Eleanor, knowing that's exactly what Louis was trying to escape from but gave him pitiful looks and shook his head silently.

He managed to recover from that, tried to act normal but all he wanted to do was have Harry around his arms whilst he whispered softly about how beautiful he is. Louis wasn't able to have that anymore, he wasn't allowed to keep that for himself and instead, he had to deal with this mess of a life. Louis had to accept that he could never have the boy who stole his heart and was determined to break it.

More articles started coming around and the social media part of the relationship started playing in. Eleanor and Louis had to send cute, silly texts to each other on a daily basis. It made Louis cringe everything he sent her love you's and x's, feeling like he was betraying Harry.

It was just too much for Louis and it was all happening too quick. Once again, he was desperate to go and get drunk and have a few drinks. It was ridiculous, but it was his coping mechanism and he didn't exactly know any other way.

Once again, he was in the familiar setting at the low dimmed bar sitting by the stools and sipping away at expensive alcohol. It was a setting he was growing quite used to and it was sad he was able to say that.

This time, Alberto was the one who bothered to escort him home as Louis stumbled in at 3am and pathetically got his phone out. He looked down at the number that Harry had given him on the letter, the one to only use during emergency and he felt this sudden urge of bravery.

He dialed the number and sadly, it went straight to voicemail. Louis cleared his throat, trying to sound sober and put together despite the fact he was completely broken and wrecked inside. His voice was croaky, he could hardly keep his eyes open as he coughed.

"Fuck you," was the first thing Louis hissed out, pouting like it was a video call and Harry was able to see. He was slurring just slightly but trying to form coherent sentences. "I hate you, you ruined me!" He yelled. "You and your stupid boyfriend Dalton." Louis paused, looking down at this screen and realising right now, he could practically say anything. Harry didn't want him and was never going to see him again. This was his only chance.

"Does this mean I'm never going to see you again? Experience your curls in person, never?" Louis asked, sounding terribly vulnerable before he scoffed. "You never cared, did you? For you, it was Dalton. You used me and made me believe you had feelings for me and then you kissed me and then you left me!"

By now, he was sobbing like a child and he had no recollection when he started crying. He rubbed at his eyes wearily, tired.

"Goodnight Harry, I hate you and I miss you." He whispered, closing his eyes tightly and dozing off.

**

The next day, he was woken up by a sharp shrill that made him jump up and grab his phone cautiously. He was only ever woken up by management calls, since they were supposed to be urgent and emergency. None of the other boys dared to even call before noon, knowing that he would probably be asleep if he wasn't working.

Louis groaned before noticing, it was Harry's number. Was Harry calling him? Was this real life? He stayed in a moment of shock, not sure whether he should pick up and how to react. He was going to die of embarrassment, thinking about what message he had left last night.

Slowly, cautiously, he picked up the phone. "Hello?" He spoke in a small voice, scared of being hurt.

"Is this Louis?" Harry's voice came through, rough and scruffy like he had gone through puberty overnight and came out as a changed man.

It made Louis slightly shocked as he clutched the phone tighter. "Hey?" He should be bitter, angry that Harry even had the guts to call back after what he had said to him.

"Erm, can we meet up today?"

Louis thought this was a joke, surely. Harry was trying to break him further, try to ruin him beyond repair and then leave him. Why on earth would he want to meet Louis again once saying they should stop talking? It was a mindfuck, a game that Harry was playing. Maybe Harry never cared, never really had Louis's best interests at heart and therefore don't mind doing this.

"Why?" He asked, trying to sound unconcerned as he picked at his shirt sleeves.

"It's just... erm, just a little meet up I guess."

"As far as I recall, you said that you never want to talk to me again then why are you doing this?" Louis pleaded.

"Please?" Was the only short, urgent reply that came through and it made Louis's arm hair stand up. Something was terribly wrong, he could feel it in his bones and he had no idea what to do. His nerves were all over the place, his thoughts running a thousand mile an hour and his heart racing.

"Is everything okay?" He asked because besides everything, Louis could never stop loving or caring for Harry.

"Yeah. Where shall we meet?" He didn't sound too convinced, rushed and scared.

Louis frowned. "At the cafe?" He suggested. A public place would be best because if they were alone, Louis wasn't sure if he was going to be able to control his desires.

**

Maybe, Louis was way too early to this meet up. He wasn't sure whether to consider this a date, if their relationship was even to the stage to call this a friendly meet up. He was never sure where he stood with Harry, whether he was important or not and it ate away at Louis. It chewed up all his insides, made him confused and nervous-- and Louis was never usually like this. Harry had some sort of knock on effect to Louis and there was no way to control it, no other way around it except just accepting it.

He was nervously sitting on the table outside the store, just wanting to absorb some of the sunshine before he would feel his whole world come crashing down again. For some reason, Louis was certain that today's meeting wasn't positive and something was going to happen-- he just wasn't sure what it was yet. It could be anything and Louis wouldn't even be surprised. He went through enough pain for one lifetime, what is next to deal with?

Louis took a sip of his iced tea, wanting to cool himself down as he calmly replied to all his friends and made plans for the future. He had to start organising dates for interviews, make sure he's prepared for them. Plus, Niall wanted to throw him an album release party since he was such a party animal and it all seemed like fun but was Louis really feeling like celebrating? Right now, his mood was to crawl under his cover and never see the day light again.

Finally, Harry emerged from one of the roads but he was accompanied by someone else which made Louis nearly choke on his drink. He was speechless as he watched Dalton walk besides Harry, clutching his hands tightly. What was more shocking was the fact that Harry's tan skin was completely exposed. He was wearing a low cut shirt, his neck that was red and full of lovebites were on show, for everyone to see.

Was Harry trying to make Louis jealous, because it was really working right now.

Louis tightened his grip around his cup, not wanting to get up and greet the happy couple as they made their way over to the table. If he knew that the devil himself was going to make an appearance alongside Harry, Louis would've declined the offer. He didn't need a physical reminder of what he's lost and can no longer have.

"Hello Louis, we meet again!" Dalton chirped, a huge grin playing lazily at his lips as he thrusted out his hands to shake but Louis didn't dare try to make friendly conversations. He simply just scowled, keeping his fingers curled around the cup. Dalton didn't seem to mind though, just laughing a little before sitting down on the table and leading Harry as well.

Harry looked majorly distracted, his mind in another place as he failed to keep his attention one place. He looked roughly fucked, his hair still messy and sticking out in different directions. His eyes were small, huge eye bags as if they've been at it all night. And, to top it all off, the visual proof of their kinky night considering the bright red marks all over Harry's neck and collarbones.

"This has to be a joke?" Louis wondered out loud.

Harry visually cringed, shuddering. "Hello." He said also like he was born to copy Dalton's words and it was already getting on Louis's nerves.

"What do you guys want? Why the fuck are you here?" Louis cut to the chase, not even wanting to subject himself to this bullshit. He was feeling like a major idiot considering the drunken voicemail he had sent, how he pleaded Harry and how weak he sounded. Now, Harry was mocking him by standing in front of him with his loving boyfriend.

Dalton smirked before he leaned forward, leaving a tender kiss on Harry's cheeks and then turning his attention back to Louis. "We just wanted a friendly lunch."

Louis scoffed, laughing and shaking his head. He still wasn't sure whether this was a joke and he had no idea what was going on. He just wanted to be alone, more than anything. "We aren't friends, Dalton. We never will be."

Dalton tried to fake a pout, failing miserable and rather looking like a complete idiot. "That's a bit rude and harsh. What have I ever done to you?"

Louis wasn't going to announce all the things him and Harry have done, all the kisses they've shared and the fact that Harry held a special place to his heart. He wasn't a home wrecker and he had respect, he knew his place and he knew to keep his mouth shut. That was his job for now. He had to ignore this all, forget Harry and the fact that he constantly wanted to hurt Louis and try to move on.

Since Louis didn't reply, Dalton made a second try at conversation. "So you and Eleanor, that fine girl?"

Louis had to laugh again at how stupid this conversation really was, he wasn't even sure if he could deal with this. He straightened out, shaking his head. "You call her fine when your fucking boyfriend is right there."

Harry coughed awkwardly, trying to pull up his shirt so his neck was hiding. Dalton noticed that action almost straight away, shooting him an expression that Louis couldn't figure out but it made him highly uncomfortable. He shifted on his seat, not sure how to feel comfortable with this situation. Everything was a little muddled up right now and it seemed to get more complicated by the minute.

"Harry doesn't mind, do ya love?" Dalton asked, tilting his head to the side to get a better look at a rather flustrated Harry.

Harry shook his head. "No." He spoke up, finally.

Louis rolled his eyes. He couldn't stand Harry right now, he got irritated by his voice and the way his curls were so goddamn perfect -- even now. How could one human being have so many features that have no flaws? It didn't make it easier for Louis, made the whole moving on process thousand times harder.

"Well, tell me about Eleanor then!" Dalton repeated, bringing up the topic.

Two could play a game and Louis wanted to have some fun so he smirked, trying to look more calm. Despite the fact that he could feel his heart shattering, again (in fact, he was starting to question how many times his heart could break)-- he wanted Harry to feel the same pain.

"She's wonderful!" Louis said brightly, trying his hardest not to shiver by his blunt lie as he quickly took a sip of his tea to remove the awkward moment.

Dalton raised an eyebrow. "That's weird, are you into her?"

"Of course I am. She's my girlfriend, haven't you noticed?" Louis asked, giggling nervously.

Dalton didn't look the slightest bit convinced, an amused yet not affected expression on his face as he nodded. "Right, that's brilliant."

Harry stayed quiet, not saying a word and hardly looking up from his eyes that were diverted to the floor. It was literally like his whole purpose that he was here was to show off his bruises, like it was honour and something to show off. Louis tried to ignore, tried to push those thoughts towards the back of his mind.

"If you don't mind," Louis whispered when he realised he had finished his iced tea and there was no longer a purpose for him to be sitting here, pretending to be best friends. In actual fact, he despised Dalton and Harry. He hated them both for causing so much suffering for Louis, for Louis to wake up everyday and not want to leave the house. It was all their fault, it was always going to be. "I'm going to go now, I have a lot of things to do." 

Dalton didn't seem pleased. "Oh no, no Louis. Please, sit. We're having fun."

Louis bit the insides of his cheek to prevent from saying anything that he would later on regret. By coming here, it was only confirmed that Dalton and Harry were in love and Louis was alone with a fake girlfriend. Next time, he had to be more cautious of what he was getting himself involved into. He took a quick, agnoising glance at Harry's hickeys before walking off, not bothering to answer Dalton.


	19. 19 - Can You Take Me Faraway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it all starts, hereeee we go.

CAN YOU TAKE ME FARAWAY?

 

"You have an appearance at a talk show!" Zayn informed Louis, trying to wake him up whilst packing his and Louis's suitcase for the two nights they were going to be away. It should've been a good thing, being able to get away from this place for a while and being a few miles out where no one could reach them. But the fame didn't stop, it followed and so did the paparazzi.

Louis was having wild nights everyday, drinking until he couldn't see straight and getting high until everything else was blurred out. This was his coping mechanism, blocking everything out and trying to forget the world. It wasn't his fault that this was literally the only thing he knows, this is the only way he knows how to deal with problems and therefore, he does exactly that. It wasn't healthy, not at all but Louis was beyond the point of caring about what's healthy for him. Right now, he could die and he probably wouldn't even care and let it come for him.

Zayn, however, was trying his best to keep Louis out of negative spotlight that he was constantly getting and trying to keep his spirits high. He was around almost everyday with Liam, sorting out his house and making sure Louis was even getting out of bed on most days. There was just so much going on and Louis needed a helping hand, at all times.

But today, Liam decided to skip ahead and dedicate a day for himself. He was learning to be a doctor and his degree was getting harder, more workload being added and he simply couldn't afford to waste another day at the mansion.

So, it was just Zayn who was pulling his weight around here and helping Louis. Louis always got bad like this, refusing to get out of bed or even try to face the world. The first thing he knew best was to hide, to runaway and not deal with his problems because it just seemed easier that way. 

"Go fuck Liam," Louis grumbled under his sheets, not wanting to move. He desperately wanted to thank Zayn for doing every little chore around the house but the words couldn't come out of his throat, staying burning at his chest.

Zayn just sighed, getting used to all the bitter words that Louis was spitting out nowadays. He just had to keep reminding himself that this wasn't Louis, this was just his way of dealing things. "I will, after we return from this talk show."

"Does he fuck you good?"

"My sex life has nothing to do with you," Zayn rolled his eyes, trying not to get irritated as he carefully chose out the outfit that Louis could wear to the talk show. He ended up choosing a purple blouse, black blazer, cropped black jeans and purple brogues-- he would look dashing in those clothes.

Louis wrinkled his nose at the work Zayn was doing. "Do you think you're a housewife?" He muttered, his eyes hazy and his voice strained as he tried to look up towards Zayn and failing. Instead, he flopped down on his bed and groaned loudly, not holding anything back.

Zayn scoffed, dramatically flicking his fringe that was falling into his due to the fact that he hasn't styled his hair. "I'm not a housewife, I'm fabulous!"

"Whatever you say."

"C'mon, get up and get ready!" Zayn ordered again, trying to get Louis out of his bed and pulling at his arm pathetically. Louis groaned again, rolling around and pushing his duvet off. He couldn't believe he was being forced to this talk show since it had been arranged for months. There was no way for him to call in and cancel it last minute. He didn't want to go in, act like a happy person when he really wasn't. He was angry at the world, he wanted to kill everyone and ruin each and every single one the paparazzi that come around to annoy him.

"Can I pretend to be dead and disappear and never be seen again?" Louis asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he got out of his bed and walked towards the shower whilst rubbing his eyes.

Zayn laughed, at last, and it was a glorious sound. Zayn had been hardly letting out any noises close to a laugh due to Louis's state and it was worrying him to bits. He didn't like seeing his best friend so broken down, so reliant on drugs and alcohol and it was eating away at him. But, he finally had a moment of bliss.

"I wish Lou," Zayn sighed as he threw fresh clothes towards him and pushed him through the shower.

Louis took his time in the shower, letting the water wash away his hangover and the last reminders of last night. He had no idea what club he had gone to this time but there was a huge party going on and it wasn't like him to ignore it and pass it on. He had been getting a lot of negative media light and management wanted to use this opportunity to clear up the rumours, to lie a little and make Louis look more clean cut, as usual. He had been using cocaine religiously, relying on it everyday and never spending a day where he wasn't high. Louis knew the side effects, he knew what he was getting into but it didn't bother him, didn't stop him. He was beyond the point of caring, he just wanted a way to forget the world, not wanting to see anyone else but the darkness of the nightclub every single day. 

He was living a pathetic life, a sad lie along with Eleanor tagging along-- pretending to act like the faithful girlfriend who is trying to sober Louis up. She would send out sympathetic tweets all day, indirects towards him which never made the fans question what was going on between them. 'It was too cute not to be true'.

When he came out, his hair dripping wet and his shirt clinging to his body, he saw Zayn sitting at the breakfast table with the food prepared. He had made pancakes, Louis's favourite, with sprinkled sugar and blueberries and a cup of tea alongside with a few grapes. He was sitting on the stool himself, sipping away at his tea and Louis's eyes widened at the effect.

It was like he had been blind before and hadn't realised all the effort Zayn was putting in to make sure he's okay, to keep him alive and walking around this place and there was a sudden rush and urge of love and appreciation for Zayn.

He sighed deeply, feeling like utter shit for being such a bad friend, as he made his way over to Zayn and gave him an awkward side hug. "Thank you, you dick." He muttered into Zayn's clothes, his head hanging low.

"Thank me later," was the only reply Zayn gave out, returning to his tea as Louis sat down for his pancakes and ate it thankfully. It was made to perfection, as always and it wasn't everyday that he enjoyed food so deeply.

"It was really delicious." Louis complimented, sipping at his tea that had cooled down now so he couldn't burn his tongue, smiling.

Zayn just shook his head, dismissing the sweet words like it was too hard to believe. "Ssh."

"When do we leave?"

"In a few minutes actually. Alberto is going to pick us up, let's go." Zayn beckoned for him to move, picking up all the plates and putting them in the sink for later. "I'll call Liam to come and clean it all out."

Louis frowned. "You guys are babysitting me." He said like he hadn't realised for the past week or so.

"Of course we are, you're incapable of looking after yourself apparently."

"I am capable!" He argued right back before sighing and nodding. "I'm sorry you guys have to deal with me, day in and day out."

"It's fine," Zayn reassured him, smiling. "We're your friends and therefore, we're here for you through no matter what."

That was enough for Louis who smiled appreciatively and left the house, locking the door behind him. It was weird for him to be able to see straight for once since he was always high or drunk and there wa a burn in his throat to continue with his acts. He needed a drink, he needed a blunt but yet he was being forced out of the city to a talk show he never really liked. The interviewer could be bashful, commenting on touchy subjects and Louis knew exactly how difficult today was going to be.

No one said a word in the car. Zayn and Louis at the back whilst Alberto and another security guard drove. There was complete silence and Louis couldn't figure out whether it was comfortable or not, whether he could ease himself into it. Zayn was watching outside the window, headphones in and a small frown playing at his lips and Louis felt terrible for dragging him away from Liam for a few days. How needy could Louis be that he needed to be supervised to a stupid talk show?

Zayn and Liam were practically inseparable and now he was dragging Zayn along, away from his love and they could no longer have sex every night.

"It's okay, I'm sure Liam is getting off whilst thinking about you," Louis whispered low enough only for Zayn to hear, only to relieve some of the tension.

Zayn turned his head down, smiling just slightly. "That thought is not appropriate right now, keep your thoughts to yourself!" He swatted at Louis but his smile didn't fall and for that, Louis felt like he had victory because finally, his best friend was smiling.

The journey wasn't too long, only took an hour and Louis was used to such times. He had been cramped in a tour bus for hours on end, days on end with no sign of stopping sometimes and one hour felt like a breeze. However, for Zayn, it felt like a lifetime who was getting edgy on his seat and constantly tapping his knees. When they finally arrived at the hotel, he looked overly relieved and almost wanted to jump out of the car and run towards the room.

Alberto signed the boys in as they went up to their hotel, away from the public eye and facing out to a beautiful landscape view. It was peaceful up here, no noises of screaming girls could be heard that were piling up outside for a chance to meet Louis. He was never sure why girls were okay with waiting in this cold for him, outside hotels just for a hope on a small glimpse of him transporting from the hotel towards the car.

The management never let him go out and meet them during his hotel stays, declaring it was too risky and there was not enough safety hazards put up for the girls. However, Louis felt like it was just lies and just putting up more rules for him just because they could.

He sent out a quick tweet: 'Girls, if you're outside the hotel, stay safe and drink lots of water to stay hydrated!!!!!' so he knew that he cared. He really did care for his fans, he was overly grateful for all the constant support he got despite the fact he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve millions standing after him for whatever reason, he wasn't a saint and didn't deserve to get forgiven so easily. But it was a blessing all in all.

Zayn came through the door, easing himself onto the chair and texting Liam. "Do you like it here?" He asked, not looking up from his phone.

Another thing Louis was grateful for was the beautiful and extravagant places he stayed at, with all the money he had. He was easily able to afford such amazing places that were stunning from head to toe, every single facility made available for him.

"It's perfect."

"I know, never getting used to the fact I can actually stay here."

"Thanks to me!" Louis grinned.

Zayn smiled back. "Thanks to you."

They were quickly ordered to get ready, put on their best suits and that the car was waiting. Zayn helped Louis, got his suit out and made it look perfect. He styled Louis's hair, giving it a graceful little quiff and making him look as beautiful as he could be as Louis stood, helpless and watching. He felt like shit that his best friend had to look after him, for every little single thing but he also felt vulnerable and he loved the attention so he didn't speak.

He looked in the mirror, pleased with his appearance. "Thanks man." He said sincerely, his voice dripping with nothing more than love for Zayn.

"Sssh."

"Are you not going to get ready?"

"I'm not coming on live tv, you are!" Zayn laughed, shaking his head as he ushered Louis out of the hotel room and towards the car, once again. 

The second Louis stepped out, in view for the public eye, all the girls started screaming from every corner of the store and Louis grimaced. He tried not to cover his ear, tried not to look like this was a problem because it wasn't. It was mindblowing, every time, that so many people had turned up to his hotel just to catch a glimpse of him. He looked around, trying to look over every single person but the line was endless and waved. He tried to wave to every corner of the street and smiled dazzlingly huge and quickly made his way to his car.

Louis felt somewhat satisfied right now, still a little shocked at the amount of people that were waiting outside his hotel.

"There's over a thousand girls outside the studio of the talk show," Alberto informed them, not taking his eyes off the road as he drove down the packed road. Thankfully, the windows were blacked out and you couldn't see a thing.

Louis's eyes widened. "Are you serious? There must've been over two thousand here!"

"I know, apparently these girls are making their way to the studio now too."

"Woah," Zayn got a single word in, looking a little out of his comfort zone but not complaining. He wasn't used to these sort of crowds, the fans that turned up and ran after the car-- it was something that had him speechless every time.

"Their amazing." Was the only thing Louis could say, getting comfortable in his seat and feeling really good for the first time. Seeing his fans just made his day, made his month and year. There wasn't enough ways he could thank them.

"You're telling me." Zayn muttered.

After a few minutes, Louis got the unfortunate call from management that always seemed to come around whilst he made his way to interviews and such. He picked it up, repressing a sigh. "Yes?" He said, quite rudely.

"Louis!" One of the member staff, Jake, spoke through the phone and you could practically hear the smile in their voice.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Yes?"

"I believe you're heading over to an interview right now?"

"Yes."

"The story is that you've been with Eleanor for couple of months now, only made it official recently and you asked her out at the dinner date you guys first went to."

Louis couldn't believe all the lies that Jake wanted him to say but didn't dare speak up, biting his tongue to not say a word and listening quietly. It was all bullshit to him and he didn't stand for this but as long as he was under this contract, he had no choice.

"Alright." He finally said, sighing.

"Alright?" Jake repeated, just begging for conversation.

Louis just ended up hanging up, not wanting to talk anymore and pocketing his phone. He felt exhausted already, wanting to just go home and get some rest but instead, he was going to a stupid talk show. Zayn, sitting opposite him, was relaxed and on his phone-- quite clearly to Liam.

"What's he saying?" Louis asked him.

Zayn flushed at the mention of his boyfriend, swatting his hand playfully. "Saying good luck, keep your calm."

They finally arrived at the studio. Louis was rushed to the makeup room immediately, changing up the perfectly done hair and making him look completely fake. Louis hated how they all got to decide how he was going to have his hair done for the show or the clothes he wore. Thankfully, he wasn't forced to change his clothes and they were relatively okay with the purple blouse Zayn had chosen out for him. However, it didn't change the fallen expression Zayn had when Louis came out of the room with his hair styled down in a fringe.

"They changed it." Louis stated, shaking his head.

Zayn grinned. "Lucky bastard, you look good in whatever they do to you!"

"Years of practise in the makeup room, love. Nothing natural." Louis sighed as they went into the blue room, just before the stage, where the interview would be taking place. Zayn was going to stay backstage and watch on, support him though Louis couldn't see the support.

Finally, he was called to the stage and he placed a swift kiss on Zayn's forehead before moving off the sofa and into everyone's eyes. Screams could be heard from everywhere, from left and right and he waved as he felt blinded by the studio lights that were shining on him. He tried not to react too much, not make a facial expression as he sat down opposite the guy on the sofa that was for him.

"Louis Tomlinson, guys! Welcome to the Jimmy show." Jimmy greeted, offering his hand as a hand shake.

Louis took it gracefully, smiling. "Thank you for having me." He knew exactly what to do, what to say at occasions like this.

"No, thank you for coming down! So, let's start off straight away with the rumour we all want to hear about!" 

Here was the time to confirm Eleanor and his relationship, officially speaking from his own mouth and lying.

"Yes?"

"Are you and Eleanor dating? We've heard speculations, news from everyone and it's time we finally hear the story from you!"

It was a pity that the first thing he was asked at the Jimmy show was purely about his personal life, nothing to do with his music which was his career. He was here to promote his music, talk about his album and release exclusive news but instead, he was asked straight away about Eleanor.

"About that," Louis smiled, "yes, we are in fact dating. Me and Eleanor met a few months ago, but we made it official recently."

"And I'm guessing, she's really supportive of you?"

The sad truth is, no one was supportive except his family and friends. Harry couldn't care less about him, showing up to planned meetings with love bites on display and Dalton tagging along just to torment him. Harry never offered any type of support, never showed his affection and used him like a ragged doll. Was it because he was rich and he was able to supply him with money? Was Harry just money greedy like usual people?

Eleanor was supportive, yes but not in the way he needed someone to be. It felt like fake care because she was paid to be there, paid to listen to Louis and have a day out with him and Louis hated it. It was all artificial.

"Of course, my girlfriend always looks out for me and makes sure everything's good." The lie felt bitter on his tongue but he gulped it down, trying not to seem fazed on live television and kept his smile bright and bold.

Jimmy didn't notice a thing. "That's great, you're definitely off the market?"

"Yes." He said roughly, feeling a weight on his tongue.

Then the topic was changed, his album was brought to light and Louis was glad that he was able to promote his music-- what he actually loved doing and the reason he was in this mess. He was willing to sacrifice everything for his passion.

"What's your new album called?"

"It's called soul." Louis announced for the first time, ever, smiling brightly because he was so proud. He had spent so long on this album, endless nights where he stayed up and wrote songs from his experiences. The days he was feeling down, he used to get paper and write down all the muddled thoughts down, bringing to life.

"Soul, ey?" Jimmy asked. "Why is it called Soul, any specific reason?"

"Well, you know, I just wrote these songs straight from my soul and spent all my effort making this album perfect. From start to finish. It comes from the soul to another soul."

Jimmy looked quite pleased with the explanation, nodding. "I love it! And when's your new single coming out?"

"Oh, soon! Definitely in about two weeks."

And so, the interview continued this way as they discussed general things and it just felt like any ordinary interview. Louis wasn't sure why this interview was deemed so important in their management eyes, making it compulsory and almost impossible to pass up on. It was just like any other questions he would've gotten anywhere else.

He was glad when it was done though, sighing loudly as he walked back to the blue room where Zayn was.

"I'm so sorry." was the only thing Zayn said.

"For?"

"Just the lies, Eleanor, everything. You don't deserve thing." Zayn had the saddest smile, looking like this interview truly affected him. He grabbed Louis and led him out of the studio where there was a whole array of paparazzi standing before him.

There was cameras everywhere, flashes from every angle as they tried to get pictures of Louis and Zayn leaving the studio. Questions were being asked from every person, coming out of everywhere and making it just one huge blur. Louis wasn't sure what to do, wondering why he wasn't used to this reponse of paparazzi all attacking him at this time of the night. Zayn seemed to handle it better than anyone, leading them through the crowd and trying to push through all the fans who had seemed to approach him, crowding him and suffocating him.

Louis was getting mobbed and it took him a while to realise what was going on exactly and processing the information.

"Keep your head down, just keep moving!" Zayn shouted over the mess, trying to reach Louis but he was deafened by the screams, by the sounds and it felt like he was going to die. This was the end.

Until, there was a significant scream that came from one of the paparazzi that rang clear in Louis and alerted him. "You're a fag! Fag with the other fag you were in the car with!"

And that caught Louis's attention, almost straight away, as he whipped crowd around the thousands that were surrounding him and trying to find the culprit. He wanted to get his hands on him, wanted to get dirty and hurt someone. He had been waiting for an opportunity to hurt someone, to get into a fight just to release all the anger-- and this felt almost like the perfect timing.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Louis shouted, catching everyone off guard as they backed away in shock but still clutching their phones, taking pictures.

Zayn, oblivious, had moved ahead and not realised Louis was following considering the sounds had just gotten louder.

Louis wasn't backing down, getting closer to the paparazzi and getting all in their face. He was angry, he could feel it swimming in his veins as he clutched his jaw and went to make a grab for the guys collar before the guy stepped out of the way.

"Do not ever call someone a fag, do you fucking understand me?" Louis spat. He was more concerned, more annoyed that someone was getting Harry involved in this, calling him a fag too. He couldn't imagine what Harry was going to think once he sees the news tonight, seeing Louis everywhere and seeing how downhill Louis has gone since.

Then, Zayn came back and grabbed Louis, moving him through the crowd that had actually made way for him now. They slipped into the car where Alberto looked stressed out as ever, once again, clutching his forehead.

"Again! Louis!" Alberto didn't hold back his anger, slamming his fists down on the wheel. "You lost it again! Can you not hold it together?"

But, there was too many emotions running through Louis at the moment for him to even speak up. He was boiling with anger, and that couldn't change. It wasn't helping that Alberto was being somewhat unsupported right now.

Louis just wanted to die, more than anything, right now.


	20. 20 - Attempts

ATTEMPTS

"Louis, are you okay?" Zayn asked once they were back in the hotel room. Louis hadn't been responded, completely going numb and silent like it was too painful for him to even speak. He was watching the ground, wondering how his life had came to this point --wanting to die, willing to kill yourself and not even caring.

Louis didn't even try to nod, he didn't look up from the little spot he was staring at as he thought about the cocaine that was stashed away in his suitcase. He could really do with the drugs right now. He really needed to forget what was going on. The word fag was still running through his mind, burning his thoughts and crowding his thoughts.

Fag, fag, fag.

"Louis!" Zayn tried to speak through Louis's hazy mind, trying to get through to him. "Will you be okay if I leave you here for a few minutes? I need to catch you some food for tonight."

Louis couldn't even think straight -- let alone make a decision for himself but nodded briskly anyway. Being alone would benefit him, he could snort all the coke, maybe have a spliff or two and forget the world. Zayn couldn't stop him if he wasn't here and that was what he needed, he needed to be alone and he needed Zayn to get out of here right now. So, he got up and ushered Zayn out of the door before collapsing on the floor behind the door. 

His thoughts consisted of Harry, Harry's curls, his smile, his dimples and then his smile when he was around Dalton. The man who changed Louis's life, ruined it and made it hard to deal with. He had everything he could ask for in the world and yet, he was here miserable more than ever and never wanted to disappear more than ever. 

He was sick and tired of being reminded of Harry everywhere he went, never able to escape the thoughts and always seeing him in everything he did. If Louis met someone, he would relate it back to Harry and compare the meetings. Harry consumed most of his thoughts because he was so in love with the boy, never felt more passionate about the younger boy and never wanted to have someone more deeply in his whole life. Louis's only lived 22 years and in more than half of those years, he's only wanted Harry.

But, it went beyond that. Louis was sick and tired of being followed by the paparazzi, being harassed by the dickheads behind the cameras who were hellbent in capturing every moment of his life. Couldn't they accept that he was human and he needed space too? All they did was torment him, follow him around and never giving him a second to breathe. Not to mention, the words they screamed at him to bring him down.

Louis glanced around the empty hotel room, desperately throwing his clothes out of his bag whilst trying to grab a bottle of alcohol and bringing it up to his lips like his whole life depended on it. He didn't even wince as the familiar burn went down his throat, clogging up his whole brain as he hazily stood up and tried to do anything, anything to get out of this endless rut.

Then, all of a sudden, it snapped inside of him as he eyed the balcony cautiously. He was quite high up-- maybe 15 floors up, and it all seemed so tempting. Everything seemed to fit into place with the timing, the convenience of the high floor and his mood and Louis wasn't even thinking anymore. He was following blindly.

He threw the bottle to one side, gathering his breath and courage. He didn't know what the consequences would follow but he hoped, prayed he would die, now and today. It would end the suffering, bring an stop to his pitiful life and he would no longer have to go through this for another day. It all seemed sense. All of it would stop: all the people, all the news, the media, his unrequited love. He felt terrible for leaving his friends behind without any explanation but maybe they'll understand?

Louis is miserable, he's never been able to smile and mean it for three whole years straight and how many more years will he torture himself? He knows he isn't enjoying this anymore, he knows that this isn't what he signed up for. He knows that it's gone ahead too much, it's ruined his life and left him begging for any sort of relief, any way to get over this and forget this ever happened. Since when did fulfilling and following your dreams mean it would bring double the amount of sorrow to your life?

Louis was only human and this was too hard for him to deal with, he was the point of breaking and giving up and that was exactly what he was doing as he stood near the balcony door. He wanted nothing more to get this over and done with, to jump off and be gone for once and all. Who would even miss him?

So many negative thoughts crowded his mind as he took another deep breath, exhaling sharply and opening the door to be met with the cold wind. It was a gloomy type of night, the sky with no sign of the stars and it all looked so unwelcoming. He could hear police sirens below him, the town carrying on like normal-- happily.

Whilst, Louis was here about to take a leap of faith and hopefully, end his life. This was the moment, the moment where all the suffering would end and he would never have to look back on his life. He would never have to be seen in public with Eleanor, never have to lie or hide who he is, never be mobbed by paparazzi or screaming girls who wanted nothing more than a picture with him. He would never need to be controlled by his management team, never need to be told what he can or can't do. 

Louis took on the edge, just about to jump, just about to go.

Go.

"Louis?!" He heard a frantic scream from behind which made him jump startled, falling back and onto the balcony floor, groaning loudly. Louis was now crying, not even realising he had been reduced to tears, as the water spilled down his face freely and he sobbed loudly, broken-- nothing left to hide. He had finally gotten to the point of being utterly broken.

Zayn rushed over to the crumpled form on the floor, curling up on himself and trying to soothe Louis but not knowing how. "What the fuck happened? What were you doing? Oh, Louis, are you okay?" He was spilling so many words at once, not even able to comprehend what was going on. 

Zayn grabbed his phone, about to dial the number before Louis croaked out a weak. "No! Don't call the ambulance!"

"Why?" He asked, his phone still in his hand and waiting to press the green call button and get Louis to a hospital. He needed serious help and it had taken him so long to accept that Louis really was depressed, he really needed help.

Louis was continuously shaking his head, muttering small "no's," but not able to bring out any noise as he carried on crying. Zayn, helpless, helped Louis out of the balcony and put him down on the bed, pulling the blanket over him. He watched Louis curl up to the blanket, forming incoherent sentences and the tears not stopping. He was shaking, crying and not able to calm down.

"Louis, Louis..." Zayn whispered, not sure what else to say or do. He was quite shaken up by walking in on his best friend about to commit suicide, so close to ending his own life that he had no idea what to do. He hadn't realised there was fresh, fat tears rolling down his own cheek as he slipped out of his shoes and climbed into bed with him. Right now, Louis needed comfort and a reminder that he had someone that cared. He snaked his arm around Louis's back, bringing him close. "It's fine, you're fine..." He reassured him, not sure if he believed the words himself. Would Louis ever be fine?

Louis's teeth were clattering together, his eyes barely open as he carried on sobbing. "Why did you come in?" He screeched, despite being in bed and comforted. "I want to die!" 

Zayn squeezed his eyes shut, feeling his insides come tumbling down as he tried to keep himself together. He's never seen such a vulnerable Louis who wasn't holding anything back, showing just how broken he was and Zayn wasn't used to.

"Ssh, no!" He protested, feeling anger all of a sudden. Louis didn't want to die, he had no idea what he wanted and Zayn didn't want to lay him and hear him mutter such words. "Shut the fuck up Louis, no!"

"No!" Louis pushed Zayn away, wrapping his own arms around his chest like he was trying to block out physical pain. "Let me go!"

"No." Zayn cried, grabbing a hold of Louis's arms. "You're going to fine, you hear me? You're not going to do anything stupid and you're going to stay here and you're going to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll wake up and we're going to leave this cursed place, you hear me?"

But, Louis didn't agree as he shook his head. "Let me go, I want to go, it's my time. Please." Was all Louis could say.

Zayn didn't say a word, not sure what he could respond to that. It hurt, like hell and he was in pain watching his best friend be in pieces like this. There were so many words he could say, so many things he wanted to say but felt like he couldn't even form a sentence together looking at Louis now. 

"Call Harry," Louis whispered, the only words he could say after a few minutes of tense silence. "I want him, call Harry."

Of course Louis would go back to the reason he wanted to end his life in the first place, fall back on him and want nothing more than Harry. That's what it all amounted to in the end.

Zayn looked torn but decided maybe it was for the best to call Harry. Maybe Harry could calm him down more than he could himself. "What's his number?"

"My phone." He croaked out, gesturing to his pocket.

Zayn was quick to grab the phone, unlocking it and scrolling through the contacts trying to find Harry. He kept his eyes on Louis as he dialed the number, waiting for him to answer but there was no reply-- it kept going to voicemail. But Zayn wasn't going to give up. He didn't care whether it was currently close to midnight, Louis needed him and Zayn was going to make sure Louis got what he needed right now.

After a few rings, a breathless Harry replied. "Hello?" and Zayn couldn't feel more relieved in that moment as he tried to collect his voice. How was he even going to explain what was happening right before his eyes?

"Harry?" He asked, not realising how rough his voice sounded due to the crying.

"Zayn? Is that you?" Harry asked, sounding more alert and worried now. "Erm, are you calling from Louis's phone?"

"Something's happened and I really need you to come here, right now." He urged, not sure how much time he had looking at Louis who was still shaking, talking to himself and muttering short phrases about wanting to die, wanting Harry and wanting nothing at all.

"What? What happened?" There was shuffling from the other end of the phone, like he was entering another room and shut the door softly behind him. "Zayn, is everything okay? Tell me!"

"It's Louis."

"What happened to Louis? Is that him in the background?" Harry had never sounded so concerned in his life before and it's been 3 years since Zayn has even talked to him, he knew that Harry still cared. It was clear and obvious just by the ring of tension that came from his voice.

"He... erm, Harry, I don't know how to say this. But, he tried to kill himself tonight and right now, he's shaking and not able to talk and..." He paused, exhaling sharply, still not believing this was happening right before his eyes. "He just keeps saying he needs you."

There was a silence that followed that followed from the other end, an uncomfortable and awkward silence. "I can't..." he finally spoke, sounding completely crushed and damaged. "Zayn." His voice cracked and it was clear he was crying now. "I can't."

But Zayn couldn't see anything but red as he clutched the phone tighter, wanting to get out of the room but not wanting to leave Louis alone. "What the fuck do you mean? He needs you, you complete fucking idiot. Fucking leave Dalton for one single minute of your pitiful life, come here and help someone who has never wanted nothing more than you!" He burst out, not holding anything back and not caring how bitter, how much he was cursing. He wasn't sure he's ever felt this much anger come through him. "You fucking bastard!" He continued. "Louis has dedicated songs, concerts, his whole to you. Now, he's at his most broken moments in life and you're telling me you can't come? Fuck you. Just fuck you."

Harry didn't speak, not able to reply and all that could be heard was broken sobs from the other line. Zayn couldn't listen to it though, feeling disgusted and wrong. How was Harry allowed to cry when he wasn't able to get off his lazy ass and come and meet Louis? Was he so up Dalton's ass and he couldn't do one thing for Louis?

Zayn snorted. "I can't believe you, I wish I never knew you." He spat, hostility clear. "If you fucking change your mind, we're at Grand Hotel but refrain yourself from coming here. I'll break your neck." Then he hanged up, getting back to bed and cuddling Louis.

"Is he coming?" Louis asked.

He couldn't reply, couldn't let Louis down so he didn't say anything as he spooned Louis from behind and kissed his hair--hoping he would fall asleep and not ask difficult questions. 

**

Louis was woken up from his disturbing sleep hearing arguments seeping from behind the hotel door. He felt like death, like complete shit as all the memories from yesterday came back to life and he clutched his head, trying to forget. He couldn't believe he was so close to ending his life, so close to giving up and forgetting everything and just dying. It all seemed so much easier last night and now, once again, it seemed like the best option.

He had blocked out most of the events of last night, crying himself to sleep and he remembered being wrapped and spooned by someone. He didn't want to get his hopes up high, wishing it was Harry and only to be disappointed it wasn't.

Louis didn't want to have this anymore, this pain and this cloud over his head-- the incapability of feeling happy. He felt so empty, like he had no reason to be smile but no reason to cry either and there was just nothing inside him. He was just empty, no thoughts, no feelings-- numb. Completely numb.

"Zayn?" He called out because he can clearly remember Zayn being around here, stopping him and putting him to bed. He looked around the vacant hotel room, confused as to why he could be left alone when he caught eyes on a scrunched up paper sitting beside him. Cautiously, he picked it and smoothed out the paper.

Dear Louis,

Maybe I don't deserve this, don't deserve to come and meet you after I couldn't come last night and I hate myself. I really do. I wasn't there when you most needed me, when you were considering the most deepest thought of your life. Louis, how could you? Didn't you even think about your mum once? What would she think, say when she would wake up to the news that her boobear was no longer? What about your little sisters? Ey? Would they be okay with not having an older brother anymore? Not having someone to look up to him?

Did you forget about your three best friends, Lou? What would Zayn, Liam and Niall do without you? They have lived for you, literally, for the past three years and tried to make you a better human being and all of a sudden, if you went, who would they have? And what about all your fans?! They love you, to bits, and they look up to you so dearly, so sincerely. They come to your concerts, to cheer you on, to give you support-- all those millions. 

I'm angry at you, I am because you didn't even think once before deciding that you wanted to jump and maybe I'm wrong. I shouldn't be allowed to be angry because I'm horrible, I never cared and I wasn't there for you and I hate myself more than you hate me. I'll never forgive myself. I'm so so sorry Louis, I wish I could come and meet you last night but I couldn't.

I need you, more than you ever know and I'm here Louis. I got myself a hotel room just a few rooms down you and I'm here. You probably don't want to see me, that's okay. As long as you know I'm here, please. If you want me, just shout my name and I'll come running.

But, I'm here and I love you.

I do.

Please, forgive me.

Love, always,

Harry xx

Louis couldn't even contain his emotions that were running widely through his veins, not sure what to do and how to feel as he reread the words-- each time feeling heavier, more painful. How many times would he remind himself that Harry wasn't allowed to do this, he wasn't allowed to return and tell he loved Louis and then disappear. It wasn't fair, it didn't make sense and it was so hard. 

"Zayn!" He managed to shout properly this time, suddenly realising that the argument noises that could be heard were actually Harry and Zayn from outside the hotel door. They were shouting at each other, because of Louis -- and he couldn't stand that. "Zayn!" He said with more urgency, ripping the duvet off him and suddenly panicking.

The door flew open, slamming shut as Zayn approached Louis. He looked so worn out, like he hasn't slept all night and he looked so done. He had huge eye bags, red eyes and his cheeks had tear trails. 

"Yes love?" He asked, cautiously coming closer to Louis like he was afraid of hurting Louis.

"Where is he?"

"You don't want to meet hi-"

"Where is he!" Louis demanded.

"Outside the door."

"Let him in, please. I want to talk to him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Zayn asked, frowning. He was scared of Louis getting hurt repeatedly now, feeling like he was just going to try and kill himself after every bad thing. It made Louis feel fragile, delicate--and he definitely didn't like that.

He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow and trying to resume to his tough image. "Of course it is, it's only Harry."

Zayn sighed, shaking his head. "I'll be in Harry's hotel room, just call for me if you need me?" he said as he left the room, letting Harry through.

Once again, Louis felt like a whole person as he watched Harry walk through and seeing just shit he looked. It was almost like a relief to him because it was a physical proof that Harry cared, he was worried sick about Louis and he actually came here to meet Louis-- and that was supposed to be enough for him. Harry's hair was messy, hardly looking like curls and were untamed, not held back by a hat or bandana like it usually would be. They were tucked behind his hair, falling over his forehead but Harry didn't care. His eyes were bloodshot, swollen and he looked awful, like death and Louis gulped. This was all his fault.

"Louis, oh, Louis," Harry whispered as he moved forward and crushed Louis into a hug, falling back onto the bed with Louis beneath him. Louis tried to gather his breath, feeling suffocated but it was such a familiar feeling to be wrapped around Harry's strong arms.

"Harry..." was the only thing he managed to get out before he tried to get comfortable under Harry's hold, trying to melt into him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, clutching onto Louis's shirt and speaking into his neck, dropping small kisses all over his neck and cheeks.

Louis wanted to push him away, wanted to be angry and demand why he was here acting like everything was fine. Because, all he could remember was the fact that Harry told him he no longer wanted to know him, then turned up the next day with fresh marks that Dalton had left. Harry was playing a game, tormenting him and Louis wanted it to stop.

He knew exactly what he was getting himself into by letting Harry in, letting himself be embraced by him and getting comfortable. But, by now, he was beyond the point of caring and he wanted nothing more than Harry's sweet smell, wet kisses and sloppy breathing against his.

"I'm sorry, Louis," Harry continued and Louis didn't say anything, soaking up all the attention he was getting. "I should've been here, I should've kissed you and goddamn, you're so stupid but I love you, you idiot. I wouldn't of been able to live with myself if you weren't here."

He nodded, trying to let the words process in his mind. "Harry."

"I'm so glad you're alive, so glad I can kiss your soft, soft skin and you're so beautiful and I never want to leave you. You're so... Louis!" He cried on, clutching his harder and hugging him harder until Louis felt like he was going to die.

"Harry!" He repeated, trying to push him off just slightly so he could breathe.

"No, no, no. I'm never letting you go, I need you so much."

Then, it finally snapped in Louis and he knew this was unacceptable. He wasn't going to stay here, let himself believe these words when they weren't true. This was all part of Harry's game, trying to break him down and make him believe that he had feelings and then, leave. He would disappear, act like he hadn't said anything and never return and leave Louis crushed. It wasn't fair, he wasn't going to stand this and let this happen to himself.

He hated Harry, he did and he never wanted to see him again. All that was going to happen was Harry was going to disappear, not call him or try to meet him and then Louis would feel like a lost puppy, once again.

"Fuck off!" He yelled, pushing Harry off violently and with all the force he had in his body. It sent Harry tumbling off the bed, landing with a thud on the ground and looking more hurt and confused than ever.

"What?" Harry asked, rubbing the back of his neck and looking defeated.

"You heard me, go back home. You don't belong here. Why are you here? Haven't you had enough of breaking me down?"

"I'm not... Lou, I'm not trying to break you down."

"You are though, aren't you?" Louis said pathetically weak, tears building up in his eyes and damn, how many times can he cry until he runs dry? "You're just fucking sad, you just pull me along in your sick game. You want Dalton, not me so why are you here and kissing me like you like me? You don't, you just... what do you want from me Harry?" He asked frantically, tugging at his hair. "Money? I got lots of it, I'll give it to you, will you go then and leave me alone?"

Harry looked offended, more than ever as he clutched his chest like it had sent a deep pang straight to his head. He was wounded by the idea of staying around for money. "How dare you accuse me of staying around here for money? You think I want your fucking money?"

"What else would you be here then?" Louis screamed. "You don't want me, clearly so why? Why?"

"Because... because," Harry took a deep breath. "I fucking love you, don't you understand?"

"No!" He interjected at once, shaking his head and holding his hand up to stop the lies coming to him. He didn't want to hear them, he wasn't going to believe it this time. "No. No! Just leave, I'm tired. I'm broken, Harry. Are you happy? You finally did it. You got what you want. There's a lot of money in my house, break in, take in. Just go!"

"I don't want your goddamn money!" Harry screeched, tears now flowing down his cheeks as he tried to pick himself up from the floor and come closer to Louis. "Please."

"I don't believe you, I never will."

"Then let me explain."

"Explain what?" Louis cried, feeling so exhausted. He wanted nothing more than a smoke and Harry was holding him back from that, getting what he wants. That's all Harry has managed to do, hold him back from everything he has ever wanted. He has prevented Louis from ever finding true love. "I don't want to hear it, you're a fucking liar and you're pathetic. You show up here, looking hurt and it doesn't make sense because the next day, Dalton will show up and your love bites will be there! And do you think I can sit there, see that?"

"I've been watching you on the news-" Harry tried to speak but Louis cut him off, shaking his head.

"Leave."

"Please!" 

"Explain yourself with something that makes fucking sense, which will be nothing or fucking leave! Do you not hear me? Have you not done enough damage?!" Louis couldn't even control himself anymore.

But, everything stopped when Harry finally explained. Louis felt his throat close up, his eyes widen and a flash of something he couldn't explain. His heart fell straight to the ground, feeling more cut up and torn than he ever did before as Harry lifted up the hem of his shirt and revealed: bruises.

Fresh, red and black and purple bruises, cuts all over his stomach, his chest and it looked painful. It was too much for Louis to witness, to see with his own two eyes and he didn't even have any words to say. He didn't want to believe it, he wanted this to be a twisted nightmare-- this couldn't be remotely true. 

"Harry..." he whispered, his harsh screams replaced with a broken voice, barely audible. He analyzed each cut, each bruise until it was burning his eyes and he couldn't see anymore. "Please, don't tell me what I think it is."

Harry looked ashamed, his eyes diverted to the floor and his head bowed. He had never looked more small, more submissive, more shredded to pieces in that moment. He had tears streaming down his face as he ran a hand on the fresh cuts, hissing in pain and then pulling his shirt down and moving towards the door to leave.


	21. 21 - Explain It All

EXPLAIN IT ALL

 

"Harry, wait!" He shouted, wanting the boy to stop so he could carefully inspect the bruises. He had been so wrong, for so long and he was still hoping and praying that there was some twisted explanation. He didn't want it to be true, it didn't want to know that Harry has been abused, beaten -- and left like a plump because it would be too excruciating.

Harry stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around, his head still facing downwards and sobbing ever so silently so that you could hardly hear him. His chest was heaving up and down and he was trying to control himself, his arms wrapped around his body like the scars were hurting him with each moment. Louis doesn't remember the last time he had been so deeply affected by something.

"Come here." He pleaded but at the same time he was making his way over to the boy, gently turning him around and facing him. Louis looked into his bottle green eyes, finding nothing more than misery and he wanted to kiss the pain away. He ran his hands from his shoulders all the way down to Harry's hand, clutching it tightly and bringing it to lips, kissing it softly. "Come here." He repeated, pulling him into a hug and holding him lightly, like he was afraid of breaking the boy.

Harry was freely crying now, releasing loud weeping sounds and whimpering under Louis's hold. He was so tense, acting like Louis was going to hurt him and Louis tried not to take it personally. Of course, Harry had every right to act hesitant after all the torture he had been put through. Though, it was not confirmed that Dalton had hit him-- Louis knew. It all clicked into place now. All the awkward meetings at their apartment, Dalton being overly protective, slapping his hand down on Harry's laps too hard, Harry being hungry and weirdly thin. 

Louis felt stupid, felt like he was a failure because he hadn't realised this before. Instead, he had been so hellbent on how much Harry had hurt him instead, being cold towards him for the three years he had disappeared.

Damn, this explanation made more sense than anything has ever made sense in his life and Louis never wanted to let go of Harry. He never wanted to see another living day without the curly lad by his side. He felt a strange overwhelming sense of needing to protect the younger boy, holding him tighter but he was afraid of squeezing his bruises too tightly.

Finally, they pulled away and Louis led Harry to the bed and sitting him down. He leaned down, crouching on the floor so he was knee level of Harry and looked him deeply in the eye. "I'm sorry Haz," he said softly, meaning each word sincerely and deeply, more than he could ever bring himself to admit.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply and harshly. "Don't be." 

"No," Louis sighed. "Don't, I just want to be there for you now."

"You can't, I'm beyond that."

"Ssh." Louis refused to listen to any negative, bringing up his index finger and placing it over Harry's soft lips. "Baby, no."

Harry didn't open his eyes, too scared to see the light, too scared to see anyone. He was shaking, probably from his wordless confession and still holding on tightly to himself. "It was going on... for so long."

Louis definitely didn't like hearing that, exhaling sharply and realising he wasn't there for Harry-- he failed as a friend, as boyfriend. "Why didn't you tell me, Haz?"

He shook his head. "I could..." he paused, taking a deep breath. "I could only come here because he left town for two days to meet his parents. Normally, he wouldn't let me leave but... I had to, I had to make sure you're okay."

"You could've told me, I wouldn't of never let him touch you.." Louis didn't want to have add any threats yet, not wanting discourage Harry just yet. There was so many questions to be answered, so many words left to say and he couldn't scare him off just yet. There was a time for everything and right now, it was to comfort Harry.

"No, I couldn't..." Harry denied, shaking his petite head. "He would kill me... oh god, I'm going to die. He's going to kill me and then come after you and oh god, I can't." He was rambling now, not even thinking about what he was saying.

"Harry!" Louis cut him off, just slightly harshly to knock Harry back to his senses and then smiling fondly though the situation was nothing lovely. He moved forward, pushing back Harry's curls and frowning. "He won't touch you."

"He will! I have to go back soon, he will know and I can't lie and... Lou." He cried.

"No, you're never going back."

He slowly laid Harry back on the bed, getting him to relax before grabbing a glass of water for Harry and handing it over. He tried to get him to get peaceful, calm before he joined him in bed but Louis was cautious. He didn't want to do anything wrong, didn't want to get on the wrong side of Harry from the start because he was so brave. The young boy was brave enough to admit to getting abused, to show the bruises and not leave-- and Louis couldn't feel anything more than a sense of pride and sadness coming over him. He couldn't believe it had been so long since Harry was getting hurt and he hadn't said a word about it.

Harry looked like he was mildly hyperventilating, breathing harshly and holding his chest. He looked like a vulnerable little child, afraid and scared of the world and it was all Dalton's fault. Louis wanted to end his life, wanted to hurt him twice as bad as Harry was hurt but he didn't know how. He didn't want to leave Harry alone here.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Louis asked Harry, coming closer and lightly brushing his hand across Harry's arm. He didn't tense up or shrug it away to Louis's relief.

Harry shrugged. "It's not a big deal, it's nothing major."

Louis resisted the urge to scoff because the bruises all over his chest said otherwise and he didn't even want to imagine the rest of the body. There was so much to know, learn and it was making Louis's head swim. "Don't say that."

"It's true!" Harry argued back, looking offended. "He didn't mean it, he apologised every time and treated me."

"You're in denial," he replied softly, not wanting to upset Harry.

Harry glared at Louis, looking deadly serious. "Fuck off, you know nothing."

"I want to know." He urged.

"There's nothing to know. He hurt me, once or twice, and then apologised. I'm a needy person, pathetic and make mistakes everywhere I go. Therefore, he hits me to put me back in my place."

Louis felt slightly disgusted as to how normally Harry was talking about this, like it was healthy and normal to be experiencing this type of abuse. It wasn't right if your partner was hitting you every time you made a mistake, probably something not even worthy of being mentioned twice. Harry was so oblivious because he had grown so used to the punches, the bruises that he was making lies and hiding Dalton for him. 

"Love.." Louis's voice was gentle, talking softly. "It's not healthy, I hope you know that."

Harry looked defeated, like he already knew it but was trying to hide it away and refuse to believe it. "It's fine."

"It's not fine!" There was no way in hell that Louis was going to let him believe this was okay, that this was going to be shrugged off and never looked at again. He was going to take this up to the police, make sure the whole issue is looked at properly and not let it go. "Harry, it's not fine."

"I don't know what else to do. I can't possibly leave him, he's always told me he'll kill me if I did."

"He won't even touch you if I'm with you," Louis reminded him with a sense of authority in his voice. He was serious when he said that, he would defend Harry to the world and back and wouldn't regret it a single bit. "I promise, he won't but you can't leave me now. I won't let you go back."

Harry sighed deeply. "I haven't got a choice Louis, he's expecting me to be waiting for him at home when he returns back from his trip to his parents. Whilst, I'm here with you. Don't you think I deserve the punch he'll give me?"

He winced. "No of course not, you're human and you're allowed out from your house, silly." He teased.

But, Harry didn't seem to like the tease because he just scrunched up his nose. "I should get going..."

Louis jumped up at once, almost in fear. The thought of his best friend going back to that cursed house, suffer a few blows was already making him feel sick to the stomach. A part of Louis was still deeply angered by the issue, still being able to see red in his eyes and feeling the urge to punch someone-- but Harry returning to that place was something he wouldn't let happen.

He pushed Harry down back on the bed, giving him a warning look. "Promise me you won't leave this room Harry, you have to."

Harry looked torn, searching deeply into blue eyes and trying to find a reason to stay. He was worried, more than anything. "I can't..."

But Louis wasn't going to take this shit, sit back and act like this was okay just because he hadn't given much of a reaction. He was trying to keep his calm, not freak Harry out and confuse him more than he probably was. He was damaged and Louis wasn't going to ruin him even more. He wanted to be gentle, caring and loving and show real men like himself still existed. He probably didn't even realise how his voice had been raised, how harsh and hostile it came across as he shouted "Promise!" 

"Fine! I promise, I won't leave this room!" Harry said quickly, holding his hands up in surrender when he heard Louis's harsh, loud tone and wincing backwards in a defense form. "Please, don't hurt me, I promise!" 

And Louis felt dumbfounded, watching the scene play out in front of his eyes-- feeling like a idiot and it affected him somewhere deep inside. He didn't like seeing Harry crawl away from him, curling into himself and trying to defend himself, hide himself away because he thought Louis was going to hurt him, attack him. He realised he had been mentally scarred by Dalton so much that he probably found it hard to trust anyone else, difficult to believe that Louis wouldn't dare touch Harry in a way to harm him.

Louis moved back, his mouth still hanging open slightly as he went to clutch his t-shirt-- pulling it down, needing to release all the emotions that have been building up since this encounter with Harry. He didn't know what to do but he needed a moment to himself, a second to breathe.

"You promised." He reminded Harry, coughing once and running out of the door. He wasn't sure what he was doing, whether this was the right move but he couldn't be in that room for any longer. It was eating away at him, making him feel a whirlwind of different feelings that he couldn't comprehend and put into words. 

He started walking down the stairs from his high floor, wanting to walk and take a second. He couldn't possibly stand outside his hotel room, go for a walk because there were still fans outside and considering his outburst with the paparazzi yesterday-- he was sure there will be commotion. He wasn't one for confrontation about the negative media light, Louis usually avoided it and pretended it never happened.

The walk was supposed to take his mind off things, give him a second to recollect all the muddled thoughts that were all over his brain but this was just worst. All he could think about was a broken Harry who was crouched in a corner of his apartment, unable to fend for himself and covering his head as Dalton kept punching him, kicking him. It made Louis's blood boil, who could touch and hit someone as sweet, giggly, bubbly as Harry himself?

Louis remembers Harry, the personality he used to hold before he got involved with Dalton and how he was full of life. He would have the brightest smile, showing off his perfect teeth and his eyes would glisten everytime modelling was mentioned to himself. He was always so ambitious, so many dreams he wanted to reach and he promised Louis he would never give up on. There was so many different factors to Harry that made Louis question whether the boy was real, did boys like him even exist?

But now, there was just a fake smile behind the mask of lies that Harry wears and the ashamed head drop he carries around. It truly brought Louis down thinking about it because he loves Harry more than anything, more than anyone and it hurts that he had spent so long away from him, letting him be subjected to abuse. 

There was so much hatred, so much anger that Louis held for Dalton. He had always thought the guy was fishy, there was always something wrong with him and the psycho smile he always gave him, so posessive and fueled with jealously. But, Louis never thought he could hate someone so much that it made him see red, made his whole world blurry for a second as he tried to focus on what really mattered here.

Harry.

Harry was what mattered most to Louis right now, the boy with the curls and the green eyes and so much to offer to the world. So much love, so much care and so much determination he once had to be the greatest guy he could be. Now, Harry was the complete opposite and Louis just wanted to bring the old him back.

And that definitely wasn't going to happen by pacing up stairs of a hotel. He wasn't sure how long he's been here but time had definitely flown by and he felt an extreme guilt overcome him. Why did he need the walk? It was Harry that suffered, Harry that got the worst end of the stick and here Louis was, being selfish as ever.

He ran up the stairs, back to the hotel room and cautiously opened it. He wasn't sure what to expect but was more than surprised to find Harry sitting on the floor by the wardrobe. His knees were up to his chest, his head buried within them and his chest heaving up and down once again. He was sobbing loud, the tears flowing freely down his face and his curls all messy and Louis felt a pang straight to his heart.

Why did he leave the poor boy alone once he had confessed something so deep? 

Louis immediately walked up to the younger boy, crouching down to his level and grabbing ahold of his hands ever so gently, lifting it up. "Harry..." he whispered to him, trying to sound as loving as he could make his tone of voice.

Harry just shook his head, sniffing and continuing to cry, letting Louis hold his hands.

"Harry, love, please... what's wrong?" Louis asked stupidly, not knowing what else to say. "Let me hold you, please."

Harry didn't refuse as he edged forward, lifting his head up slowly to reveal his bloodshot red eyes and his tear trails. Louis didn't say a word, didn't dare comment because this was all his fault and he couldn't feel more shit. He just grabbed Harry's hips, picking him up effortlessly as he sat down himself, legs crossed and placed Harry on top of him. He angled Harry facing towards him, lowering his head onto his own chest and letting Harry cry, cry it all out.

"Let it all go, beautiful, let it go," he said in a hushed voice, patting Harry's curls in an attempt to soothe them out.

Harry went back to weeping, soaking Louis's shirt. "I thought you left me, I thought you didn't want me anymore."

Louis felt surprised, his eyes widening. He pulled Harry's face up to face him, looking deep into his eyes and cupping his perfect face. "Why would you think that, dear? I just... I'm so stupid, God. I needed a second to myself. I'd never leave you, please remember that."

Harry shook his head, sighing. "He would always leave me after I did something wrong, locking the door and leaving me there... and I would think, he's done and he's gone and I'll never come out. Louis, I'm so scared."

Louis's heart wrenched at the thought of his boy being all alone, fearing for himself and holding onto a disturbing relationship. He didn't know what to say, it hurt too much to talk and reply to the poor boy so he just lowered Harry's head back to his chest and resuming to stroke his hair.

After what seemed like a few hours, the skies starting to darken, the night falling upon them ever so quickly-- Louis picked Harry up and placed him on the bed. "Let's get an early night, yeah?" He asked.

Harry nodded, yawning. He looked completely worn out from all the crying he had done, his eyes swollen and he complained of having a headache. "I need sleep. Dalton will be home tomorrow."

Louis didn't comment, getting Harry a glass of water and jumping into bed with him. "Will you be okay with me sleeping next to you?"

Harry seemed hesitant but ended up nodding as he gulped down the water. "I'm sure I'll be fine?" He questioned, sounding unsure.

"Seriously, just kick me out of bed during the night if you feel uncomfortable, okay?" Louis said sincerely, switching off the hotel room lights and letting them sink into the darkness and getting comfortable.

Louis grabbed his phone, dropping a quick text to Zayn to inform they were okay and they were about to sleep and thanking him. Zayn was such a great friend, coming out here and being there for him through everything. He had to tell Zayn everything, from start to finish and hope they both could go and beat Dalton up together--Zayn wouldn't ever refuse.

Soon enough, when he heard Harry's breathing become evened and he was blissfully sleeping-- Louis let himself slip away too.

**

The next morning, Louis woke up bright and early and decided to prepare breakfast for Harry. He made him pancakes, as usual, because he knew Harry enjoyed them and added the most sugar he could. The poor boy was all skin and bones and he needed to eat up, he was no longer under Dalton's rules. He cleaned up the hotel room, picking up all the clothes from the floor and all the wet tissues from the crying, putting them into the bin. He cleared everything up, making it look presentable and then slipped back into bed.

Harry was waking up, his eyelashes glued together because of the wetness of tears as he rubbed at them. 

"Morning love!" Louis chirped brightly, feeling nothing close to even happiness but wanting to put on a brave face for the sake of Harry. 

Harry smiled weakly. "Morning." He said, his voice raspy.

"I made you some breakfast," he informed him, pointing towards the plate waiting on the bedside table for him.

Harry eyed it cautiously. "I don't... I like to measure my calories."

He rolled his eyes. "Hush, you don't need to do anything when you're with me. Eat up, you deserve every last bit."

Harry still didn't looked convinced, worry behind his earnest eyes but grabbed the plate and started eating slowly. He looked like shit but Louis didn't blame him, didn't have the heart to tell him so and just watched him eat.

"Do you need to watch me?" Harry asked, laughing.

"You're beautiful."

He blushed, a light pink colour and swatted at Louis ever so lightly. "Ssh, don't make me flush when I'm eating!"

"I want to make you feel good, please?" Louis asked, breathless and surprised. He shouldn't be wanting to do anything yet, he should be taking it slow with Harry after the huge confession yesterday but he really just wanted to lay him down, suck him off and treat him well. He wanted to show Harry exactly how amazing he could be, how he never needed to return to Dalton and show him love. He wanted to make Harry feel good.

Harry's eyes were wide as he placed his fork down slowly. "How?" He whispered.

"Let me..." he pushed Harry back onto the bed, smiling as he slowly got on top and cradled him. He grabbed the now empty plate of pancakes, pushing it aside. "Is this... too much? Is this okay?" He asked Harry whose eyes were closed, nodding. "Harry, please, talk to me and say with words-- is this okay?"

Harry choked out. "Yes, Louis."

Louis didn't wait any longer, taking this moment to softly kiss Harry's cheeks, face and lightly his lips too. He didn't want to deepen it just yet, wanting to keep Harry on the edge and keep him feeling good. He went down, pushing his shirt up slowly, fearing what was underneath and he realised how Harry tensed up straight away.

"Relax, I won't hurt you." He promised, rubbing his hands down Harry's arms, trying to warm him up and make him feel as good as he can. "I want you to feel good, that's all."

Harry bit his bottom lip, nodding and keeping his eyes on Louis as Louis continued to lift up the shirt. Once again, he was faced with the deep purple and blue bruises littered all over his chest, his abs, his stomach and Louis felt his breath was stuck in his throat as he witnessed the abuse with his eyes. It felt so vile, like torture and he wondered how Dalton could ever do this to someone. 

"My beautiful boy..." he said sadly, frowning at the bruises and noticing the cuts down the side of his stomach, across his belly button and feeling sick to the stomach. He didn't even want to imagine where they came from, only able to imagine Dalton with a knife and pushing the thoughts at the back of his mind. "Oh, my beautiful." he repeated, kissing down on the scars, the cuts so softly that he could hardly feel his lips touching the skin.

Harry was tense, but that came naturally-- he wasn't used to this sort of caress, this sort of attention. He didn't believe he could feel good because he had been used so many times. It just seemed so surreal to him.

Louis didn't give up though, not neglecting any part of his stomach and kissing it all, giving it all attention until he felt like he was giving it justice.

"Can I take your trousers off?" Louis asked.

Harry shut his eyes but breathed out. "Yes."

So, Louis did exactly that and unbuckled his belt, sliding it off and throwing it across the room. He was fearful to see what was underneath but sucked it up, pulling the tight jeans down slowly. Not surprisingly, but still surprising, he was met by more bruises scattered all over his beautiful, skinny and toned legs.

"Baby.." Louis whispered, incapable of saying anything else. He felt like his throat had closed up, his heart on his sleeve as he eyed the bruises. He didn't know what to say, what to do except to lean down and kiss it all passionately. Every part of Harry was beautiful, each part of him was sculpted to perfection and he really wished Harry would see that, acknowledge that Louis loved him so. "God, I'm so..."

"Don't talk," Harry begged and Louis shut up straight away, eyeing his boxers carefully before going to palm him there, trying to get him hard. It had been so long, more than he could even remember, since Louis had gotten a chance to see Harry like this. He hadn't seen Harry shirtless for years now and it was like he could never get used to it.

Louis took the time, diverting his eyes off Harry for a second and focusing on palming him ever so slowly, ever so carefully. He was skilled and he knew exactly what he was doing, aiming to get him worked up but not giving him it straight away. He didn't know how long he moved his hands before he slowly started grinding his body down to his, still fully clothed, trying to gain some friction against his now hard boner.

But, he didn't notice the sniffs that were coming from Harry and when he heard it, he snapped out of it instantly and crawled off. He hadn't realised he was carrying on, not listening to Harry and felt terrible.

"Harry? God, are you crying?" He whispered, watching him carefully and feeling his heart sank. He was a disaster, he just kept causing pain to Harry everywhere he went and only putting his own desires and needs first. He should've just waited for a sign or a signal, a go ahead that this was right-- not straight away the huge confession.

"I'm so pathetic," Harry whispered too, furiously wiping at his eyes and the water. "Fucksakes, I'm sorry Louis, it wasn't you."

"No, no." Louis frowned. "Did I do something? Tell me, wait. Put your jeans back on, wait." He wasn't sure what to do, feeling like a idiot as he quickly crawled out of bed and awkwardly placing his hands down the side of his thighs, watching Harry carefully.

Harry looked more tired than ever, slowly pulling his jeans up and hugging his legs like a broken toy trying to fix the pieces. "No, it wasn't you. I promise. I just... I'm not-"

"Tell me what happened?" Louis pleaded, way too curious, wanting answers now. He was impatient but there was so many unanswered questions and this just added to the list.

Harry looked down, ashamed. "I can't, you'll, no, no-" he panicked, shaking his head.

"I won't, just tell me, you can trust me! If it was me, just let me know. Do you want me to leave?"

Harry really didn't seem to like that idea, his mouth shooting open as he gasped. "No! Don't leave me, I beg you, no, no-" he started muttering, clutching his head.

Louis felt a need to hold Harry, kiss him but he had already done one wrong thing and he wasn't going to add more regrets to the list. He watched his boy, feeling his heart shatter at how vulnerable and how fragile the boy was.

"Okay, okay.." Louis whispered in attempts to quiet him down. "It's okay, you don-"

Harry cut him straight off, catching Louis off guard and dropping another bombshell. "Louis, he raped me. Not once, multiple times."


	22. 22 - Push Me To The Limits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've come to the decision that I won't be including smut in this fic. It's simply too early for Harry to be doing anything with Louis and it wouldn't work out/make sense. Sorry about that guys.
> 
> Don't worry, my next fic will have alot of smut!

PUSH ME TO THE LIMITS

 

For a second, Louis felt like his whole world had just come crashing down from the words that had been uttered from Harry's mouth. It seemed unbelievable, and he wasn't going to accept it, he didn't want to. It seemed too painful to even consider, to comprehend. He couldn't imagine his poor boy feeling so powerless, unable to stand up for himself and get himself out of the worst situation. He could feel his heart clenching, his fists rolled up and his eyes still squeezed shut-- trying to block out the inital pain. He hadn't even realised there was tears rolling down his cheeks, onto his shirt and he didn't even try to wipe it away.

Harry noticed, hesitantly moving forward and touching Louis's shoulder just slightly. "Why you crying?"

Louis exhaled sharply, shaking his head. "I just..." 

But, he didn't want to talk. He didn't have any words left to say. Louis felt defeated, nothing had ever brought him down like this and he was truly speechless for the first time in his life. He had thought he had gone through the world's worst problems, through the high's and low's but there is nothing like your love confessing they've been raped. They've been used, out of their will, and made to feel nothing more than a dirty object.

Louis crawled back in bed, feeling so small and fragile even though it wasn't even him who had gone through the whole ordeal. His heart and head felt heavy, his mind trapped in thousands of thoughts and his palms sweaty. 

"Can I hug you?" Louis whispered, spluttering out the words like even that was too hard to say.

Harry sighed, looking deep into the blue eyes like he was trying to cheer him up. Like he was trying to shrug this off. But, this is not a little deal-- it's huge and Louis had to do something about it. He had never felt this amount of anger, as well as sadness, his cheeks bright red and his fists clenched in balls. His jaw was tightened, trying to block out all the bitter thoughts running through his mind right now-- just wanting to attack Dalton, ending him for once and all.

Harry nodded weakly, moving his arms from himself and letting himself be wrapped up by Louis's strong arms. Louis tried to get comfortable, snuggling close and feeling the warmth of Harry's knitted sweater, trying to find home in this place-- where he belonged. Louis didn't have the energy to speak, to say comforting words. What could he possibly say that could make this situation okay? 

He just hoped that Harry didn't expect anything from him, didn't expect him to make a big deal and shout horrible words that wouldn't amount to anything. What has happened, has happened and Louis wasn't there-- he wasn't able to save his damsel in distress and nothing felt worst.

"Don't cry sweetheart," Harry managed to break the awkward, tense silence. He slipped his hand from under Louis's hold, slowly grazing it across Louis's cheekbones to collect the moisture before smiling. It was a sincere smile and it made Louis's heart flutter.

"I'm not," he muttered pathetically, rolling his eyes but only hugging him tighter, afraid of letting go. 

"Please."

"Ssh, I'm not," he repeated.

They stayed like this for a while and it felt good, to just lay in silence and enjoy each others company-- not feeling the need to say anything. Louis couldn't get the damaging image out of his head, only imagining Harry crying and not being able to fend for himself. Then, he would just think about how much of a shitty friend that made him, how he failed to fulfill the simple rules of being there for Harry. He was so concerned about his own life, his singing career and getting his album done that he didn't even bother keeping in touch with Harry, really keeping in touch.

Now, he was this weak boy who has been pushed way above his limits and left with nothing but a broken heart, trust issues and incapable of love. What was Louis ever going to do to help Harry get over this? How does a person recover from such a traumatic experience? It's near impossible, requires years of therapy and someone who truly, deeply cares.

And, Louis does care. He cares more than anything, he would easily take a bullet for Harry and get involved in any fight to defend him until he dies. He don't think he'll ever feel at peace with Harry out of his sight, not around him constantly and it was just this feeling of needing him around, needing him by his side.

But, Louis also wondered what was going inside Harry's mind after admitting something out loud and having the courage to stop something he was clearly uncomfortable about. Louis felt like a fool, wanting to make him feel so good right after he had admitted to being abused-- he should've found it in himself to control his desires, not get too excited and not take it so quickly. If he had even the slightest glimpse in the lengths Dalton had gone to, he wouldn't of ever put Harry in such a place where he felt like he had to be remembered of rape.

The mere thought of that caused Louis to hug Harry tighter, wanting to wrap him up and protect him and never let him go. He never wanted to spend another passing day of his life without the boy with the curls, never wanted to see another day of sunshine without his own sunshine next to him. He acknowledged that it wasn't going to be easy now, it was going to be difficult and their relationship just got even tougher. But, it's true love if you're willing to put yourself through that.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Harry, once again, tried to bring up conversation and Louis wondered whether the silence was killing him. He decided to start using his mouth instead of bottling everything up in his mind.

"I was... just wondering what happened." He admitted, gulping and not releasing his grip.

Harry didn't smile nor did he frown, his facial expression stayed completely neutral and Louis was at a loss thinking about how this boy could be so strong. "There's not much, Lou. You don't need to worry yourself with the details."

"I want to, I really want to."

"No, you don't." Harry argued back stubbornly, his brows furrowing. "Don't be ridiculous."

So, Louis fell back in silence and so did Harry but they still cuddled each other until they found comfort in each other. Hours passed until Louis finally got up, preparing a salad lunch for Harry and handing it over-- who looked much more content with the food that was given.

"This is nice," Harry chirped happily, grabbing a fork and digging in. Louis couldn't help but think about all the torture Dalton put him through, not letting him eat and forcing him to lose weight. It would explain why Harry's ribs stuck out, poking Louis relentlessly and why every clothes seemed to hang off him like he was nothing more than skins and bones. It worried him but he didn't voice his concerns, not yet-- there was a time for everything.

Louis smiled, for the first time all day, while he fixed himself a bowl of salad too but he had no appetite. He couldn't even imagine to get through a plate of food, feeling sick to the stomach and wanting to throw up but he had to keep going. He had to keep going for Harry, that's all.

"Zayn prepared it." Louis mentioned his best friend who was still, conveniently, in the other hotel room and minding his own business. That's why Louis loved Zayn so much. He always kept out of the way at the right times, only coming in when he really needed to and not forcing to know any details if it wasn't for his ears. "Zayn prepares a lot of my food actually."

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "Lazy little Louis, aren't you?"

"No, no. I just don't have the time! I'm a busy man, Haz."

"Busy writing songs, making albums and planning tours." Harry sighed, almost in a bad way. "You're very lucky, Louis."

Louis blushed at the compliment. He had been told about his luck and how proud everyone was of him for years, endless and he simply listened to it blindly now. He knew he got lucky, he knew that this didn't happen to everyone. Who exactly manages to make it big? Manages to become a worldwide famous singer with world tours coming up? It wasn't an ordinary thing, you truly had to be lucky to make it so big-- it was just fate.

But, hearing the words come out of Harry's mouth was just something else and it made him giddy, high. He had never really heard Harry talk much about his accomplishments, mostly because he was so busy with Dalton but now Louis understood. Everything was almost crystal clear and the past few months made so much more sense to him.

"I know," Louis murmured.

"Woah, so rich and so successful!" Harry commented like this was his first time founding out about Louis's status.

"I know right." He replied sarcastically, sticking his tongue out in a playful manner before returning back to his salad that was getting neglected. He tried to swallow it, keep it down him and not feel the need to go running for the toilet.

"Louis, I'm really sorry I never attended your concerts. He never let me out... he definitely wouldn't let me go to concerts and oh god. I really wanted to come, I di-"

Louis shook his head, stopping him and cutting him off. Maybe it was too early to hear about how the abuse played out, how Dalton controlled every aspect Harry's life because it felt like a stab straight to the stomach and Louis didn't want to know. Not yet. There was a time for everything, he would eventually learn every detail but right now, everything felt good between them and he didn't want to ruin it with these stories.

Bringing up Dalton brought Louis's temper up again, his blood boiling as he held onto his knife tightly, nearly snapping it in two. He just wanted to get his hands on Dalton, on his little pretty face and fuck it up to the extent he would never be able to leave the house again. Dalton wasn't a normal human being, he had issues for thinking that his abuse was normal and Louis wanted him behind bars-- faraway from Harry.

Small steps lead to bigger ones.

"Harry..." Louis started the conversation cautiously once they had finished their salad. Harry had a lazy smile playing at his lips, looking overly happy with his food. "I'm going to need to leave for a few... hours?"

Harry's face changed straight away, doubt washing over his features as his eyes widened in fear. He really didn't seem to like the idea and Louis really didn't want to leave Harry either but he couldn't stop the storm that was going on in his mind: Dalton, Dalton, Dalton.

"What, why?" Harry's voice squeaked, growing a few octaves higher on the last word.

"It's management things," Louis lied easily, internally cringing. "I'm going to leave you with Zayn. He has no idea... about anything, and you don't need to tell him... but, I need to go down to my office. Just for a few hours, maybe less. I promise I'll run back."

Harry didn't seem too happy, but didn't argue, agreeing with small sigh. Louis couldn't help but lean forward, dropping a sloppy wet kiss on his forehead and smile fondly at Harry. Right before his eyes was everything he has ever wanted and there was no way that Louis was going to lose it now. It's been too long and he's too in love to let go. Even if there's a tiny tiny chance, isn't it worth going for it?

"Let me call Zayn over..." Louis muttered, mostly to himself, as he grabbed his phone and dialled up Zayn's number. He picked up after a few rings, sounding fuzzy from the other end.

"What's up Lou?" He said into the phone, sounding worn out and Louis felt terrible for subjecting his best friend through this. He probably shouldn't have to go through all this shit for Louis, it wasn't fair for him and Louis felt like he owed him something.

"If it's not a big deal, can you stay with Harry for a while? I need to run back for a while."

"What, why? I mean, of course it's no problem! I'm coming over now."

"I'll tell you when I return.." Louis simply said, not wanting to give anything away as he hanged up and went over to Harry again. He could look right through him, could see the frown and the sad eyes and Louis couldn't stand this. He was chasing after revenge right now, wanting to hurt him and wanting to keep Harry as close as he could-- for as long as he could. After everything that had gone wrong, Louis didn't want this to go down the hill to. 

He leaned forward, planting a soft lingering kiss on Harry's forehead and smiling. "I'll be back." He promised, trying to reassure the boy who just smiled back.

"I don't want know what to say to Zayn..." Harry whispered, looking afraid.

"Just be you, it's fine," Louis smiled. 

When Zayn came in, Louis showed around the hotel room and what food to make in case he got hungry and he hadn't returned yet. He had no idea how hurt he could get but he didn't really care, he was insistent on hurting Dalton tonight-- no matter what it took. If it landed him in hospital, Louis wasn't worried and he would do anything to protect his boy. Zayn looked suspicious, watching him carefully but didn't utter a word as Louis left the hotel room. He looked back at Harry one last time, nodding and smiling before backing down the stairs and straight into the car that was waiting for him.

Thankfully, there wasn't many fans waiting around which was surprising because of the outburst he had with the paparazzi. He was expecting people, news reporters, thousands of fans to just catch a glimpse of him but it was completely empty, quiet and Louis wondered whether their management paid everyone to fuck off. Then again, when was their management ever so friendly? He highly doubted that happened.

Alberto was in the car, his lips stretched into a frown and his eyes written with worry as he watched Louis settle down in the seat. "Young man, what was this all over the news?" He brought up the topic straight away, not wasting time.

Louis tried not to sigh loudly. Right now, his own position and the fact that he had literally tried to commit suicide wasn't on his mind. Harry invaded his personal thoughts, not allowing him to think anything else and he couldn't figure out whether it was a good or bad thing. "Alberto, I don't really know. It just happened."

"You nearly attacked a paparazzi, Louis." He sighed like he was tired of looking after him, like this wasn't the first time as he drove down the empty roads. "Where to?"

"Garden road." Louis said bitterly. That place brought nothing but bad memories back, flashbacks of Harry and Dalton sounding so lovingly together when it was all crumbling like pastries right before him. And yet again, he had no idea. Louis just watched on and assumed all was good, they were going well and he didn't even try to open his eyes and realise what Harry was going through.

Alberto looked concerned as he turned into their hometown, making ways down to the road. "Why Harry's house?"

"Just some things I need to do," he lied straight through his teeth, fiddling with his hair-- something he did ever so often when he was nervous. "Wait outside here, yeah?"

Alberto nodded when he parked outside the flat block, the long hour drive seeming to last forever, as he cut off the engine. He gave Louis a knowingly look, sighing. "Don't do anything stupid to bring yourself more negative light, yeah?"

Louis didn't even question how Alberto knew. His blood was boiling once again to be in front of the familiar place, just horrible thoughts running through his mind as pictures kept coming up on his mind of what could of happened. He was yet to learn the details, a part he was silently dreading, but he could just imagine it all. Harry was submissive, that was his nature and Dalton took that to his advantage and made Harry suffer for so many years in complete quiet. It was disgusting, something that Louis was already strongly against. He wasn't going to let this go lightly, he wanted Dalton bleeding and begging by the time Louis was done.

He didn't even answer back, climbing out of the car and running over to the house. He could feel his nerves spiking up now, his fists already clenched and ready to attack and nothing more felt this good. Louis wanted to get his hands dirty, after so long, and he didn't care how much he may have to pay after this. He only cared about one thing, one person after this long and if he couldn't save Harry-- it would be his worst nightmare.

He wasn't even thinking of what Harry would think, what he would say about this sudden spur of the moment decision but right now, Louis didn't even care. He rushed straight up the stairs, feeling more determined and more ready than anything.

He rang the doorbell, taking a brisk step back and taking deep breaths as he tried to control himself. When the door open and Louis was faced with the culprit, the person who caused all the pain and did this to Harry-- he couldn't help him, couldn't help back. He landed one hard blow, right to Dalton's pretty face with such force that Dalton staggered back into his apartment.

"The fuck?" He yelled, already red in the face and clearly hurt by the punch, nursing his face. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Louis laughed, shaking his head in disbelief as he entered right after him. "You fucking bastard." He muttered, punching him on the jaw, then managing to land one straight on his eyes that caused Dalton to fall straight to the floor. Louis was taken back by the power he had, how strong he was because he never had a reason to fight until now.

Dalton was bleeding, looking completely defeated and in amounts of pain. Louis stood over him, feeling more powerful than he ever had before. "You think you're going to get away with what you've done?" He asked, kicking him right in the ribs with his trainers-- hoping to hurt him, break his bones, leave him needing hospitalization.

Dalton groaned out loudly, doubling over and clutching his sides. He tried to rock side by side, to calm the pain down but nothing seemed to be working.

"Not so fun when it's the other way around, is it?" Louis carried on, kicking him again, right over his arms and not caring where it landed. "Not so fucking great now, is it?"

Dalton coughed out pathetically, spraying blood everywhere. "Son of a bastard, what are you talking back?"

And for that reason, Louis couldn't help but kick him again with all the force he had inside his tiny little frame. It was angering him, getting him worked up like nothing else and the fact that Dalton even had the nerve to deny it-- he wanted to carry on.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Louis screamed.

"Yeah, I do actually," Dalton tried to talk through his heavy breathing, the blood coming out of his mouth and forehead. "Harry, that weak fucking son of a bitch-- he deserved every singl-"

Louis cut him off, grabbing a handful of his hair and tightening his grip until his knuckles went white. He picked Dalton up, looking him straight dead in the eye before punching him again. 

"You have done enough damage, you hear me?" He tried to talk, tripping over his words just by looking at Dalton. Louis was quite pleased with the outcome but he still wanted to do more. He knew this was enough, just enough to cause Dalton to reconsider ever coming near them. "You're going to fuck off, keep everything here. I'm taking Harry and you'll never hear of him again." He let go, pushing him back so Dalton fell back and banged his head against the counter-- once again, crying out in pain.

Louis was pleased, clapping his hand and sending Dalton one last hard look before running out of the place and hoping it was the last time he ever had to return.

**

When Louis returned back to the hotel, Harry was sittting on his own and using a laptop-- looking quite blissed and in his own world. Louis tried not to over think about how he was alone, how he wanted to kill Zayn for even thinking of leaving Harry here alone. He shrugged off his jacket, placing it on a chair as Harry looked up.

"Where were you?"

Louis smiled cockily. "Daddy gets high, but daddy takes care of business."

Harry's expression was priceless, looking confused and somewhat disturbed as he blushed deeply red and swatted Louis hard and playfully. "You fucker."

Louis felt satisfied with his answer, smugly placing himself on the bed next to Harry and pulling him into a soft hug. He felt terrible for going behind Harry's back but also knew he would never be allowed to do what he just did if the younger boy knew. Harry would've stopped him, straight away.

"I love you, you know?" Louis whispered as he gently coaxed Harry's hair, running a hand through his smooth and curly hair. "He's not going to hurt you anymore."

Harry frowned, immediately pulling away from the touch and frowning. "No, what did you do?"

He held his hands up in surrender, biting his lips slightly because he knew he was guilty. "I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened."

"He's going to hurt me Louis!" Harry whined, covering his face with his hands and groaning into it. He looked more distressed than ever, like this was the worst news he could ever receive. He reached over to Louis's hand, bringing it to his face and noticing the bloody knuckle. "You... idiot!" He shook his head, climbing out of bed.

Louis started to climb straight after but recieved a stern look from Harry which indicated to stay exactly where he was. He watched Harry go over to the kitchen, get a towel and plasters and a bandage and approach back.

"I don't want you hurting yourself over me, okay?" Harry whispered, looking upset over the blood as he gently wiped it away. It was like he had experience in this and it made Louis gutted as he watched the boy work away, cleaning it all up.

Louis gulped down the throat in his lump, not wanting to voice any words out as he watched in silent. "I can't help it. You're too perfect."

"What did you even do?"

Louis shook his head. "Ssh, no. We're not going to discuss Dalton for a while, okay? Baby, it's just you and me and this hotel room."


	23. 23 - Too Damn Sober

TOO DAMN SOBER

**

They were supposed to check out the next morning but Louis felt too lazy to get up. He didn't want to return back to the dreaded town, holding many hidden secrets now and he was fearing the reaction he was going to get from the media. He was purposely delaying going on twitter at all, just imagining all the tweets that were coming in to him and right now, he didn't need that. But, when did Louis ever follow the rules?

He called the reception, asking for two days extra stay because it was wonderful here. It was cosy, it was away from home and it allowed Louis to take a few days out to himself. Plus, he was sleeping beside his love and he could never want anything more. Obviously, he hadn't jumped ahead and cuddled him, spooned him because it felt too soon-- and he was way too afraid after his first move. He watched Harry sleep instead, analysing his eyelashes and how content he looked and Louis didn't want anything else.

He scrolled through his phone, looking at all the notifications that kept his phone busy constantly. He went through some fans twitter, creeping up on different accounts and noticing different tweets. Louis had become aware that most of his fans believed he was gay and were extremely supportive about it-- and he wanted nothing more than to tell the world, to tell them. But, his management were still trying to hide away who he is and he had no choice but to follow.

Soon, he would be away from his cursed management and he could sign up to another record deal where they could appreciate his sexuality, who he truly is. He only had to make it through another year and he was free, finally.

Louis had no idea what was going to happen next. Was he going to end up with Harry? After all the trauma Harry has been through, Louis wouldn't be surprised if he just wanted to be single for a while and stay out of relationships. That was expected. With broken relationships came trust issues that never really went away. Harry had been emotionally, physically and mentally crushed and it was going to take more than Louis to solve that.

He had to work on getting a counselling team sorted for him, someone he can talk to when he needed it because Louis couldn't do this all on his own. He wanted nothing more than the best for Harry but he wasn't a professional, he didn't know the full story and he didn't want to push anything onto Harry he didn't want.

"Louis?" Harry whispered through his slumber, eyes still closed as he blissfully turned over and smiled like a baby. Louis could feel his heart swoon, beat faster as he looked down at the face of an angel and couldn't help but feel fond.

"Yes babe?" He replied, going to run a hand through his smooth hair and waking him up gently.

"When do we have to leave the hotel?"

"No time soon, I extended the time."

"I'm scared to go back," Harry admitted after a few minutes, a frown appearing on his face.

"Don't be. You'll be with me and we have security guards around, all the time. You're safe," Louis promised, trying to sound reassuring as he gave him a bright smile. There was no way he was going to allow Harry start another day with another frown, his life had to be full of smiles and positive thoughts from now. And Louis was going to make that happen, even if it took over his own life.

Harry seemed to like that answer, settling back on the pillow and getting comfortable again. It looked like he had no desire of getting up anytime soon.

"Sleep." Louis instructed, not releasing his gentle firm around Harry's hair.

"He used to make me get up early, clean the house and prepare breakfast before he could even blink awake." Harry breathed out, looking somewhat terrified like it was his duty to do the same here and he had just realised.

Louis repressed a sigh, not wanting to sound rude-- he wasn't tired of Harry. He just hated hearing about Dalton, hearing about the way he took over every single aspect of Harry's life and it wasn't fair the way the younger boy had to live for so long. It was like he wasn't allowed his own life and he lived for Dalton, and relationships just didn't work like that. It was going to take so long for Harry to realise the lie he was living, how blind he had been behind a guy who had promised a future but only ruined every bit of it.

"You don't need to do anything such as here," Louis smiled, forcing him back down and putting the blanket over him, wanting him to go back to sleep. He had been waking up early for many years and now was the time he could catch up on his sleep.

"I wasn't allowed to even catch a wink of sleep until he wasn't rested, sleeping and snoring and he didn't sleep till so late Louis." Harry carried on complaining.

"He's a bastard, nothing more. He's pathetic." Louis spat out, feeling a sudden wave of anger coming over him because who did he even think he is? How could he not allow a boy to get his sleep because he was catching his own sleep? He was fucked up in the mind and he needed help, he needed a mental hospital and maybe Louis should call the police, get him locked up. But, that choice was all up to Harry and he could only hope that Harry made the right one. They could discuss this all when Harry was feeling somewhat better, when they were back at Louis's mansion./

Harry squeezed his eyes shut like the words were affecting him too. "Can I sleep Lou?"

"Sleep how much your heart desires, baby."

Whilst Harry caught up on more sleep, as much as Louis wanted to stay and watch his baby sleep he decided to make his day more productive. He invited Zayn around to the hotel room and they cleaned the hotel room. Zayn was weirdly quiet, not saying much and getting along with whatever he was told to do. He threw the alcohol bottles out, not saying a word and it was weird for Louis to watch.

"Are you okay?" Louis asked absentmindedly as he went towards the kitchen and cleared away all the dirty dishes.

Zayn shrugged, not saying much. "Liam hasn't really been talking to me."

Louis froze in his tracks, looking back at his best friend with his eyebrows raised. It was really weird to hear that they might of argued considering how well they get along with each other. "Really? Why?" It sparked his interest. He put down the dishes and made his way over to Zayn. Sometimes, Louis got so absorbed into his own problems that he ceased to acknowledge the people that matter around him.

Zayn looked uncomfortable with the topic but didn't play it off or sugar coat it. "He wants me to come home, now."

"Oh." Louis's mood fell at once. He didn't understand why Liam would want him to come home when he knew what was going on here, how Louis got attacked by the media. But once again, Liam and Zayn were both in the dark with what had happened with Harry.

"Yeah, I might leave today."

"No!" Louis interjected at once. He couldn't imagine what would happen if he had to go out, leaving Harry here alone-- it made him almost scared because Harry didn't need to be alone with his confessions right now. He needed all the support he could give and Louis wasn't the best person, he couldn't offer the whole world.

Zayn raised his eyebrow, looking pissed. "Louis, I love you and all but I can't took my whole life on pause for you."

"I'm not asking you to but I need you to stay, I need you here."

"You have Harry? You don't need another person. I miss him Louis, and he misses too and I haven't spent more than a day away from him let alone all these days you keep adding."

"Invite Liam here." Louis shrugged like it was no big deal. "I can pay for him if money is a problem."

"You know we don't like taking money from you," Zayn hissed, rolling his eyes and moving around Louis. He was annoyed, you could tell from the squinted eyes and being slightly red in the face. He wasn't happy about being forced here to stay and as much as Louis wanted to tell him, he wasn't sure if he should. After all, Harry did tell him in confidence and it wouldn't be right to break that trust they had gained. Yet again, he felt compelled to tell otherwise he would leave and everything could wrong.

"But I'm fine with it!" Louis argued back, resisting to make hand gestures about how annoyed he seemed. "Honestly, I am."

Zayn just shook his head. He looked evidently tired, dark circles under his eyes and it was clear that he hadn't been sleeping well without Liam by his side. It was like they both needed each other to get through the day otherwise they struggled. Louis couldn't be the one to break that up, make it worst for them-- he felt terrible.

"We're not though," he shook his head at Louis.

"Zayn..." Louis started. He had no other choice than explain what had happened, why they were delaying their stay here and what it meant to them. "I need to tell you something."

Zayn looked interested now, his full attention on Louis as he dropped the plate he was holding and arched his eyebrow to indicate to Louis to keep going.

"Well," He rubbed the back of his neck, not sure how to bring the past two days to words. It had been a whirlwind of emotions, different problems from every direction and everything seemed a little messed up. It felt like it was never going to get sorted, nothing was ever going to work out and it was going to be Louis's fault. "There's a reason why we're staying here for a few more days."

The dark haired boy scoffed, nodding. "I gathered that."

"Harry left Dalton, actually."

Now, Zayn's eyes widened and he was caught off by surprise-- he certainly wasn't expecting that. He edged closer to Louis, more curious now and concern all over his perfect features. "What? When? Is he okay?"

"Actually, no he isn't."

"What happened? Why did they break it off?"

"Well, Zayn... Dalton has actually been abusing Harry for years now. That's why he cut us off, and probably why he didn't go into modelling and university." It all came out way too quickly from Louis's mouth, breathlessly as he realised all the stress off his shoulders and passed it onto Zayn who looked equally in distress. 

His eyebrows were scrunched up together, his eyes slightly closed and his mouth stretched into a huge frown. "What the fuck? Please, don't joke around here Lou."

"I'm not! It makes sense now, doesn't it? It's.. Zayn, his bruises scare the shit out of me." He reduced his voice down to a whisper as he whimpered out the words. It was so painful to talk about, to think about and he wished he could just take all the pain away and keep it hidden away, locked away from Harry. "Their everywhere, so blue and purple and it breaks me to see him.. like this."

"How did he tell you? What the fuck, why haven't you ended Dalton's life yet? I'd like to get my hands on him!" Zayn was getting worked up, rolling up his sleeves and a manic look behind his dark brown eyes-- he was angry and it was clear he still cared deeply about Harry even after all these years of a broken friendship.

"Ssh!" Louis said, edging forward and putting his hands on Zayn to calm him down, to get him to stop. He didn't want to wake up Harry and subject him to the scene that was playing out. "You'll wake the poor boy up. I have beaten up Dalton already."

"When?!"

"When I told you to come and look after Harry, you idiot. I couldn't leave him alone now, could I?"

Zayn's mouth opened in a 'O' shape in realisation, sighing out deeply and clutching his forehead. All this new information was making his head swim and there was nothing that could be done except dealing with it.

"I'm just... so shocked. Why didn't Harry say anything? We could've gotten our hands on Dalton, hurt him!"

"I know but imagine what it was like for Harry.." Louis spoke softly, feeling a pang go straight to his chest every time he imagined vulnerable Harry, not able to look after himself no matter how tough he comes across. "He couldn't even do the simplest things without receiving a punch. He would've been terrified of even trying to leave the house let alone explaining things like this to us!"

"We've judged Harry so much, we had no clue!" Zayn yelled out, upset as he rubbed his little stubble. He looked close to tears as he wiped away at his cheeks. "Pathetic." He muttered under his breath, looking extremely annoyed.

"What has happened, has happened." Louis coaxed him, trying to calm him down. "We need to focus on getting Harry better, offering him all the support we can. Otherwise, he'll never recover. Returning back to that place where Dalton is will only damage Harry further. Call Liam here, you need your own love by your side as much as I need yours. I promise, I'll pay." He squeezed Zayn's shoulder, offering a small smile.

Zayn nodded, agreeing instantly as he left the hotel room without another word and clutching his phone. Louis wasn't surprised, he was probably going to cry to Liam on the phone and blame himself-- that was what Zayn did. He acted like he didn't care, hardly put effort in but in the end, he always blamed himself despite the fact it was never his fault. He was mysterious, he didn't like talking about his feelings and always shrugged it off; insisting he's okay. It was just great that he had found Liam, able to share his feelings with someone else who understood, who could listen to him like Louis couldn't.

Louis climbed back into bed, watching Harry wake up for the second time today as he wearily rubbed at his red eyes and sighed. "Morning, love."

He smiled. "Morning curly."

"You'll never get over your obsession with my curls, will you?"

Louis shook his head. "Never ever."

They laid in silence for a few seconds, just staring into each other's eyes: blue looking into green. And God, Louis doesn't remember the last time he had seen so much beauty, so much life and yet so much sadness behind Harry's deep eyes.

"Can you tell me something?" Harry whispered, leaning over and stroking his fingers against Louis's arm, just needing to feel him, needing to confirm he was here.

Louis nodded. "Sure babe." He hummed.

"You won't get mad, will you?"

"No.."

"Why did you try to jump?"

It was the first time that night was being brought up, just two days ago, when Louis was deciding to take the leap of faith and end his life. He wasn't sure what exactly was going through his mind at that exact moment, that second he decided he was better off than being alive. Right now, he was so glad Zayn was there to stop him because otherwise, would he be here with Harry in this hotel bed? No, he would be 6 feet under ground, so faraway from everyone else.

He stiffened at the mention, trying not to make the atmosphere tense. He wasn't surprised that Harry had brought it up, probably out of concern and curiosity and he wish he could give a straight answer. But, how could he look the vulnerable boy in the eyes and explain it was all his fault? That wasn't even remotely fair.

"I'm fine now," Louis avoided the question, brushing the topic off with a simple swat of his hands.

Harry's brow furrowed, looking displeased with the answer as he crossed his arms playfully. "Of course you are but that doesn't change the fact you were ready, you were prepared."

"I don't want to... explain."

"Is it me?"

Louis's facial expression gave it all away, his closed eyes and small sigh-- it confirmed everything. Harry's face scrunched up, like he was about to cry but then he exhaled sharply and composed himself.

"I'm sorry..." Louis offered, sounding pathetically small and he couldn't believe how weak he sounded. He had never realised the exact effect Harry had over him, making him feel so small and sometimes so broken but yet so good, a feeling that can't be explained even if he tried.

Harry shook his head, cutting him off. "Don't you dare even apologise, I know, I'm horrible."

"No! Baby, don't say that-- God, no."

Louis leaned closer to Harry under the blankets, cautiously wrapping an arm around Harry's waist and pulling him closer until their body was touching together. Louis ran a hand through his curls, never wanting to let go.

"You're perfect, you hear me?" He informed Harry, sounding deadly serious.

Harry didn't waste a second to nod but not looking the slightest convinced. It was almost like it was a task, agreeing with Louis with every statement he blurted out and Louis realised he probably wasn't allowed to say no to Dalton. It just caused him to hold Harry tighter.

"You're perfect, you're beautiful."

"No," Harry cut him off. "You are perfect, you are beautiful and don't let no one from the media, paparazzi or your stupid management team tell you otherwise. You are my lifesaver, Louis, you are the reason I'm still here."

Louis hummed happily, feeling light headed from all the compliments he was being showered with. Truthfully, he heard this everyday from various fans, thousands of people that tweeted him constantly but hearing it from someone who means the entire world to you-- it was just something else. It sent chills down Louis's spine.

"Babe."

"Louis, don't ever try and think of pulling that stunt again because I can't make it without you. When I was hurt... you know, I would turn on your youtube videos and I would cry along with every word you said. The songs you wrote about me, the ones that are so obvious and clear-- they were the songs I clutched onto so tightly and sang to myself all night, trying to remind myself you're here! And it was enough for me to stand up, fight through another day despite the fact that I was being beaten down." Harry breathed out, yet again bursting out with another confession that made Louis's heart flutter.

"Babe.." He repeated, at a loss of words.

"He hated you, your music because I was weirdly obsessed with it. I wasn't allowed out of the house, not without his permission. When I realised I could never make it to your concert, your shows, I cried myself to sleep every night until your tour was over. I was gutted, I felt like a part of me was missing because I needed to be there... yet, I couldn't."

Louis had no idea what to say, he just wanted to hold onto Harry and never let go because he was just glad that he was here now. He was glad that Harry was out of that household, away from such a toxic environment and somewhere where he was safe. Most of all, Louis was glad that Harry was still just as in love with him as he was.

"You've got me right here," Louis whispered. "Right here and you're going to attend every single one of my shows, and sit in the front row and listen to my voice everyday and not through a silly youtube video."

"You've got to promise me you won't do anything like that again, Lou. Please."

"I'll look after you," Louis ignored Harry, clutching on.

"Sleep, you need rest, you look after me too much." Harry whispered, smiling smugly as he patted Louis's hair until Louis found himself falling into a deep sleep.

**

Louis found himself waking up after a nice, deep sleep and good dreams-- for once. They weren't disturbing, they didn't leave him empty and confused and wanting to hide in a whole. Instead, they made him start the evening now, with a content smile. He rubbed his eyes and then reached over to feel Harry, only to find that side of the bed empty.

He jumped up at once, startled and he could feel his heart racing with every passing moment because Harry wasn't here.

He looked frantically around the hotel room, seeing no one there and no one walking around the kitchen and the bathroom door left open. Louis tried to calm his nerves down, trying to convince himself that nothing had happened as he glanced over to the clock to see it was 7PM and where the hell did time even go?

Louis got out of bed, feeling like shit, feeling like Harry had left him once again. He had said pretty, nice, cute things and then left him hanging-- once again, like always. He didn't know what to do, how to feel as he easily grabbed a cigarette from his bag and lit it up. He knew he wasn't allowed to smoke in this hotel room but he needed something, anything right now. A part of him was screaming to go to Zayn, to find out where Harry was and another part of him was begging him to stay right here, to save himself the possible heartbreak.

Maybe he was jumping to conclusions, assuming way too quickly and not even bothering to investigate but Louis was broken. As much as he wouldn't admit it, put Harry's pain first and forget about his own-- he was broken, he wasn't the same boy he was three years ago and therefore, he didn't know what else to do except smoke it, get high and drunk.

Louis opened his bag further, exposing himself to the drugs that sat before him-- cocaine and he wasn't sure what to do. His system was pleading for it, needing it, wanting it in his veins but he wanted to stay strong for Harry.

He grabbed the bag full of drugs, opening it up and sniffing it deeply before he heard the front door of the hotel room click open and Harry walk in with bags of food. Harry was surprised to find Louis crouched over a suitcase, looking like a madman who was obsessed with his bag of cocaine as he dropped his bags.

"What the fuck Louis?" Harry exclaimed, running over and grabbing the small packet out of his hands.

"Harry, don't!" Louis yelled, feeling compelled to stop him and knowing exactly what he was going to do-- bin it or flush it away.

"Damn it Louis, when will you learn that these don't fucking help, huh?" Harry asked, his eyes wide as he looked at the bag in disgust. "Dalton used this shit and it makes me sick, sick to the fucking stomach!"

It was the first time that Harry had used the name since the confession a few nights ago and Louis felt his heart drop. He had no idea that he had just triggered Harry by a bag of cocaine and he wondered what else would, still holding onto his cigarette and feeling like an complete idiot. He always fucked up, always went wrong somewhere down the line.

"I'm... sorry..." Louis managed to choke out.

Harry threw the bag back at him, not even giving him a second glance as he moved back to pick up the groceries and putting it in the kitchen counter top. "Just, take it away from me."

"I'll get rid of it." Louis promised, gulping as he slipped the sachet in his back pocket and moving towards Harry. "Where were you?"

"I went to see Zayn and Liam, they were lovely. A bit too lovely."

Louis knew that Harry knew, he sighed in guilt. "I'm sorry, I knew you told me in confidence but, I had to explain. Zayn was losing his shit."

Harry shook his head, not looking the slightest offended. "No, love, it's okay. Just... I never expected them to be so friendly again and I was surprised."

"They love you, we all do."

"Then stop, stop for me." Harry begged, looking into Louis's blue eyes and frowning at the cigarette that was still in his hands.

Louis gulped. "I'm..." He didn't even bother answering, burning out the cigarette. "Did he...?"

"Yeah, he did it all." Harry confirmed with a small sigh, a sad smile. "It was probably the reason he... I'm scared, please don't."

Louis moved forward, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and holding him close as he sniffed him deeply. He smelled like clean laundary, the most appealing smell. "I love you and I'll do anything for you. You make me strong."


	24. 24 - Come Back Home

COME BACK HOME

**

The next few days were spent in complete bliss, having cliche and loving moments, cuddled up in the hotel room bed and watching Disney movies. They caught up on each other lives, talking about everything, anything but Dalton-- which was the majority of Harry's life but Louis didn't care. He didn't want to hear it, he just wanted to be close to the younger boy and just listen to his deep, husky morning voice. He wanted to see his pretty, full pink lips move and he wanted to kiss him deeply, softly, roughly-- meaning it.

They shared a few special moments in bed but never taking it any step further. Louis wanted to take it slow this time, he wanted to make it all right-- he wanted to make it just perfect for Harry. The boy had gone through enough drama for one life time and now he deserved nothing but peace, nothing but love and care and affection from any angle that Louis could supply it to him.

Zayn and Liam were being angels, being highly supportive for them and cooking them dinner every night. One day, all four of them sat and ate together whilst keeping Niall in their thoughts and wondering what the Irish lad would do if he was here. He would definitely lighten up the mood, keep it going and keep them laughing constantly and God, Louis missed him so dearly.

They were taking each day slowly and Louis was trying to understand how hard it was going to be for Harry to heal, not forcing himself to do anything and making him feel loved as much as he could.

Until, Harry blurted out. "I'm not a child Lou, I can do things on my own."

And Louis started giving him more space, not over analysing his every move even though his eyes kept falling on Harry's self harm scars. He was glad to see there nothing too recent even though it did look a few weeks old and he tried not to dwell on it too much. There was a time for every question, a time where everything was going to make sense and all the puzzle pieces will come together once and for all.

Now, after a good and bad few days at the hotel, they were back at Louis's vacant huge house that needed to feel more homely. In the past year, this place has been subjected to nothing more than drunken nights, tears and endless sad rehearsing. He needed the place to be full of happy memories, somewhere he wouldn't dread returning home to every day and that someone was Harry.

Harry's mood had improved, just slightly and he was smiling more often now with a glisten behind his eyes which meant it wasn't fake, he was really smiling. 

"You don't need to do this, I can find a place to stay." Harry argued feebly.

"Hush, child," Louis rolled his eyes, laughing as he set out the table full of breakfast for Harry. He had prepared pancakes, again with maple syrup, whipped cream and strawberries sprinkled with some powdered sugar. It looked appealing and Louis's mouth was watering from just looking at it. "Eat up now."

Louis had also discovered from the weird eating habits that Harry had developed an eating disorder over his time at Dalton's house. He hardly ate, only when forced, and ate so painfully slow like it was aching him to swallow each bite and hated on his body. Sometimes, he caught Harry staring at himself in the body and pulling back his shirt to analyse the non existent fat that was poking out from the shirt. It hurt Louis to see him doing that, for him not to realise how much Louis worshipped his tall, perfect toned legs and his amazing tummy. Harry was perfect in every shape and form and it was just gutting that he wasn't able to see that, able to pick up on it.

However, Louis didn't dare comment on it-- not now. He made it obvious that he knew but didn't dare make Harry uncomfortable or forced him to eat. Everyday, he would slyly add more to the meals, just a little more calories than Harry's daily intake and take it up slowly, gradually. It was going to be a long process, often against Harry's will but he wanted to keep Harry healthy and alive.

"You know I love you, right?" Louis inquired as he sat down right beside Harry, touching his inner thighs with one hand and using his fork to cut a piece of his pancakes off.

Harry nodded straight away, not denying or delaying it. "Of course."

"Then trust me babe and just eat, just eat whole heartedly and trust me."

Harry looked uncertain, glancing from his pancakes to Louis's expectant face and then without saying a word dug into his pancakes hesitantly. But Louis didn't mind, he didn't care as long as he was eating everything that was being given to him on his plate.

"Don't you have management meetings?" Harry asked.

"Who cares?" Louis muttered. He could forget his work for a few day, he just wanted to waste all the energy and time he had on Harry before it was too late. He wanted to shower him with affection, show him what real love was and never letting him waste another tear on Dalton.

Louis was surprised that he hadn't heard or seen of Dalton since the day he had punched his face in, and he was glad. He knew it was too good to be true that he had disappeared from their lives for good, could feel him lurking around the corner and therefore, felt like it was his duty to make sure Harry was protected.

"Lou, don't want you falling behind."

He chuckled. "It's not school, darling."

"Still! It's work, you should go in."

"Maybe, I prefer it here," Louis shrugged as he planted a kiss on Harry's soft lips, just lightly pecking them and transferring whipped cream from one lip to another.

Harry just licked it off, looking satisfied. "I prefer you here too."

"Then, don't argue with me on it."

**

The next day, they decided to do more cute coupley things and bake a cake together. Louis was terrible at any form of baking, cooking and therefore, virtually useless in the kitchen. He wasn't sure how he survived the last three years with his food, mostly relying on unhealthy, greasy takeaways and Zayn's cooking. However, he remembered that Harry was a brilliant chef and was more than glad that they were getting to spend some time together in the kitchen.

Harry had all the ingredients laid out in front of him, looking from the flour to the eggs and pouring all the right ingredients into the huge bowl. He carried on doing what he knew best, mixing it together with the electrical mixer and Louis felt good for nothing. He just kept watching, admiring Harry doing what he knew best.

"You bake the best cakes, I remember," Louis spoke up, breaking Harry's train of thought.

Harry didn't even look back at Louis who was leaning against the kitchen counter, minding his own business. He kept his head down, bowed over the bowl as he mixed religiously and his tongue poked out in concentration.

"Hmmm.." Harry managed to get out, too focused on baking the best he could just for Louis.

Louis rolled his eyes, wanting to catch Harry's attention but wasn't sure how so he stood there lazily. "When will it be done?"

"When it's baked."

"When will it be baked?"

"Ssh Lou," Harry complained. "Let the master work."

"Master, okay," Louis scoffed, laughing lightly but smiling ever so fondly because they were having banter, they were having good times-- and he had missed this so much. He had missed just able to forget the world, forgetting everyone else and just focusing on what mattered here and now. He hadn't even realised what he was missing out on, for so long and he wished he had the balls to claim what was his back in sixth form. Instead of walking away on results day, he should've kissed Harry and opened his cowardly mouth.

Harry didn't respond, working away and then trying to transfer the batter into the tin. "Can you help me babe?" He asked.

Louis nodded, instantly standing up and making his way over to him. He stood right behind him, bringing his arms under Harry's, holding the bowl over Harry's hands and smiling contently. This position felt good, his chest against Harry's back and so close, so intimiate and he wanted nothing more to stay in this position.

"Sure thing babe," he responded, teasing.

"Dickhead." Harry muttered but laughed anyway, trying to move his hand but being immobile because of the smaller hands holding his against the bowl.

Louis lightly let go, coming back to Harry's waist and forgetting his pleas to help him put the batter evenly into the tin. Instead, he started to slowly tickle Harry's sides, remembering exactly where it got to him most and gently avoiding his bruised areas.

Harry groaned out loud between his laughs. As much as he was ticklish, he found it torture and hated it. "No, don't you dare!" He warned, closing his eyes in distress and trying to push Louis away as much as he could.

Louis just smiled fondly, tickling him full on before he was pushed off and pushed against the kitchen counter. The drawers handles were pushing onto Louis's back, not helping his comprising situation but he didn't even care because he was looking back at Harry's dark green eyes.

"I said, don't you dare," Harry breathed out on Louis's face, smiling and his dimples appeared-- the same dimples Louis had missed seeing to the point he thought he could cry out loud right now. Harry leaned forward, kissing him roughly and with desperation like he needed this nothing more. His tongue running alongside Louis's bottom teeth, exploring his whole mouth as Louis sinked into the kiss, letting him slip away and kissing him back with the same passion.

Finally, they pulled away and they were both breathing heavily as Louis smirked. He wanted more but not now, they were taking it slow. "Harry Styles, since when did you get so demanding?"

"Since you decided to be a child."

Louis didn't say a word, making his way around Harry and dipping his finger into the batter, smearing it across Harry's face and smiling. Harry gasped, shaking his head in disbelief before he put his face on Louis's, transferring the batter from one face to the other.

"Stop, stop!" Louis cut him off, laughing as lightly kissing him on the lips again. "Don't want to get into a mess, who the hell is going to clean it up? Come on, let's go back to baking."

So, they did. They transferred the remaining batter from the bowl into the tin that was lightly greased and placed it into the oven. Whilst they waited it for it to bake, they sat and watched TV in complete silence and soaking in each other's silent company. It felt good to be able to do that, to not have any tension and worrying about when Harry was going to leave and just take each day as it came. Louis found himself relaxing, getting comfortable on the sofa and he doesn't recall feeling so homely in such a long time.

When the cake was finally done, they brought it out of the oven and covered it in icing and fed each other.

Louis groaned with just how good it tasted, rubbing his stomach and licking his lips with the taste. "God, Harry! You're just perfect from every angle, how is your cooking so good?" He complimented, kissing Harry as a form of saying thank you.

Harry blushed a deep red, shrugging it off. "I've learnt."

"You've learnt from the best! Your mum!"

And there it goes, that one topic that made Harry stiffen and put his cake down instantly looking like he had lost all the appetite to eat it. His face was visibly tense as he made his way towards the sink, fixing himself a glass of water and gulping it down. Louis watched him helplessly, not sure what he had done and what to say next.

"What's wrong?" He asked pathetically, feeling like he was on the edge of tears because how many times was he going to hurt Harry? 

All he could remember was back in high school when Anne could cook the best cupcakes, cakes, brownies and offer Louis the whole kitchen; literally. She was the best type of mother you could come across, always keeping Harry's interests at heart and accepting him with open arms. She was so loving, so caring from every angle and she always loved Harry like she saw no one else in the world. And Louis admired that, he was jealous of their relationship despite the amazing one he held with Jay.

Harry shrugged. "I, erm... haven't seen my mum since I moved in with Dalton."

Louis felt sick, feeling like he could throw up the cakes he had just swallowed as he took a deep breath to process the news, to keep the food down. He nodded, exhaling. "Erm.. why, babe?" He asked, moving across to Harry and offering support by putting his hands on either sides of his arms.

Harry shrugged, sadly and looking ashamed-- his head bowed. "Dalton never allowed me to."

"To see your own fucking mother?" Louis asked in disbelief, resisting to curse out Dalton as much as he wanted to. He never thought he could hate a person so deeply and yet, Louis was in the dark from the exact details. In fact, he knew nothing about Harry's abuse but he was hoping to find out one day.

"Don't swear..." Harry pleaded.

Louis sighed, nodding and trying to relax as he led Harry back into the living room. They both sat down in the living room, spending a few minutes in silence before Louis gathered the courage to speak up again.

"Tell me, Harry."

"Tell you what?" He asked, confused and worried.

"Everything. I'm ready to hear it, I want to know how he hurt you and what he did to you."

Harry visibly gulped. "Louis, I'm not sure you're going to want to hear it and it's... too soon, no, I can't." He refused instantly, shaking his head.

Louis wanted to argue back, wanted to demand to know now but he couldn't do that. He couldn't put Harry in that position where he was forced to open his mouth unless he wasn't ready, wasn't completely comfortable-- it wasn't fair. So, he didn't say a word as he cuddled Harry on the sofa and continued to watch Disney movies all night until the sun started rising.

**

Two days later, he decided to call his mum and catch up on everything that had been going on since she was completely in the dark and didn't have a clue. She had probably heard about the news with the paparazzi, the abuse they had shouted to Louis and yet, she hadn't bothered to contact. She probably assumed it was best to leave Louis be, let him get along and let him contact her eventually when she was ready.

Louis had no idea how Jay dealt with it, seeing her baby in the spotlight and news constantly but not being able to comfort him. She had to watch, hear the rumours and read the things they were writing about him but she wasn't able to defend him. She wasn't able to say anything, to stop it from happening and just listen from afar. He owed it all to his mum.

Jay picked up after two rings, sounding pleasantly surprised. "Louis!" She chirped and Louis could just hear the smile behind her voice.

"Mum, gosh, hello!"

"Baby, you have a lot of explaining to do!"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Louis laughed, feeling somewhat free for once. He was having such a good time with Harry, he was but he was lightly tripping over his words and being careful not to hurt him with anything that slipped out of his careless mouth. With his mum, it didn't matter and he could freely express his feelings and let go.

"Tell me everything Loubear!"

"I won't be telling you anything if you call me Loubear," he warned.

"Hush your mouth and speak, young man!"

"Well, I went to the talk show and I kind of lost it outside. I was feeling quite stressed because of Harry and Eleanor, and everything. You understand, don't you mum?" He asked, feeling like a toddler because he needed someone to relate, tell him it's okay.

Jay sighed. "Of course baby."

"Right, so I lost my shit and Zayn helped me, took me back to my hotel. When I woke up, Harry was here." He purposely missed out the suicide bit, feeling like it was best if his mother was spared from the details. She didn't need to know everything, it would only cause her worry considering she was pregnant and she didn't need any added stress.

"Harry?" She gasped out.

"Yes, Harry. He was there and he told me something."

Louis could practically see his mum hanging onto each word. "Told you what?"

"Mum, you remember Dalton?"

"How could I forget?" She chuckled coldly. 

"He..." Louis found himself struggling to say the words, feeling like it always got stuck in his throat when he tried to admit what had happened to Harry. He was weak, pathetic but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He gulped, trying to open up and get a voice through him. "He's actually been hurting... Harry for three years." He finally finished.

There was a pause and silence that followed from the other line until Louis heard Jay cursing under her breath, shuffling around in the room and door slamming shut. After a few moments, she finally spoke through. "What do you mean?" She sounded more alert now and her annoyed tone was evident.

Louis gulped. "It's true, mum. Dalton's been abusing Harry and mum, I saw his bruises and I think... I just love him so much." He felt a few tears slipping out, rolling down his cheeks. He had tried so hard to keep it away, to not lose it and keep strong for Harry but he couldn't even help it right now. Saying those words out loud to his mum, being able to express how he feels caused his chest to ache and the tears to spill.

He could hear Jay choke back a few sobs too, sniffing. "Poor baby. Where is he now? Is he with you? Is he okay?"

Louis wasn't surprised by the questions he was bombarded with. "He's with me now, I think I'm going to make him move in. I don't feel comfortable if he gets out of my sight, scared that Dalton might be around and take him back. He's okay, I guess but he's always been good at hiding his feelings and I don't know. He's probably deeply damaged."

Jay sighed deeply from the other end. "Honey, he's going to be damaged for a long time. Did the abuse go on for three years?"

Louis struggled to release a choked out. "Yes."

"Poor, poor boy." Jay said sympathetically. "I wish I could give the lad a hug, I miss him so. Please tell him that. Look after him. Do you know what happened?"

"I will and no, he doesn't... want to talk about it just yet."

"That's understandable. Baby, just put yourself in his shoes. He's probably confused, lost and trying to adjust to this drastic change. Give him space and give him credit for being brave enough to move in with you!"

Louis nodded, he couldn't help but agree with his mum. Harry was a warrior, he was brave and he was strong and he was still standing after all the pain he had to go through. He had wasted three years of his life after the wrong boy and now, he was experiencing what freedom was like after the longest time. It must've been different for him, hard for him to get his head around and Louis had to understand that.

"I'm going to treat him tonight, I think." Louis said, more to himself.

"Then do that! Do whatever makes him happy and yourself, baby."

"I will." Louis said sadly. 

"How you feeling Louis?"

Louis sighed because he wasn't even sure. "I'm fine, coping I guess. I can't really make this about myself when Harry's the one whose suffering."

"No, I'm sure you're experiencing it too. You love him so dearly, sincerely-- it doesn't mean you can't be in pain too."

"Mum, I just want him to be happy and I want to be the one who is the reason for his smile."

"I know but hopefully, you can do exactly that now!"

Louis smiled. His mum knew all the right words to say at the right time and he was forever grateful. "He hasn't even seen his mum, Anne in over three years."

Jay gasped. "No fucking way. Excuse my language! Take him there!"

"I can't, not against his will. I'll try. I just want him to be happy." He paused. "How's the girls?"

Jay's voice picked up now, sounding relieved that the topic was changed to something brighter. "They are good. Lottie misses you the most, again."

Louis laughed. "When will Lottie ever not miss me?"

"God knows. You shouldn't stay away from home so long, Louis. We miss you."

Louis frowned. "Sorry mum, I'll try and stop by soon."

"Take your time! I've got some exciting news Louis but it just seems like rubbish to say it now, after all that disheartening news about Harry." Jay sounded deeply upset, her voice heavy and Louis could imagine the frown.

"What's the news?"

"We've brought the wedding date further! Me and Dan have decided to get married in just two months, we just can't wait."

"What about the twins?" Louis wondered.

"Well, they'll be growing inside of me, won't they?"

"Isn't it too early?"

"We don't want to want anymore! Plus, I can't wait to wear my wedding dress and just look like a complete diva!" She sighed, sounding dreamy.

Louis couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, wiping away the last of his tears. "Send us a wedding invitation soon, yeah? Need to go and get the girls some dresses then, don't I?"

"They would really appreciate that Louis, thank you."

"It's okay mum. I'm going to go now, Harry might be awake. I promise to be in touch soon, love you, bye!" He said, hanging up and throwing his phone to the side. He turned around to see Harry staring back at him, standing in the doorway with a lazy smile.

"Talking about me to your mum yeah?" He asked, sounding nothing more than flattered.

Louis tried not to flush a pink colour, trying to seem neutral and calm. "Of course, she loves hearing about you."

"Come here and cuddle me, you dummy."

**

A week has passed by and it's been nothing but silly moments, cuddling in bed and watching endless movies. Harry seemed to want to re watch Love Actually quite a few times, insisting that's what they watch and cuddling up to Louis like a little child during the love. He was always so absorbed with each scene, hanging onto each word and it made Louis so curious. He watched with wide eyes, watching his boy be so interested by something they've both watched more times than they could count. However, Louis didn't say a word and let the movie play every night whilst he warmed up popcorn and bunch of chocolates.

One night, Louis was way too curious and split out. "Harry, why are you so obsessed with this movie?"

Harry had frozen up straight away, his facial expression falling and his smile hiding away behind his frown-- and this is the face Louis feared. "Dalton never let me watch movies, I missed it."

And from that moment, Louis decided never to question even the moments that had him thinking for days. There was a reason behind everything.

In that one week, they had grown closer and despite the fact that Louis was nowhere even close to figuring out the nitty details about Dalton-- he wasn't too worried. As long as Harry was by his side, close to him and breathing the same air as him: he was happy. He was stuck on how to bring up the topic of sending Dalton to jail, putting him under trial because for some reason, he knew Harry was going to refuse.

"Harry..." Louis called out to the sleepy boy who was in bed, wearing a eye mask to shut everything out and blissfully snoring. He smiled fondly at the sight, so glad that this boy was here, in his bed and he couldn't ask for more. He moved around, shaking him slightly, gently. He was glad that Harry was catching up on his sleep, not feeling the need to wake up bright and early. He could see the scars decorated along his arms from the short sleeve he was wearing and Louis tried not to dwell on it too much, just gulping it down. "Babe, I've got interviews today, wake up."

Harry stirred in his sleep, yawning loudly and pushing the blankets off him slowly. "Interviews?"

"Yeah, my new album is coming out soon and I need to do promotion love. You can stay at home, if you want? I can call Niall over..." Louis suggested. He didn't want to disturb Zayn and Liam, they deserved their own privacy and probably had their own plans. Niall, however, was always available and always willing to be there for Louis no matter what.

"No, no," Harry got out of the bed, looking awake and scared and this is what Louis hated the most. "I want to come to work with you."

Louis chuckled, smiling. "It's not exactly my workplace, it's just different interviews I have to do. You'll be bored, Haz. You have to sit behind the camera and just watch me talk."

"I like watching you talk," Harry muttered, scooting closer to Louis and running his finger down Louis's lips. "Your lips..."

"Ssh," Louis couldn't stop smiling, couldn't get Harry out of his minds as he leaned forward and completed the perfect moment with a dazzlingly rough kiss on Harry's lips. "I love you, you beauty. Now, get up and get ready."

**

Louis had quite a few interviews to get down today since their management decided to do a bunch of them, with different people, all in one day and it was terribly boring. Sometimes, Louis wonders why he doesn't let Niall join him and become a small band since Niall could play the guitar. They could make a great team and Louis wouldn't be half as bored whilst sitting in these buildings, watching different reporters and journalists make their way around him.

He was getting his makeup and hair done, sitting on the chair and staring into the mirror behind him where Harry was. Harry was overly excited, amazed by every little thing and making himself known to everyone around the cramped dressing room.

"Hello there!" He would chirp, a bright smile and sincere look in his eyes that made Louis's stomach flutter. "I'm Harry Styles, a friend of Louis's." 

And the whole team was taken back by his politeness, introducing themselves happily and getting along with Harry just fine. Louis was amazed how the boy could go through such an ordeal, and such have such a perfect personaltity, be kind to everyone. By now, people would be bitter and hating on every moving human being but Harry kept true to himself and never failed to outshine the person he really is.

Just before Louis was about to go to the first room to get down the first interview of the day, Harry spoke out to him. "It's good to talk to people. Different people. He never let me open my mouth to anyone." He breathed out, hugging Louis from behind and kissing him softly on the shoulders.

In that moment, Louis felt his heart shatter for the boy once again because how cruel was Dalton exactly? He tried to push it away, to give his best in the interviews-- inspired by Harry himself.

"Hello there, Louis Tomlinson!" The first lady said, a bright smile as the interview started. "Now, tell me, how busy have you been with this album?"

Louis returned the gesture, smiling and making direct eye contact with the lady as well as the camera. He knew all his fans were going to get to see this and this was the first time he had come in front of the public since the paparazzi incident. He had completely stopped tweeting, completely isolated himself from the social media side.

"I've been incredibly busy!" Louis started talking, clapping his hands and getting comfortable in his seats. "I finished recording a few months, just doing finishing touches now. So, yeah, all good."

"And, when is it going to be released?"

"Well, my new single will be released in just a matter of a few weeks. I'll be releasing the album cover art, as well as the single cover art, in just a few days. So, keep your eyes peeled for that."

"That's exciting! In one word, how would you describe the new album?"

"Well, the album is called soul-- it was recorded straight from my soul, the words and the music. From one soul to another. I would describe this album was a more indie style, very originial and different to anything else I've done."

The interviewer looked pleased by the answers, getting comfortable in her seat too and visibly relaxing too. Louis had no idea why people found him intimidated, always trying to keep on his good side-- he was a easy guy to get to know. It was just his management and media who were hellbent on making him seem like an ignorant narrow minded jerk.

"I'm going to have to ask you, are you dating Eleanor, I believe?"

Louis clenched his jaw, glancing past the cameras where Harry was sitting. Harry immediately looked down, bringing his hands together and looking ashamed. Louis hated doing this, having to confirm something fake when the love of his life was sitting right across from him. But, it was his job and it had to be done-- it couldn't be helped.

"Yes.. I am," Louis finally spat out, sounding bitter and disinterested, also with a hint of uncertainty.

"Right... and how long have you guys been dating?"

Crap. He didn't even remember the months his management had clearly told him before he entered the room. "2 months, I believe." He went with a wild guess, hoping it was the right one and he wouldn't end up getting told off for.

The first interview was called a wrap, Louis was returned to the hair and makeup for retouch and then ushered into another room. Harry followed each time, not saying a word and mindlessly watching Louis getting endless questions about the album, his holiday, his tour and mostly: his love life. Louis had no idea why people wanted to know details about his love life, but didn't say a word and answered with as much accuracy as he could-- hoping it all added up.

At the end of the long day, they were pushed into the same car as Alberto drove them home. Louis was exhausted, never expecting he could do more than 5 interviews in the same day and cuddled up to Harry to receive some warmth.

He sighed happily into Harry's shirt. "I'm sorry."

"Huh?" Harry asked, looking genuinely confused.

"I wish I could tell the world you're the one I want, even if you don't want me-- but, I can't. It's beyond my limits."

"Hush now Lou," Harry rolled his eyes, looking offended as he went up to stoke through Louis's hairsprayed quiff that felt rough to touch. "You're perfect, don't apologise for doing your job."


	25. 25 - Get Up Now

GET UP NOW

***

Louis glanced around his second home. It was decorated to perfection, banners and balloons stretched around all the wide rooms and it was all down to Niall. Niall was the king when it came to party, knowing exactly how to have a good time and showing off the place just perfectly. Louis felt like a toddler, like this was a small child's birthday party with all the weak, children decorations. But, it felt right and he just felt at ease as he looked around the house.

Harry was tucked safely around his side, Louis's arm snaked around his waist and holding him tightly and closely. "This was Niall's idea, right?" Harry asked, chuckling.

Louis nodded. "That Irish lad wanted to throw me a pre-release party, wanted to invite all family and friends and celebrate the album."

"Soul...." Harry said the name, like it had a deeper meaning behind it and sighed. "It just... it's so sentimental."

"How so?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows. "I literally chose it within a few minutes, it made sense-- been making music from my heart, from my soul.."

"No..." He shook his head, disagreeing. "Soul that has gone through, suffering put into an album that's going to be massive. It's going to be big, and everyone's going to love it and you're going to kill every other artist out there. And you know it."

Louis blushed, not being able to resist it from the sincere words Harry was showering him. Recently, Harry was always saying something nice--even if it didn't make sense. And Louis was loving it, soaking up the attention he was getting and reminding himself the words every morning. Everytime he found himself in a situation, he replayed the same words and got through it.

"You softie," Louis muttered, running a hand through Harry's hair. "Getting me good, aren't you?"

"God, I haven't partied in so long..."

Louis knew exactly why; he wasn't allowed to. It was gutting that Harry was cut off from some of the basic things in life because he simply wasn't allowed to do it. Despite the fact he was 21, he was stopped from making adult choices for himself because Dalton held so much power over his life. It was sad that even though, Dalton no longer remained in Harry's life, it was still brought up and thought about everyday.

"You'll party like no other today, okay?" Louis smiled. He just wanted Harry to have a good time, to remove all the memories that brought nothing more than pain and remember people around him loved him so much.

Today, Louis's family was attending the party and so were the rest of the boys. Louis desperately wanted to invite Anne and Gemma, Harry's mum and sister but knew it wouldn't be right. He couldn't make Harry reunite with them at a little party that was going to contain partying, dancing and alcohol and probably a few drunken snogs. He just had to drive Harry down to Anne's another time, get them to meet. But today was just going to be a cute family day and he couldn't wait for Harry to get familiar with the rest of the boys families again, just like a happy friendship group they used to be.

Louis couldn't help but feel like it was college again, like everything was normal and he was no longer famous. How they would have parties with all the families, Niall's dad would get involved with the drinking and Liam's dad would start throwing embarrassing dance moves. They were all a happy family, no sorrows and no worries.

But as the years went on, things dramatically changed and Louis no longer had time to keep up with everyone. He had taken the years way too fast, grown up way too quickly and he just needed to slow down, realise what really mattered. Louis needed to start focusing on his mum, his sisters and his soon to be step father and his friends. He needed to stop taking everything so seriously, only minding his career's business.

"Do you think so?" Harry asked.

"I know so."

So, they went and go ready for this party. Harry dressed up in a pink and red flannel, wearing a black shirt underneath with black skinny jeans and brown boots. He put on a matching scarf over his hair which helped his curls to stay out of his eyes. He looked like perfection, his eye shade a beautiful green today-- he looked healthy, and good. And Louis couldn't help but feel a sense of pride as he watched his boy get ready. He decided to go with a simple tee, black jeans and vans for himself-- not wanting to seem too formal and pulled his hair back into a quiff.

"You're so handsome, you know," Harry hummed happily, reaching up to touch Louis's hair and smiling.

"You should let your curls down more often, it doesn't deserve to be all trapped up there."

Harry just shook his head but the smile on his face indicated he was flattered, taking the compliment seriously. "Next time, maybe." He promised, kissing Louis's cheeks before taking one last long look in the mirror. "Let's go meet your mum."

Jay was sitting down on one of the tables, not touching the alcohol and sterring clear of anything that could affect the twins. She was sitting with Dan, who was watching her fondly as she talked away. When she caught sights of Louis and Harry making ways towards her, her mouth dropped open and she gushed out. "My babies!"

Before she could jump up to hug her, Louis ran towards her and leaned down, giving her an awkward hug. "Sit, sit, don't get up mum." He instructed her, giving a smile whilst pulling out a chair for Harry to sit on.

Harry looked extremely timid, scared as he clumsily followed Louis's actions and gave Jay a hug too. Jay squeezed him hard, not letting him go until Harry started laughing breathlessly. "Can't breathe mum!" And Louis felt his heart stop for a second because he was so nostalgic, Harry saying mum just like he would 5 years ago.

Jay looked pleased too, her cheeks rosy pink and a glow radiating through her skin as she patted on the chair next to her. "Talk to me Harry. It's been long."

"We met at the restaurant," he reminded her.

"That's been months, idiot!" She laughed. "And you hardly had time for me, did you? Talk to me, tell me everything dear."

And so, that's exactly what Harry did whilst Louis watched him work his mouth. Harry told her briefly about Dalton, all the jobs he went to and then quit and just stayed at home. He told her how bored he was of his life, how much he missed her and Louis and the girls and how much he wished he could visit them. Harry talked until he had no words left to say, talking right from the heart and emptying his whole mind-- releasing all the words that seemed to be circling his mind for the past few years. Louis felt oddly satisfied, smiling down at him, still standing above him.

Dan was in awe, looking overly impressed of Harry and Louis couldn't help but think: 'he is mine, this boy is mine and he makes me feel so good'.

"God, Harry," Jay laughed once Harry had finished, looking surprised with himself. "That's quite a mouthful, wasn't it?"

"You asked for it!"

"What are you doing now? Working?"

Harry shook his head sadly, sighing. "No... 'm not, not yet. I hope I can find something decent."

Louis couldn't help but interject right there. "I'm sure he will, I'll help him mum."

He knew that Harry didn't like receiving help from others, wanting to do things on his own so he could feel satisfied for himself. But, Louis wasn't going to wait around and watch Harry struggle with such basic jobs when Louis could find him an amazing job. Being famous came with many advantages, one of which was all the links he had to different upper class businessmen.

Harry shook his head, mostly to himself, but didn't say a word and didn't let the smile fall off his lips.

"Good, Louis. Make sure my son here gets an amazing place to work, okay?"

"You love him more than you love me, don't you?" Louis teased.

"Of course I do, he's the best son I could ever get." She replied playfully, sipping at her water. She was a bubble of joy today, all for Louis and his efforts, achievements for the third album. And Louis loved seeing this, loved seeing his mother so damn proud of him. He couldn't believe how fortunate he was, able to supply his mum with so much happiness and wishes he could do this for the rest of his life.

Louis and Harry wandered away from the mothers, walking towards Niall who was happily behind the speakers and trying to do a good job of the DJ. However, failing miserably. Louis gave him a feeble thumbs up, encouraging him.

"Tommo!" Niall chirped happily, handing the headphones over to Zayn who gave him a glare.

"I don't know how to work this!" Zayn complained, passing it onto Liam who just rolled his eyes, placing a kiss on Zayn's cheeks and starting to work the music.

"Horan!" Louis yelled back with the same enthusiastic, pulling him into a brotherly, cuddly hug and sniffing in his scent. "You're wearing my perfume, aren't you?"

"Well, since this evening was all about you, had to wear your perfume, didn't I?" Niall laughed. He looked over to Harry and smiled, pulling him into the same hug. "Hey Harry, how you finding tonight?"

Niall had been informed by Zayn about what Harry had been going through, and he had never seemed more angered. He wanted to hunt down Dalton himself, throw a few punches but Niall couldn't fight-- he was terrible at it. He would never admit it but he knew it, and so did all the boys. So, he stayed painfully exactly where he is and quietly hated on Dalton with every step he took. Louis loved it, loved seeing how much concern the boys had for Harry and wish it could be like this forever. 

"A little overwhelming," Harry admitted truthfully. He was clearly not used to the loud music, the drunken dancing bodies swaying to the music. He had only attended clubs with Dalton, sitting right at the back and away from most of the scenes. "But, good. I missed this."

"Such a party animal, only at 16, weren't you?" Niall chuckled, shaking his head. "Have you preordered three yet?"

Harry's smile fell and Louis had to bite his lip, wanting to slap Niall for asking such a question. It was clear that Harry was completely broken, had no money and definitely no way of paying for the album. But, it didn't matter, he was going to receive a free CD anyway.

"Soon." Harry reassured him.

Zayn made his way over the boys now, hugging both them closely. "Having a good time yet?"

Harry just nodded. "Yeah, 's good."

"Niall thinks he's perfect at being the DJ, insisting to do all of it, little fucker."

Liam joined by Zayn's side, snaking his arms around his waist and pulling him close. It wasn't a possessive move, it was more of showing his love and affection and Zayn looked pleased, smiling happily with a blush on his cheeks.

"We missed you Harry, seeing you at these parties!" Liam said.

Since Louis had released his first album, these parties became a part of their lives. It wasn't every so often, but there would always be a party now and then that popped up and took place at this house. All family was invited, school and college friends and everyone reunited. However, it always felt empty like something was missing and for once, Louis felt content tonight and it was all because Harry was here, experiencing this all.

"You had so many parties without me," Harry faked sobed, still smirking.

"It was dreadful, you belong here with us." Zayn said sincerely.

"From now, Zayn. From now."

Then Louis decided he wanted some alone time with his boy, not like he hasn't already been doing in that past week or so now. He just wanted to treat Harry right, slow dance with him stupidly despite the upbeat techno music being played and kiss him softly, tenderly. He wanted to show off his romantic side, the side that really mattered and the side he has been hiding for so long. He didn't care whether they were at a huge party and someone could notice, realise Louis is not with Eleanor-- that wasn't even his concern right now. For Louis, Harry always came first and no one was going to replace him, no one ever could.

He dragged Harry away from the boys, letting them get along with the music as he led them to a much more private part of the house. There was a few unknown people around, absorbed in their own world and Louis took this as his chance.

He pulled Harry closely to him by his jean belt loop until they were touching, legs together, crotch rubbing against each other and Louis sighed in bliss.

"You make me feel so good." Louis hummed happily, putting his hand around Harry's back and bringing him even closer-- if it was possible.

Harry didn't seem to mind, he had a lazy grin playing at his lips. "I could say the same about you Mr Tomlinson."

"Ssh, you little idiot." He muttered, not meaning a word as he lightly kissed Harry's forehead and sighed, their noses touching. "This was so long overdue."

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

"That's all that matters, remember that baby," Louis smiled.

They weren't even officially together, Louis hadn't asked him out yet-- he felt like it was way too early to label them yet. He wanted to take it slow, make sure he was doing every step with extra care before he messed something up. That seemed like Louis's talent, managing to fuck it up and he didn't want to go wrong this time. He was just glad it's even been a week, that was a lot for him and it was making up for all the lost time. When Louis felt like it was right, he was definitely going to claim Harry and not let any fuckers even come near him.

"We're dancing to a dance club song," Harry stated, shaking his head fondly as they slow ballroom danced around the vacant room.

"We're unique, we do things our way."

"I like it."

So, they continued dancing like no one was watching them and like they didn't look like idiots. Louis didn't care, he didn't take notice as he twirled Harry around slowly and watched his boy turn with his ass on display. He cupped Harry's ass cheeks with his hands, giving it a squeeze and smirk, watching Harry's cheeks go red.

"You're beautiful, from head to toe."

"Man, you're making me blush," Harry muttered, ducking his face to hide the flush that was evident on his face.

"Don't hide it, show the world!"

After an hour or so, Zayn and Liam gathered everyone back in the main room with bright smiles, holding an envelope. They looked sneaky, like they were up to something and Louis watched curiously but didn't comment. He kept his arms wrapped around Harry's, providing a sense of warmth as they waited for the two loverbirds to make their announcement.

Zayn clapped his hands, getting everyone's attentions and everyone went quiet. "Ah, there we go!" He grinned. "We have a little news..."

Liam came by his sides, smiling right at Louis and Harry-- which was suspicious. Louis could feel Harry shift uncomfortably on his feet and tense up but they both didn't say a word.

"As you all know, Harry is back! And if you guys have been friends with him for a long time, you'll know his passion was modelling."

Oh crap. This wasn't going to be good. Louis knew that Harry has self image issues, he hates himself and as much as he won't voice that opinion and won't talk about it-- it's obvious and clear. Harry couldn't get into modelling so easily, it was going to take him time to get used to his appearance and accepting he's beautiful just the way he is. So, this definitely wasn't going the way Louis was hoping it would go.

Harry coughed, catching a few people's attention.

Zayn carried on. "Me and Liam have been contacting a few modelling agencies and their willing for Harry to come in and do a shoot for them!" He finally announced, waving around the envelope and letter and everyone went silent.

There was silent before everyone started clapping, erupting into cheers for Harry who didn't even look the slightest happy. He had a frown, brows furrowed as he glanced anxiously at Louis-- almost like to save him, take him away from here and Louis felt helpless. It would seem rude to walk away when Liam and Zayn have been working so hard on getting this modelling opportunity, even if it was against Harry's will and didn't even ask.

"What the fuck?" Harry whispered under his breath.

Zayn came down, offering the letter to him. He took it cautiously, not saying thanks and pulling at Louis's top indicating he wanted to leave.

Louis was torn, giving Zayn a side smile. "We'll be back." He told him, patting his shoulders in a form of saying thanks before disappearing with Harry.

They ran upstairs, into one of the vacant rooms where Louis locked the door behind him and faced back to his love. By now, Harry had small tears building up in his eyes and he looked completely broken. He was reading the letter, almost in disgust, before throwing it away from himself and letting out a cracked sob. 

Louis jumped to action at once, stepping forward and setting Harry down on the bed before joining him and pulling him into a hug. "Don't you like it?" He asked, not sure what else to say.

Harry sniffed. "They shouldn't of done that behind my back! They obviously sent my pictures to show I was worthy for this job and God, I'm not. I'm so mad!"

He nodded. "I understand, I agree it was wrong for the two idiots to do this without asking your permission first. Why are you crying babe? Don't cry." He leaned forward, touching Harry's cheekbones and wiping the water away. "You look pretty when you smile."

"I just... modelling, gosh. They actually wanted me to come in and see if I was worthy to be part of them and I don't know."

"Isn't that a good thing? Do you still want to go into modelling?"

"No! I don't! Look at me, my hip chub and my ugly spots! I can't, I'm nowhere model material."

Louis scoffed because he couldn't see how perfect he was and Louis was memrised by him every single day of his life. He questioned how beautiful a person could get every day and here was the same person, complaining.

"Ssh," Louis interjected, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're.. so, I can't describe. You're everything, you really are and the fact you can't believe you're model material is beyond me. They obviously accepted you for a reason."

Harry watched Louis for a second, observing his features and his silence could speak thousand more words than his mouth ever could. He sighed. "Dalton told me I would never amount to anything, I didn't deserve to be a model and he never let me... that scars, Lou. I don't believe anything you say about my 'beauty'."

"Dalton is fucking stupid," he quickly spat, feeling his blood pressure coming up just by the mere mention of the psycho. He really had ruined Harry's life and turned it upside down and he wanted nothing more than for Dalton to disappear, to die. "He has no idea what he's talking about and he really must be blind, or fucking stupid to not acknowledge just how-" He paused. "Just how beautiful you are."

Once again, Harry didn't look convinced but there was more of a smile on his face now as he snuggled closer to the older boy's clothes and it fit like a puzzle piece. "I don't want to do it, Lou. I love modelling, I really do. That dream was cut away from me, was made to believe I wasn't worth it and it can't be changed so easily."

Louis nodded, understanding. "It's fine, I'm not telling you take it. I'm telling you to chase your dreams, I know you love modelling. Wouldn't it be amazing to do it for a living?"

"Can we forget everything. Just kiss me."

And Louis did exactly that.

**

After 30 minutes, they stumbled out of the bedroom both giggly and red in the face and clearly flustered. Louis was enjoying his little time with Harry way too much but knew he had to be present for his own party, feeling bad for Niall who had set this whole thing up. As much as Harry wanted to stay in, he didn't want to drag Louis from the events going on downstairs so they skipped out, taking two steps at a time and acting like complete toddlers.

Zayn and Niall were standing at the front door, looking worried. Zayn had his head in his hands, muttering coherent words that were mumbled as Niall tried to comfort him, looking helpless. Louis frowned at the sight, not wanting his friends to be overthinking about this situation.

Sure, he was mad for Zayn to go behind Harry's back and offer the pictures to a company when the poor boy was clearly not ready to expose his body to even Louis himself. It was immoral, a huge jump that he wasn't prepared for and now, he felt vulnerable because of it. However, Zayn's motive was only good behind it. Harry had gone through enough suffering and everyone just wanted him to be happy, to live each day to the fullest to make up for the days he had spent in pain.

"Zayn.." Harry called out, surprisingly, walking up to him and putting his hands on his shoulders. "Zayn, mate."

Zayn's head shot up. He looked distressed, more than anything and overly glad to finally see Harry. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry, so sorry." He blurted out, talking way too fast.

He laughed, shaking his head and looking completely at ease when only a while back, he was crying his eyes out. It amazed Louis, it really did. This young boy was able to hide away his feelings so easily with a simple laugh and everything was okay. It wasn't like he was choking up on his own sobs a while back. He wanted Harry's courage, his strength.

"It's fine Zayn, you really... should've asked me first and confirmed with me but I get it. You just want what's best for me."

"I do."

"That's fine, I appreciate that. However, I don't think I can take up the offer just yet. I love you, and I really appreciate everything but it's too much for me. Just now." He cleared his throat, taking a step back and Louis joined him. He took Harry's hand, intertwining fingers together and holding it firmly. He was so proud of his boy, wanted nothing more than this curly lad right here.

Zayn didn't seem offended. In fact, he smiled widely. "Follow what makes you feel right. I'll let them know. I just hope you're sure about this, it's a big offer."

"I'm sure."

They returned back to the party room where Jay was about to make an annoucement. She was glowing with happiness, her hand resting on her growing belly with Dan by his side holding a glass of wine.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she cleared her throat, catching sights of Louis and waving madly. "I'd like to tell you guys a few things! Firstly, congratulations to my beautiful baby Louis who is releasing his album and I couldn't be more proud of him! He's always dreamt big and made those dreams come true and here he is-- doing what he knows best. I'm sure you are just as shocked and astonished by his achievements as much as I am. For a boy whose messed around in school, all the time, and been fired from every job, he's made an amazing life! People our age have not been able to reach even close to what Louis, my boy, has managed to do in such a short amount of time. Three bloody years and he's number one, known all around the world. God, mummy is proud and so are all the girls and all your friends!" She seemed a little emotional by the time she finished, tears in her eyes as she wiped them away, giggling lightly. "Also, my wedding is next month and you're all invited!"

Everyone threw their glasses in their air, cheering and Louis smiled blissfully. There is no place he would rather be.


	26. 26 - So Happily

SO HAPPILY

 

***

A week later, Louis decided to present Harry with a new phone. It was hardly an expensive gift for him since he could afford virtually anything but he still felt awkward giving it. It's hardly been a month since they've moved in together but he felt like this was the right time. He needed a form of communication with Harry besides just seeing him in person in case he had to go to emergency meetings. He also knew that Harry was broke, incapable of getting a phone.

He left the phone box, wrapped up with a little bow, at Harry's beside table and creeped downstairs to prepare breakfast for the two of them. He put the sausages on the drill whilst making egg Benedict and toast with beans. He wasn't the master at cooking, never has been but this breakfast was just the easiest way to go. Plus, it was highly satisfying.

After a while, he heard a gasp appearing from the staircase as a bewildered Harry ran down the stairs with a frown and red cheeks. He didn't look the slightest bit pleased, rather annoyed as he shoved the iPhone back to Louis.

"What are you playing at?" He demanded.

Louis tried not to look offended, chuckling slightly. "Playing at what?"

"Why would you give me that, why would you do that?"

"Love, it's not a big deal, really. It's just a phone."

"Just a phone?" He spluttered, looking at a loss of words as he ran a hand through his hair, stressed. "Just a phone?"

"Yes, it's fine Harry. Besides, you need it and just assume it's an early birthday present or something!"

"No, I can't accept it. Are you crazy?" Harry asked, his eyes wide. "Louis, no."

"Harry." He said sternly. "Take it, it's a gift from me for being awesome okay? It's not a big deal, I promise."

"I don't want you thinking I'm using you, for your money. You already assumed that..." he said, his voice trailing away and sounding a little broken as he gulped.

Louis felt like his heart dropped, feeling awful for all the words he blurted out in the hotel room. If he had any sort of idea, he wouldn't of opened his big gob. He never knew how scarring words could be until he let out unnecessary comments that were only bound to hurt. He put the phone down on the counter, walking over to Harry and kissing him on the lips hard.

"I got this for you because I love you, I want you to know how much I care about you. It's a present to indicate my love and it has nothing to do with you using me, wanting my money."

Harry didn't look convinced, still a little bit uneasy but didn't argue. "I'm so grateful, I really appreciate it-- thank you."

Louis brushed it off, like it was no big deal. "Let's help you set it up, come on."

**

About two weeks later, Louis was in bed sleeping happily until he felt his body being shaken softly. He stirred in his sleep, yawning but waking up straight away, alert in case Harry needed something. He had grown so used to having Harry in bed with him, sometimes spooning and sometimes keeping a safe distant when he just needed to be on his own. Today was on the nights where he needed his own space but still wanted Louis's presence in the room. He understood, let him do what he needs to to get by.

So, he was fairly surprised how he ended up being woken at 3am with Harry snuggling under his arm and whimpering just slightly.

"Is everything okay?" He asked straight away, sitting up straight and pulling Harry closer so they were fully hugging. He just wanted to provide any sort of comfort he could give, thinking maybe the younger boy had a nightmare and needed some comfort.

However, Harry just nodded with wide, earnest eyes and stared straight at Louis. "I want to tell you."

"Tell me what, hun?" 

"Everything."

Now, Louis was definitely awake and all the sleep washed away from him as he got up and cautiously pulled away from Harry's hug. He gave him a weird look, looking uncertain. 

"No, we don't need to do this right now." Louis refused straight away, shaking his head. It felt too soon to know all the details and he wasn't ready to hear them either. How could Harry be totally prepared to speak up about what has haunted him for the last three years?

Harry narrowed his eyes. "It's my choice Louis and I want to do it, right now."

Once again, he shook his head and sighed loudly. "I don't want you to regret this. This is a heavy topic, it's not something that can be discussed at this time! Harry, please, go back to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning."

"For fucksakes Louis!" He rolled his eyes, instantly looking annoyed with red cheeks. He was overly sensitive nowadays, easy to burst into tears and get offended over the smallest of things. "If I'm saying, I want to talk about this now it's because I feel like I can. Don't stop me and listen."

Louis felt helpless. He knew whatever he was going to say wasn't going to change Harry's mind. Harry was set letting go off the pain, the experiences he has had to go through and the least Louis could do was respect that and listen. Despite this gut feeling that this was going to be a huge mistake, he nodded and shuffled closer to Harry, embracing him.

"Let's start with the small details, yeah?"

Harry nodded. "I'll start from the beginning."

"If you feel like you need to stop, at any point, then feel free to do so. I'm not forcing you to open up."

"Shut up Louis and listen to me. I first got with Dalton a month and so before results day. We met online whilst I was applying for modelling agencies and so on, and he was about an hour away from me. We got talking and it felt wrong, it did because I was with you."

We weren't actually together.

"Right," Louis nodded.

"But, we met up and I don't know what took over me. He was charming, he knew all the right words to say and I thought maybe you don't like me. After all, it had been years and you still hadn't asked me out so I thought, okay maybe this will work. I just jumped into it, without thinking and I was afraid of telling anyone. Right from the start, he was wonderful and he treated me like a man-- but yet, like a little lost dog and I loved the attention. I did."

Harry paused, taking a deep breath and his face looked strained like he couldn't go on and he was forcing himself. 

Then he continued. "It moved so far, it was unbelievable. He was demanding, touchy and possessive and I hadn't felt so... submissive before and a part of me really liked it. I was naive, I listened to him and agreed to move in and yet, I was terrified of telling you. I finally gained the guts on results day. The day before results day... well, we had our first night together and he was rough. Louis, he was really rough."

Louis squeezed his eyes shut, not sure what to say and feeling his throat closing up. He didn't want to imagine any of it, he didn't want to picture them two sharing a night together. He couldn't imagine it and he hated it. However, he tried not to make a sound of protest and let Harry continue with his story. He didn't want to interrupt and seem rude.

"Rough how?"

"He... he, just liked being rough with me. You know, hair pulling and tying me up and all sorts." He shuddered. "I was a little sore for results day, had love bites all over and was walking with a slight limp. I felt awful though. It felt right but so wrong and seeing you, it made everything worst because that should've been you."

Then, Harry paused again and this time it looked like he really couldn't go on. He shook his head, laying back in bed. 

"What, baby?" Louis asked, concerned.

"I don't want to carry on. I feel like shit."

The older boy leaned down, planting a kiss on top of Harry's curls and sighing deeply to himself. He knew Harry was pushing himself, trying to open up way too quickly but he didn't want to stop him. Now that he had made it clear it was too much, Louis was relieved as he got back into bed next to Harry.

After a few minutes, he felt Harry's breathing go even and he, himself, drifted off to sleep.

**

The next day, Louis had to be seen with Eleanor and he was dreading every single second of it. Sure, he respected Eleanor and the fact that this was quite literally a job for her-- but he was growing tired of having to be seen with someone he had no interests with. He had to hold her hand, kiss her every now and then and make it seem real. He didn't even try, he didn't put a brave smile on or even act remotely in love. Management could force him to lie but he wasn't going to live up to that lie.

He got ready with Harry sitting anxiously on the side of the bed, looking and playing with his fingers. Harry was on the edge about Louis leaving him for a few hours, for a girl and he definitely didn't seem to like the idea. Louis wished he didn't need to go, he could spend more time with his love at home and treat him like a proper prince-- especially after his sudden need of confession.

Harry seemed extra vulnerable today, with droopy red eyes and disheveled hair and Louis wanted nothing more to stay in bed with a cuppa and a movie.

"Please don't go." He begged, giving a puppy dog look.

Louis sighed, feeling terrible as he slipped his vans on and gave Harry a pout. "I wish I could stay, seriously."

"Then stay."

"It's not that simple. This is my job, I have to do it."

"I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be." Louis rolled his eyes, dragging his phone. "I invited all three lads over, they'll keep you company. I'll be home soon, I promise."

Harry still didn't smile or seem any more happy. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too love." He pecked Harry's lip lightly a few times before showering kisses all over his beautiful cheeks. "Really going to miss you."

"Where are you going with her?"

"Erm, just down to a restaurant I believe."

"I'll be waiting at home for you." Harry smiled and Louis returned the gesture, giving him one last hug and kiss before waltzing out of the door.

At the restaurant, Louis was distracted the whole time and seemed completely out of place. Eleanor had put effort in for this appearance, wearing presentable clothes and a decent amount of makeup. Her hair was pulled back, out of her face and she had a dazzlingly fake smile. She was good at acting, Louis could give her that. If only she could get a proper job that didn't involve being fake girlfriends for famous people.

"Louis, some fans are approaching with cameras. Smile!" She spoke through her teeth, giving a slight warning glare and hiding her face when the cameras came closer.

Great, this was her tactic of making the relationship seem more 'real'. The girl hiding her face from the media, acting like she wasn't trying to soak up the attention she got from different various newspapers and that she was only here for Louis, not money.

He repressed his scoff, smiling so wide that he felt like his jaw was going to break as he met the fans, took pictures with them. The girls seemed more interested in Eleanor, wanting to know details and it annoyed Louis but he refused to say a word. 

When they finally walked away, Eleanor rolled her eyes and uncovered her face properly. "Don't you ever get tired of them just following you around?"

Louis felt angered but he had to acknowledge that she didn't understand, she wasn't part of the famous world. "No, of course not." He said brightly. He appreciated his fans more than anything, they put him where he is today and he would probably be nowhere without them.

Eleanor rolled her eyes again, a habit of hers that also annoyed Louis. "Seriously? They seem to be everywhere."

"That's what happens when you're a world known famous star, love." He said sarcastically as he felt his phone buzz. He took it out of his pocket to see Harry had messaged him with a picture and suddenly, he was eager to open it up. It was a picture of him pouting, looking insanely tired and sitting with a cup of tea.

He looked so adorable that Louis was beaming now, grinning widely as he quickly typed 'My cutie, missing you here x'

And Harry replied within the next few minutes, 'come home now, thinking of you x'

Despite the cute text, Louis couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Harry had called his place 'home' and he smiled smugly, a genuine and real smile for the rest of the date.

**

"The pictures are all over the net!" Harry complained.

They were in a prestige shop for wedding clothes, trying to pick out suits for Jay's wedding next month and Louis couldn't decide. He wanted to go for something classy, something that would look great and modern but as well as old fashioned. He was picky when it came to picking out clothes and it always had to be exactly what he wanted without fail.

Harry, on the other hand, was open to going for anything that would look good for him on the day.

Louis frowned, pulling Harry's phone out of his hand and locking it. He found looking over picture with Eleanor really cringy, only looking back at his miserable self and frowny facial expressions. All he could see was a forced relationship and it was almost too painful to look at. He hated it when Harry went back on it, observing the pictures and picking out little flaws about it. It really got on Louis's nerves but he never said anything, pushed it away and just smiled-- it didn't matter.

"Stop." He said simply, pushing the phone back in Harry's hand and not wanting to talk about it anymore. He was already stressed about picking out a suit, still stuck on deciding the right colours-- nothing was going right.

Harry frowned. "Do you not like her?"

"I like you."

"No, but as friends?"

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

"Because you never want to see pictures of her, with her or anything related to her."

Louis sighed. "Because, it doesn't make me happy and it's something that I don't like looking back on. Therefore, I prefer my love not to be looking at it."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I want this," he pointed towards a black scarf, smiling.

"For your hair?"

"No, I want to wear a hat on the wedding!" Harry interjected at once, looking highly concerned and offended that he would even try to wear a scarf at the wedding. "I'm going to let my locks free and breathe."

"Good," he smiled back. "I like your curls."

"You always have," was the only thing Harry muttered back.

Louis walked around the shop, looking through each suit but not finding anything appealing. He was picky but it had never been this hard. He was finally watching his mother get married, after so long of being miserable and she deserved all the happiness in the world. He didn't want anything to go wrong, wanted the day go merrily and for everything to work out exactly the way he wanted it to. Therefore, Louis had to be looking presentable from head to toe.

Finally, he came across a blue suit and it caught his eyes as he stopped, admiring it for a few seconds. "Harry!" He called, pointing towards his chosen clothes and grinning widely "This one, oh my, this one!"

Harry raised an eyebrow at the older boy. "It's really nice, do you want it?"

"Hell yeah I do!"

"Get it then!"

After hours of getting the suits fitted just to their body shapes, both boys walked out of the shop quite pleased with the designer suits under their arms and skipping merrily back to the car, back to their home.

**

It was finally the day of Jay's wedding and Louis could feel the nerves building up inside. The past week had been hectic, getting prepared and making sure everything was perfect for his mum's big day. The girls had all gotten a designer dress each, decked out with sparkles and sequins that looked stunning from both afar and close up. Louis analysed their clothes, fixing their hair and acting like a mother -- wanting them to look perfect.

Him and Harry arrived early to the scene of the wedding to set everything up, to get everything looking perfect. They were having the reception in a tent in a lovely garden. The weather was beautiful, the sun shining down and the light breeze swaying through and hitting lightly. Louis had shaved off his stubble, pulled his hair back and carried his and Harry's clothes proudly to the little changing room.

Harry followed, rather quietly as they reached the room and started undressing. He was still a little uncomfortable getting naked infront of Louis but tried not to think too much of it as he stripped down, throwing the simple white t shirt to the side and slipping on his black button up. He left the top three buttons undone, his chest being bare and showing as he put on black trousers and wrapped the same black scarf around his neck. 

Louis watched slyly with admiration, grinning widely at his gorgeous boyfriend who was stunning in his clothes. The thing with Harry was, he could practically wear anything and still look insanely hot from head to toe-- it was just his charm, his personality that outshone onto his face to make him look even more attractive. And Louis couldn't stand it, having such a beautiful boy around him constantly.

But most of all, Louis was glad that the bruises had faded and his tan skin was showing, glowing. "You look... wow," he bit his lip, racking his eyes down Harry's perfect figure. Perfection.

Harry blushed, still getting flattered by compliments as he covered his face with his hands. "Strip and get changed." He ordered, his voice having an unusual ring of authority that made Louis smirk.

"Yessir," he winked as he ripped his shirt off, slowly taking his jeans off, teasing and replaced it with his white button down. It was the same button down he had that matched with Harry's, the collar was a significant black colour whereas Harry's had a significant white colour. He wondered if Harry would notice. He shrugged on the blue blazer, blue trousers and sighed looking in the mirror. "Quiff hair?" He asked, unsure how to make his hair look good for today.

Harry nodded, coming up to Louis and embracing him from the back tightly. "I love your quiff, I really do."

"Mmm." Louis hummed in response, smiling.

When they were ready, the other boys arrived to the venues with their clothes in hand too and took over the changing rooms to get ready. Louis was texting his sisters, finding out how far along his mother was with the makeup and the dresses and wondered why girls took so long. The waitresses for today started preparing the table for later on.

"Come on, let's make our way to the church for the vows and such!" Louis laughed, desperately wanting to grab a hold of Harry's hand but afraid of anyone who may be around to watch as they made their way to the car.

Louis felt like his breath had been knocked out of his lungs when he was sitting in the church, waiting for his mum to make an appearance. He was sitting with Harry, right at the front and was impatiently tapping his knees.

Harry reached over, grabbing a hold and sending him a settling smile. "Calm down Lou." 

Instantly, Louis relaxed and shot him a thankful smile. He was so grateful for Harry to be here, to be doing this. Another thing that added to his nerves was that Louis wanted to come clean today, wanted to admit his feelings and finally ask Harry to be his. After all, how long was he going to have to wait? He wanted Harry, more than anything. The past three months had been a whirlwind of recovery, despite that fact Harry has yet to open up about the abuse, but it required patience and willing amounts of love.

Louis wanted that, he wanted the bad things and the pain because it made him closer to Harry. He didn't know whether the younger boy felt the same, whether he wanted to be there for him and whether he was ready to be in a relationship. It felt so soon but yet so long. But, he wanted it to get it done with it today, sooner than later.

Finally, Jay appeared and the music started playing that filled the whole church. The little girls were ahead with flower baskets, beaming smiles as they made their way down the aisle followed by the bridemaids: Fizzy, Lottie and a few of Jay's friends. When Jay finally down the aisle, accompied by her father-- Louis felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs as he watched in amazement. His mother looked stunning, from head to toe and he was shocked.

"Wow!" Harry whispered, stunned, beside him as they both gaped, watching Jay make her way down the aisle.

Dan was standing at the front, a proud grin playing at his lips as he looked over Jay and Louis felt happy. After a long time, he felt a sincere and true sense of happiness spread over his body and it felt warming, welcoming.

The next following hour went by quickly, they exchanged their vows and were legally announced as husband and wife and Louis led his proud mother out. He had a smile that couldn't be removed, a pink flush on his cheeks from genuine joy and he watched his mother on.

They stopped outside the church doors to take a few pictures where Louis managed to sneak in a kiss on his mother's cheek, feeling a little tear slip down his cheeks. He wasn't even entirely sure why, he was feeling emotional and it was overwhelming. His mother was starting a new life, moving on with twins on their way whilst Louis was also starting over with Harry. The timing felt perfect, like puzzle pieces that fit right into place.

"Oh Louis, my baby," she muttered, cupping his cheeks and kissing him. "Let's get down to the reception and drink away!"

**

"This venue is amazing, init?" Liam asked, glancing around the reception gauezbo and looking memerised by the whole place. 

The boys were all crowded around one table, spending some quality time together despite the fact that Zayn was missing. Liam looked a little lost without him, looking around desperately like his boyfriend was going to appear out of nowhere and take him under his arms and kiss him. It was cute how he was a lost puppy for Zayn, the only person that managed to have that effect on him.

"I chose it," Louis announced proudly, laughing. Him and Harry had taken a few days out of their busy schedule, with Louis planning and packing for the tour, to visit Jay and help plan out for the wedding. Jay was grateful for any extra help that was being supplied, open to all ideas. Harry ended up chosing the cake, the colour of the flower and dresses whilst Louis felt helpless but chose the venue. He always knew the best places.

Niall rolled his eyes. "Of course ya did."

"I did!"

"He did," Harry added in, taking a sip of his wine and smiling.

It was getting a little chillier now that it was soon approaching the evening time and Harry kept shaking, shivering. Louis asked a few times if he should grab Harry's jacket but the younger boy refused each time.

Once again, Harry visibly shuddered when the cold breeze hit and Louis jumped out of his seat. "Shut up, don't stop me. It's in the car, I'll be back." He promised, sending a promising smile and feeling like it was okay to leave Harry for a few second.

After all, he was always around Harry, feeling a sense of needing to protect him under any costs. Maybe it would be good to take a second or two to just wander away, let Harry enjoy the company of the other two lads who were enjoying the drinks. 

Louis skipped, jogging slightly out of the place and towards the car park where he unlocked his car and slipped inside. He sat there for a few seconds, taking a second to collect his breath back and think over how he was going to announce to Harry about his feelings. Obviously, everyone and their mothers were aware of how smitten Louis was but actually confirming it, telling the person exactly was something different. Louis has never felt this nervous before.

He grabbed a cigarette, lighting it up and smoking out all the puff. He had been trying to quit, trying not to do the dirty habit around Harry since it brought back triggering memories of Dalton. The only time alone he got was minimal, and this was a perfect opportunity to let it go, let it out for a few seconds. Louis wondered what life on tour was going to be like this time around, bigger arenas, bigger countries, bigger audiences and more time away from home.

After taking all the time Louis needed, he climbed out of the car and went towards the boot to grab the jacket for Harry when he caught a shadow in the distant. He could barely make out who it was but it sent shivers down his spine.

Slowly, he called out. "Yo!" To catch the persons attention, to figure out who it was.

No reply.

Louis was more cautious now, not liking the idea of being alone in the slight evening dusk above him and wearing all designer clothes. "Who is it?" He asked when he noticed the shadow starting to move towards him, coming closer. "The fuck."

"We meet again..." said a familiar voice, revealing himself as Dalton. He looked awful, completely and utterly wrecked and ruined. It was clear he hadn't been sleeping, his eyes red from being high and his clothes tattered and dirty. He was smoking, rather urgently and acting irrational. "Louis Tomlinson." He said the name with disgust.

Louis felt fury take over his bones as he tried to stay put, not wanting to cause a scene. This was his mothers wedding and he wasn't going to let it to be ruined by someone as stupid as this guy who approved of abuse. He couldn't believe that this guy was still roaming around, free and wasn't put behind bars yet.

That topic still hasn't occurred between him and Harry but soon.

"What do you want?" Louis spat, hostile as he shook his head in disgust. "Are you stalking Harry? You saddo, go home tramp."

Dalton chuckled, amusement glistening in his eyes. "I'm here to claim what's mine."

Louis wanted to punch him, right there and then but he wasn't going to let this day be ruined by anything. "Oh fuck off, mate. Harry is with me and he is happy. I don't attack him, you see. I don't hit him, punch him or you know."

"I always knew he went for the rich ones."

"He ain't nothing like you. He has morals." Louis said through his teeth, eyes locked on the disgusting sight of Dalton. "Now, run along."

"I'm not leaving without Harry.."

"Fuck off!" Louis's voice went a few octaves higher, snarling now as he moved forward and sent a rough push to Dalton. He went flying to the ground, unexpected and startled by the sudden contact. "You're not going to ruin him again, you fucking understand? Leave now."

"How fucking dare you take away what's mine!" Dalton yelled, jumping right back up and sending a forceful punch straight to Louis's jaw, who staggered backwards, clutching the side of his face as it swelled up in pain.

Right on cue, Liam could be heard shouting and appearing to the scene with wide, crazed eyes. He came straight to Louis's side, helping him stand straighter as he raised an eyebrow at Dalton. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Where's Harry?" Dalton demanded.

Louis tried to speak but failed, the outrage still spreading throughout his body and stopping him from speaking up. He hated Dalton with every fibre of his body, every bone and he couldn't believe the fact he had to be faced with him again.

"Harry's-" Liam paused, narrowing his eyes in realisation. "You're Dalton, aren't you?"

Dalton nodded. "Fuck yeah, I am."

"You better leave right now before I call the police, you understand me? You fucking bastard, be glad I'm not skinning you alive right now." Liam's voice was low, but intimidating and dangerous, managing to send a shudder through Louis's body.

Dalton laughed. "You fucking idiot-"

"I'm fucking serious!" He interrupted, getting his phone out of his pocket. "You got 5 seconds mate, to get the fuck out of here and never show your face around!"

This time, Dalton looked genuinely worried for his life. "I'll be back." He said, before running off and disappearing from the scene.

At once, Liam took the jacket off Louis's hand and embraced him gently, trying to comfort him. Louis was still a little shaken up by the experience, not expecting to see Dalton today and he couldn't believe this perfect day had been ruined. He felt completely put off, wanting to do nothing more than crawl into his bed and cry.

"It's going to be alright, he's gone," Liam whispered, patting his back. "Let's get back inside, don't you think?"

They went back to the main hall where everyone was absorbed in their conversations, not noticing a rather bloody Louis make an appearance but it caught Harry's eyes straight away who ran up to him. He looked worried sick, his facial features pale as he expanded his eyes just taking in Louis's face.

"Lou baby!" He gushed out, a small tear slipping out of his eyes as he lightly grazed his finger down Louis's face. "What happened? Liam, what happened?"

Liam handed over the jacket rather awkwardly, coughing. "Dalton was... erm, outside."

Harry froze up, tense as he struggled to form coherent words. "Is he still there?"

"No, no! I made him leave."

"Did he hit Louis?"

"Erm, yeah, he managed to blow a punch."

"That bastard!" Harry cried, looking deeply into Louis's eyes before hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

Louis shook his head. "Sorry? For what?"

"Let's get you cleaned up." Harry ignored him, ushering him out of the hall and towards the bathroom. "I feel terrible, oh my god. I'm sorry!"

"Don't be stupid, Haz. Don't be sorry."

"This is all my fault."

"It's really not. It's not your fault he just happened to be standing outside. It just happened. It's over now, he won't come back."

"Let me help you." He ignored Louis, following him into the bathroom.

He wet a tissue and dapped it lovingly against Louis's face, cleaning up the blood. He slowed down every time Louis winced, jumping from the sting and muttered a small sorry before returning back to clean Louis up. When he was satisfied, he kissed Louis down the side of the face repeatedly, not wanting to neglect any part of the injured cheek and then on the lips, deeply.

"I can't believe he was here," Harry finally muttered.

Louis decided this was the moment to speak up, to talk out loud about his feelings. "Harry-"

"He managed to hurt you and I, I was lazily sitting inside eating ice cream!"

"Harry, I-"

"It's all my fault, I'm a terrible boy-"

"Harry!" Louis cut him off, sending a stern look. He was tired of Harry finding a blame for himself in every action, wanting him to stop for a second and realise how perfect he was in Louis's eyes. "I need to tell you something."

Harry looked scared but he took a deep breath, leaning back. "Uh, yeah, yeah, course."

"I love you." Louis blurted straight out, not wasting another second. He didn't want to hold it back, wanted these three words to hold more meaning than ever. "God, I love you Haz and I have from the moment I set my eyes on you. The day blue met green, the day I met your curls and I was taken away by your charming personality. From day fucking one, your charm and your personality had won me over and it was abnormal for a child so young to feel so deeply about his best friend-- but this loser here," he pointed to himself, "did and I never denied it. I never hid it either, you were my first kiss and I lost my virginity to you and I want to do that all over, all my life. I want you, more than anything. People have said what they wanted, management can try and make me appear straight but I'm not running from anything-- you make me strong.

"And I want you," Louis repeated, goofily smiling now. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, blurting this all out and he was shocked it had taken him three months to come out with it. "I want you, more than anything I have. More than singing, more than all of this dream. It means nothing compared to you and if I had to go back four years when I had nothing to offer you except having you by my side, I would. In a heartbeat."

Harry looked astounded, his eyes big and brimming with fresh, fat tears as he stared into Louis's eyes. He opened his mouth, trying to say something but feeling dumbfounded and shutting up altogether.

"I want you to be mine." Louis finally finished, chuckling. "Now, now, I want you."

Harry laughed, at a loss of words. "Louis, I love you." He finally said the words, after waiting so long, he finally said it and Louis's heart stopped, skipping a beat. "I love you, with all my heart. You're always here, even after I fuck up and I have no idea-- no fucking idea. I love you so much."

"Now kiss me, you fool!" Louis spluttered out, not wanting to say anymore and he grabbed Harry's hips, bringing him closer and reattaching his lips on his. It felt right, like it fit together as they giggled into each other's mouths, deepening the kiss and Louis relaxed instantly. All the bad events of today vanished, nothing mattered more than being close to someone.

"Is that a yes?" Louis between kisses, not wanting to pull away. "Be my boyfriend?"

Harry didn't reply, pushing his lips back on Louis's in desperation. It was wet, it was sloppy but it was perfect. "Yes, yes," he finally breathed out, panting.

And the night felt complete.


	27. 27 - Say Hello To A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINISHED GUYS.
> 
> This has to be the first novel I've actually put my mind to and finished. I loved writing this, I loved the plot, everything about it! It's something I feel really strongly about as well, if you've ever read any of my previous work on other accounts-- you know abuse is a very popular topic amongst my stories/fics. I feel like there should be more awareness on domestic violence, child abuse because there simply isn't enough and it's horrible :( 
> 
> Anyways, there is one more chapter left which is the epilogue and then this story is done! There won't be a sequel, I think it ends on a good note and there simply isn't a need for another story to be carried on. However, I'm thinking of a ziam spin off.
> 
> There's a lot of things I failed to bring into this fic that I wish I had such as: more ziam! Because, come on? Who doesn't love ziam? Also, more alcohol and drugs on Louis side and more interactions with Eleanor and management. I will be editing over this in a few months time when I feel more inspiration for it, the need to edit and hopefully I polish it off and add these things in.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it because I definitely did :)

SAY HELLO TO A NEW BEGINNING

 

"So whose the newly wed bride?" Louis asked over the phone to his mum, lazing around on the sofa and sipping away at a can of coke. He was awake earlier than normal just to catch a call from his mother from her honeymoon. She was delighted to be going away for a while to Bora Bora, her dream location and she was over the moon. Louis was really happy with the outcome of the wedding, exceeding it's expectations and ending up with a loving boyfriend who was still snoring away upstairs.

Jay laughed over the line, sounding so light and happy-- it was refreshing to hear. Finally, all his family was sorted and everyone had something going for them. "I'm good, thank you. Dan is treating me really well here."

"I'm sure he is," Louis rolled his eyes. "How's the place?"

"It's brilliant! Just how I expected it. Lovely beach, huts-- it's all so magical. I wish you and Harry and the girls were here!"

"Ssh, why would we be there? It's your damn honeymoon!"

"I just really miss you guys. The wedding was so magical, exactly how I imagined it to be."

The pictures of the wedding had been released on the same day, spreading all over the internet and all over twitters as devoted fangirls were crazy. Louis grinned as he scrolled through all the tweets girls had sent him, finding himself to be blown away by Harry's beauty. He looked so intrigued by everything around him, acting like himself and a clear smile on his face in all the pictures. It was also amazing how Harry had met Louis's family, introducing himself and making himself homely around everyone else. It just all felt like a dream.

"Same, the wedding was good."

Louis purposely missed out the details of Dalton turning up, not wanting his mother's image of the perfect wedding to be tainted and ruined. He was irrelevant, he needed to be forgotten and never brought up.

"Dan is so amazing Lou. How did I get so lucky?" She sighed dreamily through the other end.

"He best stay amazing," Louis muttered back, his voice threatening and low.

"What's your plan for today then?"

"Well, me and Harry decided to go back and meet Anne..." Louis said, his voice trailing away. He really wanted Harry to get back, mix in with the people who really matter but he was afraid. He was afraid that his mother was going to reject him at the front door. She wasn't a fan of Dalton right from the beginning and Harry didn't want to hurt her anymore. Louis was almost certain that Anne wouldn't do that, she was loving and she always accepted everyone back with open arms. He was so fond of Anne and hadn't seen her for almost four years now. They definitely needed to make that trip.

"What, really? Is he up for it?" Jay sounded more concerned now.

He shrugged, sighing. "He's a little scared."

"Do you blame the poor guy? He literally left his family to move with this complete bastard who turned out to be abusive! He's probably feeling like complete shit, Lou."

"He does, I know he does."

At night, Louis didn't dare fall asleep before Harry did. Harry was the big spoon, cuddling up to him and trying to make himself comfortable as Louis got used to the feeling of finally having someone to sleep with. He would wait in complete silence, scared to breathe too loudly until Harry's breathing went even and he was blissfully taken away by dreams. Then, Louis would allow him to catch a wink of sleep too. Sometimes, during the night whilst Louis waited, Harry would end up clutching tighter and squeezing Louis until he was struggled but didn't budge-- he wanted to provide that comfort for his boyfriend. It was just hard to lay there, knowing your love is hurting but not knowing the right words to say to make him feel better.

"Offer him support for meeting Anne, I can't even imagine how he feels!"

Louis tried to put himself in Harry's shoes, going to meet his family after three years of no contact and it was nerve wracking. He couldn't go a day without talking to his mother, joking around with his sisters-- he was such a family guy. But as far as he could remember, so was Harry. Harry loved his mother, he loved baking with her and acting like a complete goof. He would always treat Anne, take her out and always give back for all the amazing things she did for Harry. He was also so good to Gemma, his older sister, and treated her with the utmost respect. Harry knew his space, he always wanted to appreciate the little things his family could offer since they weren't the most rich people in the world and made each day count.

He got a job right from the age of 16, working in a bakery and always giving half his wages to Anne so she could supply for the whole family. Harry's always had a big heart, always wanting others to be happy before and putting himself second. Louis was so proud of him, wanted him to know exactly how amazing he was.

Louis felt himself tearing up just by thinking of his boyfriend's habits and how lucky he was. "I can't either."

"Get off the phone, go make his breakfast and make him feel at ease. It's a big day for him. How long you guys going to stay?"

"As long as he wants."

Then he hanged up, started packing a bag for himself and Harry. He added anything they were going to need including lube just for staying on the safe side. He knew that they were nowhere close to coming to sexual contact yet, Harry always freaked out and Louis didn't want to force anything but there could always be a moment and he wanted to stay prepared. He threw in shirts, sweats, jeans and shoes before adding in toiletries.

Finally, he returned to bed where Harry was just beginning to wake up, rubbing his eyes and looking awfully tired. His face was pale and nerves were evident from the moment his eyes were open. He glanced around the room nervously. "Is today the day?" He asked.

Louis nodded sympathetically, frowning. "Baby, we can skip it if you don't-"

"No, no. I want to go." He insisted, getting out of bed. "Let me take a shower, you go and eat breakfast."

It was clear that Harry wanted his space and Louis wasn't going to stay around, he wanted him to be comfortable so he left and went to the kitchen. Today he decided to prepare porridge, going for a more fulling option that was going to last the long drive there and keep them going throughout the hard day that followed. He added banana to it, knowing how much Harry loved it and made a quick smoothie to go along with it. Louis was getting better at more creative ideas for breakfast and he loved preparing it everyday.

When Harry finally made his way downstairs, he was looking evidently more pale and was stumbling over his steps slightly but refused to let any words slip from his mouth. He sat down gracefully, looking appreciative over the visibly appealing food and moaning in pleasure.

"Thank you my lovely boyfriend." He praised, stuffing him mouth in porridge and Louis couldn't help but feel his heart swell. For once, Harry wasn't counting his calories and obsessing over what was going down his mouth. He was eating food like it didn't matter, getting it down like him like he actually enjoyed it and not like he was being forced-- and it felt good to see. It was so good that Louis couldn't help but to lean down, kissing him on the forehead and whispering just how proud he was.

After an hour, they were ready and standing at the door with their overnights bag. Harry was trying to be cheerful, putting on a brave face as they both headed to the car but Louis could see straight through his lies, through his fake smile. He didn't say anything though. They had a whole three hours drive to get through, more than enough time to talk it through.

As Louis started up the car, warming it up as the cold breeze went through the car, he glanced over to Harry and smiled. "How do you feel?" He asked.

Harry shrugged. "I'm good, excited actually."

It was all lies, it was clearly just to calm Louis down but he didn't need the reassurance. It wasn't him who was going to reunite with his family, it was Harry who was trying to act strong. How many times will he act tough when he really needs someone? Someone to hold him, kiss him and tell him it's okay to break down, it's okay.

"Really?" Louis asked, clearly not convinced as he started backing out of the driveway and settling down the slightly busy roads. It's only 11am, still clear of any traffic but the motorways were unpredictable. He just loved road trips.

Harry nodded, gulping. "Yeah."

Louis didn't reply, not saying a word as he put the radio up slightly to drown out any awkward conversations or silences. They enjoyed each other's silent company, driving in complete comfort and occasionally singing along to the words like goofs. Louis would look at Harry with so much fond that he could feel it radiating off his face. Harry was just perfect, from every angle and side and he just wanted him to know, for Harry to know exactly how amazing he was.

After an hour of driving, Harry started shaking his leg up and down, looking around like a lost puppy and Louis noticed straight away. "Is everything okay babe?" He asked instantly, wanting him to relax. Anne wasn't going to turn him away, tell him to leave-- she was definitely going to accept his with open arms. 

"I'm so.. God, I'm weak." Harry complained, his head bowed in embarrassment as he fiddled with his fingers.

Louis didn't say a word, feeling his throat close up as he searched frantically for a space to park the car just for a second. He wanted to lecture Harry, tell him that weak wasn't even supposed to be part of his dictionary but at the same time, he wanted to kiss Harry so hard that these stupid ideas would fly straight out of his mind. Unfortunately, there was no way to stop on the motorway besides the service stop so he took the first left in.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked, his eyes widening as he jumped up to analyse the unfamiliar surroundings.

"Ssh," Louis simply said, not knowing what else to say as he parked up and got straight out of the car. He walked over to the other side of the car, opening Harry's door and giving him a stern look. "What did you say?"

Harry looked scared, fear crowding his green eyes as he whimpered away, trembling. "What?"

"Tell me, what did you say?" He didn't want to sound so demanding, so controlling but he could feel fury to Harry for even thinking he was weak. He couldn't help it, couldn't help the over protective side of his coming out.

Harry's lip quivered. "Don't hurt me," he choked out, covering his face just slightly like he was sheltering himself from any blow he was about to receive and Louis's heart sank.

Louis had no idea what his behaviour was coming off as, but he really didn't want his boyfriend thinking Louis was about to attack him. His arms fell limp to his sides, dumb founded as he stared at a vulnerable Harry who was covering himself away, preparing for a hit or two. Louis cursed under his breath, reaching out for Harry's hard who flinched away.

"Baby, I'm not going to hurt you..." He whispered, his voice low and soothing like he was trying to nurse Harry. "Come here, let's go to the back seat."

Harry followed, not saying a word as he held Louis's hand and let himself dragged out of the front seat. Louis moved the front seat forward so there was more room in the back as they climbed in together. He grabbed Harry, placing him on his lap and straddling him, holding him firmly and feeling like shit.

"I didn't mean to scare you like that Haz," he promised, at a complete loss of words to explain what had just happened. He hadn't expected Harry to shy away, completely assume that Louis would stoop that low, to that level.

Harry shuddered like he had just had a horrible flashback, frowning. "I'm just... sorry, I don't know why I did that."

"I wanted to stop the car because I'm angry, Harry. You called yourself weak and you're so far from it, you're the single most strongest person I have ever come acrossed and I admire you for what you've been through. All that pain and yet, you manage to be Mr Harry Styles. Charming, easy to talk to, everyone's favourite and I'm so so proud of you."

Harry looked close to tears, wiping at his cheeks and smiling. "You know all the right words, don't you?"

"Don't ever ever think I'm going to hit you, that's not who I am."

"I know."

"No, you don't. Remember that."

"Let's keep going before I change my mind about going to mum's," Harry begged and Louis shut him off with a quick, hard kiss on the lips, on the neck before picking him up and slowly putting him back on the passenger seat.

On the way there, they talked about the most stupid things and recalled on old memories from school. They discussed the little hang out they had in school, how they always managed to get up to trouble there and when Louis broke the school window. He had gotten suspended for a week and Harry was miserable, dreading having to face even a day of school without him despite the fact he had all the rest of the boys. They reminisced on the times where they went to every school house party, fucking shit up and drinking like no tomorrow and dancing along to the techno beat. They looked back on the time on prom when they decided to be each other's dates, Louis picking Harry up in the car he had hired and driving them in the most glamorous way.

Everything about their friendship was beautiful and it felt good to look back on. They had literally spent each part of their growing up together, from the vital ages all the way through college but it stopped right there. The memories cut short, the university and modelling dreams that went flying out of the window and Louis was left along with his singing career that was growing out of control so fast-- it was difficult to even think about.

"I miss school," Harry sighed after the heavy conversation.

"I do too."

"I wish we could just... forget everything, go back to what we used to have."

"We have now, and that's more than enough for me." Louis said, effectively ending the conversation with followed silence.

When there was only under 45 minutes left, Harry became more obviously anxious as he started shaking and mewling to himself. His hands were uncontrollable as he tried to hold it against his thighs, to calm it down but finding it was out of his control. He would shake his his head to get his wild curls out of his eyes, to be able to see straight and Louis felt terrible. He was driving, he was incapable of calming Harry down in anyway but he desperately wanted to.

"Is everything okay?" Louis asked, feeling stupid as soon as the words came out because he knew exactly what was on Harry's mind.

Harry nodded, just slightly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure, love? I know you're scared."

"I'm so scared."

"Your mum is going to be so happy to see you," Louis reassured him, smiling at the thought. He could just picture Harry standing there, biting his lips as Anne embraces him -- like happy families already. "She's going to cry, that's for sure."

"What if she tells me to leave?" Harry's voice was barely audible.

"What?" Louis spluttered. "Why the hell would she tell you to leave?"

"I don't know, I didn't listen to her and went off with Dalton. Look where it landed me."

Louis felt those words sting, straight to the heart. From all the bad has occured, it landed him right here with Louis and Harry was talking about it like it was the worst thing ever. Sure, it was hard to see the right from wrong right now when you're trying to heal from three years of mental and physical abuse but he didn't need to be so bitter about it. Louis nodded, more to himself, not speaking a word.

"Lou?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

Louis hummed, not wanting to reply because he felt like he could burst into tears any second. He had spent the last three years of his life living, breathing for Harry and it felt overwhelming to hear those words. He just needed a minute, just to stop over thinking and to calm himself down and he really didn't want to talk.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No." Louis quickly said, not wanting to make it a big deal, gulping down the initial pain. "No."

"Is it what I said about where it landed me? I didn't mean it like that..."

He didn't reply, just looked straight ahead at where he was driving and concentrated on not crashing the car. He just wanted to get to Anne's house already, feeling an urgent rush of needing the toilet and needing to throw up.

Harry sounded more desperate more. "Please, Louis! I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry. I meant the three years of abuse and I'm-"

"I understand, don't worry." And Louis didn't understand, this was just his natural reaction to everything and he couldn't even help it.

"I'm scared." He repeated.

"Don't be, I promise it'll be fine." Louis reached over, placing a hand over Harry's thigh and giving it a squeeze for support, to remind him that Louis was here no matter what.

When they finally pulled up at Anne's house, it was just like how it's always been. The same old house on the end of the same old street, the same three windows and the same white painted door. There was still the same white fence that had 'Styles Residence' painted on it and Louis felt all the memories wash over him. He used to be so familiar to this area, used to go to this house like it was his second home and he missed it so much.

Harry, on the other hand, had tears gathering up in his eyes and he made no attempt to wipe them away. He couldn't tear his eyes off the house, like his life depended on it as he squeezed his own hands together. Louis reached over, placing his hands over the younger boys.

"Are you ready?"

"No." Harry answered truthfully, shaking his head like he was suddenly regretting this. "No, no, no, Lou, no!"

"Ssh, baby," Louis cooed, feeling helpless. "We can stay in here until you're prepared."

So, they sat in the car for another few minutes that felt like hours passing by. It was painful sitting there, watching Harry mentally prepare himself to go into his own childhood house like he had never been here before. He was excessively worrying for no reason, getting himself worked up and then realising how stupid he's being.

Finally, he nodded and unbuckled his seat belt. There was no sign of a smile on his face but he looked more bright now, confident. "I miss them, I want to see them now."

Louis didn't say a word, unbuckling his seat belt and climbing out. He waited till Harry joined his side, sliding his hand into his and intertwining the fingers together, giving it a squeeze. It was such a small gesture but it made him feel closer to Harry more than ever as they both walked together towards the front door. There was a moment between them, just looking at each other before Louis reached over and rang the door.

"Oh my god, oh my god," Harry repeated in a hushed tone to himself, still shaking.

There was a few voices from behind the door, some shuffling and a key in the lock and the anticipation grew. The tension felt insane between them before the door opened slowly and before them revealed a much grown, mature Gemma.

Her hair blonde, long and wavy and past her boobs with her matching green eyes like Harry. She looked more healthy now, and her face twisted up to a heart warming and bright smile. She literally screamed, clutching her face like it was a dream before pulling Harry into a soul crushing hug.

"Harry! Fuck, no! This is a dream, right? No, no," she said to herself as she didn't let go of Harry, lightly moving left to right and swaying Harry with her. "I missed you so much, oh my god!" Her voice cracking at the end.

Harry was crying by now, tears rolling down his cheeks as he kept back his sobs and stayed limp around Gemma's embrace. It was clear he needed the family loving, needed the attention and affection more than ever and it was more than what Louis could ever give him. This was his blood, the place where he can come and feel content -- where he truly belongs, always.

Finally, she pulled away only to sprinkle dozens of kisses all over Harry's face, grinning widely. "Mum!" She screamed, craning her head back and shouting as loud as she could, proud. "Mum, come here right now!"

"What is wrong with you?" Anne called from within the house, her voice coming closer. "Why are you screaming like a idiot, Gems?" 

But, when she appeared the door, she dropped her phone right out of her hand and her mouth was left hanging open as she blinked a few times. Anne was shocked, not even sure whether this was real life as she took a few seconds to control her breathing. It didn't even take a minute before she exploded into tears, bawling as she took Harry into her arms. Louis took a step back, letting the family have a moment.

Anne wasn't capable of words, just kissing Harry's curls and holding him close to her. Harry didn't say a word either, just letting himself be passed around the family and not making a sound-- just small weeping noises escaping from his throat.

They finally managed to make it inside the house and Louis was shocked, everything was exactly where it was when he last came here. The walls were still the same dull cream colour, the same couches with the same old TV. Nothing had changed, not once inch had been moved and it felt homely. It was like returning home after so long, to somewhere you belong. Louis leaned over to see Harry, his mouth hanging open, covered by his hand as he glanced over the room in admiration.

"Mum!" He squealed, a weird noise escaping from his throat which was a cross between a cry and a choke. "This is so, oh my." He finally let out his words.

Anne just smiled fondly. "Baby, I've missed you so."

"Sit down, let me get some food!" Gemma chirped, clapping her hand, giving Harry one hard look before disappearing into the kitchen. Louis sat down with Harry, putting his hands on his thighs and listening contently. 

"What did you do for university?" Anne ended up bringing up, not taking her eyes off her son.

Louis noticed how clearly tense Harry got, his hands put together and clenching as he looked down ashamed. Louis squeezed his thighs, trying to offer whatever little support he could manage to give right now.

"I didn't... go, mum," Harry said in a whispered tone.

"What?"

"He didn't go," Louis said, filling in for Harry.

Anne didn't look impressed, she raised her eyebrows but didn't ask. "That's alright baby, where do you work?"

Another hard hitting question which made Harry freeze up, all over again and Louis hated how Anne was managing to hit all the soft spots right from the beginning.

"I... don't work."

Anne scrunched her eyebrows together, just nodding and moving to Louis. "Lou dear!" She exclaimed as if she just realised that he was sitting here too, offering moral support to her son. She had clearly noticed Louis's hand resting on Harry's thigh. "I'm so proud of you, I've been seeing all your music videos and interviews! How did it get so big?"

Louis smiled, loved it when people brought up his successful career because he felt like he had a reason to be proud of himself. "I'm not sure, ma'am. It just got... big. I'm guessing it was the fans, owe it all to them."

"Ma'am!" Anne scoffed. "Louis, you've known me all your life, don't you dare call me that! That's amazing though, honey. And your new album is coming out, right?"

"Yes, it is. Really excited to start letting people listen to it! Harry, here, is a lucky one and got to listen to a few tracks exclusively."

Anne's smile fell, just slightly. "I'm just confused boys, correct me if I'm wrong. But didn't Harry leave from here to go and move in with Dalton?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, mum, I did."

"Didn't it last?" She asked, curiously.

"We broke up a few months ago, actually." Harry confirmed, clearing his throat like this was a highly awkward topic to even recall.

"And now, Louis is--?"

"My boyfriend."

Louis could never get tired of those words coming out from Harry's mouth, a title he was waited all his life to be called as he gave another squeeze to Harry's thigh. He wanted to do more, give him a kiss or two but he couldn't break into that right in front of his mother. Louis had morals and that was for behind closed doors.

Anne frowned. "It's only been a few months since you guys broke up and you already-? Wait, weren't you and Dalton together for three years?"

"Mum." Harry said firmly. "I'd rather, not talk about it."

"Hell yeah we're going to talk about it. You disappear for three years, cut off connections with your own mother and then expect me not to even mention it?" Anne was close to tears again, this time tears of anger and betrayal as she crossed her arms. This was the first time Louis could notice the hurt, the fury behind her eyes and he felt his heart ache for this mother. "I missed you, like crazy Harry and it's horrible to sleep everyday not knowing where your son is!"

Harry let a few tears slip too, out of regret. "I'm sorry mum, I wish I could change things and never let it..." he stopped.

"You shouldn't of left that damned day. You and Louis had always planned to move in together, didn't you? Then one day, you return home with packed bags and you told me you were never coming back. It was so unexpected and it got me deep."

Harry sucked in a deep breath. Anne was clearly unaware of all the abuse that was going behind closed doors, how Harry had no choice and how he was overly controlled by Dalton. It was disgusting, it made Louis want to throw up every time he came close to thinking about it.

Gemma returned into the room, carrying trays of tea and snacks as she frowned at the topic of discussion. "Mum," she said sternly, shooting her a look. "We got so much time to discuss that. He just came back, let's just relax."

That's exactly what they did. They had a few cake slices, laid back and had tea whilst Gemma put on the movie Frozen on. It was like being back at home, in your own comfort zone. Harry snuggled up to Louis, placing his head on the older boy's shoulder and sighing in content. Louis snaked his arms around Harry, pulling him closer if that was even possible and they focused on the movie-- one of their favourites.

Anne kept watching them, from the corner of her eyes but not commenting and ever so slightly, smiling. 

They had dinner then returned to watching movies, tv shows--anything but talking. It was like they were catching up in silence, just letting each other get comfortable with the sudden change. Anne seemed a little shaken by the whole ordeal, the fact that her son was actually home.

"Do you guys... want me to show you your room?" Gemma asked, standing up and wiping her hands down her jeans.

Louis nodded. "Yes please Gems."

They went up the stairs, straight into Harry's room which had been untouched. All the mess was still there, all the revision papers that he had been studying hard for A Levels, all his clothes still scattered around the room. Harry was left reduced to tears again as he looked around his room, his lips trembling.

"Gemma," he whispered, "why didn't you clean this?"

"Mum didn't let me, idiot." She rolled her eyes. "She said it was like you're still home. Anyways, get ready for bed. Louis, can you come with me for a second?"

He nodded, leaving Harry with a swift kiss on the cheeks before leading out with Gemma. She took him in the spare bedroom, sitting down on the bed and frowning. "Thank you Lou," she finally stated, trying to smile but failing. She hadn't cried once since Harry had come home and now she looked like she could burst into tears at any second but she held it back. "Seriously, thank you for bringing him home. I don't know what went down between you, him and Dalton but all I know it lead to this point."

Louis flushed, nodding. He was glad to be able to bring a family together. "It's alright Gems. I've missed you, really."

She nodded too. "I missed you so. You made our days so much better. I can't believe you've made it, you know? So big, so many countries and God. It's overwhelming!"

"I can agree on that, definitely overwhelming."

"We'll catch up tomorrow, yeah?" she asked, smiling. "Go to my brother and bring that smile back, his 16 year old self."

**

When Louis returned back to the room, Harry was sitting on the bed looking quite confident with himself. He was fiddling with his phone that he had left here, trying to start it up. He had changed into a simple tshirt and boxers, looking healthier than ever and Louis felt a sense of pride come through him. He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Harry from the back and humming.

"My beautiful, beautiful boy," he muttered to Harry, placing a kiss on his forehead, then hair and then his neck as he watched Harry squirm.

"I love you," Harry said.

Louis paused. "I want to know what happened between you and Dalton." He blurted out, a bit too quickly. The curiosity was getting to him now, he wanted to know details and every little bit. He wanted to be there for Harry and how could that happen if he didn't even know what had happened between them?

Harry froze, raising an eyebrow and looking confused. "What?"

"Tell me, tell me it all."

"No." He said simply, moving out of Louis's hold and throwing the phone in the corner of the room. He had never seemed angry, until now. "What the fuck? No."

"You started to tell me a bit, in bed. Just finish it off."

"I'm not ready, no!"

"I'm not-- what? I just want to know Harry, I want to be there for you."

Harry paused. "I can't be helped."

Louis raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Don't be stupid, of course you can. I'm here."

"No, you're not because you don't understand!"

Louis was dumbfounded, speechless and had no idea what to say. He had never intended to hurt Harry, he honestly just wanted to know more about his boyfriends struggle and get to know him better. The past few months had been difficult, but they promised to work through it together. 

"Harry... I just-"

Harry cut him though, sending him a stern and rather scary look. "Fuck off, Lou. Go away!"

"I just want to help!"

"Go away!"

Louis had no idea what to say, what to do as he stood there feeling heartbroken. If he had any idea about what he was saying or doing, he wouldn't of dared to open his mouth. After all, Louis hadn't pushed him to say anything ever-- it was only now that he wanted to get to the bottom of it, get to know everything.

Instead, he moved smoothly towards the bed and grabbed a pillow and left the room to take the couch downstairs with a heavy heart.

**

"Louis, darling?" He was woken up by Anne's voice, standing over him and analysing him rather weirdly as he laid uncomfortably on the couch. It definitely wasn't one of the best beds he has had, and he wished he could be with Harry instead. He couldn't sleep well without him, needed his arms and his soft scent and the way he talked in his sleep.

Louis sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes as the memories of last night flooded back and he frowned instantly. He suddenly didn't feel like getting up or starting another day, without his love by his side. "Good morning Anne." He muttered.

Anne frowned too. "Dear, why are you sleeping here? Where's Harry?" She asked, sounding worried as he glanced around the empty living room.

"He... I, I decided to sleep on the couch and give him some space in his old bedroom."

Anne didn't look the slightest bit convinced but didn't push the subject, just nodding and smiling as he handed over a plate of food and settling down besides him. She switched on the TV, flicking to the news channel as Louis gratefully started eating. A part of him was urging to go upstairs, apologise to Harry but another part of him was telling him to stay put.

"I never liked Dalton." Anne broke the silence, randomly mentioning the same boys name that has ruined every single one of their lives. Dalton left such an impact that it was affected every single one of them. "Dalton seemed dodgy to me, from day one."

Louis gulped. He had disappeared as soon as he had heard of Harry and Dalton, not wanting to see the world and only popping down to his new management team for his new record deal. He sang out his pain, he broadcasted it to the whole world but he never dared approached Dalton and Harry.

"Really?" He was interested to know why.

"Yeah, there was something about him the day Harry brought him home. I had always thought there was something going on between you two so I was shocked when Dalton was brought into the picture. The fact that baffled me, made me sure something was wrong was the day Harry walked out and never returned. He came in after results day, packed his bags, informed me he was leaving for Dalton and never turned back."

Anne had tears in her eyes as she talked about it, like it was rough to even think about as she quickly drowned a cup of tea to stop herself from talking too soon and bursting into tears. Louis watched, not sure what to say-- only knew that he loved Harry.

"Louis, you disappeared too." She carried on. "You were my second son, I love you dearly and you ended up going off too! I was motherless, I was. Seeing you on TV made me so proud, my heart warmed each time and then your mums new house! It was amazing, the progress you made. Gemma missed you too."

He felt terrible for leaving Anne like that, for never turning back and trying to communicate with them. He generally avoided anything that reminded him of Harry, needing time to heal for himself and ended up distancing from the lady who needed him most.

"I'm sorry, it went all wrong. It'll never be like that again."

Just then, Harry walked into the living room looking rough. His eyes were red, his hair scruffy and messy and he was still wearing his PJs. He was smiling sadly, like he had listened to the whole conversation as he walked straight to Louis and hugged him tightly.

"I'm ready." He whispered to him.

Louis tensed up, knowing exactly what he meant and had no idea to react. Now that the moment was here, the truth of what had happened between him and Dalton-- Louis didn't want to know.

"Are you sure? We don't nee-"

"I'm ready." Harry repeated, looking more determined than ever as well as scared, fearful. It was evident he hadn't gotten much sleep last night. "Come to the garden with me."

Hand in hand, they walked to the shed in the garden which used to be their hangout. It was made like a leisure centre with a gym, snooker tables, TV, sofas, movies-- everything you could imagine and Louis used to love coming in here. He couldn't believe how long it had been, it was amazing.

They sat on the sofa together, cuddled up with their fingers intertwined as Harry took a deep breath. His head was tucked into Louis's chest, getting comfortable.

"The first time he hit me was when I messed up his house. I hadn't washed the dishes after our meal and accidentally spilled the sauce everywhere. He took great pride in his house, Lou." Harry sounded distant, like it was a painful memory to look back on and he was trying not to think too much about it "He liked everything to be perfect so when he saw the sauce everywhere, he punched me straight in the eye and told me to clean it. I was shocked, I hadn't expected it from my perfect boyfriend and I just listened to his orders."

Harry faced towards Louis, smiling sadly. "That day, I should've ran to you and never return back to Dalton. But, I stayed because I was a coward. I didn't go university, I had a small job and I couldn't afford a ticket back home. He got really jealous of me, real quick. He didn't like me talking to anyone, not even my own family! I remember one day I went out to meet Zayn, as a catch up and Dalton found out. He beat me until I couldn't walk, then fucked me until it hurt to sit down and then made me sleep on the floor."

Louis flinched, realising the story was getting deeper and more disturbing now. He clutched onto Harry's finger tighter, offering any type of support he could but right now, he was imagining the scenarios in his head-- and it hurt. Louis should've been there to help Harry, clean him up and help him escape from that hell but he didn't.

"I learnt really quickly I wasn't to have contact with anyone, he took my phone away from me-- I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. I had to quit my job, I had to stay at home and soon, he became unhappy with my weight."

Harry paused, taking a second to recollect his breath as his voice went thick-- so close to tears but he was pushing them away. As much as Louis wanted to cry, he knew he had to be strong for Harry and he couldn't make this moment about himself. His heart was pounding loudly, his thoughts travelling thousand miles per hour but he stayed put. He listened.

"He said I was fat, I had hip chup and my stomach was chubby and he started to limit my eating. He made my charts of what I could eat, he made my exercise routine that I had to stick to and I wasn't allowed to fuck up. Once, I got hungry and saw a bagel I really wanted and he noticed, he did. Louis, he made me throw it up and started to choke me for disobeying him."

Now, Harry was crying with tears rolling down his cheeks and broken, small sobs escaping from his body. Louis reached over, wiping away the tears.

"It was horrible, anything I did led to me being hit, hurt in someway. Once, we went out for dinner and Liam was there-- and he was so shocked to see me after so long. He started to talk to me and Dalton smiled sweetly, joined in with the conversation. But, then he took me to the bathroom and fucked me raw as much as I denied it, said no. He raped me, right there, in the stupid restaurant toilets and I felt dirty, disgusting." 

Louis didn't know what to think, what to say but he felt heartbroken and angry. Angry because he clearly hadn't hit Dalton hard enough, hadn't gotten him good and he wanted to return to that day he went to his apartment-- just to kill him.

"Stop, you don't need to-" Louis started.

Harry shook his head and continued. "It carried on like this, small things that made him hit me. I wasn't allowed to leave the house, at all and when you came back in the picture-- I needed you, I needed to see you. I love you, still after all that. So, the day we first met at the park I told him I had to go and get coffee and I made it home late. He kicked me right in the ribs, bruising them and made it hard for me to even walk."

Louis exhaled sharply. "If I know, I wouldn't of agreed to meet you like that."

"The other times I managed to meet you, he wasn't home and he was working so I had a chance to slip out. It was all good. When you came to our apartment, he fucked me and made me keep a butt plug in for days-- I don't even know I survived that. I tried to convince myself that I liked it, that I was enjoying it and I had desire for him. But in reality, I despised him.

"My eating disorder got worst, I started eating less and less, wanting to please him really. I lost weight constantly but still felt disgusting when Dalton undressed me, fucked me for his own needs and left me without letting me come. He had insane control over me, and I let it happen without question. I started self harm, to escape and he liked it. He must be a psycho, he loved seeing the scars and somehow ended up encouraging it. One day, I swore by accident and he broke a bottle of alcohol and cut me straight across my stomach."

That made Louis's stomach chern, made him sick to the stomach as he stiffened up. It was awful to think about and Louis really needed to throw up. 

"The day we got caught by paparazzi, Louis, it was horrible."

Louis's throat thickened. "What happen?" He choked out.

Harry's eyes went dark. "He smashed my face against the kitchen counter, continuously, choking me and spitting on me. He held me by the hair, threw me towards the wall and stood over me-- with his devil look in his eyes. He had figured out where I had been going whilst he was at work and he beat me. I don't know how, how long but he just stood there, hitting me until it became hard to breathe and my vision went dark. I blacked out, woke up on the floor and he wasn't home. He didn't come back for a hours and I was in pain, every part of my body ached."

"Shit." Louis managed to whisper.

"He came back with food, told me to eat up and then fuck off. He was disgusted to even look at my face. When I did go out after, to run his errands, and I saw you-- I was so fucking afraid because I was in pain. I was in so much pain."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault. It's Dalton's, he ruined me and made me incapable of love."

Louis shook his head, not being able to control the tears that had managed to escape from his eyes as he hugged Harry tightly. He never wanted to let go of the fragile, beautiful boy right in front of him-- he loved him way too much.

"I'm so sorry." He repeated anyway, not knowing what else to say right now. "I wish I was there, I wish."

"You were, and you are."

"I love you so fucking much Harry, so much." Louis kissed his curls, his forehead, his cheeks and his lips, softly and gently and making the younger boy believe each word. "I'm never going to let you go, never."

"I love you too. Please, don't let me go."

"Never."

"Let's head back to my mum now?" Harry suggested, smiling sideways. He looked like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders though his eyes had gone significantly more red from crying. "We can leave all the bad memories here."

Louis nodded. "My beautiful boy."

And hand in hand, they headed back to the house.


	28. 28 - I Wanna Grow Old With You/Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYE I'M FINISHED.
> 
> My next fic will be called: Puzzle Pieces and it will be published here and on wattpad on 27th October. I think it'll be a good one so check it out.
> 
> Twitter: chitchathaz  
> Wattpad: jasminesx

I WANNA GROW OLD WITH YOU / EPILOGUE

 

"The album is number one in 65 countries!" Harry announced excitedly, trying to wake Louis up by shaking his shoulders and shoving his phone in Louis's face. Harry had been keeping track with every single progress the single and the album was doing, considering it had just been released the other week. 

Louis smiled, getting up slowly and rubbing his eyes before embracing his boyfriend tightly in bed. He felt so blessed. He was waking up with the most beautiful boy in the whole world, his single had hit off really well and now his album had just been released-- and it was definitely a hit. Everything was going exactly according to plan and Louis couldn't be more grateful. He was getting it right.

"I did it." Louis muttered, mostly to himself, smiling like a child and not being able to contain the cheeky grin that was coming out.

Harry just nodded, his head nuzzled in Louis's neck. "You did, baby, you did."

The past few months had been a whirlwind of emotions, ups and downs and everything in between. It was hard trying to get back on track. Harry was unbelievably vulnerable, opening up slowly and a bit by bit. He was sensitive, getting offended over the smallest things that left Louis watching his tongue and every word. Louis just wanted to please Harry, that's all--even if it took the whole time in the world.

Jay had returned from her honeymoon, proud of Louis and not failing to bring it up to every place she went to. Niall was promoting the album endlessly, encouraging everyone to buy it. Liam and Zayn were still in love, as usual, and played Louis's song when they have sex-- loudly pronouncing it.

Now, Louis was packing his bags for the new tour he was doing-- a world tour this time. He was glad that Harry was coming along to most of the shows, not wanting to miss a single one and watch his boyfriend perform his magic live. Harry wanted to be there, wanted to experience the show from every angle-- from backstage, front row, middle row, back row. He never wanted to fail being there at all.

"I couldn't of done it without you," Louis said.

"Shut up, don't you dare. This was all your hard work and nothing else! I'm so proud of you." Harry sighed, kissing Louis's neck softly, biting down on the flesh and making Louis squirm. "I'm so glad I'm here now, to tell you exactly what you mean and how much it means to me."

Louis just smiled. "I can drop Eleanor today."

"Good riddance!" 

He chuckled. "Hey, Harry. She's a nice girl."

Harry didn't lift his head from Louis's neck, snuggling in closer at the mention of the beard. "I don't doubt she is. I just don't want to know her, talk to her ever."

"She's been desperate to get to know you."

"No. Never."

Louis didn't argue, just smiling and rubbing Harry's back soothingly. "Well, yeah. Today they are finally going to publish the news that we've broken up, done, gone. She's out of the picture."

Eleanor had been stress to the couple. Harry despised her, never wanted her around and tried to get rid of her at events she had to be seen at. Everyone got suspicious of Harry really quickly, debating and trying to figure out exactly who he is and why he was always with Louis. Louis didn't fight off the rumours, didn't address them and just kept Harry closer to his side. They ended up in quite a few arguments because of Eleanor too, Harry just wanting her gone and the older lad to himself. But, in the end, they would just make out and it would be the end of that.

"I'm glad," Harry whispered.

"Me too." He replied, running a hand through his boyfriend's curls and not saying another world.

**

"How are you today, London!" Louis announced proudly, holding the microphone close to his mouth as he glanced over the dark room, searching for the fans. There was a few lights shining in his face, blinding him entirely but he tried not to let screw up his facial expressions. This was probably the fourth show he was doing so far, and he was loving the new tour. Everything was set up to perfection, just the way he wanted it and the venues were packed. 

The fans were dedicated, as ever. They brought posters, sang along to every word of the songs and screamed as loud as they could. It was daunting to be up on stage on your own, with a few back dancers. Louis was definitely not a dancer. Every now and then, he would invite up Liam on the stage or Zayn-- just to bring some excitement to his shows.

And for the first time on this tour, he was going to bring Harry up and announce exactly who he is.

The reply to his questions were just a collective screams from every corner of the room, every inch of the venue and Louis smiled blissfully to himself.

"You guys are incredible, really!" Louis laughed, smiling at the fans in the front row who were waving at him, trying to catch his attention. "All of you 30,000 people, here, to see me perform! Nah, I'm pathetic!"

The fans screamed louder.

"Well, guys. Today, I wanted to dedicate this little part of my show towards someone speicla, actually. As you may, or may not know, I was a mess just a few months ago! 6 months ago, to be exact! And you guys knew it. I still don't know why you supported me but you did, and I'm thankful. I love every single one of you guys here! But, there's someone really special whose in this room tonight that I want to dedicate this whole concert too. Harry, where are you love?"

The crowd went louder as Harry stood up from the row he was sitting at, looking shocked, wide eyed and caught off guard-- for sure. Louis loved surprising his boyfriend, loved seeing his mouth hanging open as he glanced around the venue, not sure what to do.

Louis just smiled, beckoning him to come up here. "Careful love," he instructed Harry. "The security guards will help you."

After a few minutes, Harry appeared from around the corner, clutching his hands nervously as he approached on the stage. He looked a bit scared, definitely not used to standing in front of the crowd-- used to being behind it. Louis ran towards him, nodding and grabbing his hand whilst leading him down at the end of the catwalk.

By now, the crowds were insane and loud.

"You got an ear piece?" Louis tried to yell over the sounds, signalling towards his ears.

"Y-yeah.." Harry strutted out.

"Right!" Louis continued with his speech, a glint of sparkle in his eyes as he didn't let go of his boyfriends hand. "Today, I'd like to announce the fact that I am in a loving, committed relationship with this little idiot here whose name is Harry. I love him to pieces, more than I can ever understand. He's my little sunshine. I dedicate this whole concert tonight to him!"

Harry was staring into Louis's eyes, content and his mouth twitched up in a smile as he leaned forward and placed a long, lovingly kiss on Louis's lip which he relaxed into. After a minute or two, they pulled away and Louis grinned.

"Love, go backstage and sit there, it'll be easier, yeah? Enjoy the show lovely!" He dropped another kiss on Harry's cheek and then continued forward. 

More than anything, Louis was just glad to be free and out.

**

It was weird at first. All the articles, rumours, pictures that came out of Louis and Harry, indicating their relationship. Some of it were lies, made up and completely not true but Louis wasn't bothered to address it. He didn't care. Only him and Harry knew the entire truth-- and that's all that mattered. All that mattered was that every night, they got into the same bed and shared kisses and cuddled in together, safe and sound with each other.

The tour carried on, every night the same show but Louis was happy. He couldn't be more happy with how everything was turning out. He had a beautiful boyfriend who was supportive, turning up to every show and supporting Louis on. Harry was interacting with the fans, dealing with the fame well-- which was surprising, and amazing.

Louis had the perfect family, his mother and his sisters. Jay finally gave birth to the twins, Doris and Ernest and Louis was over the moon with happiness for his extending family. He tried to visit as much as he could, finding it hard since they were on tour-- but that's just how things worked out.

When the tour was finally over, they returned home and started living a normal life, doing normal boyfriend, couple things. They went on dates, they had movie days, they messed around in the kitchen-- anything you could imagine.

Louis felt so normal after the longest time and he never wanted this to stop.

One day, they were cuddled up on the sofa, watching Love Actually, again when Harry tapped Louis on the shoulder. He turned around straight away and smiled. "Yes love?"

Harry looked a little shy, holding something back. "I need to tell you something."

He sat up straight, a little afraid of what's to come next as his heart started racing slightly. The past year had been nothing but happy moments full of joy and this one little thing could bring everything crashing down. Still, Louis tried to keep his mouth twitched upwards. "Sure?"

"I'm scared though."

"Just say it Haz, I won't ever judge you. You know that."

"I know." He paused. "I want to follow my dreams now, I've been inspired by your success."

Louis raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? And what's your dream?"

"Modelling." Harry whispered, ashamed, head bowed.

Louis knew all along that Harry always had one ambition at heart, only working and wanting one thing-- but pushing it away. Harry had self esteem issues, he was insecure, he had anxiety and Dalton definitely broke it down even more. It took a whole year for him to start recovering, to start seeing someone and talking about his problems, to start eating more healthier again, slowly. He was making progress, he was looking good, he was smiling at his reflection in the mirror and finally, he was starting to love himself.

It was a long winded progress, it had more relapses than recovery but it was working. It was finally working. 

Louis felt his heart started to race, not sure whether this was real life or not. He wanted the younger boy to follow his dreams more than anything, wanted to see him showing off his amazing body on the catwalk, in pictures.

He leaned forward, placing a finger under Harry's chin and making their eyes meet again. "Yeah? Modelling?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah." He breathed out.

"God... I'm so proud. Are you sure? I can help you, you know?"

"I want to do this myself." Harry said, determined. "But, a little help won't hurt."

"I knew you loved modelling, I knew it Haz. I want you to follow your dreams, I do."

"I always will."

Louis smiled, leaning forward and kissing Harry on the lips, then his cheeks, neck and his bare chest before sighing in bliss. "I love you, Harry Styles. I do."

"I love you too, Louis Tomlinson, I do."

"Now let's get up, try out some modelling agencies and that. Then, I need to pop down to the recording studio and get some song writing done!"

"Thinking about me?"

Louis smirked. "Always."


End file.
